colleenb

My year and a half on the forum has helped me think through a lot of things. I have shared my struggles and the struggles of many fine people about how we are perceived and communicated with by friends and acquaintances who notice our weight loss.
The following are things that have bothered us:
Didn't say anything about it, said I "lost a ton", said not to lose too much or my face would look bad, said they liked me better before, quit hanging out with me, got jealous, said I took the easy way out, and now that I'm slim they: are interested in me, talk to me, hit on me,.... why not before?
The list goes on, we get offended by just about any reaction or no reaction. On top of it all, we are even suspicious of good reactions. We are bugged by how they said it, when they said it, who was around when they said it, and why we think they said it.
The fact is that when we are bothered by people we take most of the unpleasantness into ourselves. The botherers are ordinarily oblivious to our conflict.
The other annoying fact is that people say and do stupid things because people are stupid. They only know and care to know so much and ride along on superficial comfort levels.
I will share what I learned about fighting. Idiots will try to goad you into a fight by insulting you. Because they say something bad they think they can make you react by getting involved with them in physical or verbal violence. What they don't know is that I refuse to get involved with people I don't like. Further, I don't respect idiots and don't care what they say about me or that other people hear what they say. Other idiots will lose respect for me for not fighting, intelligent people will lose respect for the idiot. Fights many times end with a wrestling match on the ground, way too intimate for me. I reserve my wrestling matches for people I love and then violence is not the objective. My violence is reserved for actual physical self defense and the defense of loved ones.
What's that got to do with it? You are in charge of your reaction. You don't have to be bothered, you don't have to retaliate. Know who and what you are, don't be brought down and manipulated.
Teach them a lesson? I charge for my teaching, (guitar), and then I don't teach people I don't like or that I think can't learn. I let fools be fools unless they truly want to learn.
If you want to live with peace inside you need thick skin. You need to let things bounce off of you, don't take them in and stew over them where they damage you. Forgive people because they are people, remembering that you, too, are people. We are all stupid in our own way even as we are beautiful in our own way. People don't know what to say to a fat person or an ex-fat person that will absolutely and in any circumstance not offend them. Mother Teresa couldn't handle such a task. We need thick skin so folks can talk to us.
The best advice I ever heard is to throw away your book of revenge.
Love love, hate hate.
Peace, my friends.

I am exactly where you are! I reached goal today and am suddenly realizing that I spent my whole life either losing weight or gaining weight and now I'm kinda feeling lost and thinking I'm not sure what I do next.I guess its all part of the journey:)) Good luck to you and congratulations!!

recipes... I put the chicken Parm Casserole from Emily Bites on top of the Ricotta bake...and I used canned chickes so it is good for soft foods stage....FREAKIN AMAZING...mmm..mmm...mmmm

Congratulations!

Sleeved Nov. 12/12, start weight 330(Oct. 30), surgery weight 311(Nov. 12) current weight 203. feeling fantastic and healthy for the first time in years. Looking forward to being a healthy Grandma for my first grandbaby arriving in July. I found out about him the day after getting home from surgery and it seemed like a sign that I had made the right decision about my WLS. I don't think I could have enjoyed him as much as the new healthier me is going too:)

Yes I have two more. So far they are staying in place and not moving around. I am doing great right now. How are you doing? I hope everything is going well. I try and read everything you post so I can keep up with you.lol. Even though I dont post alot I do want you to know that you are my hero on here. You post exactly the same thoughts and feelings that I and many others have. I want to say thank you for giving me hope knowing there are people out here just like me.

I am over four months out and weight loss is slow and hard! It doesn't just fall off of most of us..
I just needed to get that out there (right John)
I have a secret....
I did not have to wait any amount of time to have my surgery (great insurance policy) in fact I have a bigger secret.. I had never heard of the sleeve until my first appointment in September my surgery was in November.. So I don't know if waiting longer for surgery is the only answer, except for the ones that say "f**k that! my insurance wants me to wait six months I'm going to Mexico because I want it NOW!NOW!NOW!" Oh and nothing wrong with Mexico.
As far as low bmi maybe for some... I really do think its has something to do with the quick fix McDonalds type mentality that we have here..
I mean lapband was shoved down our throats via advertising. And I see it happening with this now.
Commercials I went LA not to long ago BILLBOARDS!
It's not that easy it should not be a big business but it is now? I think... "Move em in move em out"
This is MAJOR SURGERY! Not "oh how fun would that be to be skinny"
This was/is my last hope. I was on high blood pressure meds and really in my heart of hearts knew it was only a matter of time before I had a heart attack.

I'm wondering if after having the surgery some people are realizing that it's not easy like they thought it would be. I will admit I use to think that if I could just have WLS I would magically get thin and my whole life would be different and better and I would never be fat again. LOL Well that ain't so! You still have to work at it, thin doesn't change everything in your life but your size and you certainly can gain weight again. It's just a thought.

I want to shout out that I can now paint my toenails without being a contortionist !

Hahahahaha I love it..... Congratulations to everyones success so far..... I want to shout out french fries you have no hold on me anymore.... HAHAHA I WIN!

I'm in ONE...DERLAND..............I thought I would never make it here......to some my journey here is short, but for me it's taken me 21yrs....since my baby boy........I saw the ONES briefly with my lapband but as many revision patience know it just comes right back.......I'm so happy right now!!!!!, thank you God!
What do you want to shout out loud?
Sent from my iPad using VST

I think my best NSV is NOT feeling heart palpitations and out of breath everyday like I'm going to die soon.

I was 330lbs when I flew to Mexico to have my surgery. The seats where very snug and I had to have a seatbelt extender but I did fit. I was terrified of flying (it actually made me cry!)but when I choose to have surgery I had to come to terms with it as I had 3 flights each way. I am not sure if it was doing 6 flights in 4 days or what but for some reason my fear of flying has gone. So much so that I have booked a holiday and leave for Ireland in 9 days. Best of all, this time I will fit the seat with no extension required! Best of luck with your surgery and don't worry about the flying, it's so worth it in the end!

I second the nomination for PDXMan. He's always got great advice for fitness and exercise questions and he's a straight shooter.
LilMissDiva (or Stronger Diva or Fitness Diva, I can't keep up! LOL) is another great choice. I know she's admin, but she's at goal and still going strong on exercise and supporting others, both here and in other forums.
There are tons of posters here who would be great as a spotlight. I'd love to see a member spotlight on many of the old-timers, if only so that new people could see their stories and journeys: Sleeve4Me, MassIndex, Tiffykins, MeginNoLa.... I could probably name 50 people off the top of my head for a variety of reasons.
Someone who had complications yet was successful with their sleeve would be great. I'd also love to see some of the exercise gurus highlighted. It would be great to have someone who had a really high BMI, yet managed to meet their goal.
It would also be great to see a spotlight of the admin team. For me, Alex is just a name. I know he's the founder of the forum, but I don't know his story. Has Alex been sleeved? How much did he lose? How long did it take? The same for a couple of other admin people. I know Susan's story because I haunted the site looking for it. Sorry Susan, you didn't know I stalked you, did you?
Perhaps Member Spotlight could become a forum of it's own once there have been a few done.

It's only because of me Laura is funny.... She steals my jokes and my men!

Laura also I don't think you should read anymore private messages that are sent to you! If the humor on this site didn't exist I would not frequent it. I come here because I know that I am going to get facts and some good laughs. You keep doing you girl!

Laura, you always brighten my day. I don't care if the topic is tacos or attention seeking whores. You crack me up.

Yes, for most of us it does get better. For myself it wasn't so much how I looked but it was how I felt. I feel incredibly healthy now. I can do things that I haven't been able to do in years. I am so happy with my choice to have WLS. I'm not saying that I don't have moments when I really miss being able to dive into a great big hunk of prime rib, but those are just moments that are far outweighed by my increased mobility and overall feeling of health. Hang in there, it should get better soon:)

Thanks everyone I appreciate the support more than you'll know. My wife noticed my bad mood and asked so I told her I felt like a recovering alcoholic babysitting friends at a bar supping a Water. She understood and cuddled so doing a bit better now. I ate about a teaspoon of creamy Peanut Butter and that seemed to stop the cravings

I waited 3 years to make up my mind if this surgery was for me; I did not go into it looking for a quick fix to my overweight life. I spoke with many people at support groups including the nurses who run these support groups and had WLS themselves so I knew this was not a quick fix like so many uninformed ignorant people I know who seem to have all the answers without the facts. This surgery takes a lot of bravery on our part for just having it done and hoping a praying that all turns out well in the end. I am 6 weeks post op and I still have my ups and downs and wonder if I did the right thing. I know in my heart of hearts like so many of you we do question ourselves after having this surgery but I can tell you I am at a point in life that if I want to have some kind of life and failed attempts at weight loss on my own that I needed to do something about myself. I have sleep apnea, borderline diabeitc, sore painful knees and ankles, shortness of breathe everytime I moved or even taking shower in the morning and feeling of isolation and depression. At 6 weeks post op I am still having trouble eating certain foods, sometimes I feel like I have no energy at all even with 67 grams of Protein a day but I can tell you that I am just starting to walk better so much so that I get on a treadmill 3 times a week. I can take a shower in the morning and I am not worn out and I can walk outside very slowly but this time I am not out of breathe like before. My blood pressure is getting better and I am no longer prediabetic. It is going to take me a full year to get my mojo back but I am welling to overlook and deal with some issues along the way to get to a healthier life style and weight. I would do this all over again!!!! A support group is really important to belong too and it is also really important to work closely with a nutritionist who works with WLS people. If you are really having some serious issues stay close to your doctor and work to get resolved. We can do this!!! Most of us have had the surgery and there is no looking back and beating yourself up just look to make it thru today and look to the future to better days and ask questions from those who have the right anwers or who can tell you who to talk with. Don't give up!!!!

And YES, I would absolutely do this again!! I know I'm in the happy 98%, and I feel very badly for the unhappy 2%, but I would take that chance again and again. I was well-informed, mentally and emotionally prepared, and I've been successful. But I was scared as heck. From the moment I subconsciously decided to go for it until I was about 9 - 10 months out. I still let fear creep in that even now, over a year out, something just might go wrong.
But ya know what? Even if it does go wrong, everything was already going wrong. I was getting unhealthier by the day. I was going to die. I'm still going to die. I'm just gonna die a whole lot happier and healthier.
And please, I am not making light of any WLS casualties, but those people were like me, getting more unhealthy and already dying from it. They took a chance on improving their lot, and it didn't pay off. And they may have gotten even more unhealthy, or died, like Phyllis, but she/they may have met the same fate anyway, just by a different mechanism.
Again, not making light of any of it, just saying it was worth taking the chance.

OK looking at this pro and con thing I can say this. My BMI was just over 41.5 when I decided to go for a VSG. I had no quality of life and hated myself. I felt I would not live much longer like that with my asthma so for me it was an easy decision. Staying fat and indeed getting fatter seemed to me like committing slow suicide and I felt I owed my family more than that.
Dealing with life without the fat shield has it's own mental problems and they need to be dealt with. Also the dynamics in a marriage can and usually will change. I was lucky, my marriage survived and ended up stronger.
As to the original question, if I had to I would do the op again.
Regarding the lady who died after her WLS, it's sad. But how many of us that have had the surgery and have shed weight would be dead now though if we had done nothing? And how many of us would have died prematurely if we had done nothing?
Jane

My very best NSV occurred late last week: to be asked to participate in a professional photoshoot and tell my story for my WLS Center website and other promotional material. It is exciting to be able to do this and to have an impact on many future WLS candidates!