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My initial loss with my band was amazing (and a little scary), but the joy of seeing pounds dropping off on a daily basis was truly fantastic. As I was looking at my weight this morning, I noticed that I had only lost 5 pounds during the month of April and was tempted toward the negative by comparing my loss with what I did when I was first banded. Then I started to think about my bike ride on Sunday, 28 miles, 23 miles two days before, Both at speeds that it took me 5 months of work up to last year to be able to sustain for 15 miles. I thought about my spin class and the progress I have made during it, where I had to stop and rest halfway through when I first started. I thought about the fact that it is time to go shopping for clothes again because my pants are starting to bunch at the waist when I tighten my belt enough to hold them up. I thought about the fact that I am down to one belt because I haven't punched holes in the other two. I thought about the fact that the fat percentage on my scale hit a new low number this morning. I thought about all the weight that I lost on WW, and how 5 pounds in a month would have been a cause for celebration. Yup, the low hanging fruit of my band journey is all gone, but that's ok I burn more calories when I have to climb the branches to reach the higher fruit. Father God, please help me to remain thankful for all that you have given me instead of focusing on what I don't have...

"You are beautiful. Your beauty, just like your capacity for life, happiness, and success, is immeasurable. Day after day, countless people across the globe get on a scale in search of validation of beauty and social acceptance. Get off the scale! I have yet to see a scale that can tell you how enchanting your eyes are. I have yet to see a scale that can show you how wonderful your hair looks when the sun shines its glorious rays on it. I have yet to see a scale that can thank you for your compassion, sense of humor, and contagious smile. Get off the scale because I have yet to see one that can admire you for your perseverance when challenged in life. It’s true, the scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That’s it. It cannot measure beauty, talent, purpose, life force, possibility, strength, or love. Don’t give the scale more power than it has earned. Take note of the number, then get off the scale and live your life. You are beautiful!” Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

I can’t exercise at work. I can park in a parking structure that is a block from my building I can give the elevators the day off and climb the stairs (my office building has 11 floors, my office is on the 8th floor) I can go to the bathroom on the 11th floor instead of my floor (& take the stairs, of course) I can take a break & go for a walk (it’s amazing how refreshing it is to get away from my desk for 10 minutes) I can’t drink that much water in a day. I can add lemon/lime wedges or crystal light mixes to the water for variety. I can carry a bottle of water with me everywhere I go. I can take a drink of water every 5 minutes. I can’t stop snacking. I can stock my pantry with healthy snacks I can pre-portion my health snacks. I can drink 8 ozs of water before having the snack I think I want. I can go for a walk instead of having the snack I think I want. As long as “I can” I will maintain my weight and I know I CAN!

Laying in bed this morning and my arm hits something on my leg...I think to myself...what the hell? Turns out I have a hip and leg bone that has been hiding in my thigh for at least 3 decades. Needless to say it's pretty cool to find all these bones that have always been there but have been hiding...collar bones, shoulder bones, now hip bones...oh and I am even seeing ankles too, real ankles and not cankles. Just thought I would post this in my blog today. Feels good.

I love the movie Fried Green Tomatoes (1991) with Kathy Bates, Jessica Tandy, it’s a must see so rent it if you've never seen it. This is one of my favorite scenes…… Just wanted to share it with everyone. I never get mad, Mrs. Threadgoode. Never! The way I was raised it was bad manners. Well, I got mad and it felt terrific. I felt like I could beat the sh*t outta all those punks! Excuse my language. Just beat 'em to a pulp! Beat 'em till they begged for mercy. Towanda, the avenger! After I wipe out all the punks of this world, I'll take on the wife beaters, like Frank Bennett, and machine gun their genitals. Towanda will go on the rampage. I'll put tiny bombs in Penthouse and Playboy... so they'll explode when you open 'em. I'll ban all fashion models who weigh less than 130 pounds. I'll give half the military budget to people over 65... and declare wrinkles sexually desirable. Towanda, righter of wrongs, queen beyond compare! How many of them hormones you takin', honey

I've found that in the 4 weeks since I've had my surgery I am obsessing about how much weight I'm losing. I'm losing a decent amount, but I want to make this work so badly I've forgotten about patience. Patience hasn't always been a virtue of mine, but I'm thinking this is something I'm going to have to work on. I didn't get fat overnight. It happened over years and I'm expecting to lose so much in months. Don't ge me wrong, I still think its important for me to have goals. I just need to be realistic. This is not a sprint to the finish line its a life changing marathon, with hills, valleys, and bumps. I'm really appreciating the people on here who are so open and caring to give me good advice and help keep my mind straight and help me realize what's happening with my mind and body is normal. Today, I am going to stop worrying. I will follow my Doctor's instructions and walk through my journey, so hopefully one day soon I will be able to help others.

I am 7 days away from an 8 mile hike up to LeConte Lodge in Great Smoky Mountains National Park, 8 days away from hiking 5.5 miles down from that mountain, 9 days away from a 7 day vacation in Hawaii, and 32 days away from being sleeved. It is going to be an exciting month. However, I have really struggled with the "food funeral". I have had binge like behavior for the past couple of weeks, and have basically let my "inner fat girl" have everything she wants, and the result of that...the added weight, the bloat, the heart burn, the sluggish "I just want to be lazy" feelings, etc have taken enough of a toll on me, and I have finally decided that enough is enough. It's time to start preparing my brain for what my body is about to go through. Today I kind of gave the following talk to myself... Dear Food, You have always been there for me. You were there for me when I was alone in the evenings after school, you were there for me when people hurt my feelings, you were there when I was alone, you were there when I was rejected, when I was awarded, when I was celebrated. You were there through the loneliness of my teens when I didn't have any "real" friends..during the long hour and a half drive from my mom's to my dad's house when I started driving alone. You were there through my college years when boys rejected me, when the school work got hard and continued on into the night. You were there in my lonely apartment in my early 20's, and there when I went through the financial crisis which landed me back in my parent's house feeling defeated. You were there when I moved to a new state at 28 with my fiance' and I was stressed about leaving everything I knew and loved behind other than this one man. And you were there when my dad died of a heart attack at 57 (obesity related) one week after that move, and through the months that followed trying to get his estate finalized while living 500 miles away. You were there in the nervousness of my wedding, and of being a new bride. You were there through the stresses of every long day of every tax season, and then when I went out on my own as a bookkeeper. You have been there every evening to help me alleviate stress lately. You have been what I've looked forward to at the end of the day. You have comforted me, you have praised me, you have distracted me, you have brought me pleasure. But you have also brought me pain. You have brought me "weight", literally. My bones hurt, my body aches, my feet are killing me, my back feels like it's in knots. My heart races these days with the slightest hill or stair case. You have made me depressed which caused me to ponder that death might be better than life when I feel I can't overcome your power. You are holding me back from my passions of the outdoors. I can hardly hike up hills these days without feeling like I'm going to die. My heel pain is just getting worse with every pound you add to my body. I don't feel sexy anymore... You are tearing apart my life and I'm only 32. I thank you for having been there for me, but I think in order to have the best life I can, I'm going to have to part with you, or atleast part of you. God has brought other things into my life to take over the work you were doing all alone. I have a husband who can comfort me and celebrate me. I have friends who can help me to not be lonely and a bible study group to strengthen me when I'm feeling bad. I have a bike, a kayak, hiking boots and a backpack that will keep me entertained. I have a fantastic gym membership and a mini home gym that can keep me distracted from work when need be. I have kitties who can sooth me on lonely days when I need "love" (okay, my husband can do that too if he's not working late) I will be okay with out large quantities of you. Our relationship is changing, and while I'll still partake of you, I need the best you, you have to give.... things that will make me strong and healthy instead of weak and lazy. The sugary things that I let sooth me have to go...perhaps one day I'll be able to enjoy a bite or two, but since you've turned me into a sugar addict, that day will be far away when I'm at goal and am finally in control. Here's to change! Tomorrow, I will start a low carb, 2 protein shakes a day (I have plenty of sample packets to choose from), and one protein + complex carb + either 1/2 a sweet potato or 1/2 cup cooked quinoa meal a day, food plan. I will get out of this sugar fog, and back into "the light". And I'll flush out the funk with lots of water and green tea. I'm ready to start my new life even though I am 32 days before surgery and am only required to do a 7 day low carb pre-op diet. I'm just ready! With my hike before Hawaii, and lots of hiking/walking planned in Hawaii (and fresh pineapple!!) I can stay on track until my surgery. Wish me luck fellow pre op and post op sleevers! I appreciate you and your stories and questions more than you know!! Edit: No need to suggest counseling...I've already been doing it for 5 months and will probably continue after surgery. I wish I could say it's helping with the mental stuff...but I don't see it.

I packed my normal breakfast of a Protein shake and a some steel cut oats, and drank my shake when I got to my desk. a couple of hours later I was hungry again and pulled my oatmeal out. Then Mistress Band spoke, "I'm not eating that stuff, get me some more protein!" So down to the cafeteria for a couple for eggs and hash browns, threw 3/4 of the hash browns away, and Mistress Band is now one happy camper. When I woke up this morning, I was feeling pretty lethargic, I knew I had been doing a lot of physical labor on 1300 calories a day with the constant snow fall here, but I thought I had been allowing for that. My body disagreed, and a real part of my journey is learning to listen to my band and my body. Food for thought.

My Lap-band is a great tool for my weight loss journey, if only I could band my head. How many times have we thought that? I read it on threads all the time. Well, we can band our head. In fact I have a Banded Brain Tool and it’s called SUPPORT. It comes in all different shapes and sizes. My Banded Brain Tool consists of five things: Cheerleaders – these are my family and friends who from the sidelines are cheering me on. It’s my hubby seeing me struggle and walking up to me whispering in my ear, “You are doing so incredible on this journey, I’m so proud of you.” Or my friends saying, “You look great!” Support Group – My support group meets once a month. Seeing fellow bandster, exchanging stories and ideas gets me from month to month. LapBandTalk – I log on every day, check in with my friends, help and support other bandsters as well as get help and support. MyFItnessPal – Keeps me honest with my food intake and my friends offer help and ideas here too. FitBit – My pedometer on steroids! I never though one little electronic devise would get me climbing stairs every day. It sends me emails when I earn a new badge (never forget the first day I climbed 50 flights – I was a dancing fool). I compete with my friends to see who can walk the most steps and we encourage each other one. Between my Lap-band and Banded Brain Tool I have been able to succeed with my weight loss.

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