Good vs. Bad

[gowalking 10,790]

All these threads about the scale, and what we are eating and I'm seeing the words 'good' and 'bad' throughout them. I'm as guilty as anyone else about this but I want to put it out there that eating is not bad. Weighing is not bad. WE are not bad. We might make poor decisions about our food, or we might see weight gain on the scale, but it's not good or bad. It just is.

Why is what we weigh and what we eat seen as good or bad. Why do we see ourselves as worthy or unworthy based on our physical appearance. Why am I worthy of the attentions of a man now that I'm thin and didn't feel worthy when I was heavy? Why did I punish myself by wearing horrible clothing and not caring how I looked? I know for me it was like putting lipstick on a pig...but why did I think of myself as a pig? Or a slob? Or a loser? Or lazy?

Everytime I think I may not need more therapy, I know I need lots more therapy. I hate how much I despised myself before and I'm scared of how much people admire what I've done in the last two and a half years. I am constantly looking to others to determine my own worth because I still cannot do it on my own.

I am moving forward in very unfamiliar territory. I have no fat to hide behind. I can't blame failure on my size anymore. I can't blame rejection on my size, I have to own my life and not look to anything negative to avoid what I do.

We have to stop with the good/bad thing. If I eat pizza, it's not good or bad. it just is and doesn't make me good or bad. I want to enjoy food without fearing it. I want to enjoy my life without fearing it. I want to be physically and mentally healthy. I'm working on it, but it's still ahead of me.

[jeanniereenie 177]

very well spoken!

[goodnuff 239]

Ditto. I've worked on it for years and realize that it will be a lifetime of work, but I know I'm worth that effort which is a far better place than my mind was just a few years ago. It's not a destination, it's a journey.

[sparksrn 65]

I totally understand what your saying and I wonder if I'll ever get there. I'm 18 days post op and I'm afraid to eat anything for fear it will make me sick, it will get stuck, it will give me dumping syndrome, I will gain weight. food, all food, has become the enemy!

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

As I re-evaluate MY life under the circumstances my husband and I are enduring at this time, I have come to the conclusion that HEY! I'M OK! I really AM! It's ok for me to be a little heavier than I intended for goal, ok to be angry, ok to be sad, ok to want, ok to NEED, ok to say how I feel, ok to say NO, ok to say YES, ok to be old (tomorrow it's 54 for me!), ok to wear shorter shorts, ok to have loose skin, ok to have remains of cellulite, ok NOT to exercise if I'm exhausted, ok to eat this or that (I had surgery to control my portion size!), ok with the scale, ok with the measurements, ok with the sizes I wear, ok if they don't get smaller........

What I'm NOT ok with is....giving up. I have had so many people tell me how strong I am in regards to dealing with my husband's cancer, what they don't always realize is I am still dealing with my own issues regarding my weight, and my surgery. I, too, am getting used to all of this, along with every other major issue in my life. Most days I don't feel strong at all. But God gives us the equipment to deal with the day's events. It's just sometimes I don't know how to use the equipment! But I am learning, and isn't that what life is about? To use what we have learned in life to help us through the challenges of TODAY?

GoWalking, I have great respect for you and your journey, and the fact that you share it with us. You are inadvertently helping others by sharing your challenges AND your successes. That, in and of itself, is a MAJOR success! Look back on your life, see what you have been through that will help you see yourself through your current issues. You will find much help in your experiences. You may have to look deep, or not, but they are THERE! Bless you, my dear....

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Happy Birthday, @@CanyonBaby!

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

@@Inner Surfer Girl

Thank You!

[pink dahlia 2,513]

To Canyonbaby, Happy Birthday to you !!! And sending you lots of strength, hugs and good karma too !!!! Sparksrn, you said " food, all food is the enemy " , how about changing that to " food, all food is fuel !" ? Food is your fuel for a strong, healthy body . Now , go try some healthy foods, slowly and see what happens ! ! Like most of us, you'll find out what you can and can't tolerate. But ohhhh the rewards when your body starts loosing the excess weight are soooooo worth it ! And Gowalking ? What can I say that hasn't already been said ?? Well, I'll say it again, YOU'RE AMAZING , AWESOME AND EVERYTHING ELSE !!!!

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

All these threads about the scale, and what we are eating and I'm seeing the words 'good' and 'bad' throughout them. I'm as guilty as anyone else about this but I want to put it out there that eating is not bad. Weighing is not bad. WE are not bad. We might make poor decisions about our food, or we might see weight gain on the scale, but it's not good or bad. It just is.

Why is what we weigh and what we eat seen as good or bad. Why do we see ourselves as worthy or unworthy based on our physical appearance. Why am I worthy of the attentions of a man now that I'm thin and didn't feel worthy when I was heavy? Why did I punish myself by wearing horrible clothing and not caring how I looked? I know for me it was like putting lipstick on a pig...but why did I think of myself as a pig? Or a slob? Or a loser? Or lazy?

Everytime I think I may not need more therapy, I know I need lots more therapy. I hate how much I despised myself before and I'm scared of how much people admire what I've done in the last two and a half years. I am constantly looking to others to determine my own worth because I still cannot do it on my own.

I am moving forward in very unfamiliar territory. I have no fat to hide behind. I can't blame failure on my size anymore. I can't blame rejection on my size, I have to own my life and not look to anything negative to avoid what I do.

We have to stop with the good/bad thing. If I eat pizza, it's not good or bad. it just is and doesn't make me good or bad. I want to enjoy food without fearing it. I want to enjoy my life without fearing it. I want to be physically and mentally healthy. I'm working on it, but it's still ahead of me.

right on lizzie

no food is good or bad....

just like no WLS is better than the other

i do not read threads where people are on their scales every 5 min

and spazzing over .23 oz gained and how (bad) they see themselves

unless one can use the scale as a guide and not a (device)

i know for a fact that clothes getting too big are a true sign of weight loss

in other words, inches lost mean true weight loss

people must learn to realize what makes one overweight..eating too many calories and not burning them off..i had my WLS of choice to help me not eat so much...up to me to choose what to eat...sometimes its good and sometimes its not so good...

i am like you..living/enjoying life

healthier and able to walk...

to me, that is what is good

[Bandista 7,466]

Go Walking, you are right on -- many of us have been so restrictive and black and white in our approaches to life. I was always either on a diet or off a diet and constantly beating myself up. Weight loss surgery, for me, was really about choosing myself first. Deserving to be healthy and happy. The old thinking still pops up and I have to rewrite the dialogue. I am worthy of all good things.

@@CanyonBaby happy birthday! That was a lovely message to yourself and to all of us. I will be 54 this year as well and so grateful for a new set of skills to replace my old coping mechanism of escaping with food. My husband had a very difficult time a few years back -- multiple surgeries, one hospital stay was two and a half weeks and I was so strong but also so scared. Be sure to take good care of yourself during this time. Sending very best wishes your way!

[Jessica Ellison-Correa 66]

this past week and a half has taught me that food is not friend or enemy it is fuel some fills me up better than others and some just arnt worth the guilt after eating them like tacos i love tacos but after the 6 pounds of Water retetention i saw on the scale today from all the carbs yesterday im gonna go back to my nuts plan and eat lean prtein no carbs and try to up my steps for the day i really want this

[lauraellen80 854]

The more I read these boards, the more I realize that the "all-or-nothing," "black-or-white," "perfection-or-failure" thinking that has plagued me my entire life is much more common than I thought and is especially so among those who struggle with obesity. I guess I've always subconsciously bought into the BS idea that fat=lazy, and so I felt that I had even failed at being a perfectionist!

Something I continue to worry about is keeping myself balanced in this new life. When I was a teen, I constantly beat myself up over the fact that I failed at being anorexic... in my mind, that was the goal. What could be more perfect than achieving total control over your eating? (BTW, I was a ballet dancer in a pre-professional company in the era before Misty Copeland and her badass muscles, so this was tacitly encouraged) Yes, now I understand that anorexia is the complete opposite of having control--instead you're being controlled by a disease. But I already see myself getting freaked out when my macros are a few grams off for the day (even though my PA and NUT have said not to get too hung up on keeping track of the numbers), and I struggle with comparing myself unfavorably to others on these boards who never touch anything made with flour ever again (if that's the yardstick of success, I'm already a failure).

Yeah... I'm going to be in therapy for awhile!

Edited August 21, 2015 by lauraellen80

[jane13 2,256]

@@lauraellen80 - the last line, "Yeah...I'm going to be in therapy for awhile" ~

It made me think to myself, "slide over Lauraellen80". There is a WHOLE bunch of us who feel that way. So I guess the losers bench isn't the only seat here. There's the therapy "couch" :/

[gowalking 10,790]

Plenty of us are in therapy, myself included. The extra weight is often just a symptom of deeper issues. It's just that we can't hide it like other types of issues. It takes longer for people to realize someone has an alcohol or drug problem. For us, it's out there for all to see.