gowalking

I'm a cat and dog lover. I've had both during different parts of my life. Hubby #2 was a cat lover and between us, we had four kitties. The worst part of the divorce was knowing I'd not see my furry babies on a daily basis. I knew I'd miss them alot more than him... The cat ladies are out there @Daveo. You just have to look a little harder I think. I suspect that it's true...cats are often very content by themselves so why not their owners?

Accountability is a big part of it. I also am accountable by being here and posting about the struggles of maintenance. I too am in a relationship and that impacts just based on eating out more...and yes...the wine. I do many of the same things you do. The trick I'm sure is not throwing the baby out with the bath Water. Gaining a few does not mean gain a ton. We can do this!!

Your title is misleading. I was going to tell you that you know what to do...but you beat me to the punch! Good luck on your journey back to mindful eating!

Wishing you and Dave nothing but the best. You are in my thoughts alot my friend so make sure to take good care of yourself. Liz

There are two threads currently running that are very similar in that they are touching on subjects of marriage and family support. I am not a therapist, and I only have my own experiences to draw on along with some understanding based on things I've read and heard. But I wanted to comment on these threads because I think it's important. I just don't want to have the OPs feel like they are being picked on or dog piled. There seems to be a familiar theme that runs through some of these posts and it has to do with being in relationships that are negative rather than positive. My take on this is that women who are not confident and happy with themselves often cannot connect with men who treat them in positive ways. Basically, if you do not feel worthy of love, you will not be with someone who will provide that to you. It explains the numbers in terms of how many marriages break up after surgery. If a person feels better about themselves, they will not be satisfied with being with a significant other who doesn't treat them well. Again...the weight is just a physical manifestation of the bad feelings, whatever they be. Now this is not true for everyone and I know I'm generalizing but it seems to hold true more often than not. I learned a very important lesson when I was married to my second husband. It was that I was better off alone than in a bad marriage. I thought I was lonely when I was single but nothing compares to feeling lonely when your husband is sleeping next to you. That is a horrible feeling and I know what it's like. I'm not advocating anything here...I'm just making an observation. We are good people who have issues. Our issues show up as excess weight but it could be anything else to excess. The difference is that if you drink too much, or do other things that are destructive, others can't see it as easily as they can see a fat person. Our issues happen to show up on the outside very easily but we are no different than anyone else who is struggling with self image, self worth, negativity, and what ever else makes us who we are. Please know that I am not judging, nor am I suggesting anything. I just wanted to say that I feel for anyone who is struggling because we all are struggling in one way or another. My life has turned around 180 degrees since I lost the weight but I also struggle on a regular basis to eat mindfully and to not sabotage all my hard work. I see a therapist because I understood that I had to work on my head along with my body. It's only through that weekly slog through my psyche that I am able to now have a healthy relationship with a man, and to not make some of the same mistakes I've made in the past. If I've learned anything at all, I've learned that I haven't mastered any of this yet...and likely will not ever be able to take any of this for granted. Wishing all of you well. 'Rant' over.

The things we do to avoid difficult situations including missing out on so much of life. We turn a blind eye which is why we have so many great NSVs as we get back into the world. I for one, will never let this happen to me again. I lost years by being in pain and immobile. I wish I could get those years back but I know I can't. All I can do is try to make up for lost time.

I think you have to be very specific in what you are and are not looking for. I wanted a man who was intelligent, well rounded, and with a good sense of humor. Those are not easy attributes. I'd find someone with one or even two but all three...nope. Then I found him and nearly tossed him away because I didn't have 'the hots' for him. Over time, I found him more and more what I was looking for and the attraction came about. No...he doesn't knock my socks off, but I had that and it doesn't last and isn't very healthy either. We enjoy intimacy and that's all that matters. As far as the other stuff...what can I say about a man who keeps me engaged and is good with seeing a play, or an opera, or Billy Joel? He likes museums and horseback riding. I have lots of interests and so does he. Later this month we go away together for the first time. I do hope that works as well. How wonderful it would be to have a travel partner. But like I said...I wasn't about to settle. If you can hold to your requirements, you may not get a lot of dates, but you stand a pretty good chance of finding one who can be a real companion rather than an albatross around your neck.

She's looking for attention. Ignore it when she says silly things...

I know it's not my place to try to tell you how to spend your money but alot of people do not see this surgery as life saving except that it is. If you have to give up something else...anything else....in order to be able to meet your minimum then I say do it. There are lots of people who pay the whole cost of the surgery much less the insurance minimum. If this surgery is for the quality of your life, it's worth every penny...YOU are worth every penny. So many of us do not feel we are worthy of anything good. The surgery is a good thing. Don't keep living the way you are. Get it done...even if it costs you because in the end...it will cost you more if you don't do it.

Even if you don't want to, pretend you are interested and start going to these groups. If you don't, he'll find someone who will enjoy them with him. Even better..you'll go and find that you actually do enjoy these social outings. That can help you both tremendously.

Wishing you all the best. Hopefully the surgery will empower you and give you the impetus to resolve many of your other challenges.

I'm not trying to be flip here...I was married a long time and understand how wonderful and difficult marriage is, but after reading these posts, I have to say that there's something to be said for being single.

That's an easy one. Beef stew with carrots and peas..and a few cubes of potato as well. Easy on the gravy but enough to make the meat moist. Yummy cold weather comfort food.

Honey, it's a journey and this is just part of it. Both the weight gain and having to deal with Mr. Wonderful. Try to get him out of your head. He's just taking up space there and doing you no favors. He obviously triggers alot of stuff for you so you have to minimize your interaction with him and minimize any damage he tries to inflict. Keep us in the loop...text if you need support and I know we'll try to be there if not physically, at least virtually.

I dated a guy who also had WLS. It made the eating part easier but my current beau is just a 'naormal' eater and we regularly share when we eat out because truth is, portions are way too big. It really depends on the guy. If he's one of the good ones, it won't matter.

I didn't always know when to stop. I weighed out my food. Still do at times. It worked wonders for me. I hardly ever use larger sized (regular sized) plates, containers, etc. Everything is smaller...and most importantly..I'm smaller. LOL.

Alot of us have body dysmorphia and I think you are aware that I've been seeing a therapist for quite some time for that very reason. I don't think we see how large we've become and I also don't think we see how thin we get either. One of the reasons we take so many pictures IMO. My sister thinks I've gotten photo happy but she doesn't realize I take pictures so I can see what others see. I've tried to explain it to her but it falls on deaf ears. And we often are told we are too thin. I also think it's that folks are not used to seeing us at a healthy weight. If I was you, I'd speak with your doctor about this and if he/she doesn't have any concerns, you shouldn't either.

Hi all. Just thought I'd check in. Feeling much better today. The incision site is just a bit sore today..not feeling like I was punched in the gut like the last couple of days. Julian stopping by to have lunch with me today before heading to Jersey to see his daughter and grandchildren. He'll be back here tomorrow night and I think we'll go to the movies on Sunday. Rainy and nasty predicted for the weekend but we've dodged a bullet as Joachin is heading out to sea rather than coming onshore. As Lisa can attest to, we were all impacted terribly by Sandy and hurricanes make us nervous in a way we never were before. My oldest boy drove up from South Carolina to PA today with his wife and daughter to see his brother for his birthday. David has no idea and I know he will be so happy to see him. Besides, Uncle Jeremy has not yet seen his nephew and I know how much David wanted to have his brother and son meet each other. Wish I could be there, but as long as they are together and have a good time, that's all that matters. It's good for the boys to be together. Their dad passed away 21 years ago yesterday and it's never been a good day or even a good time of the year no matter how much time has passed. This is why closure is such a bullsh*t term. It means nothing. I reminded them both that they are my late husband's legacy and the fact that they have become loving husbands and fathers shows how much he influenced them. Have a great weekend everyone. Enjoy whatever you do, eat mindfully, and do something that makes your heart happy. Liz

Congrats @VDB. I am still thrilled when I see how I fit in the world again and just how much easier everything is these days.

Hi Julie. I feel like I've been punched in the mid section. Hard. The port I think is basically in the same place, but sewn deeper into the muscle so it's not visible. I can't really tell yet because the whole area is swollen but the idea is that the port is now deeper in the abdominal muscle and changed out to a lower profile again to make it less noticeable. I'll let you know how it looks once the swelling goes down.

Just tell the doctor you're an overachiever. Laugh it off and get a fill. You'll be fine.

Congrats. Welcome to BariatricPal and good luck with your upcoming surgery.

Had my port revision yesterday. Glad it's over is all I can say. But here's my takeaway story for the day. So I'm wearing the horrible hospital gown with the sock thingies on as well and waiting with the BF for my surgeon to come in to see me. Already got alot of comments from the nursing staff about the weight loss and was OK with it knowing it would stop once I went home. So as you likely know, the surgical floor is kept fairly cold and while waiting for the surgeon, I tucked my legs up under myself to keep warm. The surgeon walks in and first thing she says after good morning is 'well...look who's all curled up in the chair there.' Figures she would spot that right away knowing that was an impossible position for me at one time. A NSV is a NSV no matter where it happens...

Good for you! Mine was yesterday and had a hard time last night and early this morning. Doing better this afternoon though. Same as you....the new port should be pretty deep. I had a couple of prescription meds but nothing since this morning. I'm working from home tomorrow and Friday but back to the office on Monday.

This happens alot with online dating. It's a numbers game. The more you connect with, the better your chances of finding a good one. But you will kiss an awful lot of frogs before you find the princess. It can feel like an endurance run so make sure you're not overinvesting in anyone right away.