BigSue

Yeah, I didn't do this for my looks, either, but sometimes it can be jarring to see myself. I also have that sense of not recognizing myself (and yet, when I see pictures of myself from before, I also think, "Woah, was I really that big?!"). I never planned to have plastic surgery. I like to think my expectations were pretty realistic, and I knew that I would have loose skin but that it would be a lot better than having all that extra weight. I considered it for a while because of all the people on this site who have done it and are glad they did, but now I'm back to thinking that I just need to remember how far I've come and that I'm lucky to look the way I do now. It's cool to find other people who have come as far as I have because there aren't a lot of people in the world who know what it's like to lose 200 pounds!

For the first several months after my surgery, I really felt like I was mourning the loss of food. I used to love watching cooking shows like Top Chef, The Great British Baking Show, etc., and after surgery, I couldn't stand to watch shows like that, or even restaurant commercials, because I was so sad about these foods I could no longer eat. But eventually, I got to a point where I can (and do) watch and enjoy those shows without feeling that emotional loss. I can watch people make deep-fried pastries and not be sad that I couldn't eat them. I don't seek out that kind of food, though -- I actually kind of enjoy digging through Pinterest to find recipes that I can eat. It kind of feels like a win to find healthy recipes that taste good. I guess I would say I'm in maintenance. I didn't expect to lose as much weight as I did, because I started off bigger than most. I wasn't even sure I'd ever get below an obese BMI. Don't get me wrong -- I'm thrilled with my weight loss and grateful for this second chance at life, but It is such hard work, and the thought of having to keep working this hard for the rest of my freaking life just to not get fat again is exhausting! I feel like I can eat too much in terms of portion size, so I have to make sure to stick to really low-calorie foods, because I can't eat just one bite of something decadent and be full.

Yeah, when I was fat, my weight ruled my life. I was pretty boring then because I couldn't go anywhere or do anything without wondering if I would fit. I skipped a lot of things because I didn't have anything to wear and it was SO hard to find decent clothes in size 28. I did think a lot about food, but I guess I didn't mind that so much because it was mainly good thoughts -- like something delicious and decadent that I had in the fridge and I could look forward to eating -- whereas now, even though there are lots of healthy foods I truly enjoy eating, it's still mentally taxing to track everything I eat, analyze macros, and bargain calories (if I eat X, I can't have Y).

I actually don't talk about food or eating in "real life" because I haven't told anyone other than medical professionals that I had surgery. Not even my family knows. I spent most of my life being shamed for my body and my eating, to the point that even now that I'm a "normal" weight, I still hate for people to see me eat. I'm irrationally ashamed when someone walks into my office while I'm eating celery and calorie-free ranch dressing. I know that's messed up, but not sure it will ever change. And at the same time, I don't like calling attention to what I'm NOT eating, so I'm always nervous and uncomfortable in situations where there's food because I'm afraid people are going to ask why I'm not eating it.

Like what? What would you (or did you) get rid of? I'm actually pretty good at being efficient -- one of my strengths, I think, is finding better, faster, easier ways to do things. I'm mainly talking about my job, but even at home, I'm always looking for better ways. I do a lot of meal prep, which is easier with a bariatric diet, since one meal often makes 10-20 servings. I time myself chopping vegetables and challenge myself to go faster than last time. There are a lot of tradeoffs between time, cost, and quality, and I increasingly lean toward things that save time even if they cost more or aren't as good (like paying someone to clean my house and buying prepared pico de gallo instead of making it from scratch). But I still feel like I am drowning and there are never enough hours in the day, and I can't help but think how nice it was when I didn't exercise, to have 10 extra hours a week.

Nice! Isn’t it amazing how much easier it is to get up the stairs without hauling all that extra weight? I lost 200 pounds, and it’s mind-blowing to think that I was basically walking around with a 200-pound person on my back everywhere I went.

BariatricPal multivitamin One annual subscription is the best priced bariatric multivitamin. I also love BariatricPal calcium chews (French vanilla caramel and Belgian chocolate caramel) — they taste like candy! I get NatureMade sublingual B12 (cherry flavor) and Natrol D3 and biotin (strawberry flavor) from Amazon.

I had gastric bypass. I had been leaning toward the sleeve, but my surgeon recommended bypass due to my extremely high BMI and I went with it. I think it was the right decision. The advantage of the sleeve, though, is that you can get a revision to bypass or duodenal switch. Like so many things in life, there are pros and cons to both, and you just have to go with the best decision you can make with the information you have at the time.

I had gastric bypass and I stayed in the hospital one night. I was very eager to go home, but the one thing I didn’t fully realize until I got home is that it was very difficult to get enough fluids those first several days. While I was in the hospital, I didn’t have to worry about dehydration because they were pumping me full of fluids, and I was well hydrated when I was discharged, so it was probably a good thing that they made me stay overnight.

I started at 340 pounds when I decided to get the surgery. My surgeon wanted me to lose 20 pounds before surgery, which seemed impossible at the time, but I really committed to changing my lifestyle and I lost 70 pounds in the 5 months before surgery. I had similar doubts about whether to go through with it or just keep doing what I was doing, but even after losing 70 pounds, I was still morbidly obese and had a long way to go. Each pound is harder to lose than the last, and I didn’t think I could get where I wanted to be without the help of the surgery, so I went through with it. I went on to lose another 130 pounds, which I don’t think would have been possible without the surgery. I think part of the reason I was able to lose so much weight before surgery was the anticipation of the surgery — knowing I would have that crutch to help me the rest of the way. That said, the surgery is permanent, and it’s a big commitment, so if you aren’t 100% sure about it, there’s nothing wrong with deciding to see how far you can go without surgery before making that decision.

Yeah, I have regained 10-15 pounds from my lowest, and it scares the crap out of me. But I have to admit my face looks a little less ghoulish. I am probably pretty lucky in that I don't have a wattle from losing my double chin (I'm also pleasantly surprised by how decent my arms look; I'm not wearing tank tops in public or anything, but I'm also not needing an arm lift). We've all seen people who have gone through this surgery and gained back most or all of the weight, and I'm terrified that if I take my eye off the prize, that will be me. I don't know if my rebound is from the malabsorption wearing off or because I've relaxed too much about food, but I don't like where I'm headed and I feel like I need to be more vigilant than ever. I've tried two therapists and they were no help at all... Unfortunately, it is really hard to find therapists who understand the struggles of bariatric patients.

I know lots of people who manage to maintain a healthy lifestyle and weight without making it the only thing in their lives, and I envy them deeply! I am afraid that if I take my eye off the prize, it is a terrifyingly fast road back to 300+ pounds. We've all seen people who have gone through this surgery only to gain back all the weight they lost, and I can't even handle the thought of that. There actually are things that I would like to do if I could find the time to do them, but by the time I subtract my job and exercise and meal prep and sleep and the bare minimum housework I need to do out of the number of hours in a week, I never seem to have any time left.

I've relaxed a lot on measuring my food because I've gotten pretty good at guesstimating certain things that I eat all the time, and also recognizing things that aren't worth measuring (for example, salad greens -- even if I ate double the serving size, it's a difference of 15 calories; or entering half a peach in MFP instead of weighing it to get the exact number of grams). But my weight has started to creep up, despite the fact that I'm working out like a maniac, and it scares the crap out of me, so I feel like I need to pay even closer attention.

Thanks for the reply... It's nice to hear from someone who understands. My blood pressure never got as low as yours (at its lowest, a few months after my surgery, it was about 80/50; now it's more like 110/70), but my resting heart rate was in the high 30s. Any time I went to a doctor, the nurses taking my vitals thought there was something wrong with the machine and had to check my pulse manually. Now I have a pacemaker that kicks in if my heart rate goes below 60 bpm. I wonder if this is a common thing with fat people. I always felt like I had to work twice as hard as anyone else just to prove I wasn't stupid and lazy as people would assume because I was fat. When I got serious about my health and stopped working 20ish extra hours per week, I felt like a failure because I couldn't keep up with what people had come to expect from me. I felt like I was slacking because I was only working 40-50 hours/week. Ironically, when I was doing badly at my job for the first time in my life, I finally got a promotion at another branch of my company, and they had to hire two people to replace me at my old job. I, too, feel a bit angry when I realize how much they took advantage of me, expecting me to do two jobs for the salary of one. I just wish I didn't have to choose between my weight and the rest of my life. I envy people who have never had to struggle with their weight and don't have to devote their lives to it. I want to have my cake and eat it too!

For a while after my surgery, I over-shopped for groceries because I hadn't yet gotten used to eating so little. Even in my liquid/pureed/soft food stages, I bought way more yogurt, applesauce, etc. than I needed because I wasn't really thinking about how I was only eating half a container at a time. Plus, I was living in a "food desert" without easy access to a grocery store, so I was in the habit of stocking up when I went to the store. Eventually, I got a much better handle on how much food to buy, and I now live somewhere that I can get grocery pickup or delivery, so I order online and I use the same basic list every week (adding or subtracting as needed). I have also gotten really into healthy cooking. I've found tons of great, healthy recipes on Pinterest. Since I live alone and eat fairly small portions, every time I cook a meal, it makes 8-20 servings, and I freeze the leftovers (Souper Cubes are the best thing since sliced bread, BTW). I have had to hold back from cooking because my freezer is already packed with single-serving meals. I have a whole list of other recipes that I really want to try, but not until I use up some of my existing meals! My biggest weakness is Built Bars. They keep releasing new limited-edition flavors, and every time they do, I HAVE to buy a box! I even track my Built Bar inventory on a spreadsheet. I keep telling myself I'm not going to buy any more, but every time I get below 300, they release another new flavor.

Today is my 2-year surgiversary. I've lost 200 pounds from my highest weight -- a staggering amount when you think about it. I'm literally (less than) half the person I used to be. I should be on top of the world, right?! I don't want to dismiss the many scale and non-scale victories I've had, but it's not all rainbows and butterflies. When I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror, I'm taken aback by two things: how small I am, and how freaking ugly. I was certainly never beautiful -- not even "pretty for a fat chick" or "would be cute if I lost some weight" -- but now, I look downright scary. I probably look 10 years older than when I was fat. My hair was already fine and flat before surgery, and now I've lost a lot of it and it hasn't grown back and it's a mess no matter what I do. Ironically, people often tell me I look great, which is obviously code for "not fat anymore." Sometimes, before saying I look great, they ask me if I'm sick or if I lost weight on purpose. I don't know what the point of that is; if I said I lost weight because I'm sick, would they instead say, "You look like $h!t"? When I imagined my life after surgery, I thought I would be the same person, but smaller. The same person, but able to wear non-plus sized clothes, fit into an airplane seat without a seatbelt extender, not have to check the weight limit on furniture and ladders. The same person, but without hypertension and diabetes. I guess, deep down, I knew that wouldn't be the case, because that's a big part of what held me back from having the surgery for so many years. I didn't want my life to revolve around my pouch. I didn't want to give up my favorite foods and think so hard about everything I eat. I definitely didn't want to turn into one of those boring a-holes who never shut up about their diet and exercise regimen. But here I am, and I feel like weight loss has taken over my life. I spend so much time and energy preparing and eating healthy foods, working out, keeping up with my supplements, that I don't have room for anything else. There was a period of time after my surgery when I felt great and full of energy, but now I'm tired all the time, and despite being in the best shape of my life, I feel weak because I no longer have 300+ pounds to throw around. People used to be surprised by my strength, but now I struggle to open pickle jars and heavy doors. (Yes, I've had my bloodwork checked and everything is great; the working theory is that the bradycardia due to rapid, massive weight loss is what's causing these problems.) I used to be incredibly devoted to my job, and most people would describe me as the hardest worker they knew (maybe a workaholic), and now I just don't have the same drive that I used to because I'm so focused on my weight. I feel like I'm letting everyone down because I'm no longer up for spending all my free time working. I think I was a better human being when I was fat. If I -- with the benefit of the hindsight I have now -- could go back in time to two years ago, when my morbidly obese self arrived at the hospital, and still had time to change my mind, would I still go through with having the surgery? 100% yes, without hesitation.

I take a different approach to meal prep than what you describe. Instead of cooking one meal and eating the same thing all week, I've built up a collection of meals frozen in individual portions. Soup, chili, and stew freeze really well. I also make various meals that consist of meat, vegetables, beans, and sauce (there are lots of Instant Pot recipes like this) to freeze in individual portions. Most recipes yield 10+ portions, so I can cook three times and have a month's worth of dinners. I highly recommend Souper Cubes, which are like giant ice cube trays. They're available in several sizes, and the 4-ounce size is perfect for a single serving. The portions stack easily, so you can store many portions in a small space (much more compact than Tupperware containers). For a quick and easy meal, I dump some riced cauliflower in a bowl, throw in a souper cube, and heat in the microwave. Sometimes I also have a side salad or a side of veggies. I have enough different meals that I can eat a different one every night of the week. Here are a few of my favorites: White chicken chili Egg Roll in a Bowl Zuppa Toscana Chicken Divan Pork Chile Verde Brunswick Stew Creamy Chicken and Spinach Soup (I omit the tortellini and use more chicken)

Sous vide filet mignon and air-fried asparagus. Sous vide is the way to go for steak! Perfect medium-rare all the way through, and just pan-seared the outside. Not pictured: chimichurri sauce (but the steak was so good, it didn't even need any sauce). Nutrition information for filet mignon is all over the place. I'm seeing anything from 170 to 300+ calories for a 4-ounce filet mignon in MFP.

People don't wait for me on the stairs anymore. Before I lost weight, if I was going up or down stairs and someone else was coming in the opposite direction, the other person would wait until I got all the way to the top or bottom because there wasn't enough room for both of us to pass. Now, when I'm on the stairs and someone else is going in the opposite direction, they often just keep on going. Also, when I was big, it seemed like people would sometimes move over when they saw me walking down the hall -- sometimes practically diving out of the way as if I was going to mow them down (I really felt quite offended, TBH). That doesn't happen anymore, either.

That's pretty similar to what I take. I had gastric bypass, but my program has the same guidelines for bypass and sleeve. I use an app called Medisafe for tracking and reminders, but at almost 2 years post-op, I have a pretty good routine and don't really need reminders. The app is really good for keeping track of how many of each I have left, though. A few tips to make it easier: If you're not taking a bariatric multivitamin, you might be able to switch to one that will just be one pill per day instead of two (I use BariatriPal Multivitamin One with an annual subscription because it's the best price I've found for bariatric multivitamins). D3 comes in various dosages, so try finding one that has the same amount in one pill. I take a chewable one that's strawberry flavored, so it's almost like candy. Try calcium chews (I LOVE BariatricPal Belgian chocolate caramel and French vanilla caramel -- they are so delicious that I actually look forward to taking them).

I got a few bariatric cookbooks with my Amazon digital credits, and I wasn't impressed. You can find plenty of recipes online for free -- Pinterest is a goldmine. You don't really need special bariatric recipes (except maybe in the initial liquid/pureed/soft food stages when you can't eat "regular" food yet); just look for recipes that meet your nutritional guidelines. Some "keto" and "low-carb" recipes fit the bill, but a lot of them are way too high in fat. I usually search for "skinny" or "ww" (Weight Watchers") recipes, or adapt recipes by making substitutions like riced cauliflower for rice, spaghetti squash for pasta, sugar-free condiments/sauces, etc.

I’ve had good results using this preparation process: https://ketodietapp.com/Blog/lchf/how-to-cook-and-like-shirataki-noodles However, it is kind of a hassle, so I rarely feel like it’s worth the effort to do this. But it is an excellent substitute for pasta, and tastes more like real pasta than zoodles or spaghetti squash (although I do love spaghetti squash!).

I recently decided to try out the sous vide function on my Instant Pot, and I'm loving it! It's a great, practically foolproof way to cook chicken breasts perfectly. I'm going to try a steak next week. Spinach artichoke stuffed chicken breast (with side salad) Chicken broccoli roulade

Oh yes. I felt that way many times in the beginning. The first several weeks are the hardest because you're still recovering from surgery, you have a lot of restrictions on what you can eat, you have to drink nasty protein shakes, and you haven't lost enough weight to feel the benefits of the surgery. Once you get to the regular foods stage and get the benefits of weight loss, things will get a lot easier. I'm almost two years out now, and that miserable newly post-op stage feels like a lifetime ago -- just a tiny blip on my journey to losing 200 pounds. Hang in there!

Leftovers are the best! I live alone, so I regularly make multi-serving meals and freeze in individual portions (Souper Cubes = game changer). Soup, chili, and stew freeze wonderfully. I have a freezer full of meals that I can prepare in a couple of minutes by dumping some cauliflower rice and a meal cube in a bowl and heating in the microwave. I also keep a lot of cooked chicken in the freezer that I can throw in a salad in the morning so it's thawed by lunch.