betrthnever

@@OKCPirate
... I don't agree. I assume a man can take care of himself and doesn't need a woman to pick out clothes and remind him of hygiene. I wouldn't want to be with a man who needs help like that! I think its the opposite - more people probably become more "relaxed" once in a relationship. Does this really happen?
On the other side of the coin, I would not consider a man who was just coming out of marriage either...not because of hygiene issues, just emotional ones.

My dos:
I always did "meet & greets" .. I didn't consider them real dates - I would say that I didn't date many guys at all but went on dozens of these meet & greets. I always suggest a place for a quick "out" if necessary - coffee shops were my favorite. Believe me ladies (and maybe you men, too!) there might be times where you might need to leave in a hurry (I have a couple of these stories). It is a very shallow visit - nothing more then funny stories, what do you do for a living, etc. to see if there is a desire to go onto a first date. And be honest - if you aren't interested, be polite but be honest and tell them.

Read a person's profile and respond to it like you read it. That's what my fiancee did with mine.
Be honest about your body type. If you are a BBW then list it! My guy was looking for a "BBW" and he set his filter to only look for BBW's. If I would have put "curvy" or "a few extra pounds" we never would have met.
I was only interested in guys who had paid memberships. To me it showed a "commitment" to dating.
We met on Plenty of Fish and are getting married in December
It IS possible to meet a person and have a good relationship from an online dating site.

I was just approved!! I'm so happy!

It was a good post! I like what you had to say, big!

Woohoo! I get dehydrated so, so easily too. I actually have to drink more than 64 ounces a day. in fact, I usually drink between 75-80 ounces a day, and I really feel crappy if I don't. It's all worth it though! Plus, it's just better for your body and brain to drink a ton of Water anyway. Take care.

Great!!! Im switching from band to bypass on Nov 4... I hope to loose like you... I gained some back since my band was empty for a few months.. so I want this new found weight off ASAP... How are you feeling? How long did you take off work?

Hi All, surgery went great, had some issues about 4 days out with rapid heart beat, sweating, feeling faint for several days. After a visit to the ER today and lot of tests, I was told that I was dehydrated. Even though I drink 64 oz a day I can't seem to drink enough. But that aside I am happy. One week out and I have lost 7.7 pounds. Nice!

Hi All, surgery went great, had some issues about 4 days out with rapid heart beat, sweating, feeling faint for several days. After a visit to the ER today and lot of tests, I was told that I was dehydrated. Even though I drink 64 oz a day I can't seem to drink enough. But that aside I am happy. One week out and I have lost 7.7 pounds. Nice!

Maybe you are rushing things a bit too much. This all just happened. ..seems like a little time to adjust is in order.

My SO and I have talked extensively and he supports me 100% in this process of getting surgery (lap band to bypass). He met me when I was bigger because he is attracted to bigger women. But he says he fell in love with me and not the way my body looks. I believe him fully. Will he be attracted to me once I lose my weight? I don't know. And if not, will love (without sexual attraction) be enough to keep us together? What people say they want and what people truly feel don't always equal up. And we will continue to be able to communicate with each other our needs and wants. I realize I am taking a chance on losing him.

He does speak positively about how much more we will be able to do together because I'll be smaller. And how I will be so much healthier and he won't lose me at a younger age. He says this is so much more important then me being bigger. And that feels great to hear him say that!

Ultimately, OUR bodies are only OURS and no matter what happens in our relationships, no matter who we love and who loves us, we will be with ourselves for the rest of our lives. We owe it to ourselves to be the healthiest people we can be.

I have a BMI of 38. I thought that would be an issue but my band has slipped down my stomach. He's not calling it a slipped band. I lost 80 pounds with the band, got down to 143 (I'm 5'2"). Was at my lowest for only 2 months. Band was too tight so was unfilled, filled, unfilled, filled then gained, gained and gained more. My surgery date is this Monday, October 5.

I'm actually very surprised your therapist has you creating this OK Cupid account. This isn't a dig, but it's obvious you are in a very vulnerable place right now and adding the feelings/emotions of another person seems very dangerous.
I worry that this woman wants to fix you...support you, nurse you, etc. I'm so sorry Smye but I really think you are right...you are so not ready for a relationship. Tell this woman now that you jumped the gun. She will either tell you it's OK, or tell you to F**k off.
My biggest challenge in the dating world was to understand that I had no control over someone else. That was hard because I always felt it was my fault. Not pretty enough..not funny enough, not good enough in bed. God..the list can go on and on.
You want to be the best Smye you can when you start to look for a new partner. Enough with the dating... Work on your issues first and be the healthiest emotionally you can.
I don't mean to sound superior but I'm living proof of this strategy. I was so desperate to remarry after my husband died that I did marry four years after his death to a man who was as desperate as me. He thought a wife would make his life wonderful. He got everything he wanted. A wife, a nice house, more money than he was used to...and he was still a miserable son of a bitch. He hated his own life so nothing I did or tried made any difference. I knew from that experience not to date again. And I didn't. Not for 20 years. And just to make sure nothing would ever ever happen with the opposite sex, I made myself so unattractive that no man would want me.
When I had WLS, it was for medical reasons. Only after I lost all the weight, did I realize I was getting interest from the opposite sex. For a year after going online, I made mistake after mistake and only with the therapist's help, was I able to be smart about who I was attracting..and who I was attracted to. I'm currently with an emotionally healthy man and we are having a great time together.
Sorry for this long post, but really...you are heading in a very bad direction in my opinion..and I also feel bad for this woman you are likely going to disappoint.

Therapists advise married people to date? Really? That is messy as hell.
I would really focus on myself not dating. You are still on an important personal health journey. Focus on that and the right partner will come when the time is right.

@@gowalking - thank you for your frankness. And no longer heading in that direction. On the bright side, the woman I disappointed is interested in being pen-pal friends when/if I'm ready for even that. Phew.
@@CowgirlJane - I'm so sorry that happened to you. And you're absolutely right - I would never, ever contact someone with romantic intentions without full disclosure. When contacting this gal, my first message was the following:
"
Hi XXXXXXX,

I'm in a bit of a unusual situation, but you seem like we might be a good match.
My wife and I have been best friends since we were 5, we married 7 years ago. However, she recently discovered she is gay. It explains a whole lot of the challenges we've had in our relationship, but I have to admit, it totally rocked my world. That said, we intend to stay good friends and to fully coparent our 2 year old son together, but are both beginning to explore other relationships. We do NOT have and are not interested in an open marriage, we are looking for our next 'forever partners.' Reading through your profile, you seem like we might be compatible. I don't have a profile photo at the moment out of respect for Mrs. Harra's privacy - she has yet to come out to family and friends but I'm happy to email you a photo or post for a minute and then remove if we happen to be online at the same time if you like.
A little about myself, should you be willing to connect given my rather unusual baggage (though it's entirely amicable): I am a high school principal, I love my son with all my heart, in my free time I socialize with friends, raise 80% of my own food, and binge-watch the X-files. I LOVE a good book, hiking in the woods around my house or swimming in our lake. I am not looking for 'hookups' and have never actually dated anyone, I just married my best friend, so I'm certainly nervous to be starting down this road, but I'm excited about being in a relationship with someone who is as attracted to me as I am to her and willing to accept that my soon-to-be ex-wife is still a part of my family.
If you're willing to explore whether or not we'd be a good match, please let me know. If not, no worries, but I'll admit that confirmation of that would be great. I'm willing to be vulnerable, but, as Brene Brown would say, that includes asking for a 'no' if I'm not an option for you at all.
Take care,
Smye" It was intended to be a 'try one just to have done it' which now feels admittedly crass @@OutsideMatchInside, Yep and yep

I too am surprised your therapist is having you date right now. I "fell victim" to seeing someone who was "out there " at his therapist's urging. It was an epic waste of about 3-4 months of my time and that guy was in no way ready for a relationship but he also didn't want to casually date. I think it is not quite right to date when you are still entangled in a previous relationship. ..I think if nothing else should fully disclose to women on okcupid.

I am hoping to find a good support group within bariatricpal.com. After I got the band I just dropped out of communicating with anyone because I thought I was home clear. So when i had those really hard times when I needed support I didn't have it.

Would anyone be interested in forming an October, 2015 gastric bypass support group on this site? I think there needs to be at least 3 people interested to form a support group.
Anyone?

I want my energy and health back; I want to be able to walk into any store and look for clothes; I want to wake up in the morning feeling alive; I don't want to be chained to my food addictions; I want to sit in an airplane seat and not have my thighs turn the volume up on the headphones (yes, this has happened!); I want to wave without being hit in my face by my underarm or have my arm drag in the ranch dressing at a salad buffet (yes, both of these have happened, too!); I want to get on a bus without thinking to myself where the largest seat is; I want to sit in a chair and have no fear of breaking it; I don't want to be the biggest person at an event; I want to live to be a ripe old age (there aren't any fat, really old ladies out there)!...all of these IMHO are far more important then how much "stuff" I have for someone (no matter how much I love them!) to squeeze at night. I'm just saying!

He's going to love you just as much and love your energy level!!

I think about this a lot.
There are definitely men who like big women!!!!! No doubt about it. If they were hitting on you it was for a reason and probably a good one. That stuff is in your head- those guys wanted you.
But the fact is, most men don't go for big women. Since I've lost weight, it's incredible the amount of attention I get from men. Everywhere I go. One dude walked into a pole over me! I online date and I get bombarded, whereas when is was just 30 pounds heavier it wasn't nearly as common for me to get a date. At this weight I can go out with anyone I want. Men drool over me.
That said, I believe that partly it's a cultural thing. I think sexually men prefer curves. But socially, they like the arm candy of a thin girl. Thinness is praised in our society as signaling success and strength. Being overweight is viewed as a sign of weakness, laziness and poor health.
Then again, I as a woman like a man to be bigger than me. I like to feel little. Isn't it likely the opposite for men that they like a woman to be small so that they feel large and manly?
There is no denying most men prefer slender and/or athletic. They are looking for someone healthy to mate with, have babies, etc. they want to have some arm candy to show off. It's human nature.
There is also no denying there are exceptions to the rule. A lot of men like heavy girls! They are out there! So if a guy is hitting on you, believe him. Especially if he is doing it in public in front of his buddies. He likes you.
One more thing: so much of how attractive we are comes down to how we carry ourselves. When I was overweight I was not an ugly woman. I've never been ugly. But how I carried myself was. I didn't dress up, I didn't wear nice clothes, I didn't shine from the inside. I was grumpy and morose and looked like I hated life.
I've know large woman who glow and live up their looks and own it. And they are damn hot!!!! I find overweight woman to be extremely sexy when they rock their looks and love themselves. So sexy.
So much if it comes down to how we feel within.

when i was in my 20's and looked best in my life, men were NASTY to me==you wouldn;t believe some of the stuff i'd hear walking down the street...i gained weight, got old and frumpy, and it was a relief not to have to deal with that kind of rude attention that i got when i looked the best i ever had. i became invisible and it was a definite improvement. some years later i took a course with a beatiful girl who was an exotic dancer. she said as a dancer, the better you look, the nastier men treat you! she would dress down and leave off her makeup to avoid being hassled when she3 wasn;t working. so men are incomprehensible LOL
anyway...see if there is a pattern of where you are when guys are checking you out. you will probably meet very different quality of men in a library or church than in a mall or club...and as you said, your in a lot of changes right now and if feeling unsure better to skip guys for a while. insecurity and neediness draws undesirables like blood in the Water draws sharks.

Not looking forward to my floppy arms being even floppier when I'm thinner. But I AM looking forward to being thinner! From what I read exercise DOES help with the firming of the skin. I'll be pumping some serious iron!

Hello
I was denied at first for the sleeve revision but was approved for the lapband removal for not having 6 months of nutrional visits. My doctor did a peer to peer conference with the insurance and was approved immediately. I had surgery on 08/31. He sent in all the information on first surgery had the 6 months of nutrional visits and that everytime I went to get a fill or unfill I spoke to nutrionist. Hope that helps!!!! Not sure why people have to hire and advocate cause this is what we are paying our doctors to do. Or at least I found an amazing Bariatric team that did all the leg work for me

Loose skin is annoying, but nothing compares with being obese.
You can always hide loose skin. Obesity not so much.

My seamstress will be working with me as she doesn't want me to worry about not having a dress at the last minute.

@@betrthnever - I would hold off on getting remeasured and getting the dress altered until after about 4 weeks post. That would give her two weeks to alter and you can probably adjust accordingly from their. You don't want to be bulging out and over if its too small.
Congrats on BOTH!!!
Send pictures!!!!