Frustr8

I thought of it as Hug You if I Could!

Same duration out, but even worse off. Heading this afternoon for endoscopy #3. 5th of my lifetime, never had one until 2015, making up for lost time? Anyway I would hope this is the on the money stoma dilatation, but losing hope and confidence. Is the next stage open surgery or am I going to do this every 2 weeks until the end of the year? Meanwhile my weight pummets, last N.P. appointment October 9th 295, my last verifiable weight check, only have done at doctors offices, never trusted home scales, was 278 and that was 4 days ago. Yesterday, as example, calories in 533, fluids maybe 60, and that's being charitable, squeaked through with 60 of protein. Last night , one of the things we like is sliced zucchini and potatoes sauted, weird but I picked up the dish when I married. into Late Lameted's family. Made small skillet along with leftover KFC chicken from one of food pantries. With all my moving expenses,no cash to speak of left, so resorted to there. Filed for Emergency Food Stamps last week, no help there yet. Said to myself, looks soft, tender and almost liquidy, let's measure out a 1/4cup and take our teeny toddler spoon. Bad bad Frustr8, 27 minutes in, a hour and a half , foamie, sllimey, urp and puke. And by the time it settled down, it was a sf popsicle and go NPO for the procedure today. Only blessing, if one can call it that? Precious Pouch is so anorexic/bulimic food doesn't stay down to develop an odor. As long as I take Carafate 6am-noon-6pm-midnight and Zofran 8am-4pm-10pm, I can minimize the puking but never a thing of the past. And I am down to either soy or pea protein vanilla protein shakes I got with coupons, muscle milk is starting to gag me, if I thin it down 1/2 strength and tell,myself It's Medicine I maybe can choke it down albeit slowly. And in an act of utter stupidity my Wal-Mart has decided to only carry Premier Protein in chocolate which I have been allergic to for 43 years and vanilla, which I have learned to loathe, Who Wants something thick, white and tasteless? Maybe I can go to Krogers, food stamps I NEEd you, after I moved I can't afford the installation fee of $85 to get rotten Spectrum or Century Link, think they might bill it? Not those illegitimate souls, they want to make a profit, Not be a public service. So Frustr8is limping on with her trusty Verizon on 4G but of course, without my service, no WiFi, so Ping Pong Ping! How much longer can I Exist like this? I would cry but being NPO, I'm close to dehydration! n

I think one of the rotten facts of weight loss life is as you lose weight you are melting hormones and other chemicals out in ketosis. And it is an evil surge. There was a more seasoned poster on Bariatric Pal when I joined, boy I liked what she said, probably phrased it better then. It's like PUBERTY, except you don't get zits all over It's like PREGNANCY except,you don't get a cute baby to cuddle It's like MENOPAUSE in that you swear it never will end And you surge back and forth between stages with little rhymn or reason. Some days you taste or sweat what smells like bug spray or worse. And you have gas passing, you're dizzy and always cold, and you swear nobody knows how much suffering in the whole process you have. But to use Fluffy Chix term, Swearsies, it will and does get better, and someday will be a memory that you will someday smile at. AND the vets have promised, and I'm going,to believe it cause They have BEEN THERE, they lived and by Gosh I'm going to also!

And welcome to the Smooth Side? of Town! Got a Spot Just for You!

You will be starting a new decade of life with a REBIRTHDAY, cannot think of ANYTHING more cool than that! Good Wishes and Prayers??for you on THAT DAY!

Well if you were " chock full of?*÷*÷*it must have been the light fluffy kind! Just proves that you can't trust even ? to make a difference! LOL my friend LOL!?

Should be slimy, Brown and hard to wipe, but you will do a little something. I am the 9 week wunderkind of the Liquid WORLD, I am SO SO TIRED of this stage of affairs, maybe Precious Pouch will be quasi-anorexice, nauseous the rest of her strictured stomafied life? My great fear? They will decide this needs open surgery intervention. Have they said so? No but I do have the right to be a little paranoid by now, my surgery days twins. are WAY AHEAD OF LITTLE ME!

Hey you are still going to have a victory! Hospitals and Insurances, a "pox" on both of them. My local hospital has a bad habit, not submitting claims promptly, I had one bili come back on me, I could prove my insurance provider had pre-approved the procedure, they just didn't submit for 2 years. Luckily I had original paperwork, one of the few toms being Queen hoarder of the Western ?helped!

See I got a different thought***I thought F U ?, the insolence I stifled in MY YOUTH! Now I had a thought similar to YOURS with Oscar the Grouch' s pet worm? Slimey, I always looked for an orifice on the little critter!?

Hey you and I?dreams, I don't seem to have a butterfly emoji so you got a larva! Anyway I was certain my surgeon had drawn on me with Magic Marker. I was rereading postings my son had sent on my behaft, apparently I had more oral and IV meds than I REMEMBER. I could have sworn in court I had NOTHING! Well I did feel good and no other surgical meds did that for ME! Kudos to my Dr Needleman!?and his happy tribe of warriors! And God Bless?Ohio State University Hospital- Wexner Medical Center! I better say nice things about them, tomorrow I undergo Endoscopy #5 of my life, an EGJ, that's the kind Bypassers get, you VSG and ESG can still have your Duodenum visualized , we cannot again. As the old carnival barker used to say, "You pays your ?, you takes your choice!", I always took that to mean You gain, You lose with much of life!???

Hey speaking of random urine tests, had a neighbor who let his wife lose custony of her young drug- involved son because he refused an urine test. Kid was sent to a drug program in NE Ohio up by the Pennsylvania border, Sharon Pa metro area , until he reached 18. I think I would not have put up with that, maybe I was a Bad Wife, but kids first, I brought them into life, sneaky smarmy 2nd husband, no way, he go explaining to do and he would be on the end of a pointed stick or an inch from a rolling pin while he spilled his guts! So There!?✊?

Hey Folks, ever notice we have a load of people with 123 in their pen-names? It has got to be a super large family, I though with all the Fertile Myrtles and Happy Harry's in mine, my family was big but the "123" are more prevelent!

My thoughts and I am only 9 weeks post surgery , a year to 18 months to hit my goal, because I was coming in at over 300 pounds, before my surgery I was losing as fast as a sick sea snail,on antideppresants, so giving myself the chance to see how things go. I have lost 60 since the end of July, sounds fantastic until,you consider where I started, maybe a. 1/3rd of what I NEED to lose. ???Excuse me as I hit 3 crying emoji. But Slow down, well I have yet to hit a stall, which is rare but not unheard of, maybe 9-10 months? Hang around Bariatric Pal, I lack the courage to remain silent, I SHARE EVERYTHING!???

Just to sorta second Fluffy Chix and the rest, you're not pack,i g for a cruise, I packed, unpacked , repacked and although I didn't think I over-packed, I still didn't use most of what I took. Instead of a cruise, it's more like a baby'sitting job in what you need. Hospitals usually can or will furnish what you might need. If you don't mind ugly you'll do fine. I think Ohio State patients gowns are so blamed UGLY you would be,laughed off a city street if you tried to escape. And I ❤and appreciate their skill and care of me but ***these are their tailors!????and?.

Maybe innate sense of taking care,of yourself and your healing over being someone else's Pleasure Palace. It will either smooth out or not, if not , did you still want to swing from chandeleirs, vibrate all over the place, scream at the top of your lungs YES YES YES. No sense giving yourself a ❤attack, darling! Clean up old nasty joke for more mixed company. Young Bull,***Lets run down that hill and love us up a Cow. Old Bull*** Slow down Son!.Walk down the hill and You can love the whole dang herd! So Relax, Prioritize, and go for the Ultimate Gold. Marathoners get Olympic Medals also!??

Thank you Spell and post Correct, for your mis-guided changes to a lucid paragraph I posted. It was Mushies not My Shoes, although before this seige is over I may well chomp on a Cross-Trainer instead of a Binkey. What is worse, I do proofread before I post but LG and Verizon, don't know to blame more, translate it to what they THINK I SAID, How can I get to Chinese engineers and Verizon in New Jersey or elsewhere to strangle someone? See even my larceny,plans go awry! Would go back to bed, but haven't bought drapes for new location, Sun too bright until,afternoon.???

A little poem from my still obese-time youth Not for us a totally empty larder*** We may not be as prevelant, but we GIRLS try harder! I always thought scrawny and anorexic didn't look as attractive as gently rounded. ?So go be your best YOU, rock yourself and I believe, the Right Person for you will come!

And if she is not Total Vegan , she is close. And FYI animal protein, Precious Pouch won't accept meats, repulsed my last talapia, hated eggs, even soft gentle scrambled. Maybe SHE is telling me something? Well never TOO OLD to learn.?❤?

Ask Ellie123, or Matt Z , who went from lap-band to RnY, there are Many Many that went that route, Ellie123, if you can find her home or answering , she is back at work and traveling Europe a whole,lot, had all 3, happy happy happy with her bypass but it WASNT ALWAYS SO! One of the people with a more bumpy recovery than me, mine sways and is as bumpy as a cheap worn-out wood rollercoaster, but what the hey! Beats being obese and dead all hollow! Hasn't killed me yet, getting used to eating like a depressed earthworm, but I still look forward to purees, softs, my shoes and on to REAL FOOD, even though I will engulf FOOD no more, I'll eat like a refined LADY instead of a Demented Tasmanian Devil, afraid I will miss something tasty in the Road!?⚠?NO MORE ROADKILL ETC. Sniff sniff! I'll make it yet to sane diet and a smooth life!

phones. Yeah I have a couple but this is the one I usually use. Anyway things about my early recovery even I had forgot, funny how things melt and meld together,in your mind. This phone, and the,other, lower right button does different things, that's why my postings are fragmented Other phone is the Cap shift, this one Send. ? ??LOL, some days facing forward is all you can do!

It's not Nothing, you and it are really Something. A big day,toward your future, and don't downplay it! Was just rereading postings and e-malis on my second-string

Things I baseline Do Not Regret Going through 2 and half bariatric pre-surgical programs. I did meet a lot of nice co-journeyers,on Bariatric Pal. I did learn all lot of info on the "ups, downs, and the when will ever end?"facets. My current surgeon- Bradley J Needleman, skilled, smart, full professor in Medical College, so a teacher and technician, but basic core values I can honor him for! My Facility- everyone from nurses, surgical techs to ho7sekeeping to dieticians, kind, smart, comitted to their professions. What I resent, oh and there is a few things here. First I resent I was encouraged to enter a fi4st program who did not have my best interest at ❤, They varied between ignoring, giving poor or inaccurate informations a surgeon who had no depth, and never cared for me. They ripped off me, my insurances, my time and were all smoke and mirrors. I paid $200 out of my own pocket pocket for dietary consults I never got, maybe insurance suspected something since they refused to,pay for this "service". 2.I resent the way my body is healing. Oh my surgery was smooth, not frightening, painless, in fact I checked myself out when I woke up in my room, wanted to see if I had incisions, he had merely marked on me with magic markers or if they had let me sleep off the anethesia and I was going home in a couple minutes. 3. I resent feeling I was on "room arrest" After all the stories I heard related on B.P., I expected to meet other freshly operated people in the halls. Figured I would have gas to walk off, the idea was to be up and ambulating. Ha Ha! I'm sure there were other,people there, can't prove it by me. Took my journal for autographs, e-mail addresses, still blank. Maybe that's the way things are done there, but I FEEL CHEATED 4. Why when things were going smoothly, if I was following their instructions, did I develop a stricture, and why when I brought up the possibility was I poo-pooed? I heard everything from it was imagination, swelling, pleads for attention, if that was true, it wasn't working, we are the medical professionals, you're just a patient- this might be true but I have lived in this body many years and I DO KNOW WHEN SOMETHING ain't right! It's early days, give yourself to time to heal. Well could,be true, but why not heal right? Well, maybe to stifle my complaints, they conceded to perform an endoscopy and Guess Who Was Right? ME ME ME! OCTOBER12th- Precious Pouch was a skosh swollen but that did not negate the fact,i had a 9 mm stricture of my stomal opening into the jejunem, 2 new ulcers in my pouch, 3 additional on the back wall of jejunem, this with the fact I already had Hector my gastric ulcer in the main part of my stomach, discovered by my gastroenterologist in December 2017 while already,on omeprazole therapy? Should this not given a hint I was an Ulcer Producer? Although Dr Noria, my surgeon's Junior partner now prescribed Carafate, should I have I not been on it from the beginning? Now Hector's stepbrothers had a 5 week start and we are playing " Mop Up" to use a sports term. My mental picture is Hector was Gizmo the Gremlin, unusual but rather sweet, not much trouble to anyone. Now we have the 5 stepbrother ulcers, like Stripe and his evil ilk, in locations more likely to bleed, cause me perforations, potential kill me? So Dr Noria attempted to stretch my stoma, 1 mm and THAT WAS IT! Repeat booking October 26th, 2 weeks later, no improved results, and much as I hate to quibble, they might have slightly sedated me. but unlike the 3 previous endoscopies in my lifetime, I failed to go to sleep, oh it was interesting to watch on the monitor, saved me having to look it up on YOUTUBE, did not feel scope going down due to throat- numbing spray, it did take long enough I felt it being extracted, sort of a swish-swooshy sensation, not too bad to endure, I had 3 natural or quasi-natural childbirths, numbed me for episiotomies stitching, had also skin and tongue lacerations sutures sans any deading. I may kvetch at times but I'm pretty stoic. Other doctors present in procedure room acted like I was delusional when I rolled over and announced " I supposed you all know I am still awake", anything you need to know about how it all goes down, ASK I'm your woman! Only Dr Noria looked abashed, told me to remain on the same diet( such as it is) and she was going to try again on November 9th at 2:50 pm, the fact she was able to roll off date and time, shows me this was planned ahead of time.. And I can be a little stinker, dare me to ask " Do I go to sleep like I did October 12th or stay awake like October 26th? That way I know WHAT to expect. ?Pudgy Princess 1 Medical community Nil. And lastly the foreboding that although they keep telling ME I appear still healthy, scrawnier but good color, I am functionally malnurished, starving myself, even with vitamins, minerals and various drugs they ordered me. Yeah does me little good if I am a more petite corpse the pallbearers have less trouble lifting. I kind of want to see who blows the ? up -Kim Jong Un, Donald Trump or someone I don't even suspect, I always hate leaving parties EARLY! Why is my body, who I used to trust with my life, literally , so MALFUNCTIONING? And no I do not want to return to 355 pounds and no health hopes, I like 127kg, 278 pounds and still lowering!??

If Death was a definate possibility, would there still be so many posters on Bariatric Pal? Probably should be a large mural outside Wedding Chapels stating " Marriage May Be Hazardous to Your Health!"& do you think people would slow down their headfirst jog into the nearest one.?????

Well that may explain my long-winded story-telling, surplus Celtic? Blood. Ron White, one member of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, was once cautioned by a policeman, "You have the RIGHT to remain silent". Ron's retort " Yeah, I just don't have the ABILITY!" LOL?

Turn the switch for me, I had thumb surgery. And yeah I am approaching a ?year on here!???