I just need to get a few things off my chest. I don't have many friends to vent to and this has proven to be a supportive place

Rant one....begging for a compliment. From the day of my consultation to today, I've lost over 80 lbs. My parents, brother, grandparents are all super amazed and have told me how visible my weight loss is, especially in my face. But my husband has never said anything to the sort. I even flat out asked him if my weight loss was visible and all he will ever say is "it's hard to tell I see you every day" Come on man I've lost 80 lbs, you HAVE to be seeing a difference

Rant two...never admits his share of blame for anything. Usually if my husband needs some laundry done he will leave what he needs washed on the bed when he goes to work and I will wash it that day. He has a favorite Tshirt that he wanted to wear tomorrow, so tonight he asked me if I had washed it. I told him I didn't because it wasn't in the pile he left me. He insist it was and I told him that I had washed everything in the pile and if it was there then it would be hanging on the drying rack. It wasn't there and he started getting mad that I hadn't washed the shirt and more than that now he can't find the shirt. Eventually I found the shirt crumpled under some other clothes on his nightstand so obviously he never gave it to me. Instead of admitting that he never gave it to me all he said was "well I have no idea how it got there"

Rant three...going out without me. Two weeks after my surgery he mentions that he wants to go to a mexican restaurant that we love, I told him that after 4 weeks I can eat and that I could get a cup of Soup there, This morning he tells me that he went to that restaurant last night without me. His reasoning was "you can't eat anything anyway and I told you I wanted to go". i know it's silly to get mad over a restaurant but I told him more than once that I could go with him and have a cup of soup but of course he claims I never told him

sorry this was so long

I just want to say I enjoyed the rant! No advise or other comments. ..just enjoyed reading it....okay. ....i also laughed out loud.

@@twinmomC Men can be so insensitive. He may also be stressed and in a fowl mood due to the finances. It doesn't give him a green card to be rude to you. I say if you want that job you go and get that job. He will surly get over it and if he doesn't he can find another job. You need to make you own money if it will make you feel more secure. When you are less dependent on someone else you are better off IMO. I wouldn't pay him to much mind. And get the damn beef sticks, put that stuff up and don't feel guilty about I'm sure you do plenty for that family. I'm a smarta** though so if my husband said something like that to me I would start eating them right there in the store.

now that I'm loosing weight I have more self confidence and I feel more outgoing so I have asked if I can join him. Every time I ask he just says something like you hate social situations, or, if you come you're just going to be miserable and will want to leave early and make me leave before I want to

no matter what I say I can't get it through to him that I am different now that I've lost weight and feel better

This is not a good sign. Do you see the pattern or lies here? When he wanted to go eat at the Mexican place he LEFT you and went alone because he didn't like the fact that would you just eat Soup. Now, that you're interested in going to his groups he tells you that "you'll be miserable". I'm sorry but it's 100% insensitive to tell a woman how she feels. How does he know that you're going to miserable? From a man, I will tell you that's code for "I DONT WANT YOU TO COME" and if he doesn't want you to come that's a SUPER red flag. You need to go to one of these meetings to see what he is up too. I hope he's not doing anything about of pocket. But, I smell a rat! Good luck!

@@twinmomC Men can be so insensitive. He may also be stressed and in a fowl mood due to the finances. It doesn't give him a green card to be rude to you. I say if you want that job you go and get that job. He will surly get over it and if he doesn't he can find another job. You need to make you own money if it will make you feel more secure. When you are less dependent on someone else you are better off IMO. I wouldn't pay him to much mind. And get the damn beef sticks, put that stuff up and don't feel guilty about I'm sure you do plenty for that family. I'm a smarta** though so if my husband said something like that too me I would start eating them right there in the store.

Yea... We go round and round. This is NOT a pleasant place to work and his job is very stressful (and dangerous) to say the least. I'm probably not going to get hired, but still it's worth trying. It would be in an entirely different area- more clerical in nature. GET A JOB- just not at my place of employment that actually pays well just doesn't sit well with me. I seriously think he looks for stuff to come home and be a big jerk about. If it isn't obvious in the first 10 minutes, he'll find something to bitch about. I am not innocent mind you, but really since surgery 3 weeks ago, i have really cooled my jets and am trying to be the best me I can be to the kids and him. His attitude about my surgery changes from day to day. One day he's supportive, the next he's being an ass!! Thanks for listening.

Ummhmm, what Jeffery said.

_{I think for most of us, relationships do change with the weight loss. My situation isn't as bad ad others, but I have noticed that my relationship with my significant other has changed since I had surgery. He was super supportive of me having the surgery, and even went to the pre-op classes and knew what I was going to be doing for the rest of my life, but somehow it didn't stick into his head after I had surgery.}

_{From the first day after surgery, he was already getting upset with me because I didn't want to share his drink, or even share his dinner with him ( he likes to share). He doesn't eat the healthiest, so most of the stuff he wants to share he cant have. Once I was able to eat solid foods again ( about 6 weeks) he is constantly arguing with me because I don't want to share what he is eating and he doesn't get it through his head that I cant eat that.}

_{So after all of that, our relationship has changed. I am not the same person I was 6 months ago, and I am almost certain that he is insecure and is scared that I am going to leave him. I have lost a significant amount of weight, dressing nicer and stepping up my game, getting noticed in public, and going to the gym a lot more than I did. At first I kept telling him that I am with him, however I am slowly noticing that I am drifting myself way from him. I am not doing it on purpose, but I am doing things to better myself and he is doing nothing to showing that he wants to do better, except for complain that I am doing too much. I am going out more with friends and being active because he doesn't want to.}

_{I finally had to tell myself, after being told by him that I am done losing weight, ( yea right! I still have more to go), that I am doing this for myself and he wants to go on this ride with me he can, and if not that is okay too. I kind of expected this to happen and if we stay together or not, I can say that I at least put an effort and am not upset if I lose him or not.}

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You should call your insurance company - I was under the impression that there is a mandatory coverage for up to 5 sessions per individual with a psychologist. I was told mine covered 10 visits. I think there was a co-pay of $25 per visit - you might only need 1. But my pre-op class mandated visits.

Individual counseling, though, can be very helpful in helping you decide what to do about a marriage to someone who does not support you. There are likely other things that have been ignored throughout the marriage that will be uncovered as you lose weight.>>

Insurance is mandated to cover psychologic counseling for things like depression, and to be sure you're OK for WLS, but not marriage counseling. I think the OP was saying she couldn't afford marriage counseling.

Edited October 9, 201510 yr by drmeow

This is not a good sign. Do you see the pattern or lies here? When he wanted to go eat at the Mexican place he LEFT you and went alone because he didn't like the fact that would you just eat Soup. Now, that you're interested in going to his groups he tells you that "you'll be miserable". I'm sorry but it's 100% insensitive to tell a woman how she feels. How does he know that you're going to miserable? From a man, I will tell you that's code for "I DONT WANT YOU TO COME" and if he doesn't want you to come that's a SUPER red flag. You need to go to one of these meetings to see what he is up too. I hope he's not doing anything about of pocket. But, I smell a rat! Good luck!

now that I'm loosing weight I have more self confidence and I feel more outgoing so I have asked if I can join him. Every time I ask he just says something like you hate social situations, or, if you come you're just going to be miserable and will want to leave early and make me leave before I want to

no matter what I say I can't get it through to him that I am different now that I've lost weight and feel better

he went to the restaurant with a friend of his. When I asked why he went without me his typical answer is "you can't eat anything anyway" and I've told him about a million times that I can eat small portions or a cup of soup or something like that.

Wow, I can relate to everyone. My first husband never complimented me when I lost weight, but when I put it back on he sure noticed. My now husband is my biggest enabler. I've told and asked him to help hold me accountable. What does he do, if I want pizza he says "ok" and orders it. I just smh and tell him "I can't eat that or you know I can't have that" men! Lol.

So after a long talk I think things might be looking up.

He invited me to join him and his friends for dinner the other day and when he mentioned another event coming up asked me if I wanted to join him.

He also mentioned that he wants to see a psychologist. not for marriage counseling but for his own issues which I think would be a very good idea for him. I hope that will help him and therefore help US

YAY! That's great news.

I found my hubby and I doing a bit of drifting as I lost weight and he actually started gaining. I figured it was depressing to see me do so well when he wasn't losing at all. Plus that whole go-to-the-gym thing when he never wants to go with me. He was seeming all depressed and forlorn about it, until last month when he got defensive about not wanting to work on his health; I said, "You will do that in your own time. You didn't harass me or judge me or give up on our marriage for the last 30 years because I was so overweight, I'm not about to do that to you! I love you and am with you."

If we didn't have a good marriage to start with though, that conversation would have gone MUCH differently! He's been a great supporter, cheerleader, proud-hubby, and never ever tried to push food on me or act like surgery was 'cheating' or anything. And while the compliments are fewer now (I'm not actively losing right now) he does say so when I look nice.

I truly hope your guy's behavior means a turnaround for him, and that you two have some fun going out together!

My husband is a rock star and even though he really needs the surgery more than I do but won't get it he's super supportive of me getting it. He's been helping me buy my protein powder and go to my appointment and making sure we don't eat crap food any more