want_so_bad

wow. wonder what their punishment is for talking? i need to implent this at my house, lol. just kidding. but really, no talking on the playground? isnt that what a playground is for? good luck with this. i am interested to see others responses.

well, it was a better few days, but not great. i am doing my best to not dwell and get stuck on this little lapse i am having. this too shall pass... mel50- i have not been to that site. i am going to check it out today. i have tried journaling my food on a couple other sites. i do good with it for a day or three, sometimes a couple weeks. then i putter off of it and dont. i am also thinking that part of my weakness lately is coming from being this close to goal. its almost like, hey-i've come this far, time to relax. but i know i shouldnt. and cant. i am not there yet. and didnt get this close and go through the many struggles and battles to give it all up. good thing i am posting all these thoughts. i can come back and reread my motivation later today when i am draggin butt. lol. failureisnt- i do think you are right, that i had a trigger to this. i believe it is a combo of what i said above and my husband leaving for work. he works 7 on, 7 off. only they have moved the rig 1000 miles away. the driving cuts into 3 of his days off. we had a really great days off. its like we reconnected or something. we did fun things together and with our kids. it was fantastic after months of stressing from him being laid off. there was a definite emotional pull to him leaving. but i know i cant slip back into those behaviors. yes, i had a slight backslide, but i will not let it defeat me!

as crazy as it sounds, i have actually considered putting this last 10 pounds back on...so that my arms would look better. but my husband pointed on that it more then likely would not go back to my arms. and then i would just be mad about having to lose the 10 pounds again. smart man, huh? and i was never REALLY serious about it, but the thought crossed my mind more then once as i jiggled in the mirror. arghhh....

hi. i have yet to have my tummy tuck but have been to several consultations. the second doctor i went to really impressed me the most. he did mentino that there is the potential for "dog-ears" if the incision didnt extend long enough. he did say that it was something he fixed and waived his fee. but there was still the fee of the anestheologists (sp??). i see you are in salt lake. do you mind me asking who you are going to? i consults w/ a doctor in odgen and one in park city. the second has an office in slc and park city. best of luck!

so i am going to post this to make myself accountable. i dont know what came over me today, but i have ate all day long. i have that ate myself sick feeling. god, i havent missed that! i grazed on crappy bad slider food. the only decent thing i ate today was a fresh juicy peach. the even weirder thing is that, even though i am mad at myself for doing it, i am not really freakin out about, thinking how i just ruined EVERY THING i have done... thats a new one for me. i am making a grocery list of good foods i need. not this slop i ate all day. and why did i eat it? every bite i took i thought about how i shouldnt. how it was not gonna help me or make me feel full. i dont even think half of the time i was eating i was hungry. actually i KNOW i wasnt. but just kept at it. ugh, i feel like i should/could just puke. but today is a day. just one day, and it wont defeat me. tomorrow will start a new day and i will be better. the venting feels good. thanks!

i too can feel the "pop" when the needle is inserted into the port correctly. there is some pressure, then the pop. my doctor also pulls out the Fluid that is there before he tries to add any. he has also mentioned that it almost pushes itself back into the syringe because its under pressure or something like that. i can see it fill the syringe without him pulling, well, at first, then to get the last bit he does. that said, i have to tell you what happened once. i had gone it for a fill. everything went as it normally did. got the needle in, pulled the fluid out. we chatted about if how much to try, drank the nasty barium for the fluoro. added fluid, i go home. well, i had less restriction from the get go. waited a few days as sometimes it has taken up to a week for the fill to really take. let 2 weeks go by and nothing. no restriction what so ever! so i go back to the doctor and tell him. he gets the needle in and goes to draw out the fluid. NO FLUID (well like .2). he says this isnt good. you may have a leak. i am a bawling mess right there on the table. i am self pay and went to Mexico and just could not afford to replace the band. he says only 2 times before had he ever NOT put the fluid back in. this didnt help me at all. i just layed there and cried. he decides to add the amt of fluid i SHOULD have had. and then we would see. either i would have restriction again, or it would leak out and i would know there was a problem. so, yeah. i have restriction. not a problem since then with losing fluid. in fact, i have not had another fill since then. and everything is working tip top shape. so mistakes happen. and they suck. but hopefully you are just not at enough of a fill to find your sweet spot. good luck!

i have the 4cc band as well. i have had the same experience as jachut. very little fills have a large impact. and i have never had more then 2.2 total in my band. i think it works just fine.

and now i am hating on my arms! which i hadnt been until last week sometime. let me just tell you why. so i was giving a gentleman directions on how to get around the shop behind where i work. i had on shirt that had those short fluttery type arms. i extended my arm to point and caught the most gawd aweful jiggle out of the corner of my eye. in horror i finished with the directions and headed straight to the bathroom. there i did the same thing again in the mirror. OMG! wth is this? i had some jiggle previously, but not like this! wth is going on? i am assuming that this jiggle is the biproduct of losing this last round of weight i have. but holy crap. the jiggle snuck up on me. i flex and still have the toned muscle, but the jiggle is way worse! so i have upped my weight lifting/toning. i am parnoid as all get out about them now. when i look in the mirror i see these huge fat arms again. when before this happened i LIKED my arms. i really hope i can remedy this with the toning. and also, maybe, maybe, just maybe, i will look in the mirror one day and it will be gone, just like it appeared. you know what i mean? maybe my messed up mind will morph these jiggle arms back into what i **thought** they were!

i have yet to try the cauliflower mashed idea....will have to do it when hubby is gone at work. just dont think i could slip that one by on him. for our shepard's pie also use tomato soup. i bet it would be good with this version too.

we do this for camping and at home too. we call them hobo dinners. we have tried several different things to change it up. its excellent if you add cream of mushroom or chicken Soup. my sister in law uses brown gravy. thanks for the post. we havent had these for a while now and they sound great!

jachut- i know what you mean about "technically beautiful" people. many times i will think someone is attractive until they open their mouth, lol. or actions, actions, or lack of actions for that matter, can make that gorgous person tank it in a heart beat. i think that being good looking and then being attractive to me are seperate things. and, omg, liam neeson is H-O-T! i think he is just yummy. very handsome man. i dont get the pretty boy thing either. not that i dont think brad pitt is easy on the eyes or anything, just not my cup of tea. cleo's mom- thank you for the article. it understand the concept, and try, but i keep coming back to these feelings as well. its a struggle. mimilou- i was just thinking the same thing this morning as i pinched and pulled on a few of the skin rolls....i think this looked better fat... not that i really did, i hated that, but all this skin....arghhh...lol i am still really freaking out about it. i think i am more obsessed then i was when i started with this whole journey. and that was scary, lol. i have now started wearing this girdle type thing. its like a panty that goes up to under my boobs. it has helped. i dont feel as sloppy and icky. i know i look "smoother", by husband even commented on how much it helps. which just convinced me even more how icky i look! i wish my head/thoughts didnt work like this, but they do. i will just be so happy when i get the tummy tuck. i love my arms, they are thin and getting toned, my legs are thin, my butt...well, i have never had a butt, so that doesnt bother me, lol. just get this nasty belly gone.

i agree completely w/ unforgettable (and those who made same point)! if i deny myself something inparticular, that is what i want the most, with the fiercest craving. but if i allow myself a little of whatever it is i am craving, ice cream, chocolate, chips, i am good. good, and happy, and content with a small portion. it has made things so much easier! i dont beat myself up for going overboard and eating a whole entire candy bar instead of a fun size, or whatever it may be. best thing i did for myself was that. good luck!

so just the other day i posted the thread "glimpse at my future body". all those feelings still stand. but i am also freakin out majorly about how icky i look right now. how icky i perceive myself to look now? maybe thats a better way to put it? i am thrilled with my weightloss. i knew from get go i would need a tummy tuck and some boobie work. i KNEW that. but omg, my stomach is so nasty right now. it is bothering me so bad. i cant stand to be naked. if i catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror after a shower it makes me sick. i stand there for a good 10 minutes pushing and pulling on stuff just hating it. when my husband and i are intimate, i have to keep on a tank top to cover my stomach. makes him mad, but i guess he is kinda getting to accept it because he isnt as pushy about it. my friends and family that know of my crazy body issues tell me over and over that i am much to critical of myself. that i look amazing and they are proud of me. its like, i know in my head i look better then i did before. but i dont KNOW that. does that make sense to anyone? i am not striving or even want to look like a toothpick or a model or some celebrity, i just dont wanna look like this, ya know? ugh, its so hard. its nice to come here and vent about it though. spring and tax return cant come fast enough. i am putting that money towards my tummy tuck!

perfect!! you can really borrow her when she is in her "i am 16 and know everything and the world revolves around me" mood. lol. na, she isnt THAT bad, but has those teenage girl moments for sure. i am pretty sure I was never like that, lol...

als74- i wish i had something great and inspiring to tell you to try. but i dont. i am in the same boat as you. i can not believe i have lost the weight i have and am unable to buy smaller pants! my pants all look funny because they are loose on my legs and butt, but i have to wear the same size because of my stomach! i hate it! i have come to the conclusion that my only "fix" will be to have a tummy tuck when i get to goal. sorry i couldnt help you, but at least you know you are not alone. and! if you find some great thing that works for you--please please, share it!

wow, fae, thanks. so i am just gonna keep on riding my happy train with this whole body thing. guess i should have elaborated more in my original post. i KNOW i am not gonna look just like her, silly! i have 2 kids, am almost 30...she is 16.... what i was meaning was more like i will be close to her general body shape and size. i look forward to and welcome the "long scar" i am going to get from the tt. i can not wait! that long scar will mean these skin and unrelenting fat rolls will be history! i will look like what i picture myself looking like, or perty dang close! i dont have some unrealistic goals either, just need some fixin' uppin'.

quick little background...i have lost 57lbs since being banded in 2007. i have 13lbs to my goal. i HATE HATE HATE my body. just as much now as i did when i started this journey. sometimes maybe more. anywho....i am so EXCITED!!! my 16 year old little sister has a ROCKIN body. she is so cute it hurts, you know the type. so anyways, last friday she told me about this diet she is on, god only knows why. and in this conversation she told me how much she weighs. omg, i only weigh 3, 3! 3! lbs more then her! i about fainted! i have always been envious of her body. she is athletic and has muscles and is just freakin cute as can be. this got me to thinkin...omg! when i finally get my tummy tuck...i am gonna look perty good ok. ya know? its been a total motivator for me to get my butt back into gear toning and working out. its kinda like the light at the end of the tunnell for me! i never never thought to compare what i might look like to her! and i can!

Your restriction level will change as you lose weight. As you lose the fat around your stomach your band will become looser. Hence the reason for fills over time. I would think that your tightness now is also coming from the swelling from surgery, not just the small fill they gave you. If you do decide to wait it out be sure to stay hydrated. Being dehydrated can also make your band tighter so you will really want to stay on top of that. I wonder why she tells you the unfill would be painful? That is weird! You can ask to have the area numbed, the only pain would be the sting from that. I wonder if she mean because they would be pushing on your stomach area to find the port and you might hurt from being sore from surgery?? Good luck.

nanook- i never meant to offend you with my question about pansexuality! i was really confused about it and wanted some clarification. i never intended it to be a "joke". i am sorry you took it at as such! bjean did a wonderful job of explaining it to me. and plain further voiced my same questions on the topic. glad to know i am not alone in my way of thinking on the topic. i just wanted you to know i was not in any way making a joke on wanting more info on it. sorry if i offended you as that was not the intent in any way!

i am sorry, but could someone attempt to explain the pansexual thing to me please? i read the definition but still cannot grasp the concept at all!

so ladies i need some help. i keep seeing all sorts of different commercials/infomercials for body shapers. and i really want to get one/a few. i need desperate help in the belly region! this sagging skin is absolutely nasty. clothes dont fit right. i feel gross. i think if i can find the right shaper i will feel so much better about my appearance. does anyone have one they just love? or know someone who has one? please please help me. i am getting really down about this. and i should be happy about the weight loss! thanks!

i start laughing every time i think about it! i think it hilarious! funny funny! but everyone has different taste, to each their own.

but would you love him unconditionally? would you be accepting of "his choice to live in sin" as you put it? would you walk down the street with him, hand in hand where all your church friends could see you touching the "sinner"? would you call him out on his "sin" multiple times a day, over and over and over? would you tell him how you were going to heaven and he was going to hell because he was a SINNER?? do you hug your nephew? do you tell him you love him? does it sound anything like this: i love you, you sinner! you are going to hell for being gay, you sinner. you homosexual sinner you." how can you be like that? i just dont understand where you are coming from patty. not at all.

it was once said that a black man would be president when pigs fly. 100 days into barack's presidency and swine flu.

thanks luluc for the reminder of the original intent of the thread...my opinion on that.... i think it took balls for her to stand up and say what she believed in when she HAD to know what would come of it. that was just a loaded question, either way. answer yes, its ok, the pattygreen's come down on you, answer no, its not, the perez hilton's attack. just a way to draw attention to the pageant itself. now to blame your loss of the crown on that, pathetic. another attempt at attention. just my humble little opinion of course, wrong as some are bound to see it.