I just need to get a few things off my chest. I don't have many friends to vent to and this has proven to be a supportive place

Rant one....begging for a compliment. From the day of my consultation to today, I've lost over 80 lbs. My parents, brother, grandparents are all super amazed and have told me how visible my weight loss is, especially in my face. But my husband has never said anything to the sort. I even flat out asked him if my weight loss was visible and all he will ever say is "it's hard to tell I see you every day" Come on man I've lost 80 lbs, you HAVE to be seeing a difference

Rant two...never admits his share of blame for anything. Usually if my husband needs some laundry done he will leave what he needs washed on the bed when he goes to work and I will wash it that day. He has a favorite Tshirt that he wanted to wear tomorrow, so tonight he asked me if I had washed it. I told him I didn't because it wasn't in the pile he left me. He insist it was and I told him that I had washed everything in the pile and if it was there then it would be hanging on the drying rack. It wasn't there and he started getting mad that I hadn't washed the shirt and more than that now he can't find the shirt. Eventually I found the shirt crumpled under some other clothes on his nightstand so obviously he never gave it to me. Instead of admitting that he never gave it to me all he said was "well I have no idea how it got there"

Rant three...going out without me. Two weeks after my surgery he mentions that he wants to go to a mexican restaurant that we love, I told him that after 4 weeks I can eat and that I could get a cup of Soup there, This morning he tells me that he went to that restaurant last night without me. His reasoning was "you can't eat anything anyway and I told you I wanted to go". i know it's silly to get mad over a restaurant but I told him more than once that I could go with him and have a cup of soup but of course he claims I never told him

sorry this was so long

1st. Congratulations on your weight loss.

2nd. Don't know what to say about your husbands insensitivity. He may be jealous. Not really sure.

Best of luck.

I don't think he's jealous. I think he's scared... He's watching is wife go through a huge transition and he's scared she won't need him anymore. He's picking fights instead of communicating. He's a man. He probably won't admit he's insecure so he's just going to act like nothing is going on. Talk to him, take one for the team (your marriage) and talk about your feelings first!

I'm pre op and my husband is such a bastard sometimes I'm not sure how things will go after surgery.

I can't even talk about how mad I am right now. It's the night before my birthday. You spend all day with your family (I'm not invited) then you're too tired to go out with me?????!!!!!

Then he fell asleep at 9:30 after he said he'd watch a movie with me.

This is just one of at least 10 things he's done JUST THIS WEEK and I let a lot of shit go because it's just not worth it anymore.

I'm tired of being mad and upset and feeling left out and second best. I'm tired of it. I'm going to start being happy without him.

I hope you find a way to make yourself happy.

I'm pre op and my husband is such a bastard sometimes I'm not sure how things will go after surgery.

I can't even talk about how mad I am right now. It's the night before my birthday. You spend all day with your family (I'm not invited) then you're too tired to go out with me?????!!!!!

Then he fell asleep at 9:30 after he said he'd watch a movie with me.

This is just one of at least 10 things he's done JUST THIS WEEK and I let a lot of **** go because it's just not worth it anymore.

I'm tired of being mad and upset and feeling left out and second best. I'm tired of it. I'm going to start being happy without him.

I hope you find a way to make yourself happy.

thanks and I hope you do too

This is something I kind of nervous about. My husband used to be obese, but through a severe exercise obsession he has gotten down to 'overweight' status. He is VERY supportive when it comes to the surgery based on knowing how hard I have tried to lose weight in the past (I gained 100 lbs since we started dating 6 years ago based on his love of fast/unhealthy food) so he sees the struggle.

Like I said, he LOVES exercise, but he doesn't push me to work out (I have been though), he will say "You don't have to go to the gym, you went yesterday". I want him to want to work out WITH me, but I know I am not on his level, and I can tell he thinks I will slow him down.

Even though he works out a lot, he is still a big junk food eater - chips, chocolate, donuts, fried food, lots of rice and bread. So even though he is supportive of me it doesn't really help when I am limiting my food intake and he is bringing home crap from work and putting it in my face

And to make it worse, he loves my Isopure drinks and Quest Protein bars and Vitamin chews haha - I don't get bothered by him eating/drinking my stuff though because I am hoping he will get into healthy eating to make my life easier (no more making two different dinner meals)

The way I see it, my decision to get surgery will cause him to change his lifestyle too. So hopefully it will be for the better for both of us. I love the support, but I want to be a team rather than a "you do your thing, I'll do mine".

Edited October 4, 201510 yr by Namaste6

Well I can't speak on anyone's marriage, it's not my place but what I will say is my ex never noticed when I lost weight either until I dropped 180 lbs, that being his ass.....trust me he noticed then.

I am fortunate that even with my 25 lb weight loss pre-op, at a very high BMI, I have been complimented by my husband on little things. (Obviously he isn't happy that most of it has come from my chest area =P)

I have been out of work for three months and the other day I put on the jeans I was wearing to work and they were huge on me. My husband was in the room and I was like hey look at this. He said in a very flat voice, good job. That was the ONLY comment he's ever made about my weight loss

When I attended the mandatory seminar, my surgeon said he had a female patient who blamed him for her divorce (which is absurd). He stated if your marriage/relationships with significant others is strong before the weight loss, it will only grow stronger. If it wasn't great before the weight loss, it is likely you will have problems. I agree.

@@Sophie74656

Is he on the heavy side too, if you don't mind me asking?

@@Sophie74656

Is he on the heavy side too, if you don't mind me asking?

yes he is also obese

I'm sorry to hear things are like they are.

Being a husband........I can speak from experience that I do some pretty boneheaded stuff at times.

Boneheaded by own admission, yet most likely worse from my wife's perspective. She must think I'm a moron at times.

I do feel that a lot of stuff in my marriage can be cleared up just by getting it out in the open. Discussing it.

I sure as hell don't have a crystal ball......I work long hours......usually in pain in numerous areas.......so I don't "see" a lot of stuff. Sleep-shower-work-shower-sleep.....

Things work out best for us when we stay in communication and I'm not expected see and know everything.

Long weekends and days off are different. We sort of fall into the same pace and relax.

I also think this bariatric stuff is a huge deal.....tremendous part of life that our spouses may not understand.

They may not realize how much you put into it. They may not acknowledge your efforts.

One thing for certain is the old adage, "Ignorance is bliss" is a bunch of hogwash.

As I husband, I benefit greatly from being kept in the loop on stuff.

The best times we have are a few minutes a day when we block out all else and just talk.

No mysteries and guesswork.

In sync.

When I attended the mandatory seminar, my surgeon said he had a female patient who blamed him for her divorce (which is absurd). He stated if your marriage/relationships with significant others is strong before the weight loss, it will only grow stronger. If it wasn't great before the weight loss, it is likely you will have problems. I agree.

In the seminar conducted by the first surgeon I consulted......he gave a scary statistic on post-op divorce rates.

Got my attention.

I am fortunate that even with my 25 lb weight loss pre-op, at a very high BMI, I have been complimented by my husband on little things. (Obviously he isn't happy that most of it has come from my chest area =P)

that's good that he is complimenting you

I personally think that our spouses/partners should be the first ones to compliment a loss. Even if it's not that much, even if they don't really see it. They are the ones that have whitness our struggle first hand and it would be awesome if they would acknowledge that the hard work was worth it

@@Sophie74656

Is he not interested in the surgery? Maybe it's a mix of both jealousy as well as nervousness/being scared that people mentioned before. I would assume, but I do not know him, that he has been very comfortable with the both of you being larger together, and he is scared of everything changing. There was a forum on here a few weeks ago where someone mentioned her husband had the fear that when she got thinner, that she would leave him for someone not obese. Maybe he needs reassurance too? Then he can let go of his own insecurities and just be supportive.