j_war06

Sometimes I just want to scream, and cry, and kill my ex. He and I have always been friends, and we dated for a long time. Now he has started being sooooooo stupid that I broke up with him a little over a month ago, and he is driving me nuts. I used to have a friend and he used to be friends with her too, well he didnt like her anymore, but she was okay with me. I heard both of them talk so much bs about one another I was sick of it. All of a sudden the weekend that my RECENTLY widowed gma got married, I was emotional distressed and still dating him, well he took my friend to a club to go have fun and dance and stuff and told me I was not invited, and she (claiming to be a "friend") never asked once "would Jodie like to come?" NO! Everytime I am friends with this girl, she takes what I have, my clothes, aspirations, dreams, and men. I LOVE this guy (I know teen love, all the same tho), we were going to go to college together and get an apartment and everything, but ever since I was supposed to have this surgery, he has been proud of me, but pulling away too. Like he always brags about these girls being his friend and wanting him to go to parties with him and stuff. I know he's trying to make me jealous, but it just makes me feel like crap because I can't be that for him. Lately (last 3 weeks) he has went crazy wanting to party, but not invite me to go, and hang out with my ex-friend. I wish I could have an hour to beat the mess outta her! Anyways, I am gonna go crazy because this guy has lost his mind!?!?!?

Well, I went shopping yesterday, and for once people actually helped me and asknowledged me inside the store (I am talking about the sales people). Then someone had to ruin it and say, hey you are really funny and cute for a big girl! Thank GOD I was in a good mood, and said, "wel you are pretty helpful for a scrawny guy!"

I am yet to be banded also, the insurance said to call back on Tuesday to see if they had made up their minds yet. Everyone hope, wish, and pray with me so I can get this, I need it so bad

For once in my life I had the courage to go in to stores where I knew that nothing would fit, but I decided to get a preview lol. I did not find a lot of clothes for school this year, but got enough to tide me over, I WILL be losing a lot of weight throughout the year anyway. For once, I was not embarassed and I was not depressed, my mom and I did not fight over fits or over my horrible attitude. I am the worst person to shop with, mainly because I can not find things that are in style and that fit, and that I can afford. Anyways, I went into American Eagle (no nothing fits me there) and bought a little necklace and key chain with some charms that go on it. Well basically I was helping out a cause, the necklace was $1, the keychain was $1, and the charms are $1 a piece. I bought the necklace and 2 charms to go on them. I got Believe and Strength because I know I will need it to get through all this to be a more improved me. I thought this was a great idea especially since when you purchase these items, 1/2 of the purchase goes to American Eagle's Live Your Life Foundation. If you get the chance go by there and support yourselfs, and others with this simple purchase. There are all kinds of charms that can go on the necklace, some are: hope, dream, and strength. Just try it, oh yeah, can't wait to be able to shop at Rue21!!!! Checkout this website to see the AE cause: http://www.aeliveyourlife.com

Wow Goodluck!

Thank ya'll a lot, I really need you all. I am so glad I found this website back in April

well, maybe what happened to you happened for a reason. If you had not had the experience at work, and gotten on here for advice and went through the appropriate procedures at work, then maybe you would have reacted differently (more defensively) to your daughter's problem. Maybe the thing at work was practice for your patience. So just make it another blessing.

Wow, vinesqueen, you don't know how much of a hero you are to me, I have read your posts on "who has the craziest parents" and for you to be as fun loving a caring for your son as you are is a miracle and act of God because so many ppl would have turned around in bitterness and done the same to their kids just so the kids would know what they had to go through as a child. I have not done anything amazing, or even heroic, or even been through all that much, but sometimes it feels like too much. I do however see a psychiatrist because of stems from when I was little (I have always been depressed). Dragonwilo you really should try to see a therapist about the incident, and possible other incidents from your childhood (including your mom making you diet and never being accepting of you). I find it is soooooooooo much easier to speak to someone you don't know, one-on-one, because you don't feel like you have to hide anything, and you are not going to lose a friend by speaking to them about it because they are not your friend yet. The therapist will soon become the friend that you can tell anything and they aren't going to reject you for thinking that way. I started going about a year ago, I was DEEPLY depressed, and could not just come out and say it because my mom doesnt believe in therapy and anti-depressents to this day. I would hurt sooooooo bad inside that I did begin to cut myself, and yes I have scars, but I would just freak on anything. I felt like everyone was leaving me, I couldnt trust anyone, especially guys (all my friends, including my bf, had moved during this period) and I felt like no one cared whether I lived or died. So, I went to the therapist, I was shady at first, I was very untrusting, but the 2nd meeting I showed her my cuts and bruises (when I couldnt cut I scratched) and explained to her my nightmares I had been having. I was scared, I felt like 3 ppl in one person, not like multiple personalities or something, just couldnt ever make up my mind about things. Sometimes I would take pills to try to kill myself, and by some miracle I lived through those days. I have always been depressed, and wished I was dead, but I am alive for some reason, becuase as much meds as I have taken I honestly shouldnt have a liver right now. Within 2 months of hypnotherapy, my nightmares went away, I stopped cutting everyday (went down to once or twice a month) and now I am completely clean. I can manage my meds, feel good about myself (well most of the time, most of you have read my posts and know what I mean), and am just ready to get my life back together. I believe this surgery is the final step in getting my life back together, to finally be "normal" and maybe not so defensive about stuff. Just about 3 months ago, I had a private ceremony where I took the box that I kept all my depressed drawings, letters, diary entries, everything, and burnt it, box and all. I felt soooo good while it was burning, I prayed over it and burnt it with incense and certain flower petals. It felt like it was finally out of me, but lately with all the pain, breaking up with my bf, fighting, my recently widowed crazy gma gettin married, and denials and stuff, I have been really depressed, but I hope I don't dip down again. It isnt me, Jodie, that dips down, I am a whole other person, I look and sound diff, but I am aware of it. I dunno I really am crazy, so thank GOD for Welbutrin and Trazadone

Originally Posted by Marimaru I do some consulting work in the horseracing industry, and was working at at race track one day in a booth training some people. I was talking to a co worker, and I hear "Hey, fat girl! Fat girl!" I turn, and it's this older guy in a wheel chair (who had at least 30 lbs on me anyway) and he says "You wanna know why fat girls always hang out with skinny chicks? It's because they know they'll have something left over when the skinny girl is done!" I didn't even know what to say. I couldn't say any of the things racing through my head, because while I wasn't a track employee, I was a representative for another company, so he was by proxy my 'customer'. I suddenly had a very important phone call I had to make and walked away. OMG!!! Well if he was in a wheel chair let's see, he could have always had a freak accident on a handicap ramp right?? What about being a friendly neighbor and um... hitting a big bump or 2 or 3 lol! I am mean I know, but they made me that way.

LOL! My ex, yes a teenaged boy, never wanted to have sex, except for 3 times, and we only did it once on prom night! Ha, think about my self esteem, I felt horrible, then realized he didnt get turned on by thinner girls either, so hmmmmmm makes me wonder, how bout ya'll??? LoL, sex what's sex??? LOL

lol, this is so weird. I can't remember the name of the steakhouse, but its awesome! SUCH A SMALL WORLD!

Hey Teresa, my dad works in Idabel every like 4 weeks, I have been there on several occassion. There is a great little steakhouse there lol. What a small world

Well my sister is thin and always has been (partially because she is my 1/2 sis) and everytime I drop her name as my sis someone always has to mention the fact in the line "damn why don't you look like your sister?" I hate that

thanks Kathy, atleast someone in this world thinks that what I have to say is interesting. I think you all find it interesting because you don't see me everyday like everyone else lol! I have been through a little bit of everything, instead of a whole lot of one or two things. I think I am supposed to relate it all together some day, hmmmm guess we will see huh?

Thanks for understanding, I really needed to let that vent since I really havent said anything. I don't even go to school anymore, so I don't think about it. Honestly though if someone that much older than me had done that to me I probably woulda been scarred for life and felt weak, without the help of a parent doing to me what yours did to you. I can see as to where that could be some emotional scarring, but don't let it trouble you with the psychological part of the exam. The surgeon basically wants to know that you are competent enough to know that your whole life is going to change, but being "skinny" doesn't fix everything, its just a piece to the puzzle. I do not have to go through that process since I already see a therapist. So, goodluck

O ok I see whats going on here, I had to publish them to MSN, so I will just try to send them to Penni

Wow, ppl are so shallow, if they could live a day in our shoes right?

Well, I see a psychiatrist and I am not an emotional eater or anything, I didn't gain weight because I ate when I was upset, I gained it because it was in my genes, and when I was depressed I didn't eat anything, and when I was okay I ate something, maybe not a lot, but it turned straight to fat. Basically I am severely depressed, but it is actually helping me in my appeal process since it is a side affect of obesity in my case. Basically, ever since I was little I have had a rear end the size of a prize-winning watermelon and perverted guys all through my life (the same age or a little older, sometimes slightly younger) would um comment on my *assets* and I finally filed sexual harassment by a class mate in 3rd grade, and it has stuck with me. It didn't make me feel good, I was 9!! It made me feel even fatter and outcasted. I had to file another sexual harassment charge my freshman year against a very large football player who continued to harass me all through spanish class and actually tried to put his hand in my crotch during class (through my jeans) and I moved away trying not to cause a scene right? Just a horny teen boy, but when he moved along with me and proceeded to make lude comments on the fact that I chewed on the top of my pens and pencils and that my rear was large, and I was the perfect size for him, and asking me sexual questions that were not welcome, I became very worried that he may rape me. Well it was close to the end of the semester and I thought he was a senior so I didn't worry about it, and just sat in a part of the room around ALL guys, with me in the middle, whether they liked it or not, and I was talking in class to someone one day and the boy had the audacity to slap my butt and grab it. That is when my hero, another guy that wasn't so big, but was PISSED stood up and defended me. Well that was all great until sophomore year rolled around and the harasser was actually a junior the previous year, and was in my algebra class. I am horrible at algebra, and his comments did not help. He was always calling me things like "big love" in the class and hallways, that was a clean one that I could post. Turns out he figured out the area that I lived in and then I was scared he would try to rape me for real, come to my house, now it was personal. After speaking to my mom, I decided to try and handle it alone, and spoke to the assistant principal (who is a stern woman) and she totally misunderstood my complaint, I did not care that he was calling me big, it was the touching that was unwelcome. So for a month he left me alone personally, but socially he ruined me, called me a racist and stuff, but in reality I didnt have a prob with his color, I had a prob with his ludeness. Anyways, he was eventually moved from the class after threatening me, my parents, and my bf that he would beat the **** out of all of us. Also, I was in a theatre audition when I started talking to a guy who was so cool, and funny and I just thought he would be an awesome friend. After the audition he, not in so many words (not trying to be vulgar) asked me when I would perform oral sex on him. That is where that ended right there, I told him that you do not speak to a lady like that and yadadadadada like it mattered but atleast he knew how I felt right? Anyways, I really havent had any sexual abuse, jsut harassment, and I am tired of it, if it were not for my weight I don't think these ppl in particular would have done this to me. I think they perceived me as weak because of my weight, and thought they could get something that they couldn't. *sorry this is so long, but I haven't thought about it in a while, and never really related it to a weakness issue, hmmmmm thanks for the post

Oh, wow Charles, I never thought about that until I had a guy in my theatre class this past year that was as self-conscious about his weight as I was about mine. I guess the reason women think that is because it is more socially acceptable for a man to be big than a woman, just not by much. It still can make me so mad that I can go into a store and not be able to find anything bigger than my pinkie, and look over and find out they carry a much larger (literally) variety of men's clothing (stores like American Eagle and Aeropostale)

That is true, kids don't know the difference (most of the time anyway) until they see something different. Don't you all hate it when thinner people think that you don't deserve to have a bf, mate, husband or whatever because you are big?? That is one of the reasons I broke up with my bf, I have gotten so freaked out by all these people telling me that they don't understand why my bf was dating me, that I just didnt seem like his type, and honestly I think they may be right. BIG GIRLS NEED LOVE TOO lol!!!!!!

Thanks Penni

Wow, Muffinbirdie, that haircut in the last pic you posted is REALLY flattering to your facial shape, also your looking great, you progress has really inspired me

Well, I know how to attach them, but I want the pic in the message box not as a link elsewhere, PLEASEEEEEEEE HELP!!!

hmmm, how else can I do them besides publishing them to the web?? It's hard because I can see them on my computer

lol, I know the feeling sometimes