want_so_bad

honestly i could have used a tummy tuck BEFORE losing weight. i know 35 doesnt seem like much. at one point it was closer to 50. since my hysterectomy i have gained 15. but like i said, i could have used one before. my stomach HANGS like no other. i havent gotten to buy not even one size smaller pants because of the shape of it. that is very frustrating. my pants look horrible! my legs are so much thinner and toning up and i have no butt to speak of, so my pants are big and baggy. but to fit my belly, same size. i really have some overlapping skin issues! no i dont think we ever did discuss a goal weight for me beyond me saying how much i wanted to lose. but i was self pay and went to Mexico, so that whole process is much less involved then in the states.

thanks rockin. great job yesterday! i am going to redo my way of posting and follow you. post it all in one for the day. much easier then posting like i was yesterday. keep up the good work, only 2 weeks left of the mushies for you!

i am struggling with when i am going to get my tummy tuck. my plan was no tummy tuck until i was at goal. but now i am kinda waivering on that. i THINK i would be happy at where i am now, if the nasty tummy was gone. but if not i am just screwed because i wont be able to afford another tummy tuck if i decide to lose more weight. how did you know if you were ready for the tummy tuck? did you just know? were you back and forth any like i am?

i am not really sure which forum to post this is so if anyone thinks it should be somewhere else to get a better response, please let me know. i have been thinking a lot lately about what i chose as my goal weight versus being at a weight/place that i am happy with my body and weight. i chose my goal weight because it was in the middle of the healthy bmi scale. no other reason then that. the plus was that weight seemed like it was good and small (for me). at the start of all this the thought that i would be happy at a weight different from that never crossed my mind. i had it set that i had to get to that weight and then i would be happy. but now i find myself not to that goal, and relatively happy with myself. of course here lately i have been struggling and am about 10 pounds from where i was really happy. but you get the general idea. so for those at goal or at a happy place, how did you know that was right for you? did you just wake up one day and that was it? i am also wondering because i am struggling with when i am going to get my tummy tuck. again to start with my plan was no tummy tuck until i was at goal. but now i am kinda waivering on that as well. i THINK i would be happy at where i am now, if the nasty tummy was gone. but if not i am just screwed because i wont be able to afford another tummy tuck if i decide to lose more weight. so how do i know? (i am also gonna post this last paragraph in the cosmetic surgery forum. sorry for the repeat) my sister in law tells me i need to get over the whole numbers on the scale thing. i know i should, but cant. why is that number so important to me? to me to means healthy. skinny. how do i adjust my way of thinking about that number on the scale?

4/1/09 started morning off right! so happy about this after last night! 5:00 am- 25 minutes on treadmill! 6:00 am- cup coffee w/ sugar and vanilla creamer

oh this is gonna hurt so bad to post. but thats why i started this whole thread, right? right? oh this is so horrible. but here goes. this is from 5:00 pm to 10 pm. 4 lofthouse sugar Cookies 1 slice chicken pizza 1 breadstick 1 med roll w/ slice cheese and slice chicken breast lunch meat this is more then i used to eat in a whole day!!! i am calling to make the fill appt today. it was emotional eating. i was extremely stressing out about money and fighting w/ my hubby. and my 2 year old was just unhappy and letting me know all about. i dont think she felt good. i was also wigging out about my weight...how freakin dumb, huh? freakin out about it so i eat a ton???? wth is wrong with me?

i have the exact same problem right now. i cant wait to see the responses you get. nessa- my doc does the same thing in regards to pulling out the Fluid in the band before adding the new amount. is that to make sure its all there? funny thing, i have never thought to ask him.

i had a complete hysterectomy in october and having been struggling with losing, more like lack of losing, since then. more so then before to say the least. i am wondering if anyone else has experienced this. my doc says its normal, but i wanna hear experiences from other bansters. i am really freaking out about it. i am on a replacement hormone, estradial (sp?). when having the hysterectomy, i figured i would gain some, but not like this. and i didnt think it would be so hard to lose. i have gained 15 lbs since surgery. its killing me.

i have either 1.8 or 2.0 in my band right now. i cant remember which though now that i think about it. i have the 9.75 band. last august i got greedy and thought i wasnt losing fast enough and got 2 fills really close together. i got overfilled and was sick sick for a week. i ended up having to get totally unfilled. i stayed that way for months, until december i think. tried a fill then, did too much, had to have most of it removed. same thing the next time. now when i get a fill its tiny amounts at a time! like .2 was the last one. its so frustating!!!! i usually take until the next day before i can tell if the fill is too much. and thats hard because i live like 90 miles from the fill doctor. so there is lots of time off work and traveling to get it right.

i am excited to see people joining me in this! its nice to not feel alone, lol. kinda pathetic of me but true. live- your lunch has given me new ideas of stuff to bring to work. i always forget about hard boiled eggs! and i would think you could go longer then 2 hours. has it been long since your last fill? i am going to schedule a fill. i got one a few weeks ago but i can eat more (not just quanity but variety too) then before the fill! i am not getting that stuck feeling, or my normal, slow down tightness or anything. it just sucks! rockin- welcome to the land of the band. there is another good thread for meal/food ideas. it has a ton of posts. i go look there sometimes when i need ideas or am bored of eating the same old same old. and i am trying to stay at 1200 a day. after i finish off the slimfast i bought i am going to try going back to the high Protein, low carb way. i feel better then. i dont totally eliminate carbs, just try to be very careful/selective about what i eat. and i so hear ya sexy. stupid chips! i think they must add something addicting to the salt. funny though, since being banded i noticing i crave sweet more then salt. before it was the opposite. weird! lately though, its just EVERYTHING.

live- that is exactly it-sneaking! sneak a bite of this or that here and there. doesnt seem like much until the end of the day and this or that here and there ends up being a bunch! i am sad that i have come to and am at this point. but i need to be sad and then get over it and start anew and move on. its that moving on part i am having troubles with. afternoon snack: 1 clementine orange (12:50 p.m) i have a slimfast shake to have for "lunch", but havent had that yet. i think they are nasty so i am holding off as long as i can. lol.

i am having a very hard time of things right now. i am starting this thread so i have a place to post what i am eating each day (besides dailyplate) in the hopes of making myself accountable. dailyplate is great for telling me my intake but i think i might need someplace that others will see. like i wont want to eat it because then i have to put it here. and people will judge...at least thats what i am gonna tell myself. so please feel free to make comments and suggestions. oh, and i am also gonna post about my exercise too. so to get started: am workout: not much. really 1/2 assed through about 10 minutes of a workout on fit tv then went back to sleep. will have to make up for it tonight breakfast: almost 8 oz coffee w/1 tsp sugar, 2tsp french vanilla creamer (6 am) morning snack: dannon light and fit 60 calorie yogurt cup, raspberry flavor (11:30 am)

no problem, lol. i wear them and my PINK muckin boots (think wader type boots, just not as tall) and my hubby just laughs. everyone laughs at my pink muckin boots but i like 'em!

tapshoes- anytime you need some "therapy" you are more then welcome at my house! lol, my hubby wouldnt let you leave.

http://carharttimages.carhartt.com//is/image/Carhartt/R03BRN?$BLG$ there is a picture of what they are.

thanks mimi for the concern. i am really yo-yoing right now. with everything! up one minute, down the next. you would think i had gone off my meds or something, lol. i was feeling better until i got on the scale this morning! i am headed in the wrong direction! but i know i can get it turned around and thats what i am gonna do. i brought my slimfast to work today and i have plenty of crystal light so i can drink drink drink Water. yesterday i got rid of the junk food i had accumulated in my desk over the past week or so. so that's another step in the right direction. i just have to try and stay positive. i find myself dwelling on the fact that i have regained so much weight and have all that to lose AGAIN, plus what i had left before hand. that is hard for me. i know that i need to just get over it, whats done is done, but i just cant seem to get there, ya know? i hope i do soon. and get outta this funk i am in.

Dr. Schluman- I am 20-30 lbs away from my goal weight and am trying to decide when to get my tummy tuck. I have had a consult with a great doctor and am very excited. My problem is this, my plastic surgeon recommends me to be as close to my goal weight as i can be/want to be before the tuck. which i completely understand. if i were to continue to lose more weight there is the possibility of my stomach becoming loose and saggy again. my thing is that i carry all of my weight in stomach. the rolls are very big and gross and hang all nasty. i have lost 50 lbs and am not not one pant size smaller because of it. the doctor told me if i thought i would be happy at my current weight, just minus the stomach then to go for it. i think i would be. i love my new legs, they are much thinner and toned, same with my arms. its just my belly that i hate now. what would your suggestion be to a patient that came to see you in my situation? like i said, i think i would be happy at this weight, just looking better, but how do i know for sure that would be the right choice? i know that is MY choice to make, i am just seeking advice. thanks.

heather- thank you so much! i was at a bad place last night when i posted that and was an emotional wreck over my weight. i was feeling a little better today, but after reading your post i feel much better. i am trying not to belittle myself over this "hiccup" as you said and just get back to doing what i know i need to do. thank you for not judging me and thank you for understanding. i have thought about doing the five day pouch test before but never have. i am going to take a better look at it, thanks for the suggestion. i got up early this morning and walked/jogged on the treadmill. that was a great way for me to start the day off right. and so far today i am doing good with my eating/drinking choices. i just have to remember its not the end of the world when i mess up, i just have to start over.

married- i think its great you have such a good relationship with your daughter. that is how my mom and i are, she is my best friend. and i call her when i am sick too, lol. i wouldnt say my girlie gene is weak but i am also not a girlie girl. i fix my hair for work or when we go to do something, but if i am just home for the weekend, a pony tail is it. same with makeup. i do get my nails done though. my real nails break and split and i hate it, so i have the fake gel kind. but i keep them short. my husband doesnt get the point of it since i have them done so short, but i love them. they hold up great during the horse riding or the four wheeler rides or building fence, or whatever we are doing. i love being outside and am horrible at housework. lol, my hubby hates that! i have only one purse at a time. i use it until it has holes and then i buy a new one. they are usually perty generic and brown and from wallyworld. i love my boots. cowboy boots that is. i have a bunch of different ones. ones for riding, and then my assortment of different colored ariat pro-babies. and i love flip flops in the summer. just the cheap ones from wallyworld too. i was super stoked when my hubby brought me home a new pair of carhart bib coveralls that didnt fit a guy he works with. they are so nice and warm and the ick in the corral's didnt get threw them as fast when we were lambing. those late late nights in the freezing cold are much better now. so yeah, i am somewhat girlie, but not fru-fru so, ya know?

what the hell is wrong with me lately? since my last fill it seems i can eat anything and am doing so. last week i had a migraine that required me going to the hospital. in the 3 days since then i have gained almost 10 lbs! 10 lbs! at first i thought it was from the shots i got. but today i was almost like binging. i ate so much. i feel so nasty and gross. i feel out of control. i walked/jogged with my sauna suit on for 15 minutes this afternoon. but then i ate a bunch of chicken at dinner. and a pudding cup. not to mention all the other crap i ate today. why am i feeling so out of control? why am i doing this to myself? i am gaining all the weight back that i have lost. i cant do this anymore. why am i able to eat so much since my fill? i have to schedule another fill. i have to get restriction. i have to get control of myself. i have to get my head back in the right place. i hate being fat. i hate feeling like this. omg i am just rambling on here. i dont know what i need. yes i do. how do i get back to the right place? why do my bad times like this seem to come w/ the pain i have in my back? i have back problems and when its at its worst seems to be when i eat like this out of control. are they related? well duh, they sure seem to be. its not like the eating makes the pain go away. it just makes me feel worse and then i eat more and then i feel worse. why cant i get a grip on this and get the damn disgusting weight back off? i am getting fat again. seriously fat! i am going to start all liquids tomorrow for the week. i bought slim fast and fat free milk. that and water is all i can have this week to get a jump start on this until i can get scheduled for a fill. why have i done this? i was so close to being at goal and getting to schedule my tummy tuck. why? so close to goal! i could touch it. but not now. not now.

my goal is so close i can almost taste it!!!!

lbtalker- starting at square one is a good idea. dont know why i hadnt thought of it like that. i was banded by the same doctor you used, small world. i use a fill center usa doc for my fills. i dont blame any of my problems on him. its all on me and i know this. i think that having restriction again will do wonders for me and i will be able to follow the rules again. especially because i am going to think of this as if i just had the surgery...like you said, start over. my fill is early tomorrow morning and i am so excited to get it. kind of nervous because i have had such bad luck with fills lately, but excited nonetheless. thank you for your response.

i would really appreciate some help. i havent posted on lbt for some time now. i had some problems and in august of 08 had a complete unfill. varying circumstances kept me from getting a fill for almost 6 months. when i could start getting filled i was super sensitive and could only handle very small fills. fast forward to today. i have not lost a single pound since then. well, i lose, i gain, i lose, i gain. i have a fill scheduled for tomorrow. i hope its my light at the end of this damn dark tunnel i am in. a few weeks ago i had a consult w/ a plastic surgeon about my tummy tuck. i set a personal goal that i have to lose 15 more pounds before i can schedule the surgery. but i keep sabotaging myself. i eat crap foods, i dont exercise consistently. i dont know what the hell i am doing. all i have wanted for as long as i can remember is a tummy tuck. now that it is SO close and attainable, i am screwing myself. any advice or suggestions on how to get out of this funk would be greatly appreciated. thanks!

ann- thank you SO MUCH! for posting that link. omg, puddin is HOT! she looks incredible. her before after shots really are great. i am perty sure i am going to just stick w/ dr b like i had planned. i think my panic comes from being so nervous/scared/excited about it being so close to becoming a reality. i have wanted a tummy tuck for so long, its like i dont know how to handle it that its actually going to happen!

i have been researching plastic surgeons in my area for a long time now. hell, even before i got my band! i am going to have a tummy tuck done. and, eventually, a breast lift with augmention. i have it narrowed down to two doctors. well, let me explain.... i had been looking at dr "a" for quite some time. thought he would be the one. then found out about dr "b" from a friend. really really liked dr b. thought he would be the one. but now that the its getting closer to the time i want it done, i dont know! both doctors have great credentials and certifications, etc... here is my the thing- dr a's photo's, well the before's look more like me. and the after's are amazing. dr b's are really really good as well. i am just concerned that his before patients dont look like me now. the before pictures of dr a, hell, it could be pictures of my belly! no joke. dr b's just arent as bad. but dr b also specializes in ps after weight loss. maybe he just doesnt have those pictures posted on his website. i know they have a whole collection of photos at the office i can look at. how do you pick between the two? i have consultations set up with both of them next week. i really am praying that i will just KNOW after meeting them. any ideas? suggestions? thank you! also, anyone in/around the salt lake city/ogden/orem utah area that has had plastics, please let me know who you used. or if you know of dr berg or dr brzowski, please share your experience with me! thanks again!