Molly1978

Don't beat your self up for talking to your friends about your troubles. That's what friends are for, right? The holidays are sooooo hard. I'm going to try and have a step by step plan for the 24th and 25th. I'm frustrated to about this time of year. I feel like I'm gonna gain it all back! Just keep focusing on surgery. It's the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Try to take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one moment at a time. One person can only do so much, for yourself and others.

Ok, so I'm getting closer to the end of my second week and I'm still having trouble eating only 1/4 cup of cream of rice/pudding/yogurt @ night. It's getting ridiculous! I've always been used to eating kinda all night (sugar-free popsicles since I started the program) until I went to bed. So, My head hunger is REALLY going at night. My mom wanted to know if it was like I had lost a friend. I told her a firm no because that was the truth. It's just this horrible need to eat too many carbs and get this satisfaction in my head. My family is eating steak, mac and cheese, green beans, bread (BTW they are super skinny NOT fair) and I get a 1/4 cup of mush. I'm totally pouting at this point. I'm also having diarhea, like a lot. So, I feel like I could become dehydrated. And, now I sleep all the time. It sucks.

At this moment, I am so happy. Happy to be loosing weight so fast! For the first time in my life! Ok, I know it wont be this easy always but, I'm gonna take this happy and run with it! If I loose 3 more lbs by Monday, I'll have lost 10lbs. this week! And I think I might actually loose a few more lbs. if I keep going the way I'm going. Its fun to get on the scale now. ha ha ha What I want now is one of those fit bit thingys and the new scale that goes with it (the aria I think its called?) I think that weight loss centers should offer them at a discount to their patients. For achieving goals or something, or just 10% off. I have a feeling that I wont get one for my birthday so, I'll have to buy it for myself. Boo hoo, where's that violin noise coming from? I pooped today for the first time in 6 days. It was almost the worst poop I've ever had. I was sweaty and had to lie down afterwards. Baby Jesus it was painful. Obviously I've been constipated. After my horrific 20 minutes on the pot, I layed down for 10 minutes, got up and drove for the first time in 5 days. It really wore me out. No driving after fighting with the poopy again for a while. Hopefully there will be no constipation like that again. I don't wanna be holding on to the sink and towel rack again praying for a miracle while sweat is dripping from my forehead. Blech. I briefly talked to my cousins wife on facebook today. I told her I had gastric bypass. She said, "Ohh noo!" and "So Sad!" I'm thinking to myself, sad? Seriously? Ummm, I'm huge and trying to loose weight is sad? What a psycho! That makes me so mad! But, I calmly said (typed) "Don't be sad, I'm not. I really like everything thats happened so far." Sad? Why would some people automatically say sad? Don't you understand lady that I've been miserable and basically SAD for a really really long time??? This is the opposite of sad idiot! Jealousy? She thinks I'm not going to get enough nutrients or something? That's by far the weirdest reaction Ive gotten so far.

I'm so sorry that those people at the office were cold and unfriendly. Maybe they're just unhappy in their jobs? Everyone at my office has been spectacular, although I work for the same company and have the same insurance. I did have a bad experience in the hospital over night though. (The same hospital I work at and know all of these people). I was in soooooo much pain the night of surgery. I think it mostly was just gas but DANG, I thought it was excruciating. My friend who had gotten the sleeve said she wasn't in much pain at all. She just threwup a lot. (I had the Roux en Y) So, I just didn't even think of the whole pain issue, which I admit was stupid on my part. Anyhoo, I pressed the nurse call light all night long and the CNA would answer right away and I'd say, "I'm so sorry but I am in so much pain. Can I have some pain medication?" She'd say, "Ok, I'll check with your nurse." And I wouldn't hear back for 1/2 an hour. Finally she would come in and give me some Fentanyl (which doesn't last long anyways) and I'd say that I was sorry for pressing the call light so much and I know she must be busy. She wouldn't say a thing and would walk out. THEN, I even cried in front of her because I was in so much pain. I'm not somebody who does that sort of thing. Anyhoo, I just got the impression that she thought I was faking. But, she never told me when I can have pain meds (like the schedule) atleast as far as I can remember and she would never come in and say, "If you walk, your pain might get better." I thought she was a total bitch to me. And I kinda always liked Joan. Not so much anymore. ha ha ha. Atleast the pain was much better in the morning.

Thanks MommaJan! I would love to see myself shrinking instead of blowing up like a balloon for once. ha ha. Its been 3 days after my surgery and I already lost 5lbs. I'm sooooo excited to loose as much weight as I possibly can in these first 6 months.

Thanks Sassy! I'm determined to make it through also. I had my Roux en Y on the 10th, about 3 days ago and I'm already doing a few dishes and folding a few clothes. Although the one thing that caught me off guard right after surgery was all of the pain. Mostly gas pain because they fill you up with so much carbon dioxide so they can see what they're doing in your abdomen. But, now I feel much more normal and have lost 5lbs already! ha ha. Seeing my boyfriend eat isn't fun but, I just look away and think of how I will loose 100lbs soon! Best of luck to you also!

That's very awesome that you can step outside of yourself to say, :"wow, I'm jealous", and then to take action to change the way you're thinking and to change your life. Good job!

Tha'ts very close to what some people have said to me. Thanks for posting!

Strangely enough, I'm not as freaked right now as I was 10 minutes ago. Oh wait, here it comes......yep, self-doubt and that horrible feeling in my stomach is back. Ok breathe. In and out, in and out. This is what you've wanted for so long, remember? Just calm down! It's gonna be fine. Molly, you work at the hospital where you have surgery, you've explored all the ins and outs of the surgery, you know what to do and you'll do it. You're super educated about this whole process so, why the freak? Ah yes, that nagging feeling that they're gonna weigh you on the day of surgery and say, "you gained 5 lbs and now you can't have surgery." They probably COULD do that if they wanted to BUT, in my situation I don't think they would. And, I may have gained 5 lbs. I just haven't gotten on the scale in the last 2 weeks since I met my 5% weight loss requirement for surgery. Gulp. My friend who had the sleeve done said that they did weigh her right before surgery in the pre-op area and she had gained 3 lbs but, no one said anything about it. So.....that gives me hope. I mean seriously, what do they expect? I want to stuff my face at every waking moment now. It's terrible, way worse than trying to loose weight. I'm not gonna get to eat most of the junk I'm eating now....well, for a really long time! Ok, I guess that's the point. I had a LARGE piece of red velvet cake at work yesterday. It was so fabulous. I'm really never going to forget it. Or the horrific diarhea after I ate it that looked surprizingly red in the toilet. YUCK!!! TMI!!! I dreamt about Top Ramen last night. I woke up thinking, WTF? I never dream about food!!! Never!!! Am I gonna dream about food now? Oh brother, I sure hope not. I dreamt that I was parked next to another car with 2-3 people in it. When I got out of my car I noticed that they had a large bag of Top Ramen on the shelf that you can see via the back window. I asked them if I could have it. WTF!!!!! LOL In the end, I think it turned out to be cookies and something else instead of Top Ramen. So, I said, "Oh, nevermind, thanks anyways" and I had to leave the bag of whatever with them. Hopefully this is a good sign. Wow, this whole blogging thing is super therapeutic. I'm gonna have to do it more often. Off to work for my last day until October. That is IF they still let me have surgery. lol

Wow, Thank you all for answering my questions! I'll probably read them over and over as my surgery date gets closer. lol

Hello all and good morning from Oregon! I have enjoyed reading many other posts and I thought it was time for me to post a long one of my own. My surgery date is September 10th in Corvallis, Oregon. Dr. Yarborough will be doing my surgery Rou-en-Y. I started my journey at 256lbs (5'5") and now I'm 240lbs. My program required me to loose 5% of my body weight via a normal diet. This was sooooo difficult for me! A normal diet? Huh? No shakes, bars, pills, or injections? They said, "You're in the real world, we want you to start eating like a real person, in the real world" It was more difficult than I thought it would be but, I finally was able to loose my 12.7lbs to qualify for surgery. The weight doesn't come off like it used to! I had to see the nutritionist about 5 or 6 times, the psychiatrist 2 times (more appointments after surgery also), go to support group, get labs done, get an overnight oximetry done, and probably other things that I can't remember at the moment. Now I'm finally about a week away and I think, "Is this what I really want?" and then I shake my head and say to myself, "ofcourse it is!" My questions to the people reading this would be, after surgery were you in a lot of pain? Did they weigh you in the pre-op area before surgery? What were you most surprised about after your surgery? What happened to you that you didn't expect after surgery?

I'm so sorry Mami. It will get better eventually.