RNsleever715

I'm scheduled for July 28th with Dr. Ortiz @ OCC

I could quote your entire post except it wasn't my mother, it was my grandmother. She was tiny. Constant criticism about me being too big and eating too much. Then when I was on a diet I was not eating enough. It was never the right thing! I was so frustrated. It's crazy now that I almost understand her.... After my own daughter started developing I have found myself saying things to her about watching her eating habits. I did this strictly out of love and concern, not wanting her to go through what I have my whole life. I caught myself one day and cried for a solid hour.... Sometimes those who Iove us and want to help us don't realize they can also hurt us with their "helpful" words. I would never call my baby a hurtful name. I truly don't think they realize how much it hurts. TELL HER.

Valentina, that is heartbreaking. I am so terribly sorry.

I have no magic mantra that you can repeat to change your own behavior.
But at some point you'll have to change your behavior if you have a chance in hell of being successful long-term.
Maybe you're not miserable enough yet. But I certainly was when I was pre-op. Here's what I did.
Even before my surgery was scheduled I felt I couldn't wait any longer to get healthier and to regain some control over my out-of-control, no-responsibility behavior. So I put myself on a 1400 cals/day diet incorporating some of the WLS eating guidelines and eating behaviors I'd learned about online.
In two months I lost 11 pounds. Not fast. But I had regained some control back of my life. And by that point surgery had been scheduled. I lost another 8 pounds on my surgeon's two-week liver-shrinking diet.
By 8.5 months post-op I reached my weight goal. At the rate I was losing when I hit goal it would have taken me another 2 months to lose an additional 11 pounds, had I not done so before surgery.
Not trying to bully or guilt you, but truly -- you've decided to have WLS because your BMI is 52 and you need to get healthy.
You can postpone and postpone and postpone creating a healthier lifestyle. Or you can start now to do so.
In your shoes I'd try to get back in touch with my reasons for having WLS and meditate / focus on those. If you journal, journal. If you pray, pray. If you are in therapy, talk to your therapist. If you're not in therapy, consider seriously finding a good bariatric therapist.
Good luck to you. You can regain your health. All you have to do is work toward it every day. This IS your life. It's not a practice run. It's the only one you're going to get.

Went to Mexico with 29 BMI and zero comorbidities. Best thing I ever did for myself.

I get from my fiance oh you took the easy way out OMG I was so hurt when he said that.
People dont realize how hard this process can be

" You were not big enough to need surgery"
"Dont loose too much"
"How much can you eat now"
"Do you feel weak"
"You look old"
And the most annoying
"I liked the way you looked before surgery"

Oh how about " you can't eat that!"
I just literally spazzed out on my husband because I asked him to pick up some pudding at the grocery store. I get so agitated when people who have not been sleeved , nor have met with any nutritionist, nor any doctors- try to tell me what I can eat or can't eat! I'm the one who just had 85% of my stomach removed! Do you honestly think I'm going to eat any-damn-thing that is going to hurt me or impede my success??? Just shut up already!
* I think this was more of a vent than anything.*

Just got told that!! Exact words : you're not fat enough for Bariatric surgery!
Well apparently my dr thinks so! ????

My personal favorite.....You really didn't look like you needed to lose that much weight. REALLY??? Were you blind?

Here's some of the dumb questions you get pre-op...
- now, you do know that this is not a magic procedure, it's just a tool, and it will require a lifestyle change (duh, cutting 80% of my stomach is a major freaking change ????)
- what made you choose the sleeve? Someone I know that had it gained all their weight back. You should do the bypass (as if it's impossible to gain weight back with the bypass ????)
- I would only do this if it were my last resort (being fat your whole life and wanting to experience a normal life with no health issues before it's almost over, in my opinion, is the last resort)
People are so judgmental of things that are unfamiliar to them. When I talk to people who are well informed about the surgery, they usually congratulate me for the decision and tell me I will have no regrets as long as I follow my doctors orders/diet.

"I know someone who just died after having it done just a year ago" (turns out after she lost all her weight she only drank beer and smoked cigarettes and ate very little and it was junk. She poisoned and starved herself).
"My mothers housekeepers daughter is very ill and they don't expect her to make it after her surgery." (Was more than a year down the road and her illness wasn't related to the surgery at all).

I could quote your entire post except it wasn't my mother, it was my grandmother. She was tiny. Constant criticism about me being too big and eating too much. Then when I was on a diet I was not eating enough. It was never the right thing! I was so frustrated. It's crazy now that I almost understand her.... After my own daughter started developing I have found myself saying things to her about watching her eating habits. I did this strictly out of love and concern, not wanting her to go through what I have my whole life. I caught myself one day and cried for a solid hour.... Sometimes those who Iove us and want to help us don't realize they can also hurt us with their "helpful" words. I would never call my baby a hurtful name. I truly don't think they realize how much it hurts. TELL HER.

Are you going to have mental health issues? "I know someone who became unwell"
Are you going to become and alcoholic? I know a person started drinking cause the craved sugar!

"But you're so young! You could have just exercised and ate less..." Yes because I should have waited another 10, 20, 30 years of unhappiness and hating life until I decided to make a change... of course! Exercise and eat less, well holy hell there's a new concept I NEVER tried before!
"You're going to gain ALL your weight back because I know 1 person who did!"

'you should just try to eat less and exercise more. Anything else doesn't work'
Or
' I don't believe you did that! That's so extreme! You're going to regret it!'

"that's not fair, you cheated" and "Who was your surgeon? Would you recommend him? I really need to lose 10 lbs" (said in perfect seriousness by someone who is maybe a size 2 at her most bloat-y time of the month).

"Well that wasn't a good decision now was it. You shouldn't have done it"
Seriously!? I already had the surgery, cant change it now!

"Well, have you tried just diet and excerise?"
Like every other overweight person on the planet, only about 100 times......

...and go!!!!!
Does your stomach grow back?
You're going to gain the weight back plus some!
I know a few people that are bigger now than before they started.
It just never ends!

I could quote your entire post except it wasn't my mother, it was my grandmother. She was tiny. Constant criticism about me being too big and eating too much. Then when I was on a diet I was not eating enough. It was never the right thing! I was so frustrated. It's crazy now that I almost understand her.... After my own daughter started developing I have found myself saying things to her about watching her eating habits. I did this strictly out of love and concern, not wanting her to go through what I have my whole life. I caught myself one day and cried for a solid hour.... Sometimes those who Iove us and want to help us don't realize they can also hurt us with their "helpful" words. I would never call my baby a hurtful name. I truly don't think they realize how much it hurts. TELL HER.

Have a private tea party. Hold one of your mother's hands. Look her directly in the eye and say,
"Mom, I love you and always will. I am your daughter and couldn't be more proud to be so. I know that you and I both realize that I am obese and being so is unhealthy and I hurt from all of this excess weight. I don't need any reminders of my weight or remarks about it publicly or even in private. I need and yearn for your support and encouragement. I crave your acceptance. Your daughter is in pain, Mom. I want to feel the comfort of your arms around me whether physically or as memory of the safe haven within your arms. Please, Mom. I love you and always will".
She's the only mother you will ever have. Do NOT take that fact lightly. Don't be the woman standing at a headstone saying to yourself, "if only...".
Work it out. Explain yourself and your feelings. Share with her what you need. Tell you that you're in pain and need your mother. We are never so old that we couldn't use a little "mothering" from time to time.

Every since I was around 12 years old, my mother has been harsh about my body and the way I look. I remember her making comments like "do you want to be as big as a house" and "you're a fat pig". I was not a large child. At 13 i weighed 125. I remember my mom lecturing me on the way out of the doctor's office saying that is an adult weight and is need to be careful. My mom is very thin and does not understand how badly these comments have messed with my mind. Even present day, she was one of the people who wanted me to get this surgery. I am glad I went through with it. I'm only 2 weeks in and very emotional. My mother is continuing to not be supportive. How do I tell her off without sounding bitter or jealous? In fact how would you handle anyone who makes inappropriate comments about your weight. I'm finding it is hard to block them out.
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I know of someone who can help you better than anyone in this world, His name is Jesus ...prince of peace
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Omgosh do NOT let him talk you out of it!!! My husband did 6 mos ago and now I'm 20 pounds heavier.... Wishing I would've just listened to my gut and done it then! Thankful I'm doing it now!