CdnExpat

The connection between strong negative emotions and the compulsion to action is usually our downfall. (So it is with food, drugs, alcohol... any addiction)
Some suggestions for alternative actions? (Some worked for me, some didn't. I tried them all until I found what gave me the ability to think through the emotion to a constructive rather than destructive action)
Get a glass of ice cubes. Crunch them in your mouth.
Compel yourself to a physical action (walk around the block, go up and down the stairs four or five times, play Wii, Xbox, etc. Something you can do right now to wear off the adrenalin of the emotional hijack)
Speak up - even just a little. Give yourself a voice. Stuffing what you think about the circumstances results in an emotional void needing to be filled.
Call someone you trust and set the timer to vent for five minutes, then talk through what action you need to take to be positive.
Journal - stream of consciousness - no self-censoring. Fill three pages with the thoughts in your mind. It won't be pretty, it won't be nice English, but it will get those destructive, habitual thoughts out of your head and into tangible form. After three pages, put the journal away and make a date with yourself to read it later. Later, when you do read it, make some concrete decisions about how you want to think about (______________) behaviour. (i.e., your brother's) Even if you can't talk to him, you can write him a short note taking personal responsibility for your response to his words/actions. Something like, "I was very (emotion) when you (action) and I need/choose/ask you to stop/change. If you don't, I will need to limit our contact for my sake. I choose not to be a part of that kind of encounter again." Or something similar. You may not be able to say it to your brother, but you can use the opportunity to practice self-advocacy.
Lastly, use positive self-talk. When you're not in an emotional crisis, learn some things you can tell yourself when you are. "I am not compelled to action because I am feeling (emotion)." And other phrases that you learn when not under stress. Using them does make a difference. I promise.
Keep at it. All this stuff is so much easier to say than to do. But you already know that. Sometimes, just having extra tools/ideas can make all the difference in the world, one stressful situation at a time.
CE

Feeling more "normal" helps with the rest of the stuff we have to cope with. Go for more hugs... they really work. ;D
I've just added flax seed back into my morning diet. I've missed it. I used to 'pop' it in the microwave and eat it instead of popcorn. I haven't done that yet, but next movie night at home I'm going to try it.
CE

The connection between strong negative emotions and the compulsion to action is usually our downfall. (So it is with food, drugs, alcohol... any addiction)
Some suggestions for alternative actions? (Some worked for me, some didn't. I tried them all until I found what gave me the ability to think through the emotion to a constructive rather than destructive action)
Get a glass of ice cubes. Crunch them in your mouth.
Compel yourself to a physical action (walk around the block, go up and down the stairs four or five times, play Wii, Xbox, etc. Something you can do right now to wear off the adrenalin of the emotional hijack)
Speak up - even just a little. Give yourself a voice. Stuffing what you think about the circumstances results in an emotional void needing to be filled.
Call someone you trust and set the timer to vent for five minutes, then talk through what action you need to take to be positive.
Journal - stream of consciousness - no self-censoring. Fill three pages with the thoughts in your mind. It won't be pretty, it won't be nice English, but it will get those destructive, habitual thoughts out of your head and into tangible form. After three pages, put the journal away and make a date with yourself to read it later. Later, when you do read it, make some concrete decisions about how you want to think about (______________) behaviour. (i.e., your brother's) Even if you can't talk to him, you can write him a short note taking personal responsibility for your response to his words/actions. Something like, "I was very (emotion) when you (action) and I need/choose/ask you to stop/change. If you don't, I will need to limit our contact for my sake. I choose not to be a part of that kind of encounter again." Or something similar. You may not be able to say it to your brother, but you can use the opportunity to practice self-advocacy.
Lastly, use positive self-talk. When you're not in an emotional crisis, learn some things you can tell yourself when you are. "I am not compelled to action because I am feeling (emotion)." And other phrases that you learn when not under stress. Using them does make a difference. I promise.
Keep at it. All this stuff is so much easier to say than to do. But you already know that. Sometimes, just having extra tools/ideas can make all the difference in the world, one stressful situation at a time.
CE

Two things come to mind as I read, J. Fabulous. We have an almost infinite capacity for self-deception, and an equal or greater capacity to change. Thank God.
The second thing is that your weight loss (in so far as your personal journey is concerned) IS private but the observable evidence of the changes you are making can't be hidden. In no universe I know of is an apology required. And all that "gushing?" People are happy for you, stunned at the changes you've made, and trying to express that. Obviously, they cared enough about you in the past to be happy for you in the present.
Just say, "Thank you." Bask in the happiness for a bit, and then get on with your life. Compliments and criticism are like perfume and s**t - both smell and you don't eat either one.
Congratulations on your weight loss, your journey to better health, and the whole new future you have. You so rock.
CE

"Me, first" is different than 'selfish.' Congratulations on deciding to take care of yourself, and in following through. It isn't easy to change.
I struggled for a long time with a sense of failure that I couldn't "do this on my own." Eventually, having worked with eating disordered patients, I realized that I'd have to develop an anorexic thought pattern to actually lose the weight I gained after MS. No, thanks. I want healthy thinking... not to exchange one problem for another.
So I did the sleeve, and now I'm working on remembering that it is not selfishness to put my needs first when it comes to health. I've changed my schedule at work, I'm doing some different things at home, and I'm maintaining an attitude of thankfulness that losing the weight has been mostly a 'painless' thing, in that I'm not constantly thinking, "I can't have that," or "I can't eat that" and feeling deprived and frustrated. In fact, it's the other way. I look at the food I'm supposed to eat for the day and think, "How will I ever finish this?!"
Good for you. This is me *clapping & cheering* from the Front-Row-Fans section.
CE

I gotta agree with Lissa, you are a great writer =) I definitely enjoyed reading this entry.

You are an amazing writer!!! I'm sorry I can't find a better superlative, but you have a wonderful way with words. I just relived your childhood while reading. If you aren't already a blogger, or planning to write a book, you should plan to do both!

Actually, it seems that congratulations are in order. You asked a friend to help, he said 'Yes,' but his behaviour raised red flags so you asked someone else for what you needed. Great self-advocacy, actually. And putting it down to cynicism or pessimism actually dismisses the people skills you have developed. You rock.
It's not about only relying on yourself... that's not always healthy either. It's about recognizing the discrepancy between what someone says and their actions... you always go with the actions. Instead of guilting your (former?) friend into keeping his word (what fun that would have been!) or having a pity party and deciding you're going to "do it myself!" you reached out to someone else. I'm sorry your friend wasn't as reliable as you wish, but you solved the problem in advance. Ta da!
For the nerves, do a little strategic catastrophizing, and then contingency planning. Think about the absolute worst case outcome for the PAT, and then decide what you'll do about it if that outcome happens. Make real plans. "If the PAT finds that I'm not in my right mind and can't competently make this decision, what will I do?" Make a list. Then go on to the next worst case scenario. Do that until you've covered all the possibilities. Then put the list in a safe place and willfully, mindfully, refuse to think about outcomes. You've got it covered. And keep yourself busy. These will be the longest three days of your entire life if you're doing nothing.
Hang in there! You're almost there.
CE

Actually, it seems that congratulations are in order. You asked a friend to help, he said 'Yes,' but his behaviour raised red flags so you asked someone else for what you needed. Great self-advocacy, actually. And putting it down to cynicism or pessimism actually dismisses the people skills you have developed. You rock.
It's not about only relying on yourself... that's not always healthy either. It's about recognizing the discrepancy between what someone says and their actions... you always go with the actions. Instead of guilting your (former?) friend into keeping his word (what fun that would have been!) or having a pity party and deciding you're going to "do it myself!" you reached out to someone else. I'm sorry your friend wasn't as reliable as you wish, but you solved the problem in advance. Ta da!
For the nerves, do a little strategic catastrophizing, and then contingency planning. Think about the absolute worst case outcome for the PAT, and then decide what you'll do about it if that outcome happens. Make real plans. "If the PAT finds that I'm not in my right mind and can't competently make this decision, what will I do?" Make a list. Then go on to the next worst case scenario. Do that until you've covered all the possibilities. Then put the list in a safe place and willfully, mindfully, refuse to think about outcomes. You've got it covered. And keep yourself busy. These will be the longest three days of your entire life if you're doing nothing.
Hang in there! You're almost there.
CE

Actually, it seems that congratulations are in order. You asked a friend to help, he said 'Yes,' but his behaviour raised red flags so you asked someone else for what you needed. Great self-advocacy, actually. And putting it down to cynicism or pessimism actually dismisses the people skills you have developed. You rock.
It's not about only relying on yourself... that's not always healthy either. It's about recognizing the discrepancy between what someone says and their actions... you always go with the actions. Instead of guilting your (former?) friend into keeping his word (what fun that would have been!) or having a pity party and deciding you're going to "do it myself!" you reached out to someone else. I'm sorry your friend wasn't as reliable as you wish, but you solved the problem in advance. Ta da!
For the nerves, do a little strategic catastrophizing, and then contingency planning. Think about the absolute worst case outcome for the PAT, and then decide what you'll do about it if that outcome happens. Make real plans. "If the PAT finds that I'm not in my right mind and can't competently make this decision, what will I do?" Make a list. Then go on to the next worst case scenario. Do that until you've covered all the possibilities. Then put the list in a safe place and willfully, mindfully, refuse to think about outcomes. You've got it covered. And keep yourself busy. These will be the longest three days of your entire life if you're doing nothing.
Hang in there! You're almost there.
CE

But "Square One" now has an outraged, not-putting-up-with-this-**** woman in it. Good for you. What a dweeb.
If there's nobody else available, I got some great workout routines off of http://www.workoutbox.com/workouts/ and http://www.freetrainers.com/
CE

"Failure" is not in falling down, or making mistakes, or in actions we regret, but in giving up. You haven't done that, Shelli D. If you put the whole thing in a different perspective, you're doing better than average. Or use another habit (other than food) as an example of what you're trying to accomplish. If you want to stop chewing your fingernails, you can count on at least six weeks of mindfulness, and in that six weeks, you will chew your nails. Possibly right off. But they grow back, and you learn to keep your hands busy and your fingers out of your mouth. lol
Don't confuse set backs with failure. You're right that we can't just give up food, but the mindfulness we need is the new habit we want to cultivate. And next time those "f'd up already, might as well do x, y, or z" thoughts happen, you'll have that mindfulness a little quicker, and that little longer willpower. Maybe enough even to get yourself to somewhere or someone who can distract you from the action of the old habits.
You can do it. In fact, you already are. Go, you!
CE

"Failure" is not in falling down, or making mistakes, or in actions we regret, but in giving up. You haven't done that, Shelli D. If you put the whole thing in a different perspective, you're doing better than average. Or use another habit (other than food) as an example of what you're trying to accomplish. If you want to stop chewing your fingernails, you can count on at least six weeks of mindfulness, and in that six weeks, you will chew your nails. Possibly right off. But they grow back, and you learn to keep your hands busy and your fingers out of your mouth. lol
Don't confuse set backs with failure. You're right that we can't just give up food, but the mindfulness we need is the new habit we want to cultivate. And next time those "f'd up already, might as well do x, y, or z" thoughts happen, you'll have that mindfulness a little quicker, and that little longer willpower. Maybe enough even to get yourself to somewhere or someone who can distract you from the action of the old habits.
You can do it. In fact, you already are. Go, you!
CE