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desertmom

Gastric Sleeve Patients

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Blog Entries posted by desertmom

  2. Nsv

    · desertmom · 10/24/2012 19:57

    just finished packing for our trip and my clothes only takes up about a third of the space the old big clothes use to take!Am just so excited to just get away for a few days and am not worried about the eating anymore.
     
    We joked about it today as I have a mild bout of gastritis again and with the meds and the pain eating causes,I know I will be fine eating very,very little.Very timely,one wouldnt usually say of something like this!
     
    We did another strange thing.Phoned the hotel and asked if we could bring our mini freezer (actually a camping fridge freezer...lol) as I have special dietary needs,I need sf popcicles so that I am not tempted to eat real ice cream...hehehe!It is a VERY special need indeed!
     
    Here in the Middle east you will often find people bringing boxes of snacks and food when they stay at the 5 star resorts.The staff never says anything,the local habits are just different.We've never done anything like this before but I feel myself a local this week (been here 11 years and should qualify by now..lol)
     
    See you all next week!
     
     

  3. Size And Body Image

    · desertmom · 10/19/2012 20:19

    My teeny tiny 4'11 friend have lost 32 pounds recently.She just got a huge promotion and today we decided to buy her a whole new wardrobe of dresses and shirts.
     
    Of course the old stuff had to be turfed.As she was emptying her closets she came to me and said that most of her stuff is size 14 but some is 16 and I must fit them on.Never thinking they could fit I reluctantly tried and boy what a surprize.
     
    Even her work suites fit me.And as I am more curvy they look gooood! An even bigger surprize is the fact that all the size 14 skirts fit as well.The tops are still to tight around the bust though.
     
    Tis is such a blessing because they have been nagging me to buy new clothes.But for a few bits and bops I havent wanted to buy new stuff yet.I want to wait until just before the christmas holiday when we go home and should be down even another size by then.
     
    The best of this is I have been buying her clothes for her for years as she is just too busy and she hated clothes shopping.I also have much better dress sense than her so she's got some really nice stuff.
     
    Now I have new stuff and she has new stuff.She looks like a million dollars in all her new outfits and my kids mouths were hanging open when I walked into the lounge with some of her clothes on.
     
    So I am shrinking,I just didnt realize it until today.
     
    O and as we were walking,we played the size game again.I have to show her women I think are the same size than me and she would tell me yes or no and then show me people that are rally the same size than me.I still find it hard to believe when I see the people she shows me.But it helps me get in touch with my size slowly but surely.

  4. Pictures

    · desertmom · 10/14/2012 07:24

    hi
     
    I a so technologically challenged that I rather buy a new laptop than admit it might be me that just cannot work the old one...lol
     
    this is me day of surgery
     

     
    and me about a week ago.
     

  5. Since the 13th I have lost another 3 pounds for which I am very happy.
     
    But today I had a fat day.Where I am not satisfied with my weight loss so far and I wished I could just enjoy anything I ate like I did before the sleeve.Silly really as I would allow myself "anything" if only I knew what that was.
     
    I dont find pleasure in food anymore.It is not fun to eat anymore.But then my little kid tells me that eating is not fun.It is nice to eat good food but it is not fun.Fun is stuff that you do,like swimming or dancing or playing a game...lol.And she is right.
     
    And maybe I feel like this because Im getting a cold again OR
     
    Or maybe it is because of this skinny woman at my kid's gymnastics who never speaks to me, that for some reason tonight, decided to loudly and in front of everybody say,O you've lost so much weight.I can even see it in your face now.Are you following a specific diet? To which I answered,yes very specific...lol
    Whereupon she said, o its very hard but its got to be done! In front of everybody!!!
     
    And goodness knows why that got to me so badly.of course everyone comments on the weight loss but this was just embarrassing for some reason.The be-atch in me wanted to say to her and maybe if you changed that horrid hairstyle of yours you would look so much better too.Its very hard,but its got to be done! But I didnt.and I have never been too sensitive about what others would say,goodness as a fatty Ive had to bite my tongue a few time in my life when people would make comments.So whats up with me now?
     
    Crazy thing is whereas I was just thinking about food today,I came home and actually had a packet of weight watchers crisps which I dont even like.So Ive been thinking of how I need to get over myself and toughen up a bit.I cannot let peoples comments get to me.Since we have this big family reunion in December (my housemate's family not mine) and boy are they a bunch of rattlesnakes (hehehe...she doesnt want to go if we dont go with her) of course they will make their snarky comments.I can bet top dollar that the extra skin on my arms will be mentioned a few times and my eating this little will be critized now,I have to not allow myself to eat "away" what I feel.Maybe,just maybe I should for once say these quick comebacks that come up in my head out loud.That might just shut people up.But I wont,because I am not like them.
     
    I suppose this is life and a good nite's sleep might just give me back my perspective.And tomorrow I might have a thinner day!

  6. 7 Months Today!

    · desertmom · 10/13/2012 19:20

    It has been 7 months today since I had my sleeve.My goodness how different has this been from having the band.
     
    The good.I weighed 195.8 today.Hehehe,couldnt say 196 could I?That is down 101.2 pounds since surgery.I am not a compulsive eater anymore.Neither am I a couch potato anymore.I play squash twice a week and exercise at least 3 other times per week.I am shrinking by the day and I am beginning to feel really good about this.I cannot eat away my emotions so I am slightly more moody but more in touch with myself as well.I am somewhat more serious now,dont always have to laugh or joke away my pain about my weight.I have been at this weight quite a few times before in my life so I am now excited to get thin for the first time in 22 years.
     
    My bloodwork came back perfect.All my vitamin problems seems to have been solved with the shots I have received and my platelets are now normal.
     
    The bad.Somehow I got a hernia on the right side where the dr's used the same spot for all 3 keyhole surgeries.It is painful to move and you must see me tape my stomach to play squash.I am also allergic to plaster so it is a vicious cycle at the moment as I cannot find compression garment that would help,plasters got to do the job for now.No one will do surgery until I am at my goal weight as it will be part of the body lift to fix this.
     
    Since surgery I have had petechiae on my torso, upper legs and back 4 times (tiny little point bleeds all over the place) I am full of bruises and I thought it was because my B12 was quite low since surgery.Had a full house of bloods done this week and my dr phoned me this morning saying everything is perfect,even the D is 40 now and the B12 is almost too high,stop the pills and no injections anymore.When I asked him what ia causing the spots and bruises then he just said I dont know.This is a concern to me as where i pulled the little tape they puton after drawing the blood there is a bid red bleed under the skin now,not where the needle was in,but from the pressure of the tape.My theory about the spots is that every time I had a B12 injection I got the spots.And since I started taking the pills it came out again.Dr says not possilbe but there is a direct relationship between the 2.Anyhow,will keep an eye on it.
     
    The extra skin is a nightmare but as I am single and not planning on being anything different,it is ok until I can get to goal and start scraping together the courage to go for plastics.My little one says my body is like a jelly spilling out of a cup..lol.
     
    My body image is still seriously warped but I "feel" and "see" myself with the scale now and that helps a lot.i still wear a size 18,sometimes 16 clothes which seems very big still but I look much smaller than that as I am tall.Would really like to go to smaller sizes though.
     
    Friendships have changed.It is super difficult to be with some of my very overweight friends now.They seem to be so uncomfortable around me.I do see why.We use to be fat together.We always talked and complained about it.We couldnt walk,run or do anything else and now all of this have changed for me.I am excited about life and really try to never make them feel bad about themselves.I do worry about them though as at our age the health issues are so many if you've been fat for so long.I dont say anything and try to never say anything about my surgery or weight loss.We dont eat cake together anymore but hey,I still do lunch.My best friend however have lost 28 pounds since I have had my surgery.She is only 4'11 and is still about 8 pounds from her goal weight but she looks fantastic.She wasnt going to stay chubby while I was losing weight and it has been a delight and pain in the butt as she lives on carbs even now.She still eats about 1800 cals every day and sometimes I find that hard.Jealous of what she can eat...lol.Not really!
     
    The ugly.I am severly constipated since surgery.This is a big problem but I hope that once I get to goal and can increase my complex carbs I can add a lot of fibre to my diet.I also have hemoroids that I am never ever going to go to the dr for.This is the biggest and most terrible thing that could have happened to me..lol.No really.I hate this and dont know what to do about it.People say that the surgery for this is excruciating.Not happening!
     
    The good.Did I say the good?Since the sleeve I have had to deal with the fact that I have been fat and extremely unhappy and on diet all of my adult life.It was an obsession like no other.It ruled every waking moment of my life.Honestly,I could never stop talking aout my weight,my diet,my failure,my excuse to not so stuff.I had zero self confidence in so many aspects of my life.This I have had to come to terms with now.I kissed out on a lot of things because I was too ashamed to do anything.My world (and Im an expat living in a foreign country) was always quite small and my life lived in anticipation of the day I would be thin,that was when I was going to start living see.
     
    The sadness I experienced when different things started being possilbe was unbelievable.The regret of so much time waisted made me so depressed for a few months.But I have thought about all this a lot and I chose to move on now.Time is ticking by and regrets doesnt add to your life it just steals more time from it.I now choose to feel good about each day.
     
    My attitude about food has changed.Tonight,after our weekend,we sat in the lounge after dinner and this use to be a big eating night in my life.I felt like a snack,not chips or chocolates...edamame beans...lol.My friend still thinks Im nuts as I really couldnt think of anything nicer to snack on.I go to the beach every day and we use to always eat on the beach,now I dont even think about it.
     
    This whole process is sometimes difficult for me because I really wanted to be skinny yesterday..lol.My impatience drives me up the walls some days but this seems to be a great lesson to me too.I am a little less self centered,even though every sentence here started with I...lol and a bit more compassionate to others.
     
    Weight loss surgery doesnt fix everything in life and I will surely always be somewhat OCD and messed up but I at least now look normal..lol.I dont really have the desire to just blend in with the crowd anymore as I realized unless I cut something off i will always be taller than most people I know.Other people's opinion of me doesnt really matter that much anymore and this is a great freedom in my life.I was a real peoples pleaser all my life and we know that you cant please all of the people all of the time, which made me very unhappy before.
     
    My mother and sister is on a super strict diet as they are so scared I am going to be thinner than them when they see me in December and that can just be good for them.
     
    So life is good.And I might freak out soon again if I have another stall,but thats life!
     
     
     
     

  7. Under 90Kg's

    · desertmom · 10/11/2012 08:18

    today I weighed under 90kg's for the first time in many years.For people that weigh in pounds 200 seems to be the big number to break through but in kilos being less than 90 is the ultimate YES!
     
    Interesting stat from my dr this morning.In 4 months I have lost 20kg's which translates into 44 pounds.It averages out to 11 pounds per month in the last 4 months.Which is not something that I could see for some reason.
     
    Of course my first thought was to celebrate with food.This is something I will have to really work on.I dont mean bad food,just more food.I've been eating really little lately and I do miss eating tasty meals.
     
    Because of the protein struggle (and to keep my cals below 800 when eating dense protein) I've been eating protein pancakes made with egg white and protein powder,too often.
     
    If I could cut the amount of milk I use per day it would be easier but I like my tea and coffee with milk and 4 cups (3 tea) translates into to much milk.
     
    Anyhoo,awaiting the blood results now but the dr isnt too worried about the petechiae as it is already clearing up a little.I did have a B12 and D injection again as well.And I have been wondering how do people get off their blood pressure meds.My blood pressure is now 120 over 80 which is normal but with the very strong meds I am taking.How does the dr decide to stop it?Do they just stop it or go on lower dosage or what?I forgot to ask.
     
    Still,it is not normal and only bloods would tell if it is something to worry about.The dr wasnt to sure about the blood work needed so I kind of told him a few I thought was important.Will read up on it a little and maybe have the rest done with my GP.
     
    Beach weather here in Dubai so this weekend,starting today will be spend working on the Vit D

  8. Finally,results!

    · desertmom · 10/06/2012 16:26

    today I weighed 198 pounds for the first time in many years.
     
    It seems I really did need an attitude change...lol
     
    The food is still mostly proteins.No obsessive behavior there...a few carbs makes no difference but boy do more exercise make a huge difference.
     
    We now run up to 6 km 3 nights a week.It is still 95 degrees some nights and it takes a lot of mental strenght to go out there.But I want to lose weight.
    Tuesdays and Saturdays we play roun robin squash for more than 2 hours.
    Sundays and Tuesdays I have reformer pilates class.On Monday,Wednesday and Friday we run.
     
    I also try to do some circuit training in the gym twice a week.Should step this up a Little to build more muscle but its a work in progress.
     
    I am very,very,very,very achy all over.My right leg (in front from the thigh right down to my lower leg) aches all the time and sleeping without pain killers is DIFFICULT.But I want to be thin.
     
    We went to a Ill Divo concert last night and this morning my friend told me that I looked very pretty last night.She says people looked at me.This really freaked me out as I am tall and my hearts desire has always been to just blend in with thw crowd.Now I feel even taller for some reason and I know one notices taller people just because we stand out.All this means I have to start dealing with my fear of man or my life might be a little difficult in future.
     
    I will post pics of before and after tomorrow if I switch on my mac.Ipad does not upload onto this website and I cannot figure out how to upload with my Iphone.
     
    So,I've now lost 99 pounds.To celebrate we are going for a run tonight.Also to see how far we can run without stopping so that we can start with a more structured running program
     
     
     
     

  9. Attitude Change!

    · desertmom · 10/02/2012 12:54

    Earlier I posted this post about being sick of the sleeve and desperate and doing the duodenal switch...blablabla...yada,yada,yada........
     
    Then I went back to the gym to play a game of squash.We played hard and fast and my goodness it felt soooo good.
     
    This all made me decide that I will lose more weight.Even if I have to learn to run a hundred km at a time.I will do whatever I can to lose the last 38 pounds.
     
    My friend is a personal trainer and I will start train with him next week.I need to start doing some serious muscle building.
     
    My goodness,why would I not lose weight if I really work hard?Why do I feel that its not fair that my weight loss have stopped?Who said life was fair?
     
    No more chip on my shoulder about this.Yes,I might have terrible days where the scale might affect my mind but I will think positively about losing weight and getting to goal.
     
    Tomorrow morning before we go out with friends I will do some exercise and in the afternoon I will either go and swim in the sea or I will go walk while it is still 97 degrees!(swim sounds like fun!)
  10. Since I have decided to take a week off I had a blast.Not overeating but just relaxing a little.
     
    Of course toda I relaxed too much and bamm,ate half a container of caramel popcorn in the movies....which of course brings my cals for the day to about 1700....ooops!
     
    Now if the theory of calories in calories out was scientifically correct then this should not be a problem at all.See we played in a squash tournament this morning with a bunch of young girls and boy did I burn a load of calories.According to my bodybugg I am far over 3000 cals for the day but to be on the modest side lets say it is 3000.
     
    Which means I still have a huge deficit for this day......but alas,as experience have taught me this will not matter tomorrow when I weigh.
     
    Ok,here is my prediction.I will be heavier at least 1to2 pounds heqvier tomorrow and this will not jus disappear again the next day.
     
    anyhoo,I will start fresh this week and see if I can drop at least a few pounds this week.It must be doable.This 4 pounds for the month thingy is not going to do it for me for much longer so desperate times call for desperate measures...will just have to figure out what that might be...lol

  11. Can The Sleeve Shrink?

    · desertmom · 09/25/2012 16:22

    O my goodness,my sleeve has shrunk!
     
    After 2 day on liquids an no real weight change I decided screw this,I need food...lol
     
    So today I had low fat cheddar (1oz) for lunch and then I had some edamame (eating them out of the pods) too many of them but hey,they chew down to nothing!
     
    For dinner I put 2 oz of chicken and 2 tablespoons of spinach on my plate.Now after 1oz of chicken and about half of the spinach I am stuffed.....not really satisfied but full.
     
    The question of the moment is,do I walk away from the rest or do I wait for a while and finish it?of course I know I should leave it.This is exactly why I lost weight so fast while on holiday.I would have a glass of wine and a teensy tiny bit of food and feel happy and satisfied.I didnt try to "make proteins" and worry so much about this.
     
    However,my hair fell out loads.Now,the new strategy will be 1 protein shake with 120 cals and 25g of protein.For the rest of it I am just not going to worry about it anymore.I will go back to teeny tiny portions of great quality protein and some veggies and some wine every now and then....I will have a good meal again.
     
    Anyhoo,my resolve will most prob just last until my obsessive compulsive nature takes over and start obsessing about the fact that I am not at goal yet!
     
    I average 2800 calories burn per day.I exercise,I eat right and my weight should stay right here then C'est la vie! I am doing everything I can to get to goal and it will happen!

  12. 5 Day Pouch Test!

    · desertmom · 09/23/2012 09:27

    I have started with the 5 day pouch test today.
     
    It is just so frustrating to me that my weight have stopped again where it have always stopped...just above 200 pounds.I am not cheating.I am exercising to the point of exhaustion.
     
    But I will get under 200 even if I ahve to not eat for the next 2 weeks!

  13. Note To Self

    · desertmom · 09/16/2012 19:34

    This is just to remind you why smoking ever again would be a stupid thing to do.
     
    You constantly want to snack now that you dont have the smoke to run to.Everything but proteins have carbs.So edamame is nice but the carbs .....,even the bullets have 2 carbs an if you eat 5 per day that adds another 10 carbs.The dreaded feeling that you have just self sabotaged like you always do is horrible isn it?Not knowing if you will lose more weight?Not seeing the bright side of life because 1.either your smoking like a thief with something to hide or 2.your withdrawing like a junkie once again....
     
    Having to go through the cravings and being so mad at yourself all the time is quite unhealthy dont you think?
     
    The way you feel at the moment sucks.Dont do it again.
     
     
    Ok,day 3 is over and I must admit.Without being able to eat the whole time,this was tough.
     
  14. My beautiful housemate and best friend of many years,that really knows the extent of my desturbed body image and the body dismorphia (real) I have had since the age of about 13 have taken it upon herself to teach me about size...lol
     
    Well,at first she was very subtle and I didnt know what she was doing.She would constantly ask me,when we were in the shops or gym,if I thought I was bigger than this lady or that woman.....she wouldnt comment much but sh wold tell me if I was wrong.
     
    Today she said she wanted to show me women that was the same size and women that was much larger.I was not to ague this with her but just had to look at these women and had to think about what this mean in terms of how I see myself.
     
    Very interesting I might say until I came home and looked at the newest pics my daughter took of me.I am still big as a house.Pictures dont lie!And maybe I dont need to see myself with my eyes but maybe I can just learn to ignore what I see that isnt true,that might help already!
     
    Rome wasnt built in a day and I will keep trying to be more realistic,even if it is with my head!
    Everytime I have lost weigh in the past I thought I would be able to see it and I never could.This made me extremely paranoid when people commented on my weight loss.This in turn woul make me fall off plan to stop being anxious and the old cycle would repeat.
     
    I do no have these expectations anymore.I can trust clothes size and as it stands now,I still wear a size 18 which is huge even though I know it is smaller than a 24.
     
    Everbody's got a story dont we?everyone trying to cope with all the crazyness in the world and so many not even realizing how much a part they are in it.And until real disaster strikes we dont realize how insignificant our daily struggles really are.
     
     
     
     

  15. Being A "pleaser"

    · desertmom · 09/09/2012 06:48

    lately I have being thinking about being such a pleaser.Not only a peoples pleaser but everything and everybody.Not a happy pleaser either for the past few years.
     
    When you st unrealistic standards you are doomed to fail.Not only that my fear of failure and success has become a serious stumbling block in my life.
     
    My friend ( very successful lady) always says she is a plodder.She just starts somewhere without contemplating the whole big picture and adjusts as things play out.Me on the other hand needs the see the outcome even before I have started and I have become stuck as everything has the potential not to be perfect.
     
    And when the scale moves down I can be positive about the long term outcome and when it doesnt I feel dread coming my way.
     
    It is also stopping me in other aspects of my life which really needs changing.If something can be accomplished fast in a short time I can see the big picture but most things in life just dont happen that fast.
     
    So this is my resolve.In order for me to do a different degree (I have one in nursing,got it 25 years ago,never needed math for that) I have to do IGCSE math and English.That is like year 10 math.I felt very resentful of this for years and would lose the plot completely because I just didnt want to do it as it would waste another year of my life.This year I am going to do it.Like a little 15 year old.But maybe starting somewhere again will teach me the patience I lack to just plod along and finally reach the end of something.And maybe this will help me along this weight loss journey that is a journey forever and not only for now.
     
    Weight 205 today!

  16. So Frustrated!

    · desertmom · 09/12/2012 04:52

    when we went on holiday in July I lost loads of weight.eating out all the time,no tracking,counting carbs no execise (ok,I didnt exercise at all until then)
     
    Now,back in our old routine,I have startes exercising loads.I burn about 3000 cals most days and about 2300 on the days I rest.
     
    My food on execise days are about 1000 cals (naturally more hungry days) but on non exercise days at 800.
     
    The lack of consistent losing is still driving me batty!
     
    My head is seriously done in by this.
     
    I have considered stopping the exercise again but boy am I flabby!On the one hand exercise is not going to help me reduce the skin at all but it might help for the additional blubber to even out.I am very lumpy on my legs.
     
    Sometimes I consider doing fluids only for a day or 2 but I hate protein shakes.And I drink way to much tea with milk when I dont eat.Besides that the moment I decide to do fluids I want to eat....lol
     
    I know I am super impatient about this as the average weight loss is still 1kg a week but I want to lose more.It is amazing to me that others can be so happy to just plod along.I try but fail to be happy with that.
     
    Mainly I am impatient as I feel stuck above 200.199 would have been fine to sit on for a while but boy I want to be out of the 200 so badly.
     
    It is an issue that I am thinking of eating so often.Maybe if that was different I wouldnt have minded losing slower but it just feels like a super strict diet that I am on.I am trying to get hold of some half and half so that I can stop worrying about the carbs in the milk.
     
    And maybe I should just add carbs to my diet now so that my body can adjust to that and lose weight while eating carbs again.It worked just fine for 5 months,why wouldnt it work now?
     
    Writing these things down helps me.I've looked back on this blog a few times and it changes my perspective sometimes to see that there is good times and bad.
     
    So,weight is still 205 and I will only post again when it is down some more.
     
    A positive post this next time as I have started using this as the place to whine!However,I have stopped talking about the weight loss and food issues with others and when I finish here,I feel better and can face the day with a more positive outlook.
     
    Having said all this,I am a crazy optimist that would expect a weight loss tomorrow just to often be disappointed again.Maybe the issue really is the fact that I am weighing every day.It is difficult to not get on the scale though.
     
    Ok,upwards and onwards!
  17. So I should shut up until I really quit!
     
    Thats all I have to say about that!...lol
     
    Now,I have realized that I obsess wayyyy to much about the scale and I can say it because today I am down a kg and my mood is completely different.
     
    Then,I have also realized that when I add a little more fat to my diet I eat a lot less.Not a lot,just a little more.I want less of everything.And to reset is actually possible.One day of super low carbs and just enough proteins (60g) and the next day the hunger is gone.
     
    Will try to remember this when I go nuts again.

  18. Real Regret!

    · desertmom · 09/06/2012 09:21

    It has been almost 3 weeks since I've last lost even an ounce!
     
    At the moment I am seriously depressed.I regret having started smoking after surgery again.I am so angry with myself about this.Stopping is not an issue.Stopping and not gaining weight is.Somehow this warped head of mine believe that the smoking had something to do with the weight loss.I am petrified of stopping and gaining.But I want to stop as I want to run more,cannot do that while coughing and wheezing!
     
    Also today I would have loved a real binge,I mean an all fall down eat till you're sick binge!I know it sounds horrible but stalling like is is messing with my head so badly.I have always believed that if you dont lose you are doing something wrong.I am still convinced of it.Dont know how to FEEL different about it.I am anxious,depressed,obesessive and generally feels like I AM A BIG FAT FAILURE AGAIN!
     
    And most of all,today I dont feel that the sleeve was the right option for me!If I did gastric bypass I might have been T goal already!I am too messed up as a person to handle the mind games of losing and stalling and losing and stalling,not knowing if its me,is this it,is this as good as its gonna get because no matter what I do I cant move the scale?I hate,hate being so out of control.I hate this sleeve!

  19. Stall,again!

    · desertmom · 08/30/2012 20:33

    ok so I have hit the mother of all stalls.And all the doubt and all the anxiety has returned.
     
    Am I eating to much?Am I eating to little?What should I eat?What am I doing wrong.I must be doing something wrong.
     
    I know,with the rational part of my brain,that I have TOM and the 2 pounds that I am up is normal for this time of the month.My housekeeper reminds me every morning when I storm down the stairs in a bad fat mood that this is the way its been since surgery and that I look thinner to her.She is so sweet.And such a LIAR..lol!
     
    It has been quite a while since the scale has moved and I dont know how to survive these stalls.My mood still depends way to much on the number on the ruddy scale.I must say I dont weigh near as much as before just because I just dont have any expectations anymore,which is not a good thing!
     
    I am just so scared every time I hit a stall that it will nwvwr end and this is as good as its going to get for me.
     
    But nothing I do changes this so I guess I will just have to sit it out.(this is punishment for always thinking that peolple who said they stalled were cheating with their food..lol)

  20. The Way We Lose

    · desertmom · 07/31/2012 06:41

    I read a lot of posts and I see that we all have the same issues at some time or another.
     
    Of course,every time I lose even one pound I am positive and when I dont I doubt.
     
    Today is a positive day.hehehe
     
    I am 217 today and I am happy!
     
    In this blog I process externally (I dont really know how to be an internal processor..lol) The ups and downs of this journey is very real and when I have down time I read about my up times and then I can breathe again and wait....the weight losses come when they do.I eat right and wait.
     
    Yesterday I started doing leg exercises...a little.And I can feel it.Today,I will do upper body and lower body.Cardio will have to wait until I am cold free again.
     
    xxo

  21. Pain!

    · desertmom · 08/04/2012 19:20

    For 4 years I had constant pain in my hip and upper leg.Since buying my tempur bed and 3 months post op,no more pain!I sleep so much better and well,no pain.
     
    Every time I exercise my "bones" ache so badly that I just want to quit.Execised again today and now the sides and front of my lower leg has this deep ache.I hate drinkng pain killers but for a while at least I suppose I will have to take 2 panadols to help me with the sleeping at night.Since I have started sleeping better for the first time in years,I am not prepaired to give it up,no way!
     
    But exercise I will.No more cop outs and excuses!None!

  22. O Sh&@!

    · desertmom · 08/02/2012 20:48

    i just read the scariest thread on OH.
     
    A lady,4 years and 8 months out and gaining rapidly.Feeling lost and having no idea how to get out of the mud.She is back to not really knowing how she will lose the weight again.
     
    This scares me senseless! What if what I think is mindful changes is just a matter of not being able to eat a lot?What if the WANT to outeat the sleeve starts in me too?How am I going to do this in the long term?I dont want to be on diet for the rest of my life.
     
    I can do what I am doing now for the rest of my life,IF ONLY IT WORKS!
     
    The problem does seem to be eating around the sleeve.Eating constantly,eating junk like crisps and a lot of carbs and sugar.But what if the changes I feel,like not depriving but not over indulging,keeping a good balance,saying no to myself to bad stuff most of the time,isnt real?
     
    What if I am not learning to eat like a normal skinny person?
     
    How do we know what will work for the FOREVER we need?
     
    I am really freaked out by this as I saw a therapist for a year.In that year she aimed to teach me what normal was.I lost 70 pounds in 6 months and then went on holiday to the family.My brother and me had an argument and he seriously hurt my feelings.It was 4 days before I was to come home.I GAVE MYSELF PERMISSION to eat emosionally just for those 4 days until I could get away from them and I LOST NORMAL in those 4 days.I never could get back on track and it took me about 3 months to regain all 70 pounds again.This was 2 years ago.
     
    What if this happens again.Of course I have the resolve to not let it.Maybe that is another reason to have all the plastics done.Arms,legs,tummy,boobs.If I gain a 100 pounds then I will surely explode and that will just be the end of that!
     
    Now I have to try and calm down to sleep!

  24. Yes!

    · desertmom · 07/13/2012 20:53

    225......I have stopped obsessing as it is a holiday after all.Also the hair must fall out,what can I do to stop it anyway? I am happy about the weight as we eat out a lot but I am being as smart as I can be with my choices.I have a bad cold and am drinking all kinds of meds (i never noticed before how much sugar the bronchodilator/cough mixture I take actually contains..4g per 5 ml and I take 15ml 3 times a day)
     
    Anyhoo,Im a happy camper tonight.
     
    xxo

  25. Holidays And Winter.

    · desertmom · 07/07/2012 06:38

    when I arrived 2 days ago in SA I weighed 227.My folks live in a retriement village and this year my mom cant walk a lot at all.She needs a knee replacement.This is a tough one.I can see since she's stopped exercising she has gained weight.The thing that I thought would help keep me on track is exercise.But we will do a lot of sitting down just being with them.lol
     
    Food is a nightmare.It is winter and I cannot figure out how not to constantly feel like something warm when it is cold.The food they eat is so different.Lots of carbs (my dad looks like a skeleton) The one thing I can do with them is take then to coffee shops and eating out.Salads seems like an alien thing in the cold.Soups are loaded with calories,low fat cappucino is unheard of ( we only have full fat milk madam!).I have eaten chicken 4 times in 2 days and well I will keep figuring this out.
     
    On the emosional eating side...mmm...well,my sweet cousin that is the same age than me (is like my sister) is in ICU after a fall with very bad brain oedema and brain heamorage.I am so sad as she seems to just have the worse of luck in the world.In 18 months she got breast cancer ( in limf) before she could have chemo she had a bloodclot in her lung,the found she has Protein S deficeincy,she has kidney failure,her mom died last month and now this.She had the old JIB bypass surgery and I am convinced that this has been the cause of most of her medical issues.She has been sick with fever of unknown origin for 4 years now.AND OF COURSE I WANT TO EAT.And I know this will not help anyone or anything but I have always been a comfort eater.Tried a few nachos with guacamole and sourcream last night when out and I felt dog tired afterwards.This is just so crazy as yes it is carbs but why the tiredness?
     
    Today we have a BBQ which should be fine as there's lots of meat.
     
    Lets see how it goes!
     

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