want_so_bad

amy- you are right, i have struggled through this. but nothing before compares to the struggles i am having now. i just need to get my head cleared again and my whole being back into this. i know it will work when i am ready to work it. and i want to, i just am not. does that even make sense? i am feeling hopeful today so that is a good thing. i think some of my problem may be hormones. i am going to the doctor today to see about getting them adjusted. seems like i was doing fine with what they had put me on after the hysterectomy and then BAM, hit a brick wall. my fill is a whopping 3 weeks away! i have to hold out until then. make better food choices. exercise on a more consistant basis. this morning i also got a big kick in the motivational rear! my sister in law started working out yesterday...i have this weird competitive thing w/ her...no excuses now! i cant let her look better then me, haha..but whatever motivates me works for me.

i was banded october 2007. i had lost 40-45 pounds slowly, then had to have an unfill and have regained 15-ish pounds. i also have had a hysterectomy in the time i was empty. i am having a hard time getting back into things. i am looking for someone to be accountable to, for advice, support and a good kick in the butt to get me going again. thank you.

first off i want to say i know this is similiar to the thread "the "voice" is back". i didnt know if i should post this there or start my own, so i started my own just in case. i have another fill scheduled, but its not for a couple weeks. i am just out of control. i cant stop snacking. i tell myself stop! no more. and i throw whatever it is away. but then, shortly after i find something else in my hand on its way to my mouth! it is driving me nuts. i feel hungry all the time, even though i know i am not. i had a hysterectomy in october. i am now on replacement hormones. would/could these be having an effect? i am also on an antidepressant. it used to be if i forgot to take it i could tell because i would want to eat everything in sight. maybe it needs adjusted now too? this is all so frustrating and upsetting. i was a slow loser, but at least i was a loser. now i am a fast gainer. and its making me more upset and frustrated which in turn makes me want to eat more...its a bad cycle i have fallen back into. and on top of that my back is killing me again. is that from the regain too? i dont know! but i know by the time i get home from work i can barely move some nights. and then its take care of the kids-dinner, boxing practice, baths-i just have no energy. i collapse on the couch when i get the baby into bed! my house is a mess, i am not cleaning like i should. i barely exercise anymore. and i know all this is part of if not the problem with my weight gain. but what do i do? instead of getting up and doing something i sit and whine. i have an appt for the regular doctor this thursday to see about adjusting my meds. i hope that will help. anyone with any advice please please respond. even if its a kick in the butt, i need that too!

oh julie- you are right, i need to focus on something(s) positive until i reach restriction again. i am going to work on this. i also brought a bunch of crystal light packets to restock my desk at work. on the 5th i am gonna start the 5-day pouch test. all my visiting family will be gone, no more parties or get togethers. i will start fresh with a week of work. less chance to screw it up when i am at work all day. starting on the weekend is just self-sabotage...all day at home. plus i have extra motivation--i made a pact with a friend of mine who had gastic bypass. i stay very accountable with her, i just cant lie to her. she is going to start monday with me. i have printed off a weekly walking workout from msn fitness and am going to start that tonight on the treadmill. and my fill is scheduled for feb 4. i want to have something to show for my slight fill. i am just gonna do this. surby- i am so sorry to hear about your mother. i wish you and your family the best. i hope you are doing well. you will get back on track. i cant imagine all there is to deal with. best of luck.

i am going to try to make a long story short and get to the point. i was banded october 2007. did fairly well losing, although it was slow. was overfilled late july and had to get a complete unfill. for various reasons i remained unfilled until the 10th of this month. during this time i yo-yo'ed with 10 lbs. it turned out to be more like 10-15lbs when i got to the doctor for the fill. i had an agressive fill. ended up going back a day and half later for a partial unfill. i am "sensitive" to fills now. i feel some restriction. its not wide open like it was for sure. but i am not at a good spot either. plus i cant get my head around or to the spot i need to be at again to really get going back on my journey to my goal weight! i cant find the motivation i once i had. i feel weepy and depressed about it. like i will never get there. and its all of my own making. i keep saying, i will start tomorrow. or monday....and that day comes and i find another flimsy excuse. i know all this...what am i doing? i just need to get back to it. i am gonna schedule another fill for february. anything anyone can offer to get me going would be much appreciated! thanks

FINALLY! after 4 months of being empty, i have a fill! i am so happy. and boy am i being reschooled! lol, it sucks, but i love it too. chew chew chew, slow slow slow. how easily i got out of those habits. my refill story wasnt pleasant to begin with. i went in last wed and got a 2.2 fill. i felt fine, the barium went thru under fluoro no problemo. then comes the next morning. made myself a cup of tea, took a sip. a SIP, especially since it was hot...no good. didnt pass. pb'ed the tea. and my spit. and my spit. and ANY liquid i tried drinking the entire day. i am not kidding when i tell you i was in the bathroom every 15 minutes or so just to pb my spit. it was horrible. so i got another appt w/ the fill doc, went back the next afternoon and had 1.0 taken out. i now sit at 1.2 and feel great. and you know what? i have great restriction! i already feel better then i have in weeks/months. i know some of that is in my head, but even so, at least i feel better. lol. i about died when i got on the scale at the doctor's and it read that i had lost 12 pounds in the 2 days! yes, 12 lbs. but it was not good to do it that way. i know it was because i had gotten dehydrated. so now i am drinking my fluids and eating mushies and feeling fine! back on the wagon am i.

thank you all for responding. my fill is scheduled for dec 3. i am still nervous and scared but now i am also excited. i have to decide how much of a fill i want to get. my fill doctor told me at the time of the unfill when i get the refill he would go back to what i was at before i got the last fill that put me too tight. does anyone know or have experience with this type of thing? i worry about a repeat of what happened before, but that was going to a 2.2 fill. i had been ok at a 2.0-2.1 fill. after being empty so long, will that have an effect? should i start with perhaps a 1.5 fill? i am kinda just rambling here i know. the fill will be under fluoro and i know it will be kinda just be a wait and see how things go. these questions were just floating around my head.

i dont know what i am seeking in coming here to post this. support, understanding, a kick in the butt? probably all of those. basically i got stupid, got too many fills to quickly and ended up not able to swallow my own spit. had a complete unfill the begin of august. i was told i must stay unfilled for a month to heal. i was freakin out at first, so scared i was gonna get fat again. things actually went well. while i did eat things i shouldnt have and hadnt been able to for months i didnt go overboard. i was scheduled for a hysterectomy in sept which i needed to be empty for. no problem i thought. i would just stay empty until after that surgery. well, life happened and i ended up having to reschedule that surgery for oct. because of finances i couldnt afford a fill for a month, then the unfill, then the refill. so here i sit now. empty since august. i have basically maintained my weight. i flucuate 2-3 pounds. since my surgery 4 weeks ago it is more like 5 pounds. i keep telling myself its just from the surgery. i now have my fill scheduled for 12-3. and i am scared as hell to go get it. and its all head games. here is what i am thinking: ok, i have 25 lbs to go to goal. i have maintained this long empty and not eating "right' as i should. so with a fill and getting back into eating right i am gonna drop weight just like at first. omg, what am i gonna do? i will be at/near goal. what if i still dont like me at goal? oh of course i am having my tummy tuck (the only savior for my belly!). but what if its not good enough?" and all sorts of things like that. its like the beginning head games all over again. and its so dumb because i already have one them, so this time around i should be better prepared to handle it, right? i dont feel like i am prepared! sorry for the ramblings on. i needed to get that out there and maybe get some feedback. thanks.

i have been empty since august and cannot get a fill until dec 3. i have maintained my weight during this time, plus or minus 2 to 3 pounds. 3 weeks ago i had a hysterectomy. right now i am just really having a hard time. i feel like i am eating everything and anything in sight. can someone please tell me if it is possible to stretch your pouch if your band is empty?

i need to be better about the taking it easy part. i have done really good not picking up the little one, but other then that i think i prolly have overdone things. such is life i guess. i have been having a harder time then thought i would. my bladder was attached to my uterus with scar tissue and they had a hard time getting the two seperated. i dont even know how to explain the pain from my bladder now. they told me pretty much all i can do is wait it out while it heals. that and take pain killers. they dont help much though. i dread going to the bathroom, lol, its horrible! its good to hear you are doing good bandster. back on wagon and on the way! i cant wait for my fill. i am going to try to make that appt today. i am kinda nervous about it. i have been unfilled for so long! its like starting all over again. but at least this time i know what to expect!

congrats jonathan! you are doing incredible. keep up the great work.

i had my hysto last week on monday. everything went well. i spent 2 nights in the hospital and then went home. i am sore and tired but that is from overdoing things since getting home. but overall i feel fairly good. my fill doctor wants me to wait 3 weeks to get a fill. i am counting down the days until i can start losing again. i have maintained my weight since the unfill in august...goodness, its been a long time! i am excited to get this last 25 off. i am shooting for feb to have it all gone so i can get a tt spring of next year. its gonna take hard work, but i am excited and motivated to do it. my boys both started boxing a few weeks ago. their workouts are so freakin hard! i cant do it. i dont know how they do it. its amazing to me. but i have been doing my own boxing workout at home and love it. i was invited to join the kids during workout and be put through it with their trainer but thought not yet. i couldnt keep up with the kids and would be embarassed! but it will be a few weeks until i get the ok to start exercising or anything. hope everyone is doing well.

my husband was the same way. he was not supportive in the least. he thought i should be able to just not eat as much and exercise on my own. he came around enough to sign the finance papers i needed him to sign but he still wasnt happy about it. that was a year ago...today he still doesnt like it...but he does like that i am 45-50lbs (depends on the day) lighter! i try to ignore him when he makes the crappy comments about the money i spent on the surgery. i am a happier healthier person and it is a great thing! good luck.

i experienced much the same thing in august. i waited it out over the weekend and ended up not being able to even swallow my spit. i got a complete unfill and felt immediate relief. i would recommend contacting your doctor.

i have started to realize that you are right julie...trying to lose that much is just not gonna work and i am getting upset with myself. its just not worth the cycle i am putting myself thru. so i have decided to maintain my weight, and maybe try for more like .5 to 1 pound a week. i think that is more realistic for me right now. and julie, i have been eating those things that i couldnt with my fill...tuna fish, cottage cheese, grapes, carrots...and of course the bad things too! thats my downfall. but thank you for the encouraging words. i keep telling myself soon enough i will get refilled and back on the right track.

thank you to everyone who responded. its nice to hear encouraging words. i am tracking what i eat on dailyfit and am trying to stay around 1300 calories a day. according to them, that will put me at losing around 2 lbs a week. maybe that is too lofty a goal for being unfilled? i dont want to just set myself up for disappointment. i dont know. maybe i should try for 1.5 a week. anyway, that is something i am considering. i also decided to get back into my filled banded mindset. no more eating things that will now go down just fine that would have/did get stuck w/ my fills. that i think has been my biggest downfall. i just have to do this. i've come too far to screw things up now!

bandster--well you are gonna beat me into surgery. lucky you. i wish i was having it done today like the plan had been. but oh well, in a month it will be my turn. i am having a total too. get it all the heck outta there! i am so tired of it all and cant wait to feel better. not to mention cant wait to get a fill and back on the losing wagon! thanks for the support. its hard to think of staying at the same weight as something good when i am not yet to goal. its close, but just outta reach it seems. i know i could do better but i am not. i have no excuses other then i am just not doing it. i will exercise here and there, just havent made the commitment i need to. my fault and my fault alone. i dont want to seem like i am whining about not losing anymore. if i would just do it i would be losing. but i think maybe i am at a place again that i WANT to do it. i went walking last night and felt better. today i WANT to go walking again. its not feeling like a chore to fit in when i get home from work. i hope i keep this feeling. wifemom--how is your son doing? how are you holding up? i hope you both are doing well. welcome becky. hope you are doing well.

so i will try to make a long story short. the begining of august i got sick and had to get a complete unfill. was suppose to remain that way for 30 days to heal. then i was to have a hysterectomy like 2 weeks after i was able to get filled. my surgeon wanted me empty for that surgery so i decided to just stay empty instead of paying for a fill for 2 weeks, then pay for an unfill. now i have had to reschedule my surgery to next month. money dictates that i will have to stay empty until then. so that is another month away. then i dont know how long i will be empty after the surgery. i have maintained the weight i was at before i got sick and the unfill. for that i am happy. but i am also feeling discouraged. my one year anniversay is coming up and i will not be to goal. i am close, 25 lbs, but still not there. and i am feeling discouraged because i am not losing anymore right now. i am falling into past habits and not doing a good job. i have the mentality that is this: i couldnt do this before the band and right now my band isnt working, so i cant do it now. i need a good swift kick to get outta this rut. someone please help!

holy cow. life seems to be going in a hundred directions lately. some days i am in control and some days i just hang on and hope to make it through! wifemom--it sounds like you are on the right track with your son. i wish you both the best and a speedy recovery. bandster--how are you feeling? how did the discussion with your doc go about the hysterectomy? unfortunately i had to move the date of mine back a month into october. conflicts at work, but oh well. i am really upset that i will be unfilled that long. i cant justify spending the money for a fill, the unfill and then another fill. that adds up! and fast! so i will just maintain until then. i have been doing better for the most part. i am worried still so i called my regular doctor and she filled an rx for phentermine (sp wrong i think, sorry). i am going to pick that up tonight. i think that will help me maintain until i can get filled again. my boys have started peewee football so we are on the go most nights with practice and games. plus we have 4-h stuff. its good though. keeps me from being home and mindlessly eating. last night i chased my little girl around the field and the playground while the boys had practice. now that was a workout. up and down and around the playground. holy cow, she worked me out! it was great and we both had fun. i think she was almost as worn out as i was. i am maintaining my weight. thats great for me. i was petrified i would start packing it back on! i know when i start feeling better i will be more motivated to really get into this again. hope everyone is doing good!

bandster- i am not nervous at all. not yet anyway. i just heard from the dr office yesterday that my insurance approved everything and its a go. so i am about 2 weeks away. it is such a relief for me, to get it all taken care of. i just want to feel better, ya know? no more bleeding heavily for weeks, no more cramps from hell, no more back pain...i cant wait! also cant wait because the sooner its done with the sooner i can get a fill and get back to losing this damn weight! i am still really stuggling with it. i have good days and bad days. i am just working on it, ya know? i will lose a pound or two and then gain it back, back and forth... i have decided that as long as i maintain at 175 and dont gain then i will be ok with that. my boys start football tonight. i think it will be good for me. keep my busy and active. i am going to take the stroller and walk with my daughter while they have practice. that way when we get home i can do dinner and homework and all that without feeling guilty about not exercising. i hope you are feeling ok bandster. wifemom- i worry about if my issues with weight will have an impact on my kids as they grow up too! i am sure your son has been under major pressure from the coaches and team members. wrestling is a hard sport. my husband was a wrestler and the things they do to make weight are crazy. it worries me for my boys! and i hope with all my might that my daughter will not struggle with what i did/have/still do my entire life. i want to have this all under control so that when she is old enough to understand all this i will be a healthy, thin, and with it mom so i can help her!

our wedding song was jimmy wayne's "you are". and we also played the adam sandler song from 50 first dates...but i cant think of the name it! anyone know that one i am thining of?

so i have been mia again! its been crazy busy at work. plus i have kind of been avoiding coming and checking in because i am highly ashamed and embarassed and just sick with myself. i am still empty and have to remain that way until after my hystorectomy. so that isnt for another 3 weeks! and then i dont know how long i will after to stay empty. not long i don think. they are just worried about how i react to the drugs and would rather i be empty in case of vomitting and stuff. sometimes i am sensitive to it and other times not so much. in total since my unfill i have gained 9 pounds. i had figured i would gain maybe about 4 or 5 due to the dehydration, well, being able to rehydrate i mean. i gained the rest of it and have now stayed at this weight. i have been making poor choices when it comes to diet. i have eaten the things that i have wanted to but havent indulged in since surgery. i thinkmy saving grace is that i have been incredibly more active then before! no more sitting or hanging out in the house. i am outside with the kids and the horses and just busy. and i love every minute of it. i know that if i make better food choices i would be losing. i am working on that, more so with my head issues then anything else. i think i could probably use some counseling, but that isnt gonna happen anytime soon. i have this most embarassing deal with myself... sunday we are taking the kids to a waterpark and then going out to dinner. i am allowing myself dinner that night and then i am back on the wagon...empty and all. we live in a small rural town and are going to the big city to the Water park so we are going to dinner while we are there. i hope this thread stays going!

good job with the slimfast! way to make a good choice! i skipped the coffee this morning and am starting today with a big glass of ice water with some lemon in it.

i have kinda thought about the wii fit. but i cant justify to my husband me spending that much on yet another workout gizmo when i have a ton already that dont get used like they should. summer time isnt so much my problem with being active, i am outside lots with the kids and the animals. its winter time (which is quickly approaching). its too cold and too much snow to be outside after work. not to mention its dark by the time i get home. i think it might be good for winter time when i cant be outside. i was thinking maybe i would try to find one on ebay or something? i dont have my calories or Protein to report for yesterday. dailyplate isnt working for some reason. but as soon as it is i will get everything in and report back. i know or sure my calories are gonna suck yet again. did some emotional and bored eating yesterday. i think the protein will be really good again though. not that that is a good thing when it comes with so many calories. i made this sandwich spread my grandma used to make with some left over roast beef. you basically just grind it up with some hardboiled eggs and some miracle whip and mustard. im going to try to put the recipe in on dailyplate and see what the calories and protein come up with. should be perty good i think. lots of protein in the eggs and roast. oh, and i add a little pickle relish. it ends up kinda like a tuna consistency. i eat it just plain like that but put it on rolls or bread for my kids. its yummy. if i would have stuck to just that i would have done great. but then i ate a few chips with it. and then later a cookie. and then later another cookie. yeah, basically pathetic on my part. weird part is when i weighed myself i had lost 2 lbs! what is up with that? i thought there was no way, so i weighed again today and had still lost that 2 lbs. could have prolly called it 2.5 or 3 but i am sticking with 2. i wonder if its the difference in calorie consumption? lower for a day or two, then a little more? now i just have to get back to the lower calorie part!

:sleep2::blushing:calories- 1579. freakin horrible. what else can i say?:Banane37: :moon::crying::blushing:exercise- none. repeat of above comments protein- 102 grams! holy crap. thats alot. but what can i expect when i ate that many calories? yeah so not having a great morning. feel guilty as hell about yesterday. was WAY over my calories for the day. i am trying to shake it off and just do better today.