mlbdl

A little over a week ago I was speaking to my father on the phone. He was sharing with me the details of his brother who was living in the hospital again due to his health issues. My surgery was scheduled, but I felt guilt because I didn't think I had a valid enough reason for it.
Then my father said something I will never forget. He described my uncle as a sad blob who didn't have a tooth in his head. A burden on his family because he couldn't care for himself. When I realized that being fat not only turned my uncle helpless but categorized as a burden, I immediately knew I was doing the right thing. I don't want to be a stereotype/burden/blob/etc to my family.
Last night my uncle died. It feels odd. He was only 65 and never really lived. He was the final straw for me proceeding with this surgery and now that he's gone, I feel like his last moment unknowingly saved my life.
I just want to say, to those fearful or unsure if this is right, how could it be wrong if it could be the saving grace in your life?
HW: 328 (02/21/17)
SW: 271 (05/24/17)
CW:

Pretty happy with my progress. Was hoping for 90 down today by today, but hit 88.2. so almost there. Revising my goal down now. Hit overweight last month!
People le who haven't seen me in a year aren't recognizing me. So here is that...

I wanted the bypass because of my reflux. Surgeon recommended the sleeve. He said I most likely had a hiatal hernia and he'd fix it during the surgery. He said I'd be on meds for about 6 months post op. He fixed it, and was on meds longer than 6 months due to my own nervousness. I occasionally have a flare up but it was definitely improved. I'm glad I did the sleeve instead of the bypass.

I agree with OutsideMatchInside - I've had too many similar experiences where I've tried the "thanks but no thanks" responses and just get abused, so I just stopped responding when I'm not interested. I used to feel bad about not responding, but too many of them would come back if I wouldn't respond within even a day or two - before I even had a chance to respond at all, and start up with the garbage. Who needs it? Dating can be dangerous. I won't even leave a drink on a bar with someone I barely know to go to the bathroom. I either finish it before I leave or take it with me to the bathroom (gross, but safer than a roofie).
Regarding the OP's topic, I've been pretty up front about the surgery. I find the men to be fairly interested in a respectful way.
Digressing...I did figure out that I started dating too early and pulled back for a while (I'm only 11 months out now, tried dating months 3-6). My top three stories are (1) a man who I think has always lived with his parents and was pushing 50, told me I was his last chance; (2) another man who I had a wonderful conversation with confessed that he was actually communicating with me on a contraband cell phone...from prison. He said he's since turned his life around and would get out in about 5 years. Yeah...I looked him up. He was in for murder, and while he was in, 7 years ago he committed another murder. NO THANK YOU. (3) Another man, who was very nice, was going the complete opposite direction with his health that I am, and unfortunately had the emotional maturity of a 12 year old. I found that out when I told him I felt like he was pressuring me by texting me in the middle of the day (and he knew I wasn't having a good day) asking if I would kiss him the next time we went out. He got very upset and I never heard from him again. I went out with #1 and #3 once each. I also had a couple of dates with other nice men but it just didn't work out. I'm now dating a man who I met through the same website, who I consider a "leftover." I had shut the profile down but he stayed in touch (he had my email) and was very assertive in wanting to meet. I finally agreed, and we're now having a good time. He's not going to be my long-term man - in fact, he's told me that he's not going to fall in love with me and I'm not going to fall in love with him. Then he kept bringing it up almost in the same breath as some heavy duty flirting. I finally told him that by him saying that so frequently, I felt like he was telling me that I wasn't good enough for him, and I KNEW that wasn't true. I told him that I looked at him as possibly a long term friend, and just a guy that was getting me back in the saddle. We were on the phone, and I actually took the phone away from my ear and looked at it like, "Holy crap, did I just say that out loud into the phone??!" I was kind of proud of myself. I feel like as a fat woman I was treated so disrespectfully for so long, and I won't do it as a physically thin woman now. I think he was taken aback, but he told me last night that he really respected me for speaking up, and he was sorry for not picking up on how that would make me feel. It's kind of amazing how not burying my emotions anymore is working out for me.
I realize after reading this back that I've REALLY digressed quite a bit from the OP's topic, and I apologize. Dating is so...interesting, right?
Regarding food, every date we've gone on has involved food in some way. Last Sunday we've added going to the beach and some art galleries, and this Sunday he wants to cook me an omelette (??) and then do the art gallery thing again.
russdroppings posted a lot of great ideas, and I've taken note. I especially like the zoo, museum, and karaoke ideas. I also want to add horseback riding in there somewhere. I think the last time I got on a horse I was a toddler at the pony rides!
PS - there's also the guy that asked me for $2K to be sent to South Africa because equipment at a geology job he was working on busted and he didn't have the access to his accounts in the US...

I agree with OutsideMatchInside - I've had too many similar experiences where I've tried the "thanks but no thanks" responses and just get abused, so I just stopped responding when I'm not interested. I used to feel bad about not responding, but too many of them would come back if I wouldn't respond within even a day or two - before I even had a chance to respond at all, and start up with the garbage. Who needs it? Dating can be dangerous. I won't even leave a drink on a bar with someone I barely know to go to the bathroom. I either finish it before I leave or take it with me to the bathroom (gross, but safer than a roofie).
Regarding the OP's topic, I've been pretty up front about the surgery. I find the men to be fairly interested in a respectful way.
Digressing...I did figure out that I started dating too early and pulled back for a while (I'm only 11 months out now, tried dating months 3-6). My top three stories are (1) a man who I think has always lived with his parents and was pushing 50, told me I was his last chance; (2) another man who I had a wonderful conversation with confessed that he was actually communicating with me on a contraband cell phone...from prison. He said he's since turned his life around and would get out in about 5 years. Yeah...I looked him up. He was in for murder, and while he was in, 7 years ago he committed another murder. NO THANK YOU. (3) Another man, who was very nice, was going the complete opposite direction with his health that I am, and unfortunately had the emotional maturity of a 12 year old. I found that out when I told him I felt like he was pressuring me by texting me in the middle of the day (and he knew I wasn't having a good day) asking if I would kiss him the next time we went out. He got very upset and I never heard from him again. I went out with #1 and #3 once each. I also had a couple of dates with other nice men but it just didn't work out. I'm now dating a man who I met through the same website, who I consider a "leftover." I had shut the profile down but he stayed in touch (he had my email) and was very assertive in wanting to meet. I finally agreed, and we're now having a good time. He's not going to be my long-term man - in fact, he's told me that he's not going to fall in love with me and I'm not going to fall in love with him. Then he kept bringing it up almost in the same breath as some heavy duty flirting. I finally told him that by him saying that so frequently, I felt like he was telling me that I wasn't good enough for him, and I KNEW that wasn't true. I told him that I looked at him as possibly a long term friend, and just a guy that was getting me back in the saddle. We were on the phone, and I actually took the phone away from my ear and looked at it like, "Holy crap, did I just say that out loud into the phone??!" I was kind of proud of myself. I feel like as a fat woman I was treated so disrespectfully for so long, and I won't do it as a physically thin woman now. I think he was taken aback, but he told me last night that he really respected me for speaking up, and he was sorry for not picking up on how that would make me feel. It's kind of amazing how not burying my emotions anymore is working out for me.
I realize after reading this back that I've REALLY digressed quite a bit from the OP's topic, and I apologize. Dating is so...interesting, right?
Regarding food, every date we've gone on has involved food in some way. Last Sunday we've added going to the beach and some art galleries, and this Sunday he wants to cook me an omelette (??) and then do the art gallery thing again.
russdroppings posted a lot of great ideas, and I've taken note. I especially like the zoo, museum, and karaoke ideas. I also want to add horseback riding in there somewhere. I think the last time I got on a horse I was a toddler at the pony rides!
PS - there's also the guy that asked me for $2K to be sent to South Africa because equipment at a geology job he was working on busted and he didn't have the access to his accounts in the US...

When you reply you aren't interested they either tell you off or argue with you. It is safer to just not respond.
I told several guys I wasn't interested because they had small children and they tried to convince me it wouldn't be an issue. I don't even want to date a dude with a cat let alone a kid. Not interested. Nothing wrong with it but "It's a no from me, dawg".
I met a dude for coffee over a year ago, told him I wasn't interested and he is still randomly calling and text me from different numbers.
It is better to say nothing and block them than take the chance on gaining their wrath. Men have no idea how dangerous dating is for women.

Then again- women have to deal with things like date rape, getting roofeed, serial murderers ,cat calls, bikini waxes, underwire bras, menstrual flow, control top panties, having assholes try and grope them on a date, jerks that "forget"Their wallet, being hit on in disgusting ways, cheating husbands, etc etc etc. So. I'd say it's about even. It's a war out there baby cakes.

One more thing. The practice is incredibly busy. You will have to stay on top of them to get what you need. You may not have as hard of a time if you do self-pay, but they're not always the most responsive pre-op. But again, maybe now that Dr Taggar is there things have gotten better.

I've heard Dr Taggar speak at Dr Wizman's support group. Dr Wizman did my surgery last year. Dr Taggar seems very intelligent and has no problem stating when he has a different opinion from Dr Wizman. He also doesn't seem to have the same...ummm...opinion of himself that Dr Wizman has of Dr Wizman. [emoji12]
However, I don't know which patients at the groups have had Dr Taggar. If you can do it, I strongly suggest attending the monthly support groups and nutrition lectures that they offer. I did it for 6 months before my surgery and the information I gleaned from attending was invaluable to my success.
Good luck with your decision. I think you'd do well with either surgeon.

You must be so proud!

You must be so proud!

I'm well on my way.♡
Hw 395
Sw 356
Cw 263
Gw Zen
Surgery date 12-27-16

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I can't wait to fly again .. my last flight was so painful for me and the girl sitting next to me. She was trying so hard to get another seat. I remember the sad feeling I had cause of her desperation .. but then again I really didn't blame her.
Every time I bend over its an amazing feeling ...
Putting on shoes ...
Crossing my legs ...
Lifting my arms over my head and not freaking out that my belly is hanging out of my shirt
SEX!!!
Wearing skinny people clothes like North Face .. I always wanted one of those jackets and now I have 3!
Shopping at the GAP!
lol .. the list goes on and on

I felt the same way you did, and I'm much older. I'm 9 months out now, and I wish I had done this at least 10 years ago. But maybe I wouldn't have been ready then. But, if I had done it 10 years ago AND everything went as well as it has now, I would have had 10 years back of my youth that I lost. 10 years of my mental health not screwing with me now. Some people will take offense to that but I'm just talking about myself. Knowing what I know now, and knowing that statistics say the VSG is safer than gall bladder surgery, I regret not doing it sooner. BUT you have to do all your due diligence and make your own decision. I definitely had my fears, even 2nd thoughts, even a few months out. But NO REGRETS for me now. I've also had no complications. Bumps in the road? Yes. Things to work out in my head? Yes. Regrets? No. Feel free to PM me if you have questions. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

"Wondering if you're happy is a great shortcut to being depressed." - Annette Bening, 20th Century Women


Over the 8 years I have met with weight loss surgery patients, the one concept I find myself going over and over is this idea of becoming full from within. The idea that if we don't fill ourselves up intrinsically- we will always need some thing to fill the void, whether it be food, gambling, sex, drugs, or alcohol. The problem is- we always end up on empty, psychologically.
The next question often becomes, "ok so how do I fill myself up psychologically? I don't think I will ever be fulfilled because I have never been truly happy. I was not born a naturally happy person? I've spent most of my life feeling empty- how do I turn it all around now? I grew up with unhappy parents, how am I to unlearn all of that early programming?'
"Wondering if you're happy is a great shortcut to being depressed." - Annette Bening, 20th Century Women
I think, unfortunately happiness gets a bad rap. There is a wide misconception that for us to be fulfilled, or full from within- we need to be blissfully happy all the time, and that's just not the case. Not only is it untrue, but it is an unrealistic standard and one that sets people up for disappointment. Rather than always questioning how we SHOULD be feeling, we should just practice acceptance of whatever temporary state we happen to be in at the moment with non-judgement and non-attachment. Like busses, moods come around every five minutes.
Even therapist's aren't immune to life's ups and downs. Believe it or not, as a psychologist who literally wrote a book on Happiness, I have to remind myself certain mantras that help me keep my own life in balance and my happiness and fulfillment sustained. I actually have a list on my phone that says "things to remember," and page through it daily, when I'm feeling off track.

So if you're feeling off track yourself- first understand that you're human and give yourself a break + then thumb through my personal list of happiness tips, little pearls I've gained in my 37 years on this planet, and see if any of them might help to increase your happiness quotient today:
1) In silence, the heart begins to finish its unfinished business. I think I picked this up from a book I read about Sufism. In any case, I liked it and it stuck. Oftentimes, we think that we must actively and aggressively pray, yet Sufis believe that it is in the stillness that God comes to us.
Whenever my life gets a bit too chaotic with all the "should-ing" all over myself- I remind myself that it is often when I take pause, let go, and let God- that what is truly important, rises to the surface and I begin to reclaim my life instead of it claiming me.
2) Do more want-to's vs. have-to's every day. Someone once told me that the "have-to's" will never be done. I repeat- they will never be done. So we might as well splice in some time for the things that we thought we were going to do once they were done.
Take the scenic route to work, take a long walk and listen to that book on audible that you have been wanting to read for the last few months,go shopping with a friend, get a massage, take an extra long lunch and sit out in the sun, or just curl up with your loved one or pet.
A wise man once said "time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted time," and I couldn't agree more.
3) Happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them. I remember when I was in grad school, thinking "if I can just finish school- then I'll be the relaxed, happy go lucky person I want to be," then it morphed into, "once I get licensed," then "once I get married," then "once I have kids..." You get the idea.
It is not the situations or circumstances in our lives that determine if we are a happier person or not. It truly is the way in which we approach them as they come, that determines what type of person we are and how happy we will be. In the "car of life," that we all have to drive, will you wear stilettos or uggs?
4) Connection with others is key to fulfillment. I am an introvert by nature. I enjoy my downtime, and require coming back to my home base in silence, to relax and unwind. However, there is something inherent in our very nature about the need to feel connected to the world around us- introverts included.
My best girlfriend from childhood came out for a week a while back, and so I was unable to get caught up in the hamster wheel of daily activity. I was forced to be fully present and engaged with her for four days in a row. As a result, I was actually more grounded, more at peace, less anxious, and more optimistic about the future.
Whenever we notice our egoic drives propelling us towards isolation, judgement, rumination, or comparison- we should remind ourselves to get out and connect with our fellow man, and fakebook doesn't count.
5) Like attracts like. Happy attracts happy. When we find ourselves feeling left out, isolated, or out of touch with those around us- it is important to look at our recent focus. Are we always dwelling on the negative, gossiping about someone? You know the saying "what sally says about susie, says more about sally than susie."
Although, many of us sub-consciously believe that if we can just "get it out" about whatever is chipping away at us- it will somehow allay our negative feelings- it really doesn't. In fact, research supports that when we ruminate on negative feelings, it actually increases our negative feelings.
This doesn't mean we should all be superficial and "surface-y" towards everyone, but that we should work a bit harder to find the happy.
6) To receive abundantly, ironically we must give abundantly. It is engrained in our DNA to wake up each morning with a needs list: "when will I get that bonus?" "when will I hear back about that promotion," "when will she call me back?"
Yet, spiritually I truly believe that when we make the shift from "what can I get," to "what can I give?" It is a complete gamechanger. It's almost as if the universe aligns with us and says "yep you finally figured it out."
7) Choose your thoughts like you choose your clothes. Our minds are quick and fast like ferraris. They are an intricate and complex machine designed for ultimate performance, but just like we must use the right fuel for a Ferrari, we must also carefully select and filter which thoughts we allow to permeate our consciousness.
When you notice yourself feeling down, take a cognitive step back and look at what thoughts you were having. Most are unproductive. Choose to let them go. The same tool that created the problem (our mind) is not likely going to solve the problem.
8) Legitimately and truly don't care about what others think or do. I can honestly say that this is still a work in progress for me. I was born a people-pleaser, but as I get older, I realize the more I try to make others happier with me, the less happy I am with myself.
9) Go out into the world with your heart, not your brain. Yes, our brain is required for some part of our days. Otherwise, our bills wouldn't be paid, our tasks wouldn't get done, and our goals wouldn't be met. But, other than that- when we greet people, meet people, share with others, observe, smile, walk- it is quite a different experience to live in our heart space, in that emotional space that is more visceral than verbal.
10) Relish in the remarkable ride. I watched a movie a while back called "about time," and it was all about a man who had time travel figured out. He lived his day once all hurried and bothered about the little stressors of life, but then went back to live it again. He said he would just rest in the moment, relax, and relish in the remarkable ride that was his life.
I love this. After all the late notices have come, all our debt has fallen or risen, our weight has gone up and down, our kids get a failing grade in school, our lover breaks our heart, our cars break down... it always ends the same: none of us get out alive. So why not just sit back and enjoy the ride?

I felt the same way you did, and I'm much older. I'm 9 months out now, and I wish I had done this at least 10 years ago. But maybe I wouldn't have been ready then. But, if I had done it 10 years ago AND everything went as well as it has now, I would have had 10 years back of my youth that I lost. 10 years of my mental health not screwing with me now. Some people will take offense to that but I'm just talking about myself. Knowing what I know now, and knowing that statistics say the VSG is safer than gall bladder surgery, I regret not doing it sooner. BUT you have to do all your due diligence and make your own decision. I definitely had my fears, even 2nd thoughts, even a few months out. But NO REGRETS for me now. I've also had no complications. Bumps in the road? Yes. Things to work out in my head? Yes. Regrets? No. Feel free to PM me if you have questions. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

When you're called someone else's name and it's a skinny person instead of one of the other big people you're usually confused with (and look nothing like, not even hair color)!

I have PCOS and hypothyroidism. I had about 80 lbs to lose by time I had the surgery. My surgeon recommended the sleeve. I wanted the bypass. His reasons were that the results were virtually the same, but the chances of long term complications for the bypass, while low, were still much higher than the sleeve. He said if I had another 100 lbs to lose he'd recommend the bypass, but, and I quote him, "why do such a severe procedure for the same outcome?" So, I did the sleeve. I'm almost 10 months out and I've basically been at goal for 2 months. I'd like to get another 10# or so off, just for wiggle room, but I'm pretty happy here, too. I'm still on Aldactone for the hair issue, and the cysts were well controlled before the surgery with birth control (which I'm still on).

Good luck with your decision!

I have PCOS and hypothyroidism. I had about 80 lbs to lose by time I had the surgery. My surgeon recommended the sleeve. I wanted the bypass. His reasons were that the results were virtually the same, but the chances of long term complications for the bypass, while low, were still much higher than the sleeve. He said if I had another 100 lbs to lose he'd recommend the bypass, but, and I quote him, "why do such a severe procedure for the same outcome?" So, I did the sleeve. I'm almost 10 months out and I've basically been at goal for 2 months. I'd like to get another 10# or so off, just for wiggle room, but I'm pretty happy here, too. I'm still on Aldactone for the hair issue, and the cysts were well controlled before the surgery with birth control (which I'm still on).

Good luck with your decision!

It's been two weeks now and things are going really well! I am still having a little pain on my sides where the drains were. My arms feel great which is funny because that's what I thought was going to hurt. Right now they are measuring 13.25". Not sure if that will go down any more but if it doesn't I am so thrilled with it! I will be going to a bariatric reunion on Thursday that is put on by one of my local hospitals. I will be wearing something sleeveless and for the first time will not be embarrassed to do so. I'll take a couple pictures and post them at the end of the week to show where I am at.

http://www.mensjournal.com/magazine/everything-you-know-about-fitness-is-a-lie-20120504
A friend sent me this older article and I read it to be polite. Turned out to be a very good one! The one part that resonated the most with me was this little excerpt:
Summed it up nicely for me. I don't go to the gym anymore because I want to look better in a shirt, it's become far more personal. All in all, I'd say it's a good read. Give a glance before your next trip to the gym and the weight machines.

Scum of the earth or not, past poor decisions or not, and regardless of her timeline, you're on a forum for people who had the same surgery, probably countless of whom many of your barbs at Mama June apply to. We're here primarily to be supportive of each other's journey.
Now, feeling she's the scum of the earth is your right. But framing it in terms of her looks and the success or not of her surgery is shallow and ultimately harmful to others' success in this environment. That is my point.
P.S. We all "*****" ourselves out for money. It's called having a job. If her job is in entertainment, so be it.

This is absolutely the last place I would have expected to see people being body-critical of someone else, reality star or otherwise.
I Think how you'd feel with comments about the things you can't change. "Legs like tree trunks" "inflated" fat feet, "just like Carnie Wilson."
Everyone has a different body type, heck, my own legs have never been and will never be anything but "sturdy, like big oak," (thanks for the judgey comment about big legs in this thread I really appreciated it. Made my day.)
It's also essential to point out that the woman has had (imo) far too much surgery in too brief a time, because it is her JOB. And before the 11 months you are on TV, she spent a year or two on her own dropping significant weight pre-surgery
She's still swollen from all of that surgery and won't see the final results for a while yet.
Also, lymphatic problems don't necessarily clear up after surgery. Sometimes they get worse.
I didn't follow the family through the Honey Boo Boo stage, but What I saw in this show was a woman struggling to do something DAMN hard and succeeding.
Im personally disappointed in a lot of people here today.

I don't really know anything about her and neither does anyone else here unless they happen to know her personally. I don't think you see everything a person is or goes through by watching them on TV. You only see what directors want to portray. I do know she was morbidly obese and she did the work like all of either are or are planning to do hopefully with success forever because food addiction sucks! She is just a person who was suffering and she is one of us. I wish her luck on the difficult journey that is HER journey. We are all the same, not one of us is better than anyone else.

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I think her journey is her journey. I wish her the best of luck.