TakeDeLongWayHome

I'm in Tyler.

Great read! Thanks for posting. I am always thrilled to read about the "why" behind certain physical processes such as weight loss. It is like we all bought in to the same Rules of weight loss before, but then never asked why certain rules should exist. What if the rules are wrong or they do not equally apply to everyone? It was like a dumbing down of information for the masses. I suppose there is a place for that to help the gaussian averages succeed, but it lets the minority hang out to dry when something deviates from the Rules. The more you know, as they say... once we know the why behind the rules, then we can form our own customized set of rules that help us succeed at an individual level. It is kind of like knowing that 2+2=4 and then finding out the proof behind that is 4 pages long of abstract mathematics and number theory.

It's not stretched. The swelling is/has gone down and you SHOULD be able to eat more. If you are hungry all the time, it could be "silent" acid reflux. Do you take anything for stomach acid? Lots of people have said that they are much hungrier without their medication. Even an OTC cheap one works. Also, if you are eating a lot more "slider" foods - you CAN and WILL eat a LOT more and more often! Steer clear of those! Try an exercise - eat part of a chicken breast first, Protein only, and then veggies - no drinking and see how "full" you get and how quickly. I think you will find you still have lots of restriction. It may just be that you need to eat several times a day, with smaller amounts and add an acid reducer to your regimen. Good luck!

Mary - I want to applaud you for sharing with us and being honest. Don't panic! You are different than you were when you started this journey. You are changing. You will not be perfect. You will not always make the right choices - but you are BETTER!!!!!! I like the suggestion for you to seek counseling. This addiction runs so deep! Do you go to the support groups at your surgeon's office? I would start there. I would also make an appt with the nutritionist there. I am going to do the same thing. I need some variety and want to get a little booster-shot when it comes to portion sizes.
Mary - where do you live in WI? I am about 40 min south of the boarder in IL. If you are near Racine, Milwaukee, etc. I'd be happy to meet you for icecream! (LOL - just kidding!!! coffee?)
Please know that you are in my prayers tonight - and that I am asking God to help you be patient with yourself and not panick. We are in this for the long haul. That means the rest of our lives. This isn't a diet - it's a new way of life and there will be bumpy times. Get help now - keep talking about it - clean out your house so you don't have any junk there - recommit to yourself and health again - and keep walking day by day. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hugs from IL -
Amy

I'm still fighting the sugar battle. I wish I would have never let myself slide so many days in a row and get my body re-addicted to it! My actions have caused an almost 2-month stall so that's been very discouraging and I totally let myself down. I didn't have any cravings really before I let sugar creep back in my diet...evil EVIL sugar. I know this journey isn't meant to be an easy fix and this goes to show we still have to make good choices and use our sleeve as a tool to help us lose the weight.

sure there is. i know it's wrong & "bad" of me to say, but i will say it anyway.. your nutritionist is severely uninformed. just because someone has a little piece of paper that says that they know all the stuff that was written in a little book for them to know, doesn't mean they know everything there is to know in that entire field.. like matt damon said in good will hunting, "See, the sad thing about a guy like you is in 50 years you're gonna start doing some thinking on your own and you're gonna come up with the fact that there are two certaintees in life. One, don't do that. And Two, you dropped a hundred and fifty grand on a f***n education you coulda got for a $1.50 in late charges at the public library."... xD
vegans can easily get 60g or more of Protein a day.. as well as all the other Vitamins and minerals needed.. in fact, in the book "becoming vegan" that's exactly what they recommend you do & they show you how to get it using vegan sources of Protein.< /p>
studies have also shown that plant protein is absorbed by the body more easily than animal protein & that cultures that eat less protein and Calcium actually have thicker bone density, because their bodies don't have to deplete their own Calcium stores to process & break down the protein and calcium from animal products... there's a variety of sources of protein.. and vegan sources of B12 & Omega 3 fatty acids & etc. everything required to be healthy & stay on a low carb, low glycemic index diet.
"Vegans who eat a variety of plants, including soy products, are sure to get plenty of protein, but what about vegan raw foodists? There is more and more information being revealed that there is an adequate, if not abundant, supply of protein even in a diet this devoid of animal Proteins. It is further suggested through this research that the body prefers that the protein actually come in incomplete form (as individual amino acids) so that it can do it's job of combining them in the best possible way for it's various purposes. When the body receives complete or complex Proteins it has to rip the amino acids apart and reassemble them accordingly. Amino acids from plant sources allow the body to skip that process and go right to the end game.

Everything has protein in it, so the effect of eating a variety of foods is the accumulation of all the essential amino acids. Nuts and seeds have a lot of protein compared to fruits and vegetables but a lot of raw food diet advocates tout green leafy vegetables as a good source of protein. By using a variety of greens (in great abundance I might add, up to one pound per day!) the body receives all the essential amino acids that it needs while also getting many other minerals, plenty of chlorophyll and lots of Fiber."
source: http://vegetarian.ab...and-Protein.htm
what they don't mention there is that you can juice your leafy green vegetables & other fruit & vegetables & get the same amino acids in liquid form, so you don't have to eat pounds of fruit & vegetables. making it into a liquid also saves your body from having to break down the Fiber & stuff & it can absorb it that much quicker & easier.

think about it for a second.. one thing that we're all raised (or i would think we were anyway) is knowing something about shaolin monks and/or kung fu & how "cool" it is... shaolin monks are generally thought of as being fierce, strong, agile, and "bad ass"... but they eat an all plant based diet... they're lean, muscular & extremely tough...
here's a video of a shaolin monk knocking out a US Navy Seal... he's shorter & lighter & has a shorter reach & was thus at a "disadvantage"...

most people that think living a vegan/vegetarian lifestyle after the sleeve can't be done just haven't put in the time to research & they're used to what the TV tells them & what is taught in schools.. most people are on what they call a SAD.. "standard american diet"... most people are happy with being complacent and (i'm sorry to say) ignorant of what's going on around them & are fine with doing whatever a doctor or somebody tells them to, without asking any questions or doing any research on their own, just because said person has a little piece of paper that says that they know what a book told them.. i think we find too much comfort in that.. i understand about doctors, because they spend years researching the human body, but they do it from a chemical/synthetic perspective.. they haven't explored everything & a lot are blocked off to the idea of more natural methods.. which i think is funny, because it's how the human race has survived since the beginning & there wasn't diseases like cancer around until recently.. when we started thinking we were so smart & messing with food's DNA & spraying insecticide, pesticide & etc all over our food. HMM... ironic, isn't it?...

there are people on this forum that are vegetarians/vegans, as well as other people that have had other types of surgeries, too.
a lot of nutritionists also have vegan & vegetarian options in their repertoire. yours was probably just spouting things that they personally believe, not what is factual.. a lot of bodybuilders will also tell you that you can't build muscles or get "big" if you're a vegan & that it's impossible & etc... that is not the case.. here's just couple (of many) proofs of that:


^^ the guy above is named marcus patrick- you can look him up on youtube. he's a raw vegan & has been a vegan for 10+ years.
vegans have protein powders, like sun warrior, vega, garden of life, etc.. for Vitamins & minerals, there's stuff out there like green vibrance.. for b12, there's spirulina.. for Iron & stuff, there's kelps and seaweeds.. for Omega 3's there's flax and other plant based ones.. like vega's saviseed, which has 17x more Omega 3 per oz than wild sockeye salmon... for protein, there's also nut milks, like almond, cashew, and even hemp & soy milks. there's tofu, edemame, quorn (which is made from a fungus & is low carb/high protein), seitan, Shirataki noodles (which are made out of some kinda yam), etc.. every living thing has some protein in it, too. leafy green vegetables, like kale, spinach, swiss chard, collard greens, beet tops, turnip greens, dandelion greens, etc all have high mineral, Vitamin & antioxidant properties, as well as protein... they all contain fiber as well, which helps keep you from being constipated.
here's part of an episode of tyra, where she did an update for "diet wars"... and this is the result of the weight loss as mentored by Alissa Cohen (a famous raw food chef)..

I started off like most on this site, fed up with my weight. Disgusted, tired of not fitting in the booths at restaraunts and having to ask for a table instead. Tired of not being able to shop where I wanted for clothes, tired of all the meds for diabetes and high blood pressure...and just plain tired!. My journey started off very rocky. Went and filled out all the paperwork, did the psych eval, got approved, got a surg date. Super excited at that point, did the presurg diet thing and I'll be damned the night before the surgery got a fever of 103. Went to the emergency room and they found a kidney stone as big as a dime. Surgery on hold at that point of course til later. Had to have emergency surgery to remove the stone, set date again for 3 months out. Had the surgery finally on a Monday, out of the hospital on Tuesday. I went shopping on Friday because I'm stubborn and couldnt just sit at home and went back to work the following monday with my staples still in(ya crazy me)lol. I couldn't eat any solids for like 3 weeks, then graduated eventually to a little, then a little more then solids. Definitely cant eat that much so began to lose weight rapidly. One day while in my car, had change in my hand and I dropped a quarter. For some reason without thinking I reached down between my legs and picked it up. OMG. I stopped the car and start thinking for a second like "what the hell just happened?" usually I would have had to just get out of the car to pick up something underneath my feet because of that belly bulge. From that point on I could see small changes of things I hadn't been able to do for years and its small things that you take for granted, things that once were difficult, not so hard any longer. I used to have to sit at a table in every restaraunt for being embarassed I may get stuck in a booth. I can now slide right in and out just like those thin s.o.b's could do all of their lives!!! Once you see small changes, it makes you want to keep going and keep challeging yourself every single day of your life. I was 408 and would get tired of walking from my job just to my car and all out of breath. Now I can walk 6 miles nonstop and going for more! My kid told me the other day "daddy you play too much, you always wanna wrestle all the time" Now think about that one. I can outplay my kids now. This former 408 pounder's got more energy than a dang 12 year old!! If that don't make one feel good, I don't know what else can. It's the small things that made this journey worthwhile, the looks you get when you show up to Christmas dinner, even the way you fit in your car once the weight is gone is the most rewarding little thing you can ever have. I was diabetic, had high blood pressure and now all of that is gone. I gave myself a raise at work because I don't have to pay for all the meds now associated with being obese. I am about 280 or so now and no more health issue(though I did get a headache and took aspirin once in the last year lol) Do this for your kids and yourself, not only will it change your love life(and life in the bedroom) but you will wake up everyday knowing that you made a choice, went through with it and most of all you can laugh in the face of all those evil little skinny people and say Yes, I was fat, no lie but guess what, I didn't roll over and die..what have you done with your life lately??

Hello everyone! Why are you coming down so harshly on someone who only had a start weight of 154?? You do not know all of her/his stats and medical condition and it is not fair to jump to conclusions. Just because someone is not morbidly obese does not mean they are not entitled to better themselves and better their health. Lighten up and Celebrate the fact that someone is taking the steps to have a better life for themselves, regardless!!!

Yeah I've run adblock stuff before but I also realize that sites like this have to have SOME sort of funding, we just can't TAKE and not GIVE something - even if it's simply being subjected to ads.
As much as I don't like them I know the guys running this site are not getting rich and deserve whatever income they can derive on a free to sue site.
I just wanted to vent and rant and hopefully the advertiser will realize they are alienating the very people they are hoping to contact with their nasty ads. They won't know unless they get feedback - and hopefully this will somehow come to their attention - at least without me clicking on the pic of that nasty belly.

I know how the forum works with advertisement that make it available for us free of charge BUT I REALLY hate those INTERDRY ads, they are, well, GROSS! I know it's a problem for some people but seeing that illustration of that bib like thing tucked into that red nasty ulcerated pendulous stomach just makes me want to barf.
I have not and WILL NOT click on those ads. I'd rather be poked in the eye with a sharp stick.

Please don't delete your post, O. I think it's great that there is a man on here brave enough to say how he's feeling. There are tons of us ladies who post our success stories, but not nearly enough from you guys saying how much better you feel. I especially like that your post addresses stuff we gals would never think to talk about, like the info about guys either bowing up or bowing out now with the submissive body language. Few have the ability to articulate that like you did, even though we all know the pecking order exists.

...and I don't mean the temperature!
OK, this will sound like bragging, and it IS a little, but remember where I'm coming from: I had been obese my WHOLE LIFE. I first had to wear size 38 jeans in junior high school. And now I'm wearing size 34, bordering on size 33.
I was at the gym this morning -- it was arms day, biceps, forearms, trapezius, and deltoids (shoulders) -- and was working out HARD. I was looking in the mirror to check my form, and suddenly I thought -- who IS this guy? I realized that I'm looking... well... A-MAZ-ING! I mean I'm 42, so I don't look like a kid; I have laugh lines on my face, and (when I don't shave my head) a little gray around my temples. But my shoulders are broad and muscular (amazing what deltoid workouts will do, guys; wanna look broad-shouldered and thick through the chest? WORK. ON. YOUR. SHOULDERS!). My chest is just slabs of flat, hard muscle. My forearms literally RIPPLE with muscle when I move my fingers. My legs are turning into little tree trunks, and a lot of HARD work on my glutes (butt) has rescued me from the dreaded "white guy ass" -- I am getting a nice, muscular butt. I still don't like my midsection; the remaining flab and loose skin are all there, but sometimes when I move and the light is right, you can see my rectus abdominis quite clearly. Another term for rectus abdominis? SIX PACK! ME! A SIX PACK!
I wished I could have taken a picture to show you, but I'm not THAT vain; I don't bring my camera to the gym with me
I have to compare and contrast this with just two years ago, when my face was lost in a SEA of chins. My legs were big, but it was all just flabby, jello-y fat. My arms were big... with fat. They JIGGLED. And my midsection... oh dear god, what a train wreck; I had to wear size 3XL shirts just to avoid too much plumber's crack! I couldn't walk 200 yards without being tired. My feet hurt all the time. Men treated me with scorn, and to women I was simply invisible.
Now, men often do submissive body language (you know, hunched a little shoulders and eyes down) or challenging, threatened (puffed up chest, swagger, frightened/"tough" glare) body language. The one thing they don't do is scorn me. And women... well, as often as not, women have a sort of "hungry" look in their eyes when they're looking at me. I've even caught women out with their husbands/boyfriends "checking me out" and then looking away, embarrassed when I smile at them.
Am I bragging? Yes, I am. But this is all so bloody new to me. I'm a hunk! I have to avoid turning into a vain douchebag (and this obviously borders on douchebaggery already), but I figured that "Gastric Sleeve Surgery Success Stories" was the place to put this bragging if anything was.
Two years ago, I was obese, depressed, hated my body, sore, sick, tired, a clear "beta male," invisible to women, and probably on a fast track to diabetes, heart disease, cancer, or some other form of slow, painful death.
Now? I'm fit -- within 2% of my "normal" body weight according to the height/weight charts. I can run several MILES without running out of steam or injuring myself. I lift weights nearly every day. I am happy, healthy, have a strong libido, a good sex life, and I *like* what I see when I look in the mirror. I would NEVER have believed it possible two years ago if you'd asked me. NEVER.
And, while I'll take credit for eating right and going to the gym/doing other physical activities regularly, the weight loss and health I owe completely, 100% to the sleeve.
THANK YOU, SLEEVE. Getting the surgery was the single best decision I've ever made. It saved my life, literally -- it's given me a whole new me, one that I never would have believed I could be.
Thank you, sleeve.

Yesterday food as anything more than nutrition. The opportunity cost, the trade-off of having my stomach reduced in order to lose weight, is that I can no longer satisfy the void(s) in my life with food.
I should rejoice, yes? This is what I wanted so desperately, right? Now I finally have a tool to help me lose weight. So why should I even consider a loss of anything other than pounds??
For anyone who does not struggle with food addiction and over-eating, this is probably incomprehensible. But to anyone who can relate, to anyone considering taking the so-called easy way out (i.e., weight loss surgery), this is definitely something to consider.Mexico for weight loss surgery, and counseling was not offered.
Psst!!! I didn't really think I needed it anyway.
But now, as the days go by and I continue to heal and get back to living life, I find that the thing that used to provide a source of comfort/peace/familiarity/companionship is gone. I mentioned before that it's kind of like mourning the loss of something or someone, and it is so true! I find that now I have a lot of free time, because what I used to do just doesn't work anymore. I can't watch TV and really plug into it like I used to. I didn't know the food I was eating while watching TV was such a huge factor.
Don't get me wrong. I am so glad I had the surgery. I don't regret it at all, because with it I can change my life. But that doesn't change the fact that, without food, I feel a little lost. I'm out here on my own now. My old friend Food, is gone. And while that is most certainly what I wanted, I didn't consider the opportunity cost of not having that scapegoat.
So what do I do now?? I ask myself. Living a Redux Life is about more than lip service. Now that I don't have my food crutch to lean on, I have to stand on my own two feet. And that's...scary. I now have to face my life, rather than be numb to it.
And I want to! Yet at the same time, I don't want to...
The opportunity cost of having weight loss surgery is that if food has meaning in your life other than nutrition--and let's face it, if we only used food for nutrition we wouldn't be in this situation--then you MUST do the work of evaluating how you will navigate your world once you don't have that source of comfort.
What will you do when you are uneasy with your surroundings? Eat slider foods? Start consuming more alcohol? Or will you finally get your head and heart in the game and do the work to resolve your issues?
If you can answer those questions BEFORE surgery, then perhaps the opportunity cost won't be so high. And maybe this "tool" won't feel so much like a hammer, but more like a massage.

Nikki. Relax. Just take care of yourself first. Dont worry about eating. Let it heal. Drink fluids and more fluids. I can attest that your world has completely been flipped. Your in control. Now grab that wheel and drive it like you stole it.

Hi Lissa,
Great advice and I shall. Being a self pay I feel like I kind of have missed all the PRE-Op requirements of therapy, classes etc. which I now know are so important. Knowledge is power.
Thanks for the advice and I will call first thing.
Nikki xoxo

Your questions are totally not crazy at all.
The mental thing happens for some people and not for others. Being mentally prepared is THE most important part of making the decision for surgery. During my pre-op liquid diet I worked hard on mentally preparing myself. And some switch in my head clicked and it wasn't as hard as I expected it to be. And after surgery, well... you can't eat as much, especially at first. There is "buyer's remorse" in the beginning, which I'm just now starting to work through myself. The mental part is a process I think that happens as you make the decision to do the surgery. Once you start losing weight after, and seeing these amazing results from your work it motivates you like nothing else to make the right choices. But, thats not everyone. Some people still struggle mentally and grieve the food they can't have for a while, or possible ever again.
I admit, during my pre-op liquid diet, I almost changed my mind. Not out of fear, but because I was being successful and wondered if I could do it without surgery. Then I reminded myself, that I had tried, and tried, and tired some more and always lost and gained and gained. There was a reason I looked at sleeve surgery to begin with!
With the sleeve, you will lose about 50-60% of your excess weight without doing much but, your new eating plan. If you work for it, within a year you can see yourself losing 80 - 100% of your excess weight. I'm just now at week 3 post op. And I personally, have had excellent results so far, however it hasn't been easy. The first week or so is really, really hard. But, when you read on this forum that each day gets easier, thats the honest truth. Each day does get easier.
I hope you find the answers you're looking for, and can make an informed, dedicated decision. Remember to take all the time in the world, ask all the silly questions you can think of, and lurk on this forum a lot.

It sounds like you and your spouse have an understanding and allow this type of relationship, while it is obvious the OP does not have any such agreement or arrangement. I would have to disagree that infidelity is a given, as well. Fidelity should be expected from both partners and that is sexual fidelity as well as emotional. However, I have lived overseas for years and it seems to be a particularly American thing to have this expectation. I get incredulous looks when my response to an offer is that I'm married, because it's inconsequential to many people in many other countries. Same goes for my husband when he's propositioned, so I swear, I'm not pulling this one out of my rear. But I do think that despite your intent to help, your post came across as rude and dismissive to the obvious struggle the OP is experiencing.
OP, I'm very sorry you're going through this. The fact is, emotional infidelity is almost worse than a one-time sexual fling. It means he is looking for something that he is not feeling in your relationship. The fact that he blames you instead of at least accepting responsibility shows a lack of remorse for his action and raises the concern he'd do it again. Couples can and do overcome these things, though, if they really want to do so.
That said...all I can do is say how I'd feel. And I'd feel like crap if my husband cheated on me, blamed me for it, and then all of a sudden rediscovered his interest in me as I dropped weight and got my life into a better place.
Only you can decide what to do and I wish you the best. And for anyone else reading this, I agree 110% with the PP that surgery isn't the cause of problems. If there is any type of issue prior to surgery it usually gets worse as the sleeved person starts to change. And I really think a lot of people are unhappily married but simply accept it as a part of life until they start dealing with their issues and shedding weight. Then they start to question why they're unhappy and choosing to stay that way.
Best of luck to all of you going through these things,
~Cheri

Are you using myfitnesspal.com or anything to chart your food and Water? If you aren't try using it. You have the willpower to do it, and you need to stop saying you feel like you are going to fail. The more you tell yourself that the more you are ingraining it into your subconscious that you will fail.
All things like Cake, Ice cream, Cookies, donuts, breads etc. end up being chewed and go down in a liquid form. Those are carbohydrates.
If you didn't have any of the pre-op stuff, then perhaps we should concentrate on giving you tips on what you should be concentrating on. #1 Water. #2 Protein. What you ate is strictly carbohydrates.
The reasoning behind this type of diet, Protein first is your body will use up the carbohydrates first, then when it uses up all the carbohydrates for energy it will convert your fat stores to carbohydrates. If you keep taking in high carbohydrates, you will never end up losing the fat.
I am not trying to alarm you, or make you feel bad or purposely setting out to be mean or judgmental, as stated by someone else, so I am grateful you see that I was just trying to give you a wake-up call. You CAN hurt yourself. Though there is nothing sharp in the cake or ice cream, you could throw up, gut wrenching barfs could cause your stomach harm, it could cause a stricture, it could cause dehydration. Going from no carbs to high carbs when you come down from the high sugars you could have some problems with insulin and then hypoglycemia which would shock your system. These are dangerous for your health. Throwing up too much could cause dehydration, which again is dangerous.
Sometimes we all need wake up calls.
I had a rough surgery I am still struggling to get in 450 calories and I'm almost 6 weeks out. I'm 49 years old, I have a brain tumor, I have Lupus, and I refuse to tell myself I am a failure, why should you tell yourself you are a failure.
You made a mistake, just don't make it again. If you are struggling, make a post on what your biggest issues are. If it's family gatherings, eat before or after them, find a way to socialize around the eating and not with the eating.
If you can get some psychological therapy, in which I think anyone that goes into this surgery should have, because I've seen so many posts saying, food is their best friend, their comfort, their this or that, that is something that needs to be dealt with because all your food issues will still be there after you remove 85% of your stomach.
If you need advice, I'll be happy to help you with tips to deal with it. Instead of cake or treats, try 1/2 a cup of skim milk, that fills me up, walk around, brush your teeth (the thought of eating after brushing my teeth deters me).
I hope you are feeling better this evening, and I hope you know that the depression you may be feeling is something we all have dealt with. It is a long road but you need to start giving yourself some positive affirmations. I was 6 days after surgery I was actually up 6 pounds and I was only drinking water, decaff tea and could barely get a few ounces of Isopure in a day. It could have had me all depressed, but I know it does get better.
Next year if you want a bite or two of cake, you will get to have it, but until you are healed and you reach your goal go into this knowing you are going to be a winner and failure isn't an option.
Best of luck.

There is just a way to give advice and a way to judge. There are many judgmental people on here who get snappy at people who struggle. They know its wrong or they know it could hurt them that's why they post on this site. I think people should just answer the questions asked not scold people. I've been scolded on here and it didn't help me all I got were a bunch of people telling me a bunch of crap I already knew. my point is think before you speak. Having the sleeve makes no one on here an expert on everyone else. Advice is fine, informing or trying to teach is fine. But to belittle someone because they struggled and cheated is out of line and makes me not yup even want to use this forum.

Mishy,
While I know there is cause for alarm, I and I am sure everyone relates to how hard this is for you. I am going on my 5th day after surgery and to be frank, I feel no change. It's actually easy. Which I am kind of mad at, I want this to be hard, a constant reminder that I can't eat things. But it's not and my doctor has progressed me to puréed foods already cause I am having such an easy go and in all honestly - I don't want an easy go! - I want to eat a piece of cake and instantly throw up, that to me seems so much easier. I have lived my entire life eating whatever I want and admittedly I chose this surgery to help me not do that, or at least dramatically help with that and maybe it will, but 5 days out and it seems like all I did yesterday was eat, just doesn't seem right. I posted on another thread about that and got great support and feedback and today is a new day. But I want you to know you're not alone, this forum is going to be a life saver for me, and I'm here if you want to email me directly ever just to vent cause no matter how supportive friends and family are they don't understand like I know these people on here do. Btw my surgery was July 9 so we are similar it may be neat to be each others helping hand. Just know I'm just an email away, cake wont kill you today but it has been one of the negatives that has gotten you to this point, so it's not helping you. You are worth more than a piece of cake. :-)

I miss my butt

You are a wonderful daughter, mother, grandmother and a wonderful person!! You are a blessing in the lives of others and from what I hear from you, you are strong! You have spoken about the things you want to change and you can do it. Everything you are doing is hard but oh what graces are being bestowed on you! Have faith, have faith in the Lord and yourself and success will come. Forgive yourself for being human we are all only humans and will make mistakes but remind yourself how strong and loving and giving you are to your loved ones. And remember to love yourself just as much! You are in my prayers. So glad to have spoken to you. You really are a blessing to those you love. God is here for you!

Thank you both so much for your encouraging words! As far as my house goes, it's a very sticky situation. Long story short, it's not in my name, but I pay the mortgage. An 80/20 split was done, and I have two mortgages to pay. So basically, those programs don't apply to my situation. My mom is relatively self sufficient, but she still depends on me quite a bit. I know it's been tough for her, bouncing back from this surgery, but it really wears on me. And it's the little things that I know she can do for herself, that really irritates me. Like calling the drugstore to have a prescription refilled. She counts on me to do that. I certainly can't tell her no, because after all, she raised me. And I KNOW that wasn't an easy thing.
And I would love to go to a support group, but there just aren't enough hours in the day. After all of those things, I have very little time just for me. I know that when all is said and done, that I'm going to be ok. I just really need to rely on my faith, and lean on God. With everything. I think that's the hardest thing of all. Being a single black woman, we tend to rely on ourselves, and not give the reins over to someone else. And I know that I definitely have control issues. I know that I need to make sure that I take time FOR ME, but for right now, it's hard for me to do that. I have really tried to look at all of this as a blessing. I'm blessed to be able to be such a huge part of my grandchildren's lives, and to help raise them into the incredible adults that I know they are going to be. I'm blessed to be able to give back just a small part of what my mother gave and sacrificed for me. Sadly, the stress of it all is coming out in ways that aren't good. I'm slipping back into old patterns and habits. It's bad enough that I started smoking again, but then I add in the carbs, and I'm staring down the barrel of a loaded gun! So I'm going to get back up on my horse, and put my faith in God, because leaning on me, just isn't working.
Thanks again!

I can laugh at i now too!!! Hell i laughed then!!!
Cant forget about the time i almost put my eye out....bending over to pick up a quarter...n my button popped off my pants...barely missing my face!!! If I can have a camera around me during Some of these times...I would be a millionaire!! 4real
I will miss my son asking to lay on my stomach.....cause its so soft!! Oh well the memories are just as good!! Lol