AliveAgain

Day 50: "Still Fat" It's been a while since I've posted because most days were starting to look alike and it seemed a bore to write about. I'm doing well, not great. March has been a slow month for me. Everything was clicking along really well in February, losing an average of a pound every two days. It really felt good to see the changes in my body. I was on a real streak with my exercise, bumping walks from 45 minutes to an hour to an hour and 15 minutes. I was trying out different gyms to see which one to join, loving the strength my body had to go the distance. But then I got hemorrhoids. Not just your run of the mill stuff, but the really painful stuff that made everything come to a halt. I hadn't been constipated, and I'm still convinced it was the stupid seat on the gym bicycle -- the hard, plastic piece of crap. Was fine that morning, but all wrong that night. I immediately spent 2-3 days mostly lying in bed, getting up for short spurts to make food, shower and a few other things. The weight loss nearly came to a halt. I found myself very depressed and upset that I was knocked down from my streak. A week went by, no change. Then I go see my gynecologist who's been monitoring the horrific pain I had been getting every month with menstruation. Turns out the last ultrasound showed another fairly large cyst, hemorrhagic, just above 4cm. I'd had these before, landing me in the emergency room with how painful it can be when they twist or rupture. To treat it, she decided to put me on oral contraceptive even though I've shown in the past I can't tolerate it. Sure enough, it was one of the worst weeks of my life. I would not get out of bed until 10am and force breakfast down. The nausea was absolutely unbearable. Then I'd lie in bed, both for the hemorrhoids to heal more and because I didn't see the point in getting up. I'd cry a few times out of sadness, then make my way to the shower sometime in the afternoon. I was picking fights with my husband for no reason, unable to sleep through the night without waking up wanting to cry. I barely ate, watching my protein and calorie goals go unmet. Thankfully, I was able to see my gynecologist about a week later and she immediately stopped the pill listening to my symptoms. Meanwhile, I had barely lost 5 pounds in the first 16 days of March - such a disappointment. Now I have to get vaginal ultrasounds every two weeks to see if the cyst goes away on its own, or needs surgery. Ugh, the thought of another surgery just makes me shiver. On top of that, I may have endometriosis. It can't be diagnosed without going in laparoscopically. But it means potential fertility problems down the line. Something my husband and I were very much hoping to try for in a year or more after my weight loss. Then comes in my two orthopedists. Yes, two. I have one for my right knee and one for my left knee. Complicated story. I'm getting joint fluid injections in the right knee, and can't go walking or stand for very long in the 48 hours after the injections (a series of five over five weeks). So, more time not exercising! They confirmed that I can't do squats or anything that involves bending the knee past my toes, elliptical is out of the question since it makes my knees hurt within just a few minutes of using. I have maltracking patella with hyperflexibility which basically means the cartilage behind my kneecaps is rubbing on bone and disintegrating. It's very painful and limiting. My best option for exercise is swimming. But my bathing suit no longer fits and I have to have mine custom made in the mid-west. It costs me about $180 per suit and they aren't made for real swimming. The chlorine in pools kills the material. Plus, they take about two weeks to make and ship. I have such an odd chest size (34/36I) and I'm only 5'2" so the option of just ordering online or walking into a store does not happen for me. Then I'd have to join a gym with a pool, and get lap swim lessons since I've never really learned. That's about another $60 per month/$75 per lesson. Did I mention I'm unemployed right now and that kind of money is all tied up in the credit card that paid for my surgery and all these medical bills? So, yes. This is a rant. I've had a crappy month of crappy realizations about my situation. It seems every corner I turn is giving me a new obstacle and I'm getting really tired of it. I'm losing my momentum and wondering if I did the right thing. It's amazing to me that I can eat less than 600 calories a day and still not lose weight! I was afraid of just this scenario and here it is. I'm drinking fluids to the point I pee 7-8 times per day. I'm getting in my protein, following the guidelines all the time (since stopping the pill). And yet, still only 6 pounds down in 20 days. I hope this is just a stall, due to all that's been going on in my life. Now that things are on the mend, I hope this stall will break. I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow and I'm scared. He's an excellent surgeon, but has no personality whatsoever. He's a hardass and I'm sure he'll see my lack of a good loss as a failure and will accuse me of cheating. I really don't want to see him, don't want to hear another person disappointed in me. I'm already pretty sick of myself right now. The nagging voices are taking over my life. I'm really having a hard time wondering why I did what I did. I know 40lbs is a lot to lose, but why can't I be proud of that? Why is it not enough?

What are your Fluid and Protein goals right now? The first week is always the hardest, most people don't hit their goals for a little while. I think I was getting in 48-64oz of fluids by day five, and that includes any soy milk, broths, Jell-O, popsicles as well as Water and tea. I was maybe hitting 50g of protein until about day eight or so when I was finally hitting 70g consistently. I started adding Benefiber to my Protein shakes to help with the gas and constipation. I'm not sure how Gas-X works, but I didn't need it as much for belching, etc. as the other way around. Gas is a real problem for a lot of people the first few weeks. Also, walking really helps with that as well. I found on days I got out for a 10-20 minute walk, I felt better, less gas, and fluids/protein went in a lot easier. Do laps around your house! If you really get desperate, a single dose of Milk of Magnesia may help clear out some of that gasiness. As for not losing weight, perfectly normal. During your stay, you were pumped with lots of IV fluids which can stay in your system for some while. As well, your body is healing and that can lead to some fluid retention. I came home 8lbs heavier, and it took about a week to lose it. But then once it starts coming off, so does the weight. Stay focused, know that this is not a short-term goal -- this is a lifelong change, and keep doing what you need to do to heal and stay healthy. It will happen, with patience and faith. Hope you feel better soon!

For the first month, I was 400-500 average per day. Now, at 7 weeks, I yo-yo between 575-700 per day, and on the higher days I feel like I stuffed myself! I also use MFP on my phone, but be picky about the information and make sure it matches. There are a lot of false or conflicting entries in there. I also have a nutrition facts book that I *try* to use as a guide to see what the most consistent answer comes to. I say *try* because lugging a book around all day is a bit of a PIA.

Hi valleygirl! Big hugs, you are only in the beginning of an amazing journey. It is to be expected you feel the way you do. Everyone feels this way at some point in the first week, and it will go away. I think I was just in shock the first day or so, happy to be alive and that there were no complications. The first week is the toughest, you are healing from a major surgery. Your body chemistry is already changed and this will mess with your thinking. But try to stay focused on being patient, resting as much as possible to heal and the rest will come naturally. It takes a while for most to work up to the amount of fluids and protein they are supposed to get in, but don't rush to get there. I'm almost 7 weeks out and I have been feeling "normal" for a few weeks. Sure, I still have ups and downs, but that's just because we're all human. So are you! Staying calm is best, so take some deep breaths and watch a movie to get your mind off it for a while. Best of luck to healing quickly!

It was the pill! My gyno listened to me today and said absolutely it had to the pill so she told me not to take it anymore. Here's hoping to tomorrow being a new day!!

Yes, I had my period this week and had a horrible time with shakes and food all of a sudden. For me, it's the nausea.

I have anti nausea meds but they can cause constipation -- which I'm desperately steering clear of right now with the 'roids. Hence all the fiber, which is really only 12-15g per day. A normal person would be trying to get in 25g or more. It's just odd that for the first 4-5 weeks after surgery I was fine, doing great even just last weekend. My energy was great, I was eating 3x per day plus a shake or two, plenty of fluids no problem, sleeping well. Then come Sunday night, I start the pill pack and Monday - nausea. Tuesday, worse. Yesterday, unbearable and today was just miserable....the past two nights I'm awake at 4:30am and lying there until 6am. My therapist even told me today it was like I'd done a complete "180" since she saw me last week. And my husband is begging me to stop taking the pills because he is so worried about me!! The weird thing for me is the nausea is worst in the morning and better by evening... and I take the pill right before bedtime.

Hi everyone, I have a tough situation at hand and am hoping someone may have the answer. For the last four days or so, I'm having the worst time with nausea, moodiness, and weeping. I'm quite certain it's the low-dose oral birth control my gyno started me on (for PCOS), but I've been on birth control in the past and never had it hit me like this. Could the sleeve be changing how I'm metabolizing it? So here are the basics: I'm getting in 585-675 calories per day, 70g+ of Protein (most days still above 80), anywhere from 35-45g carbs. I'm dealing with hemorrhoids for the past two weeks, so I get in what Fiber I can from Benefiber, veggies, flax seed. I don't drink milk, I'm steering clear of cheese at this time - my only dairy is greek yogurt and cottage cheese (which I've tolerated fine in the past). The easiest thing for me to keep down is shrimp, sometimes chicken or tofu. But I'm getting sick of eating them. I get in 56-64 of fluids per day, pushing through the nausea when I can. Before this all started, I was getting in 80-96. Despite the doctor's orders, I'm still getting 30-45 of walking in every day or every other day (it irritates the hemorrhoids) - and since I'm getting knee injections, I can't exercise for 48 hours. I feel like I'm sick all the time, get the dry heaves even just drinking Water or tea. Yes, I've tried all kinds of herbal and decaf teas -- nothing helps. The main coincidence is starting the pill.... Anyone?

I had something similar in my cleavage and on my belly, pretty sure it was the surgical tape. It went away after about a week, but call your doctor if it gets itchy or uncomfortable. I think they allow you to take Benedryl if you need it...

My doctor told me that the esophagus sends signals that food is stuck and it makes your glands create a lot of saliva to help it down. I've found that when it gets that bad I can usually just lean over a sink and just the slime will come up, then I feel relief. But occasionally that last bite will come with it as well. I wash out my mouth and lesson learned!

Yep, Nectar is the best!

I've had fiber issues since before surgery, and have been fighting my doctor on it ever since. I was severely constipated the week after surgery. Since then, I use Benefiber daily (4-6tsp daily). I've since gotten hemorrhoids, another sign I needed more fiber so I started incorporating brocolli, beans, flax, and other foods to bump up the fiber. I've been stalled at 224 for 5 days, but I contribute it more to not being able to exercise with the painful hemorrhoids. I agree, fiber is essential in keeping things moving and healthy -- any doctor who does not see it's value is ignoring a critical fact for the stake of his statistics.

I've had that happen nearly every time I go out for food since surgery. First time getting sushi with my husband, the waitress kept asking if we "needed to order more" as she looked at our simple order (mostly for him, just sashimi for me). Then we hit a taco stand and I got the shrimp taco, ate the filling but not the shell. I was asked if anything was wrong with my order, as it took me about 30 minutes to eat it. At an Applebees, I got the soup/salad combo and pretty much just ate the chicken off the salad and barely touched the soup. The server asked me if the food was OK. Finally, when I stopped at my favorite taqueria and ordered a single shrimp taco, he asked me twice, "Are you sure that's all you want?" I understand they are in the service industry, and are meant to upsell and live on tips. I hope it will go away eventually. When I picked up fish at my favorite place, I asked for a 4oz portion of halibut and she tried to get me to buy 6-8oz! I finally told her why I was only getting the small piece and she was so understanding. She told me later that if I need anything in smaller portions, they'll be happy to cut it for me and freeze wrap it for longer storage.

Thanks everyone. I'm going to give CL and eBay a shot, see what happens. In addition to the pieces I'd like to sell, I took 8 large trash bags of clothes to Goodwill last weekend. It was a major purge!! I've never had enough to deduct to make a difference on my taxes, though...

So I cleaned out my closets this weekend and have about 60 pieces of clothing I can no longer wear. YEAH! But I'm so frustrated because I have a number of items that were worn like one or two times, they are in perfect condition. You know, nice linen pants from Talbots that cost like $100 new, and great Lane Bryant jeans that were a $50-70 value new. I was hoping to take them to a consignment store to try to make some money back, but they don't take any sizes above a 16/XL. One girl was so insulting when I asked if they take plus sized clothing and she said, "Yeah, we do. We go up to 14/16!" She sounded 21 years old and as though she's never had an extra pound on her body. Does anyone have any tips or anything that's worked for them? Do many people use eBay? I've never bought used clothes from there, so I'm not sure if I may put a lot of time to post these items and have it not move.

teambrown4, I am so sorry to hear of this! I would be frustrated, as well. It will happen, soon! Everyone reacts very differently after surgery. I know I saw people losing 40+ pounds in their first month and thought only losing 20 was a failure. I'm glad you're talking to your NUT, and it sounds like you're doing a lot of the right things. I've found that bumping my exercise to one hour or more a day definitely helps, as does getting in plenty of fluids. They say aim for 64oz but I like to shoot for 80oz. Granted my weight loss has slowed down in March due to some 'injuries' that have me sidelined from normal activity....hang in there! Sleeve of Steel, I'm curious how you get in that many calories? My NUT wants me to stay below 500-600 calories (I'm 6 weeks out) and I think that's nuts. I get in my Protein, keep my carbs below 40 and of course barely any fat. But I find it hard to get in more than 600 in a given day, just not that hungry. That plus the not drinking before/after meals and wanting to keep my fluids up. My instinct tells me they have me taking in too little, but it's always hard to go against your doctor's advice....

I had surgical glue. Two came off by day 14, then another by day 20. The last two took the longest, the ones closest to the bellybutton. I think those were a solid four weeks.

I'm only six weeks out, but I expect to go through the same thing. I've already gone from a 22/24 to solid 18, even have a pair of 16 that fit. But because we're going from winter to spring, I refuse to buy new clothes until I really need to. So I'm still wearing my 20 jeans and 1-2X tops and jackets. I just don't want to buy a new jacket for a few weeks. I've lost over 10 inches from arms, waist, hips, legs, etc. - so the weight loss is there. But I still see the same fat me when I look in the mirror or see myself naked. This weekend, I cleaned out my closets. I kept clothes from 8-10 years ago when I was "normal" at size 4/6. I held them up and couldn't believe I ever fit in them, nor that I ever will again. I even broke into tears at how much damage I've done to my body, and I just didn't see it. I kept asking my husband, "Do you really remember me that size?!?" There is a strange association that the memories of wearing those clothes was a different person and somehow I switched bodies. You know how your body feels when you get off a treadmill, go skating, etc. and you stop -- feels like the ground should still be moving. And that's only after 20-30 minutes. I see it as the same thing. We're wearing fat suits for years, or even decades. Our minds need some time to catch up, know you're on solid ground again. I don't ever want to forget how 275, 250, 200, etc. pounds feels on my joints and my bones, so that I will always appreciate where I (eventually!) end up. I think it will take a while, maybe even years after I reach goal before I feel stable again...

Yes, fluids like broths or soups do count. Though the chunkier and creamier the soup becomes, the harder is it to say how much is fluid and how much is food. Remember, SF Jell-o counts as do SF Popsicles. Are you drinking protein shakes made with water, skim or soy milk? That counts and helps you get your protein in! You're doing great, and it does get easier. I try to keep a water bottle with me at all times, and I drink more on days that I exercise versus sitting around.

My sleep study was the opposite. They hooked me up, I got in bed, and fell asleep within 10 minutes. I slept all the way through the night, 8 hours solid. One of the best night's sleep I can remember! It was the next day, with them yanking that stuff out of my hair and then trying to wash it out. I cried, lost so much hair, and my scalp hurt for days! The funny thing to me was that they said I have "mild" sleep apnea and tried me on the CPAP for a month. Worst month of sleeping ever! I must've tried 30 different masks, but each and every one would leak or make a whistling sound as soon as it got to the first level of pressure. They said I had some contours on my face they made most of the masks not work. They even tried children's masks. I didn't even snore!! Not sure how to help, other than maybe to drink some hot tea and play some nice music to relax. Speak up if you aren't comfortable in their room: temperature, blankets, etc.

Having more than 15 years in the cycling industry, I can say biking is one of the best ways to get fit. No worries, I've sold bikes to men who weigh close to 300 -- you won't flatten the tires. And yes, your butt will hurt especially at first until everything gets used to it. I personally don't like gel or wide saddles for anyone, they can actually cause more harm by creating pressure points. But that being said, I'd get fitted properly at a local bike shop. Not a Wal-Mart, Target, etc. -- those bikes are built by teenage kids and are rip offs from copy-cats with no safety standards. Giant, Specialized, Trek, etc. all good brands that will last a long time and have resale value later. And no you won't make the tires go flat, but you will want to check your pressure before every ride. Ask for a nice recreational bike, nothing too fancy. Good luck!

Hiccups are usually a sign of taking in too much too fast. You may be drinking too much at one time? Do not use straws, they cause you to take in extra air. The headache may be some dehydration if you are not getting in enough fluids (aim for 64oz every day, including your shakes). You will know if you develop a leak or stricture, I've heard it's very painful and very obvious. I remember on day 3 how every little sound and gurgle that came from my belly scared the pahooey out of me. You did just have major surgery and your body is still reacting, plus you still have pain meds and anesthesia coming out of your system. Those can also cause headache, chills. For the first few weeks I was freezing all the time, but now I'm coming up on week 6 and feel extremely normal. Try to relax as much as you can, focus on your diet and moving around as much as possible without hurting yourself, and rest when you are tired. It does get better, and you will know if you truly need more help!

Are you taking an acid reducing medication? Sometimes too much acid can make you feel more hungry than you actually are. It's really best if you stick to the suggestions from your doctor for clear liquids until you can do full. I think around day 8 I was able to have some chicken noodle soup - I just took out all the noodle (which was a lot!) and ate the veggies, only 2 bites of the chicken (well chewed, of course). Hang in there, it will get better as you can start to add more variation!

I use Children's Liquid Tylenol for any pain or headache. It doesn't work as well as an NSAID, but is better than nothing. You might could try melatonin or Valerian root to help with sleep, those are herbal and don't affect the stomach.

Yeah, I'm an apple shape and definitely have more of a belly now than when the weight came off. It's my nemesis....