want_so_bad

only a few people know that i had surgery. my husband, my mom, my sisters and brother, my dad, and 2 very good friends. i didnt want to deal with the questions and being watched every second. i get that enough from my husband! he means well.... but its hard to listen to his comments sometimes. one of the friends is super supportive. she had gastric bypass a little over a year ago, so we share our experiences. its great. the other friend that knows, she is supportive as well, but... well, first she freaked because i was going to Mexico for surgery. "OMG, havent you watched dateline?" but overall she has been perty good about it. as for my family that knows. they are great. sometimes my mom forgets and asks if i want this or that and then she feels bad when i tell her i cant/dont want it. i think its just a personal choice. you have to do what you feel is best for you. if you dont tell anyone at first, and then decide you want to share, thats great. thats kinda what i figured. if i decide i want to tell someone, then i have the option. but if i tell and then regret it, well, i cant take that back.

well, i figured out my icky-ness yesterday. i hadnt pooped in a few days! after doing that last night i felt so much better. and i feel so much better today. i have noticed that i go longer between bm's now, is that the case for anyone else? i cant believe i am sharing this....lol.

i just finished eating my lunch and now i feel huge and gross! what is wrong with me? i ate 1/4 of a chicken strip, maybe 1/4 cup coleslaw and then 1/2 cup mashed potatos. i feel like i ate a ton! this is not my usual lunch and now i just feel icky. i think i need a fill. i find myself able to eat more and hungrier then in the past. i have one scheduled for june 11, but i think i am going to see if i can move that up. i fear what i will do to my weight loss if i wait that long. my ability to eat more came on pretty quickly. is that normal for needing a fill? this will be my third fill. the first fill basically didnt do anything. so when i got the second fill it wasnt because i suddenly needed it, i just needed it to reach restriction. does that make sense? what are the symptoms of a slipped band? would it/could it be that? or is there pain associated with it? sorry, just kinda thinking outloud here. aghhh, i feel stuffed. i havent felt like this for SO LONG! how icky it is.

totally off topic, sorry, but i agree. i love top chef. i think the first season's chef's were the best so far.

i was taking it before i got banded. but i stopped when i got the band because it is a slow release so i couldnt crush it or anything. i was having a hard time (lots of family issues w/ stepson) and HAD to start taking something. i didnt like the others i tried and then my fill doctor told me that there shouldnt be a problem w/ the one i was on before. he said if i pb'ed it up, then there was a problem. and i never have had a problem. i take it at night because my band is always really tight in the am. angel--i get that icky icky feeling too! thats what made me remember that i hadnt taken it! but it doesnt sound like i get as bad as you. i get grumpy and dizzy and just dont feel right, if that makes sense.

i had a total HOLY COW BATMAN moment last night. i think i have figured out what part of my problem is when i have days where i am just "starving". i think those may be days that i forget to take my antidepressant. no joke. i realized last night as i took it that i had forgotten to for a few days. and today, NOT HUNGRY! what a good incentive for me to remember to take them...well, besides you know, they keep me sane! anyone else notice this/experience this? hurray for me. i thought i was losing my mind! not to mention that i was freakin worried that i was gonna gain back a bunch of weight!

why do i still have times i completely tank it? and then i have guilt and remorse and beat myself up. i dont know whats wrong with me! last night i had a horrible night! got stuck on some chicken, hurt like hell, pb'ed and slimed for what seemed like hours. so, what do i do when i feel better? gee, i am hungry so i try eating something else. which gets stuck. pb and slime all over again. i know i am super tight because it is about that time of the month. so why do i do this to myself? when i woke up w/ the baby i ate a little bit of Cereal, which finally went down. but that was at like 2 in the morning! and i dont even think i was really hungry!, i was more tired then anything! why the hell did i eat? and that was just the topping on a bad choice filled day! i had a few chips at work that were sitting there for a birthday party. i have been doing good passing on that stuff. i keep healthy Snacks in my desk and in the fridge for such occasions. a few to start, and then a few later...well hello stupid, a few here and there adds up! i know even with what i did eat, i still didnt eat what i would have eight months ago. so why am i beating myself up? why do i feel so guilty? i dont even know what the point of my post is. i am not seeking some back patting its ok. its not that. i know i screwed up. i know i need to just continue on my way and make better choices today and tomorrow.... i just wonder why i tank it like this occassionaly.

looks like everyone is doing well, thats great!

so here we are, 7 months since we started this crazy journey. i thought maybe we could all check-in, share how we are doing, what's working, what's not. so i have lost 40 pounds. i am in need of a fill now, as i find myself with the ability to eat more and more. i am hoping to get one scheduled in the next few weeks before i start gaining any back! over all i am feeling really good. i notice myself playing on the floor more with my baby girl and just being more happy with myself. i struggle with my body shape now, mainly and mostly my stomach area. i have this apron of fat and skin, yuck. not to mention the boob problem! but oh well, all will be better in good time i keep telling myself. hope everyone is coming along great.

after reading several posts about body shape, apple, pear, hourglass...i decided that none of those really describe my shape. as i was getting out of the shower this morning it came to me! i am the shape of a snake that swallowed a basketball. but only if you are viewing from the front, as i have no rear! quite funny i think. thinner up top and the legs, larger in the belly. my husband didnt think i was very funny as i was explaining it to him, but i sure got a good laugh. which for me is a change because it bothers me so much! anyone else have a humorous body shape explaination?

sorry, i posted in the wrong spot!

sorry to hear this. hope you are doing well and i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

so today i am just having a hard time. this is my first "fat day" in a long time! i feel huge, i want to cry/scream/fight/sleep, i dont know. i am pretty sure i am pms'ing, so that explains it mostly. i havent lost any thing for weeks. i know why. i havent been eating right. i guess i just need a kick in the butt to snap out of this funk i am in and get back on track. i am now at the weight i was pretty much all through high-school. i have these weird feelings about getting smaller. i have never been there, so i dont know what to expect. it kinda scares me! i think alot of my problem is i have been sabotaging myself. i have upped my exercise, so i should be losing. but no, i choose to eat crap instead so i stay the same. how stupid is that? someone please please kick some sense back into me!

dave or sue-- could one of these be ridden on a dirt road?

my feet are smaller as well! i have always had big feet, and they are still big, but not as big... i had no idea i would my feet would change too! they never really seemed fat to me before, guess i was wrong!

so yeah, i guess i was just having a major derrr moment there, not thinking of that. thanks!

yes yes, of course in the good weigh (i know, wrong word, kinda)! but i also think i am getting shorter! no joke. anyone else have this problem? i put on a pair of pants today that are getting pretty dang loose. but today they are also pretty dang longer then they used to be! i wear my pants long anyway, but today they are catching under my shoes far more then they usually do. and these are the shoes i usually wear, so i know its not that. weird...

well, i thought it was a localing happening about turns out it wasnt local...and by local, i was meaning 100 miles away, lol... anyways, here is what i could find so far. and i wanted to apologize also, i think i misspoke when i said it was the dad. after reading this article i dont know if he was the father or or not. i had thought on the news report last night they said it was, but maybe i am wrong... NEWARK, Ohio -- A second person is charged with giving a toddler marijuana. According to federal court records, a videotape (MyFoxCleveland) shows 18-year-old Melvin Blevins of Pataskala in central Ohio holding a marijuana pipe to the mouth of the child, who turns 2 this month. Authorities learned of the tape after a Columbus pawn shop found it in a camcorder. Earlier this month, 16-year-old Angel Dailey pleaded not guilty to charges of corrupting and endangering the child. Police say Dailey was holding the toddler, who can be seen on the video squirming on a couch to avoid the pipe. Blevins was indicted last month in a drug bust that police said included more than $3 million in cash and more than a ton of marijuana. A message seeking comment was left Tuesday for Blevins' attorney, Michael Siewert.

careful, you will get toasted if you arent fat enough too! dont want to discriminate on size around here!

i dont think anyone was jumping down your thoat. we were just expressing our opinion of your post. and this is rant and raves, what did you expect? if you were wanting people to pat you on the back with a here, here and agree with you 100% this was not the place to post it. especially when you come here saying you deserve this surgery more then someone else! come on now! and i dont want to seem insensitive to you plight....i was self pay and i understand where you are coming from. check into doctors in Mexico, it was amazing the difference in price. there is an excellent post about researching mexican doctors, that would be a good place for you to start.

i was so outraged and appalled last night watching the local news. they had a story of a father who forced his toddler daughter to smoke pot! i was in tears and sick to my stomach after watching the video. the father has some girl hold the baby and he forces her to inhale. she starts coughin, it is so freakin sad. then they are laughin about it. both of them should be taken out and whipped and then tossed away. how can you do something like that to a helpless child. a child that looks to you for care and love? people make me sick. what the hell is wrong with people?

who are you to know that while someone's bmi is lower they have not struggled with weight issues all their lives? my bmi was never as high as yours and yet i have struggled with weight all my life. to assume your weight issues are more pressing and important than someone else's isnt right. and who are you to harbor such anger against those with lower bmi's that self pay for their surgery? i had a lower bmi to start and self paid. who are you to judge that i didnt need this amazing life altering surgery just as much as you? after reading your post i got this mental image of you jumping up and down screaming like a two year old about how its not fair that sally who-body got it and you didnt. grow up. life is unfair. if you have such problems, self pay and stop bitching about it. countless of us others did it. turn that no good anger at the world around and use it for researching ways to get this surgery if it means that much to you. you have gotten several great ideas suggested here already.

she gives me such a hard time about my weight loss efforts on such a regular basis that most times i just tune her out. it got to me yesterday because other people were standing around and could hear. people that i will be dealing with on a pretty regular basis with 4-h. it was just kind of embarassing. i so badly wanted to sink to her level and say some very rude comment about how much less i weigh then her AFTER the tummy tuck and that cookie prolly wasnt very good for her newly required belly. but i refrained. i sure used my frustration to bust butt on that walk home though! and i thought to myself, i am walking 2 miles home and i didnt eat a cookie (or 5) and you drove the 2 houses down you had to go and ate cookies! hmm, my revenge will be sweet! lol.

yesterday we had a 4-h meeting. my sil who had the tummy tuck was there as well. after each of these meeting we have an assortment of Cookies and juices and fruits for everyone to enjoy. my niece brought some oreo's over for my sil. she offered me one, i declined. my sil started giving me a super hard time about not eating cookies anymore. she was licking it and oohhhing and aahhing, just being dumb! but she would not let up. on and on, waving the cookie in my face, saying how great they tasted. so, knowing that i weigh less then her, like by 20lbs now (insert me doing a little "go me" dance), i come back w/ "guess how much i weighed this morning?" enough said. didnt ask her how much she weighs or anything. just left it at that. to which she of course started in about me weighing myself and bla bla bla.... made me feel better just throwing that out there. how bad is that? but i felt better, and i walked the 2 miles home! made me feel even better! how do you guys handle people like that? oh, and she doesnt know i had this surgery! as far as she knows, i am just making better healthier choices for MY life! which i am, but why does that bother her so?

oops! i meant to be writing a new post, not an addition to your thread! sorry. did not mean to try and highjack your thread. i will just delete this and repost. sorry!