gowalking

Plenty of us are in therapy, myself included. The extra weight is often just a symptom of deeper issues. It's just that we can't hide it like other types of issues. It takes longer for people to realize someone has an alcohol or drug problem. For us, it's out there for all to see.

I'm here JWM, How can I help?

Agree completely. I had WLS in January of 2013. Didn't even think about or want to date. WLS was for health reasons and quality of life. Only much later did I think about it. I went online to a couple of daing sites in April of 2014 and met my current beau a year later. Oh...and I was also in therapy that whole time. Without it, I'd likely not be with him as I had a tendency to go after the unatainable guys. I've been working on both the inside and outside for quite a while now. This did not come easy, or naturally. It was, and still is, alot of hard work.

No one I dated ever noticed how little I ate. I think they just assumed because I'm small, that I have a small appetite. As far as disclosing my WLS, only if/when I felt it mattered. Meaning usually by a third or fourth date, there would be some mention of being heavier at one time. It never was part of a first date discussion. Never. I'm in an exclusive relationship currently and my excess skin and port that sticks out means nothing to him. He loves being with me and that's all that matters to him. I'm even starting to feel less self-conscious even when walking around the apartment in my birthday suit. Not completely there yet, but working on it.

Oh yes. I'm wearing stylish clothing instead of drab and ill fitting clothing. I wear dresses to work all the time now. I look good in dresses again...and not like someone's fat little grandmother. I wear heels again! No more ugly flats...I can wear adorable shoes now and have bought tons of them. I wear makeup again...I got a new haircut...and I have so much fashion jewelry that I needed to get another jewelry box for all of it. I never leave the house now without makeup and at least earrings. Huuuge change from when I was obese.

Better yet...can you substitute veggies for chips? carrot slices, cuke or zucchini rounds? Try to think outside of the box for the healthiest options. Just check with your doctor first...you're only a month post-op.

This is very much a physical and emotional journey. I for one, have been in therapy a year after being banded and down around 100 lbs. I did not recognize myself in the mirror nor did I know how to process all the changes i was going through. I understand all the questions you noted in your post. It's very hard to imagine such a different life than the one you are currently living. My life is as different now as could possibly be and I would not have been able to cope without professional help. I'm not saying we all should be in therapy but I am honest in telling others that I would not be as successful or as happy as I am without it. I'm sure you will determine at some point what you need and will do what is needed for you to have that happy life you want. Good luck and here's to your success.

Don't lose any sleep over it. They are just making sure you don't have bulimia or some other issue like that. I don't even think they deny someone who has unrealistic expectations regarding the surgery. Lord knows, I've seen plenty of people on this site who think the weight is going to magically fall off.

I used to be a hairy beast. Lord...plucking, shaving, bleaching..ugh. I think between the drop in estrogen, the weight loss, and who knows what else...things are much better. I still go to get waxed every other week, but I don't do anything in between and it's not terribly noticible...certainly not like it was when I was younger.

If I hear one more time that people can't be addicted to food, I'll scream. If the above story does not make folks understand that this is as powerful an addiction as any other drug, I don't know what will convince them. While my story is not as harrowing as yours, I too put myself in very difficult circumstances due to the excess weight I carried. I watched a program last night about a morbidly obese woman in Miami on the TLC channel and she was so frustrating because she did not seem to take her situation seriously and was looking at WLS as an easy fix. She was told over and over that she was risking her health and unfortunately she did die shortly after having WLS. It was a frustrating and heartbreaking hour I spent watching this train wreck. Usually they have an epiphany and start to make positive changes..but not this woman. And then she paid the ultimate price by dying. I suspect many of us have had those moments...where we knew this was a life or death situation.

Oh I think guys in sundresses is hot.

I smiled at your park pictures as well Debbie. I'm also sorry about the situation with mom. All we can do is the best we can for them... JWM...loved what you wrote. I too am beyond grateful for changing the trajectory of my life. Everything good that has happened to me since being banded is all due to the weight loss. That's where it all started. Depending on the weather this weekend, Julian and I are either going boating in Flushing Meadows Park or maybe we'll check out the Queens Museum..also in Flushing Meadows. They have a panorama of NYC that is phenomenal...but you have to be able to stand in order to view it all and look at it up close. I can do that now. ...and I can get in and out of a rowboat again. I no longer live in fear of not being able to negotiate something due to limited mobility and pain. Feels like I used to be in prison but have since been set free. Really.

Actually, that was one of the things I liked about him..that he's active. We've walked alot..and he was the one I biked in Central Park with. We're going to Flushing Meadow Park this weekend and taking out one of the boats onto the lake. That's an upper body workout for sure and I plan to do some of the rowing myself. I expect we'll do quite a bit of different activities...which I agree, will help.

Good morning friends. As many of you know, I gained a few pounds recently and redid my tracker to reflect it. I said I'd lose those few pounds once I was home from London and back to a 'regular' schedule. Well...still not on that regular schedule. I made the decision while away, that I would go into an exclusive relationship with one of the two men I had been dating. Since I've made this decision, we are together more often and naturally, we are eating out. I haven't really cooked since I got banded...I have high end markets where I pick up my Protein...fish and chicken mostly along with vegetables and yes...I will bake small potatoes or cook up some Pasta or rice to complete my meals. The meats are grilled or poached...not fried. I managed to lose 150 lbs. this way and I've no intention of changing it up. The issue though is all these dinners out. He knows all about the band and my weight loss journey and it's a non issue for him. In fact, he's proud of me for taking my challenges in hand and turning my life around. He's a thinner man, but at 60, definitely has a bit of a pot belly. So we always share meals and what we do eat at the restaurant is usually chosen with alot of care in terms of healthier alternatives. Thank goodness we live in a big city and are not forced to eat at chain restaurants. I also showed him the Myfitnesspal app and he's embracing it with gusto. So, having said all that, I still see that getting under 115 lbs. again is becoming quite a challenge for me. I've been back from London for about a month now and am still hovering in that 117-119 range. I'm also not using the gym as much as I was. Again..I'm spending time with the man rather than working out. Fortunately, he has his gym in his apartment building and mine is around the corner. I still go...but not three times a week anymore. If I get there twice a week, I'm doing good. I know that if I can stay vigilant at this time, while the romance is going hot and heavy, I can work on getting back to my pre-Julian habits as we hopefully get into a routine which includes more meals at home and more workout time. Just shows that life can trip you up even when it's for something good, and not just when things are bad and we're stressed. We don't always fall off the wagon because life is hard... Anything can get us off track so it's really important to stay focused no matter what. Have a great day everyone.

Hi Ronnie. Welcome. I was just like you 2 1/2 years ago. Scared to death of the surgery and how my life would change without having food to look forward to. Thing is....I only looked forward to the food because I couldn't do anything else. My hips were so bad that each step was torture. I was so heavy that I couldn't fit anywhere and spent so much of my time on the sidelines. Fast forward to today and I've lost 150 lbs. My hips were replaced and I can walk with virtually no pain. I can go up and down stairs again and with living in NYC, walking is vital. I went to London a few weeks ago and walked all over the city and even biked in the parks. I've got my life back again...better than it's been in years. I'm even in a relationship again..and I never expected that for sure. Like I said Ronnie...I've been where you are so take what I say and know that you will get your quality of life back and see your surgery as a second chance. Good luck and keep us posted.

Dr. Ren did my surgery as well and I've been thrilled with the outcome. She is a very lovely woman and I have a great relationship with her.

Stephanie..I had both hips replaced and the pool was a life saver for me. Check with your doctor about when you can go in the water and find a gym or a Y with a pool. I both swim laps and do water exercise classes. It's great for resistance but easy on the joints due to the buoyancy.

How are things across the pond Maddie? I think I just might have to make another trip over to your neck of the woods again. Maybe I'll explore other parts of the UK. Have always wanted to see the Yorkshire area and Scotland.

I basically follow a Weight Watchers type of diet. Portion control and consume daily 3-4 oz. Protein, 1/2 cup vegs and 1/4 cup carbs for lunch and dinner. Stuck to 3 oz only while losing...now go to 4 oz protein at times as part of my maintenance phase. Eating that way and feeling satiety with my band helped me to lose 150 lbs.

I too have taken this journey in my later 50s and after 150 lbs. lost, I can tell you that it is a learning experience. Stick with less expensive options while you are losing. This way, when you no longer fit it an outfit, it won't feel like a waste of money when you put it aside and if it's not a good look for you, again..the cost won't be such an issue. I bought things plenty of times that once home, I said to myself, 'what was I thinking??'. These days however, I get lots of compliments on my clothing. It's a learning curve but you will over time, get to know what works for you and what doesn't. The best part....is that shopping is now fun for me. I love it now and was only three years ago, I dreaded it.

Hi Stephanie. We'll be your support group. Welcome back and feel free to use us to help you get back on track.

One of my favorites is hummus with raw veggies. I dip the carrot or pepper sticks into the hummus and it's yummy. Lot's of Protein as it's base is chickpeas. Try it!

Oh honey...I'm so sorry he hurt you. I won't give you any kind or rah rah speech. Feel bad...cry..but don't lose focus on your health and weight goal. It will be so awesome as the weight drops and you look and feel better. Focus on that, OK. Hugs...

My story....I dated my guy for three months before being intimate with him. It gave us the time to get to know each other enough where I could be fairly certain that my skin would not be an issue. I showed him before pictures so he understood how heavy I used to be. I also date in my age range and that means he has body image issues as well. He has a bit of a pot belly and wants to get rid of it. He's not a big eater and he does exercise...it's just that he's 60 and age is the issue. By the time we moved the relationship to the next level, he was very 'into' me and what I look like naked is all about his head, and not his eyes. He tells me over and over when we are together that my body is beautiful and I know he means it. He doesn't see, or doesn't care about the saggy boobs, saggy belly, saggy legs. I have to tell the OP that she shouldn't worry so much..because age appropriate men do not expect a model's body. Far from it in fact. He makes me feel beautiful and desired so plastics is the last thing on my mind. If you do plastics, do it for you...and not for a man.

For me...it's an obese sibling. I'm very close to my sister and we were the fat girls for a long time. Now I'm not fat and she still is. I don't care what she looks like but I worry about her health as does my brother. He got into running a few years ago and is in the best shape of his life. I am much healthier now...even my children no longer worry about me as they once did. But my sister is not on the same page as me...and I don't know if she will ever be. We always planned to retire and live near each other in Florida and now I'm not so sure she will grow old with me. I love her dearly but know that I cannot come on strong about this. She will succeed only if she makes the decision herself to lose the weight...but I hope she does. When we walked the Brooklyn Bridge a couple of weeks ago, we had to stop about 1/3 of the way because sis and I were walking and talking and I forgot how hard it is to do that when you can't catch your breath. I had to wait for her to rest. The fact that I didn't need to, and she did, did not make me feel good at all. It only served to make me more concerned about her health. I don't know what, if anything, I can do...so I love her and hope that she takes control of her situation and we become two skinny minnies together.