GeauxForIt

Thanks for the support, ladies. It means a lot. Sometimes this food thing is a lonely place to be. I'm trying to be brutally honest with myself and my crazy, unhealthy behaviors.
I'm ready to give up my excuses (alcoholic father, mother married 5 times, moving so much when young, blah, blah, blah) and take responsibility for my CHOICES.
food was always there for me; a constant in my crazy life and the way my grandmother (another constant) showed love. Eating something yummy (read: bad for me) made me feel good and being full (stuffed!) made me happy. I struggle every day, but I've been to enough AA crap to know that all you can do it take it one day at a time.
And some days, I can only take it 15 minutes at a time! But I'M DOING IT!! I have to. I have three beautiful, young children and an amazing husband who NEED and love me!!

And LOL on the ellipsis comment!! I'm
A confessed over ellipsis user... ;D

Pacifically instead of specifically!!! GAH.

I had no pre-op diet either. Had dinner at 8pm the night before surgery!
Did your surgeon explain WHY he/she wanted you to do a pre-op diet? To shrink your liver? To lose weight? That will help you make an informed decision.
Good luck!

I'm very fortunate that my children are still young (easily influenced) and my naturally slim DH is onboard with moving on as a family with a healthier diet and lifestyle. For me, I imagine this addiction would be damn near impossible to manage without a concerted effort of both my family and me.
And I've learned to call it what it is...a food addiction. It took me a long time to come to grips with that, but now I say it frequently. I can't beat my enemy if I don't know what it is.

For Nikki & Diva, from that wonderful sage...Winnie the Pooh:
"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

I had no idea that people would be so happy for me and supportive of me. It's been amazing!
I had no idea how much I'd missed my waist. I have my hands on my hips all the time now.
I had no idea that walking into Old Navy and being able to buy a pair of jeans IN the store would move me to tears.
I had no idea that my shoes would be too big. It never occurred to me!
I had no idea that I'd want to DO so much!

I had no idea that people would be so happy for me and supportive of me. It's been amazing!
I had no idea how much I'd missed my waist. I have my hands on my hips all the time now.
I had no idea that walking into Old Navy and being able to buy a pair of jeans IN the store would move me to tears.
I had no idea that my shoes would be too big. It never occurred to me!
I had no idea that I'd want to DO so much!

This is the 1st time I've posted a picture as I'm only 12 weeks out, but my friends keep saying they can tell I've lost. I guess I can't bc I see myself every day! lol
Pic on the left is at my heaviest, the right is from last weekend.

I was every joke ever written about fat kids and cake, though really it just applied to food in general. I never met food I didn't like (or want to eat) and I would eat whatever was in front of me, portion size be damned. If I bought a gallon of ice cream, it was gone in a day or two. Same for any sweets, really. Or not sweets. I really wasn't picky about what I'd eat. Mentally I still have the desire to EAT ALL THE THINGS! (insert meme here) which has led to a few incidents of over portioning which lead to some sliming and discomfort, though never outright vomiting. That sensation was reserved for Bariatric Advantage Vitamins, may they rot, vile things.
I have a lifetime of not knowing what full really feels like coming in to this with me, so it is still something I'm trying to figure out. I have no idea what being reasonably full feels like because to me, overly full was what full felt like. For me, the surgery changed my relationship with food. I am so scared of screwing up that I stick to my eating plan no matter what. I guess being terrified of failure is a pretty big motivator for me because if this doesn't work, what else am I going to do? There's nothing left to go to after this.
I've turned in to a pretty regulated eater, eating 5 times a day, or 3 meals and 2 Snacks, however you want to play that out. It helps that by eating every few hours it helps me avoid that inherent sense of deprivation that I would otherwise have. Mentally, though, it's always a challenge. During the holidays I was picking up the box of chocolates in the office and just smelling them because the idea that they were sitting there drove me crazy. I've said before that I don't think I'll ever have a really healthy relationship with food. Right now, for me, food is always going to be the enemy. I don't know if that will change.

I was a binge eater. My best friend is my food scale. Or for lighter things, my measuring cup. I measure or weigh everything before i eat.
Another thing for me is to make a meal an event. That way it isnt mindless eating. Its planned.
So even if its on the go, its thought out, planned, And weighed, so i cant overeat. i eat 2-3 ounces every 3-4 hours. I am 4 1/2 months out and my favorite thing about the surgery is its pretty impossible to binge eat, at least for me. When i get to 2 ounces, i am usually satisfied and its time to stop. I do not like the restriction feeling, so i will not eat until i feel restriction. Only until satisfied.
I hope this helps. Good luck on your surgery!

I am the quintessential binge eater. I would order two meals from a fast food restaurant, and get two drinks just so the person at the window would think the two meals were for me and another person. They weren't. I would eat one on the way home and have the other when I got there. If I made a meal at home, I would eat all of it in one sitting (boxes of shells and cheese macaroni never stood a chance!) I am actually surprised that I didn't weigh more than I did!
I am 10 weeks out and I have had the crazy head hunger only a couple of times where I am not hungry, but I want to eat. It is usually at night so I will either have a sugar free Jello cup, a glass of Water, or I'll just go to bed. As far as the urge to binge eat; I do not have a problem stopping when I feel satisfied. In fact, I never knew what the "satisfied"feeling was until after my surgery. Like TheGamer said, the full feeling I knew was bursting. Now, I feel satiated and I stop. It is the greatest feeling in the world!

As usual, my response will be a novella. Bear with me!
I think the biggest thing to be aware of is that the sleeve is going to help immediately (and forever) with Portion Control. You will never sit down and eat an entire pie, pizza or box of Cookies in one sitting again. That said, the emotional and habitual triggers will not be resolved. I think a lot of people transition from binge eating into grazing because that's what their sleeve will allow.
I was completely in denial about my overeating and binge eating until I was forced to confront it post op. I had really, really convinced myself that my weight and inability to lose it was entirely due to my diabetes, my hormones, my metabolism, whatever. I really thought that simply controlling my portion size would be this miracle solution and that for the first time in my life the weight would just fly off and I'd be skinny.
It wasn't until I stumbled upon the book "Hungry" by Allen Zadoff that I acknowledged the behavior I'd been denying and realized why I was struggling with my emotions post op.
The most important thing to do is track your food. I tracked every single bite religiously, to the point of ridiculousness, actually. Six M&Ms and a sip of soda? I'd do the math and add them into MyFitnessPal rather than ignore them. This was the first big step in acknowledging what I was eating.
The next step was to force myself into a set caloric/nutritional window. If I didn't have "slack" to indulge on any given day, I did not do it. That was tough and many a night I went to bed thinking about food. But it was so important to me that I learn to control my eating instead of continuing to be a slave to my desire for food. I LUSTED after food. I had to break those habits and the easiest way was taking advantage of that window where I had zero physical hunger and using it to overcome the habit of eating.
From that point, I evaluated my emotions and feelings every time I found myself thinking about food or opening the door to the fridge. Once I pinpointed my triggers I was able to stop the behavior. The sleeve made this so much easier for me, because I really wasn't experiencing any hunger. The only time I ever struggle with this is during my cycle, when my hormones are wacky and I feel like I could eat paint chips off the wall (all despite feeling ZERO actual, physical hunger) but I still keep myself under control.
Once I was able to tackle those three things, I had to learn moderation. I could not treat the sleeve like a diet. I could not approach the sleeve as the other half of a life on Atkins. For me to succeed and feel happy about my success, I needed to feel like I wasn't denying myself or like I was fencing off an entire world of food forever.
This is different for everyone, because some people have serious trigger foods like white sugar or white flour that make it incredibly difficult to incorporate them in moderation. My only real trigger at this point is popcorn. I could eat it every day. Every other food that used to set me off has no control over me these days. So my experience in this won't work for everyone.
But basically, I found that around six to nine months post op that I was able to incorporate a more reasonable amount of carbs and good, quality fats into my diet. All at once my mood improved and I stopped dreaming about food at night. I was able to indulge myself occasionally without feeling the compulsion to eat myself sick. From that point forward I started eating about 40% Protein, 30% carbs and 30% fat as my diet.
I try to make good quality food choices 90% of the time but I allow myself 10% of give where I'll eat whatever strikes my fancy. If I feel like I'm slipping I immediately start tracking every calorie again and find out if I really am slipping or if it's all in my head. Usually it's in my head, to be honest. There's a huge amount of baggage that goes with a lifetime of negative body image, crazy diets and generally poor eating habits. There were times when eating a few bites of cake could make me feel guilty but if I counted up my calories for the day I'd see that there's nothing wrong with a few extra calories and carbs.
And I'll admit that those days are mostly behind me at two and a half years out. I have now ingrained the habit of healthier eating and the desire to binge and graze endlessly is gone. Most of the emotional baggage has been worked through and shelved, and I don't question my choices like I used to do. It really is a huge relief to feel this way - I imagine this is how people that never had food issues or a weight problem feel about food. It's just food. I enjoy it, sure, but it doesn't control me or make me feel guilty or send me into fantasies where I eat it all anymore.
All of that aside, I did not whip down to goal quickly. I was still a slow loser, even sleeved and doing my best to be healthy mentally and physically. It took me 17 months to reach goal but when I got there I was ready for it. Maintenance was a breeze for me once I accepted my body's happy weight was going to be a few pounds more than I wanted. This is why you will see me repeat the same things over and over again here - it's important to learn moderation and stumble on your way to healthy BEFORE you reach goal. Do not save up all of the issues that caused your obesity until that point and then try to live a normal life while unpacking your baggage!
I could not have done this without my sleeve. I urge anyone that's working through this to really address it as something you can fix, something you can control. You really are in charge of your body. Make the sleeve, and the fact that you removed most of your stomach, count. It is a struggle. It is hard. Those compulsions, cravings and desires are seriously hard to break, but we can do it. I'd say we HAVE to do it if we want to live life at goal as a happy and healthy person.
Best of luck to everyone struggling with this.
~Cheri

Clk thank you SO much for the novella! It's so Apparent that you love to help others and that you genuinely care! I really appreciate your presence on the board!!
It feels so good to imagine my life outside this prison. I just think about food SO much. It gets me out of bed in the morning, even if I'm not actually hungry. "All the experts say to eat within 1 hour of waking up! I better get up and eat something even tho I'm not hungry!" Etc. I'm so ready to move past this!!

This is a great thread for all of us who struggle with binge eating. Thanks to everyone for their contributions to this discussion.
I am still pre-op & hoping to get the gastric sleeve some time in the next few months once insurance requirements are satisfied.
My emotional eating & how the sleeve will affect it are things I want to be mindful of as I move forward. I have done a lot of work on figuring out how to get to a healthier place of balance and moderation. A big step for me was giving up the dream that one day I would be completely free of this issue. I finally accepted the fact that my food issues will always be lurking & I just need to continue to be mindful of them and manage them.
However, it is wonderful to hear from many of you that this issue can get a lot easier to manage after the sleeve. It's inspiring. And it further confirms I'm making a good decision to have the surgery. Thanks!

I agree with you completely.... I did the double order at fast food joints all the time... or pretended to be on the phone with someone and pretended to ask what they wanted... it was horrible... today however, I had my last fast food meal. My official 2 week liquid diet starts tomorrow (I had to go on liquid for 4 days last week to lose weight I put on from my forms.... lost 11 pounds in 4 days, so lightened up the the liquids for my last 48 hours... one of my favorite restaurants tonight and onto liquids for 2 full weeks prior to surgery)
I am so hoping that I can get past the head hunger post surgery. Currently reading a book that was suggested to me right now, hoping it helps.

Hi
Binge eater for many many years.I would only start eating around five in the afternoon.Snacking at first,then dinner and then when the family went to bed..I would start the serious binge.I would easily eat a litre of ice cream and a big packet of crisps every night.I would also add other stuff to the mix.Hated myself for many,many years while cycling between starvation diets and binge eating.
Now,when life sucks, as it sometimes will.I still stay up late.But the sleeve has an answer to everything that was wrong in my eating before.
I get reflux only if I eat after 9 in the evening.So that is a scary thought,waking up at 5 gargling acid.Too scared to do that most nights and will sleep in upright possition when I did eat too late.Have had to do that only when I ate on airoplane late at night a couple of times.
I dump on alcohol.It sucks when you want to have a drink at socials but the Lord knew I had potential to become a drinker..lol
I can eat 2 rusks as a binge..lol
Or 4 crackers with butter and marmite.
Now,when I really "need to eat" something,I will have 2 ryevitas with sugarfree jelly or a salty spread with a large cup of tea afterwards.Sometimes I will just skip this and have some beef Jerky.
I am 10 months out and not particularly vigilant in what I am eating,as I believe my search for balance from day one post sleeve has paid off.I really mind my sleeve and full means full.I cannot overeat and when I have eaten too rich food today,tomorrow I will just compensate by eating veggies and Protein.a bad day would be a rusk for Breakfast,a Protein for lunch,a spoon of Pasta and a protein for dinner and a rusk or 2 after dinner.A good day would be without the rusks..lol
My thin friend's lessons worked ( she constantly reminded me about balance and adjusting without self condemnation that causes us to lose self control).I have been practising "skinny" for 10 months now,sometimes more successful and sometimes freaking out,but I keep plodding along.All my plodding skinny friends seems to win the battle,I will too.
Interesting thread!

GeauxForIt thank you for sharing, I totally relate to the whole addiction thing and this is one of my major concerns. Im still im early pre op stage but I wonder all the time..good luck

This really has turned into such a great topic so thanks everyone for being so honest and sharing what you were/are going through. Along with lots of eating alone in my car I learned where the public trash cans were in shopping centers or gas stations because that was always my last stop before getting home - to 'hide' the evidence (e.g., bakery boxes, fast food bags, etc.). I'm glad to know I wasn't as alone as I thought but I'm even happier that those days are gone since having the sleeve. Though to be honest with one or two exceptions. I have no idea why but at some point a few months ago I really started craving these cinnamon Buns that the local Publix (grocery store) bakery makes that have lots of cream cheese frosting. I resisted but seriously it just kept nagging and nagging at me for days. Finally I told myself I just had to give in and I went and bought one. Of course I ate it alone in my car but I could not eat more than half and mostly I was eating the icing. I will say, however, that I still logged that in MyFitnessPal using Cinnabon calories but since I ate so little else I think my total calories for the day was still 1500 or less so I knew I wouldn't gain weight over it.
After getting sleeved I began referring to my new self as Susie 2.0 and anytime I thought about old behaviors I would tell myself that that was something Susie 1.0 would do, not 2.0. It may sound crazy but it has worked a lot of times - bottom line is that I have no desire to go back to Susie 1.0 who had all those bad behaviors. I'm thrilled with Susie 2.0. Again, I can't explain it but I had that same craving a couple of more times and did the same thing a couple of more times and I always added it into my food diary. I'm not sure what clicked but the last time I did it I was totally disgusted with the richness of it and I ate maybe a bite or two and threw it out. I have not had that craving since and I think that was in early November. I recognized quickly that I was going back to my old behaviors (1.0), eating alone, throwing the evidence out before getting home, etc. To this day I never told my husband about it. But I'm happy to say that I'm over it.
So all this is to say that with the sleeve you probably will face issues and it is very much a learning process. I was always told the first 6 months were the 'honeymoon' period and I was determined to make the most of them. We've got a great support group here to go to for help. Perhaps we should suggest a new forum topic just for Bingers?