Leaderboard

My dad always told me that when you cant stop dwelling on what people say about you, you are letting them live rent free in your head. Well...there was a comment made on Sunday that I cant seem to evict! My husband and I were visiting my inlaws in another state. We attended the church where my FIL is a preacher. We always attend church with them when we visit. Last visit we made was 2 weeks post op, so I had not lost really anything at that point. This was the first time the people at the church have seen me since my extreme weight loss. A lot of people made comments about how great I looked, and that didnt bother me at all. However, two ladies came up to my husband and I, told me I looked so good, then they turned to my husband and said, "looks like you really made out on that deal!" My husband laughed and said, "Yeah my investment really paid off!" For background, we got married two months before my surgery. I tried to laugh it off in the moment, but I really had to bite back tears. I have never felt that my husband looked at me any differently at 284 or 140. He himself has said that he only saw me, never my weight. He says he loves me regardless. Both comments, from the lady AND my husband's reply has been on repeat in my head all week. Who finds that comment appropriate to say to anyone?? I was a catch at my HW and I am no more or less of a catch at my CW. He didnt marry me hoping I would lose weight and look better physically, at least I would certainly HOPE not, seeing as he is overweight himself. It was inappropriate and hurtful. Normally, I would address my husbands comment with him in private. However, our marriage has been rough (to say the least) lately and I didnt want to start an argument. I know he will tell me that it was a joke, I am being too sensitive and overthinking it. Which...maybe I am but that doesnt make the comments hurt less. I dont know...I guess i just needed to vent to people that would understand!

Since you already received the requisite comments about drinking above, I will just answer your specific question. I was sleeved, and was told no alcohol for the first month. Beyond that, was told to determine on my own what I can handle, but the general recommendation was to try to abstain. With that said, here is MY timeline: 3 weeks post op: 2-3 sips of red wine (felt weird, thought I could feel the warmth going down my intestines). Also I remember being affected by it. Not drunk or even tipsy...but something. 2-ish months post op: ~1 fl oz of soju-sake (got terribly sick within 15 or so minutes, spent the next few hours suffering : rapid heart rate/barf/diarrhea/lethargy/passed out...it was the sugar, dammit). 3-7 months post op: probably had 4-5 (partial) drinks of either red wine or vodka soda the entire time (got tipsy really fast, got sober equally fast). 8 months to present : drank more (mostly due to the fact that I was done with weight loss phase). Maybe 1-2 times a week at first (and sometimes none at all), then Covid came around, and since about may-june last year, I drink almost every day. I still get tipsy and sober pretty quickly....not as drastic as in the early months, but still. Generally, I can feel the effects by 1/2 the glass, and if I finish the whole thing, I will be completely normal again within 1-1.5 hours. So take this as validation, justification, or as a cautionary tale. You decide. P.S. note that the effects will be different for everyone...I am pretty small (5'2", 110 lbs), so this definitely influences how I am affected. @The Greater Fool's suggestion to try it out in a safe place first is a good one.

Yes, you need to take vitamins after surgery. Taking vitamins isn’t a bad idea for most people. I use the PatchMD ones. I take enough pills as it is & I don’t want to take anymore orally. My daughter takes the BariatricPal ones. Others take chewable children’s vitamins (I couldn’t stand those & a kid). I had a RNY because I had previous surgery to fix a hiatal hernia that had failed & it was causing me a great deal of acid reflux again. Talk with your doctor to pick the best surgery for you!

I always forget about consignment stores. Great idea! That's a great place to get good quality and condition clothes cheaply.

Try Poshmark... they gave great deals

Haven't had surgery yet but how about those sites that send you clothes? Not sure if they are worth it, or if it works like I'm thinking but, maybe that would be a good way to try new clothes as you lose? Here is a site that has some tips: https://www.bariatricbody.co/post/12-step-guide-for-shopping-buying-and-making-your-clothing-wardrobe-work-after-bariatric-surgery

I am not the person you were debating with. I just added this because you seemed not to be familiar with the quote she was referencing. And I do find this law enforcement officer's language ("fed up", "at the end of his rope" and "a really bad day") to be minimizing and dismissive of what Robert Long did. Whether that's because he's male is up for debate, but I do find the tone to be excusing.

This is coming from 21 years in a relationship. You have to speak your truth regardless of a fight or disagreement. You can not live your life scared to rock the boat that you are rowing. It is your marriage too and he doesnt get to say "dont disagree with me". Marriage is work, it is not going to be easy all the time. As long as you are safe speaking your truth speak it. If you are not safe speaking your truth, it maybe time to find a safe space for you to be and that maybe not woth your husband. If it is on your mind, tell him and ask him to think of another response because he is going to get those kinds of comments. Good luck and know your feelings are worth being heard.

Feelings need to be felt and they are never wrong. Feelings just exist to tell us something. This is telling you that you might need some reassurance from your husband. I think rather than dwelling on the specific incident, think about what you want and need from him. Ask for it. Kasia Urbaniak is an incredible teacher on asking for what you want. on another note, I absolutely dread comments about my weight even if they're “compliments.” I am especially Apprehensive on what message my kids will get on weight and the value of certain bodies. I’m not sure what the answer is.

You are averaging 3.6 lbs a week. That is pretty dadgum good. Stay the course and use your tool and you will get there!