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Showing content with the highest reputation since 02/15/2005 in Blog Entries

  1. 9 points

    4 Months Pictures!

    Can not believe how much time went by since my surgery!!! I am grateful of the results that I have enjoyed so far. Like most slow losers, I wish I had lost more! But things are moving along. I am making changes that will not only help me lose the weight now, but keep if off in the long run. I just went through a super stall, BUT to my surprise I got the most comments and compliments during that period!! Go figure lol!! My upper body slimmed down significantly, but my lower body is stubborn and will not be as flexible:( I did lose, but not as drastically as my top did. I hope that will be the next site of improvement or I am going to look very disproportionate:( NSV: I wore heels for the first time in YEARS today! And I felt ( do I dare say ) so SEXY lol!!! I am of good spirit and faith. I am going to win this fight.
  2. 7 points

    Being Bad

    I was bad with my dinner last night. But I loved every bit of it. Today is another day and I will be better. I did not over eat, I just ate the wrong things. I had 3 coconut shrimp, great bread dunked in oil and cheese pizza. The local restaurant has a great football special when the N.E. Patriots play. Yes they won!!! On one of my other WLS groups one person spoke of her friend and by pass. The woman had by pass about 10 years ago and was doing great for a while. She is now in the hospital for revision. She stretched out her pouch and when the doctor went to sew her insides it was like cotton candy, her words not mine. The woman is on ice chips for a few days and in the hospital for at least 10 days. If that doesn't scare the S**T out of you, nothing will. ​I never was a drinker. In fact the last frozen Girl Scout cookie I had I broke out into hives and never had a drink since. That was over 15 years ago. So drinking was never anything I was going to miss with my journey. I never liked fast foods and yet I was and am obese. Fast food was always a comfort food but not for me. Give me bread and more bread, ice cream. I now have bread in restaurants and maybe once or twice a month in my own house. I think we all went into this new journey to get healthy, be thinner and move our bodies that were just sitting around. No one forced us but we need to be smarter with choices. Like CG always says, Listen to your doctor!! Listen to your dietitian and finally listen to your body. Have a great week. October is tomorrow and before you know it Halloween. I only buy candy I hate and I hate more candies than I like. I never had a problem with buying candy. Yes, I hate Snickers!! Arlene
  3. 7 points

    Tears of joy

    My husband & I were talking, and I got a bit emotional about this journey and so thankful for his support.....the poor man, he is my sole support......well, that and VST! He's never asked how much I weighed, but knew I was over 200 pounds. I was 250 in January.....forget about getting to a healthy weight....I was feeling overwhelmed at the possibility at just getting below 200 and feeling I would never reach that goal. Today I weighted in at 217 and got teary eyed when I realized getting under 200 is possible, and it's in sight.....don't know how long it'll take to get there, but am giving it my all. My husband is hurt that I don't wear my wedding band/engagement ring. I already had them sized 5 years after we married...back in 1989....and I refused to have them sized again--unless it's smaller.....felt if I got them sized again to a bigger size it was acknowledging I'll never get to a healthy weight.....and I wasn't going down w/o a fight. He has no clue, but I can now wear my wedding rings......our anniversary is coming up in a few weeks....I plan on surprising him by wearing them....I'm so excited, I want to wear them now....but I don't want to ruin the surprise.....wish me luck!
  4. 7 points
    I was skipping around reading different posts on Facebook, and found an article by Dr. Laura Berman (you know, the sex therapist on Oprah), and she's talking about her challenge of fighting breast cancer and what it's like going bald during the chemo treatments. While reading that article, she said something that struck me SO deep, that I wanted to share in hopes that it hits someone else too. You see, I'm scared to death of who the "new me" will be. Will I still have my self-deprecating humor? Will I still enjoy what I do today when I'm thinner? Will people still like and love a thinner me even though I've been overweight all my life and this is how people identify me? I'm going to have to learn that my overweight self today isn't want defines me. That being a thinner me and having health and happiness is OK! Here is the quote: "It is amazingly empowering to let go of something you think defines you, only to discover you are a truer version of yourself without it. It’s like letting go of an anchor that’s holding you down." ~Dr. Laura Berman I'm ready to meet that truer me!!
  5. 6 points

    Expectation vs. Reality

    Expectations. I think one of the biggest problems with my gaining and losing weight over the years is my expectation of the situation. Reading the forums here I see that I'm not the only one who suffers from expectation problems. For example in late 2012, I joined Ideal Protein. It's a medically supervised low carb, high protein diet that garners relatively fast results. I was expecting to lose weight quickly and I did. What was the problem? I expected to lose it faster than that! I expected to lose 100 lbs in under 6 months and when I had successfully lost 75 lbs I couldn't really consider it a success. I wanted to but I didn't make my goal. I didn't live up to my expectation. Had I looked at the reality of the situaton: I LOST 75 LBS IN 6 MONTHS perhaps I woiuld've been more gentle with myself. Perhaps I would have taken more pride in my accomplishment, perhaps I would've care more or acted sooner when I started to feel the weight start to slowly creep back. My reality was that I had already failed at this process and so the 5 pound gain that turned to 10 which quickly morphed to 50 lbs was simply more failure. With this process I'm trying really hard to have zero expectations of how it's going to work out but that's easier said than done. From my first meeting the expectation was that it would take months to fulfill the insurance company requirements. I wasn't going to let that deter me. Just proceed on and understand that this could take a while. Nutrition and Psychology and the toughest to schedule with people waiting MONTHS to get appointments. I was prepared. I had zero expectations. My psychology appointment was booked on a Wednesday for the following Monday. WHAT? When I discovered that my 6 months at Ideal Protein covered my nutrition requirements and I only had to see the nutritionist twice through the surgeons office I was pleasantly surprised but I was told that scheduling them could take months. I had my two appointments within 30 days. That was better than any expectation I could've set for myself. As of yesterday, I have fulfilled all of my requirements for the insurance company submittal process so now I have to wait. I know that it can take up to 7 weeks to get an answer from my insurance company but I plan to just continue to have zero expectation of time. It will unfold as it has to unfold and I will yield to the time gently. I'm going to carry this out to my surgery and then to my weight loss following surgery. I know that there are many people who have lost extraordinary amounts of weight in short periods of time. I know others who have had more stalls than a football staduim's restroom but I am neither of those people. I am me and my weightloss will be unique to me. My goals is to: Follow my surgeon's instructions Make my meal planning a priority Keep my body moving Educate my family on what this surgery is doing for me Not compare myself, my diet, my surgeon, my instructions to any other persons Have zero expectations of how this wll play out but know that if I just follow the rules it will play out as my body needs it to. Tha'ts my new reality.
  6. 6 points
    It’s day seven of my liquid diet, and today was the first time I really struggled. First, let me say that today was a great day in many respects. My husband and I took our oldest on a college visit today where he and other students auditioned and interviewed for theater scholarships. I’m not just saying this because I’m his mom—my son did great! Some of the professors even told me so afterwards. He had such a great experience today (this was our second visit), that he decided to commit to the school, which is a huge load off of all of our minds. My son really shined today, and I’m excited about this new chapter in his life. He's going to do amazing things! Okay, now here’s the crabby part. This, as many of you already know, is just a really hard time of year to be on a liquid diet. (Though I'm sure every time of the year has its own unique challenges.) While on campus today, we were treated to lunch in a recently updated dining hall that truly is more like a collection of restaurants. It puts my old college’s microwave eggs and frozen pizzas to shame! And it was a social lunch, one that was stretched out for an hour so that we could talk to the faculty and visit with other prospective students. I felt a little self-conscious about my tiny bowl of soup (which probably wasn’t even technically on my list) as people went back for seconds. Then, we were enthusiastically encouraged to hit the icecream bar. I got another diet soda—a no-no, I know, but at least it wasn’t the icecream bar, and it made me feel like I was having a treat. After a very long two hour drive, we got back into town right around supper time and stopped to pick up my two younger kids from my mom’s house. When we got there, my kids showed off the frosted Christmas sugar cookies they made and everyone endulged—except me. Now, I can see this as a small victory, and I do, but I felt bad because my 3 year old daughter didn’t entirely understand why I wasn’t eating her special cookies. And I felt like my mom was disappointed in me too. Maybe it was in my head, but she kept looking at me like, “Come on, Jennie, just eat one, for your kids.” Then Mom continued to talk about how excited that she was that her favorite pizza place was moving back into our neighborhood. I got out of there as quickly as I could. As soon as I got home, my phone was ringing. My little sis, who lives 3 hours away, is hosting a girls weekend at her place this weekend. It’s the first time she’s had many of the girls of the family down to visit since she moved there, and she’s especially excited because she has a beautiful new home and it’s all decked out for the holidays. Plus, she’s newly pregnant. If you haven’t noticed already—backing out of the trip is simply not a possibility. She is really supportive of what I’m doing, but in her defense, she’s been planning this weekend for a while, and certainly not just for me. So on the agenda for the weekend: a winery (and I LOVE wine—it’s kinda my thing), a local festival of fresh baked goods and Christmas crafts (the crafts should be cool), and then out on the town for dinner in Kansas City. Sigh. This is going to be a tough week, I can tell. But, here it is: I have 7 days left, and A LOT to do. I have to get sub plans ready for the 9 days I’ll miss work, and I pretty much need to have Christmas shopping and wrapping done before I leave town Friday. I teach a college night class, and the grades for that are due next week, and I have to take my student group out to buy gifts for ten area needy kids that we “adopted” for Christmas. I’m hoping that I’m so busy, I won’t have time to lament the loss of real food. Though this weekend will be tough. I’ll just have to keep focused on my surgery. It will be here before I know it. Writing this all down has really helped me get my head around where I am emotionally today. Maybe I wanted to eat more today because, even though it’s a really wonderful milestone, there’s something very bittersweet in my son’s final selection of a college. This is exactly the kind of thing that I would have celebrated by going out for a nice, high calorie dinner! And maybe it’s bothering me that I don’t feel as supported by my extended family as I wish I was. But on the other hand, I’m never going to change them, and I love them how they are. I’m sure I drive them nuts from time to time. And my husband has been amazing. He’s passing on food all the time just so that he’s not eating in front of me. He is even making all of the dinners for the kids right now, which allows me to make my shake/soup/yogurt/whatever and go sit and unwind a minute alone at the end of the day. So I have a lot to stay positive about—I’ve having the surgery, afterall. I’m only days away from something I’ve wanted for almost two years. So I just need to stay positive. Stay positive.
  7. 6 points

    Week 10 Progress

    Had a good week not just in terms of weight loss but more so emotionally. I am just really found myself admiring myself, loving the newfound me this week. I even had to check myself not to be looking in the mirror so much. I bought a dress pre-surgery that I loved but it was also only $8 so that made me love it even more...Well, it was an an "XL" and even still was pretty tight but I put on my spanx and made it work. (I had to walk with my legs squeezed because you could hear the spanx rubbing together. I had the leg kind on). Well, I wore this same dress on Wednesday and oh what a differnece. I wish I would have taken a picture now. But the dress was so much longer, dragging the floor even since it had less to go around. Those spanx that used to hold everything tight were actually too lose and so I put on another pair that I had outgrown...First no swishing as my legs dont overlap as they did...Still touch but no overlap...My stomach look as if it is was not there and the dress just flowed from me...Not snug in the least bit. In fact, I think I had my last wear in it because it will be too big by the time I put it back in the wear cycle. My sleeve buddy posted in our FB support forum, how so many of her milestones are marked by her remembrance of her weight and as I got to thinking about I have several of those moments too...Weight really had taken over my own being...Funny thing is I am still marking milestones but its not marking them with a new look as my weight goes down. I go home to visit my family back in Arkansas and it will be the first any have seen of me since having surgery. I am both nervous and excited about their reaction. I think a lil more nervous then excited. I is my motivation to really work hard and maintain a straight line with diet compliance so that I can see 180lbs by Nov 19th. Pretty lofty goal but I know really think I can make it happen with "Two-A-Day" workouts...I love the Insanity workout which I do in the morning and then in the evening 4 days a week I will get my run on. And speaking of running, I committed myself to a running a half marathon on June 1, 2013. Keeping a goal such as this in front of me keeps me motivated to stay on the grind, particularly during the winter months when it becomes easy to get lazy with a warm blanket and hot chocolate. HW 232 & SW 227 (VSG 08/17/12 & 5'8) LW 196.2 CW 193.6 [Total Weight Loss 38.4] GW 155
  8. 6 points
    Where do I start...Week 8 was the week of workouts... I concentrated on my running game...So I pushed myself everytime I ran...Managed 2 miles in 26 minutes on Wednesday...And on Saturday, I actually did an 11 minute mile...Killed me but I felt good after I caught my breath and my heart starting beating inside instead of outside of my chest...Now I need to duplicate that across two miles and then three miles...My goal is to do 3 miles in 30 minutes...I have also kept up with Insanity workouts...Still hard as hell but well worth it...I get a sense of accomplishments from getting through another greuling 40 minutes of insane workouts...I feel myself getting stronger..my stretches getting better and my cardio picking up so I am so encouraged... I know some say I am going too hard on the workouts but I do not think so...I feel absolutely fine and no pain from the workouts other than sore muscles...And I actually get a rise out of that because that means they feeling the effect and making way for change...Working out, particularly running is a lifestyle for me so no sense of putting it off any longer..I also am putting weight lifting in my routine. My arms have always been big proportionate to my body so I am giving them a lil extra work to see if I can get them to get with the program...lol... I had a few struggles with food and the dreaded alcohol...I went out to eat with friends and there was bread and I had a tiny piece...Didnt take it too far because I did not want to risk upsetting my stomach...And I also tried a drink, on a separate occassion, and it burned my stomach...Good and a bad thing...so I didnt finish the drink and have the empty calories but man I was looking forward to that drink... But the best part of the week...I got down to 199...I guess it is possible on my scale...For the past few weeks I was beginning to think that my scale did not display #'s less than 200...I attached progress photos and I can see the difference in the photos but when I look in the mirror I pretty much see myself the same as I was pre-surgery...I had a girlfriend tell me that it was funny that when I was bigger I saw myself as a sexy b*tch..and now as I have getting smaller I am seeing myself as a slob...I dont really know where I lost myself..I do remember feeling good about me or at least I played the role so well that I believed I liked myself at some point in my "big life"...Now, I critique myself so hard on that and I am almost uncomfortable in my own skin...I need for my self image and confidence to catch up with my smaller waistline...It is sometimes hard to process the compliments because I am thinking what do these folk see...In fact, I told this one guy, I wanted to see myself through his eyes...He had always adored me even at my biggest and now he can't wait to see me in the morning to shower me with compliments... HW 232 & SW 227 (VSG 08/17/12 & 5'8) LW 201.2 CW 199 [Exactly 44lbs away from goal] GW 155
  9. 6 points

    Passing Time

    Well - this is my first posting and first blog so here goes! I feel lately I have had a lot of firsts....first major surgery, first time putting myself first, first time owning my health, etc I have to say that it definitely is hard to choose yourself first. Anyone with children, a spouse, family, etc knows what I mean. You feel as if you are cheating them out of being there. It has taken me many years to come to understand that what I thought as putting them first was actually an excuse for me to continue to be unhealthy. How was I putting them first if I wasn't taking the best care of myself? This is a VERY hard lesson to learn. As I look around at my family members and family history of chronic weight related issues I put my foot down. There was a voice deep down saying "me, me...did you forget that I am here?" This time I chose to listen. I have not always been overweight...alright "morbidly obese". This is something that has been rolling along pretty much for the past 15 years. You know the story....get married (get comfortable), have children (more comfortable with a few pounds) and before you know it you are a shell of the person you once were. Years go by and you lose a little and gain more and back and forth. Many of us have the same story. My weight loss surgery journey originally began two and a half years ago, Dec 2009 with a seminar for the lap band. I went and listened and then said I will give it another try of doing it myself and bailed on following through. Two years later I found myself at the seminar again with a firm grip on my nerves and actually listened with more conviction about choosing me first. After going through the 3 months of NUT, psych appointment, surgeon visits and pre-op testing...I took a leap of faith with myself and God . I had clear liquids 24 hrs before surgery and was officially sleeved on 7/17 at 10am. I am currently 10 days post-op and completely intrenched in the full liquid diet. What can you say about liquids? Not a whole lot . Anyway, I am just passing time until Tues when I get to start the greatly anticipated puree stage. Never thought I would be so excited about eating food the consistency of baby food. But here I am and readily counting the hours. This past 2 weeks has given me time to do a lot of thinking!! Sometimes I wonder if the liquid stage is just as much for learning to listen to your body and conquering some of your food obsession as it is about letting your body heal. I have found that everyday that voice is getting a little stronger and I can't wait to begin to have NSVs and see the weight come off. I will take each day of passing time to consider the gift I have been given of my life, living longer, spending more time with family and friends. I am 38 years old and have a lifetime ahead of me and plan to make it the best I can!!
  10. 6 points
    Well, I returned to work, arrived early - 7 AM, since I had insomnia last night - I figured I'd make the most of the day. After I got my walk on with the love of my life. My hubbage has been super awesome supportive. I am blessed. I keep my big GNC MIO flavored water at my side where ever I go, and I have a bottle of Isopure on my desk. I sip, sip, sip and that does the trick. I had egg-salad at my desk - started at 12, and finished at 3 - I took my sweet time eating bit by bit. I'm so afraid of feeling uncomfortable and visiting up-chuck city at work that I would rather slowly pace myself. Granted, it is HARD AS HELL. The shadow man from stress eater land is lurking over me all the time. It is so wierd to want to eat but to not be hungry. I think that is the biggest challenge for me. Recognizing and listening to my stress triggers and not immediately thinking FOOD. I find so much support, positivity and community on this site - thank you who ever reads and comments, you are lifting my spirit as I work through this life change. Every smiley face is getting a smile right back. I talked to my HR Director, she did not turn over the paperwork to my boss, kept it confidential as requested, fully supported me. (I LOVE WHEN HR DOES WHAT THEY SHOULD). I met with my boss, the good news...well she told me about my "bonus" for the performance year - we did well. However, she "negatively modified" my bonus because she felt I "struggled" this year. Let me define the struggle. An anonymous complaint to HR w/out facts, inuendo and no specific examples to substantiate the claim. I've asked time and again - but to no avail. And I got "dinged" because she did not feel I had as outstanding of a year as my peers. She smiled the whole time she said it. She's inspires me to be a better person. Even though it was a small "ding" - it is the point none the less. I've been working on my Resume - time to be successful somewhere else. Some day. I love my staff, my team, the work I do. It is challenging, fun. I've got AWESOME health bennies. So, I shut up and put up, or I move on. I don't think I could handle moving on so soon. So I will vent, and deal. And wish the flees of a thousand camels infest her pants.