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October 18th, 2011 was a monumental day in my life. The three months leading up to that date were anxiety filled, and I spent every waking moment on VST and YouTube gathering all the information I could about being sleeved. No matter how much research you do, you're still never fully able to comprehend how much your life will change - in my case for the better. While in the hospital after being sleeved, things weren't so bad, in fact I was expecting to be in a lot more pain than I actually was. I anticipated that it would be excruciatingly bad, but in comparison to my 3 sections and one natural birth, the pain was minimal. I was able to walk by the second day (very slowly of course) and didn't experience any of the gas issues that people talk about during their experience. Even my nurses and surgeon mentioned how I was doing so well. Physically, I was the ideal post op patient. Mentally however, I was a frickin MESS! My first couple of days home were a little rocky as I was having issues with my acid reflux meds. The omeperazole they prescribed for me didn't agree with my system, so I had to go on Nexium. No big deal, I had a rough day and a half till we worked that out. But the real issue I had with getting sleeved was the restriction. I knew that I signed up for this surgery because restriction would be the ONLY way that someone like me could ever lose weight and keep it off. I don't have enough will power to stop myself from eating for no reason. Even as a sleeved woman, if there is a piece of food near me I have the urge to eat it - not because I'm hungry, but because its there. With the sleeve though, I have to make a conscious decision before I eat anything or suffer the consequences. Am I willing to eat that food and suffer from "dumping" or feeling overly full for several hours, or even vomiting because it doesn't agree with my new tummy? These are the things that go through my head now before I stuff my face for no reason. My sleeve has made me a conscious eater. Although the restriction is just what I needed, as you'll see in my previous blogs, I resented this sleeve for not allowing me to be greedy and eat any and everything I wanted. I resented this sleeve because I couldn't just take it back to the store and get my old tummy back. I resented this sleeve because I wasn't in control. I had to do what my sleeve liked. I had to submit to my sleeve and finally after a little over 2 months I can say my sleeve and I are a team. We're in sync. I'm not holding up my end of the bargain as I should with my protein counts, but Im working on it. As long as I keep my sleeve hydrated and give her some stuff to eat every few hours, she's good. No belching, no vomiting, no gurgling, no problems. I said all this to say that loving my sleeve wasn't necessarily an easy road to get to. Sometimes when you read the posts of those people who have been successful with their sleeve after many months, the "bad" stuff tends to get left out and you're left with these expectations of happy sleevedom and when you do get sleeved you wish you'd never done it. It happened to me. No one told me about the resentment stage and no one told me that I might have buyers remorse in my first few weeks of being sleeved. No one told me that I would feel trapped, and angry, and want to stay in my bed for weeks until it all got better. I hope this note helps that person out there who is nearing their surgery date - know that the road to recovery may not be easy at first, but when you do get accustomed to your sleeve and new lifestyle it will all be worth it in the end, and you'll be able to pass the info on to the next new sleevester..

Just yapping about the changes I've noticed since being sleeved. Some NSVs, some new revelations. My relationship with food is more enhanced. Since my portions have decreased so much, I really have to savor and enjoy the food that I’m eating. I used to scarf my food down like I was afraid someone was gonna take it away from me. Now I actually TASTE and appreciate the food I’m eating. I used to taste it before too, but dining is now an experience for me where as before it was a task. Does that make sense to you? For example, I’ve been making Spinach Lasagna for my family for years, and they all rant and rave about how good it is. Before I didn’t really eat it, but this past New Years, I had a spoonful, and actually tasted all the herbs and different flavors of the cheeses. That was a great EXPERIENCE for me and my tastebuds. I LOVE going to the gym. A year ago you couldn’t even pay me to step foot in a gym! I guess with the weight loss and the boost of confidence, I’m no longer worried about looking like a fat person trying to lose weight. I get to Planet Fitness, plug my headphones in and I become one with that treadmill, or bike, or ellipticall machine. I have never been this amped and motivated to get in shape. I think getting in shape is the key to this – I’m not focusing on losing weight because that is happening any way. I’m focusing on toning my body and getting my endurance up and seeing that progress makes going to the gym a very enjoyable experience. I don’t know how to shop for clothing anymore! It’s like I’m a stylist trying to give someone a makeover! I’m not complaining because it’s fun! I’m trying on clothes that I would never have considered in my pre-sleeved life. I got so accustomed to going right into Lane Bryant and the other big girl stores and settling for all the oversized blouses and tent like dresses they offer us. I’m not necessarily ready to shop in a skinny girl store for all my clothing yet, but it’s nice to be able to walk into a “regular” store and have the option to wear some of their clothing and not just the jewelry. I loved to shop before, but now that my options for stores to shop in have doubled, I’m in heaven!!! On another note, my ass and boobs have left the building. I wasn’t a Dolly Parton Kardashian candidate before, but now my profile looks like that of a door. You gotta see how I’m going after that glute machine in that gym. SMH. Been looking for “booty pop panties” on EBay and Amazon. New adventures in grocery shopping too! I was never a label reader up until about 2 years ago. Even then I was really only focusing on finding foods that had aspartame in them because I’m trying to stay away from it as much as I can. I would also glance at fiber content, as I like to know that my fam is eating foods rich in fiber. Now I find myself comparing everything to see what has the most protein in it. I am losing my hair. It’s coming out at the root. It’s my fault though because I’ve been neglecting my vitamin regimen as usual. I know, I know. Gotta get my vitamins in, it's essential to my well being. I can see my pubes. My stomach hung so low before that it covered my lady parts. I have gotten comfortable with telling people that I’ve changed my eating habits when they say “What are you doing to lose the weight?”. I tell them that my portions have gotten way smaller, and I’m more aware of what I’m putting in my mouth. I tell them that I’m also going to the gym, trying to get to a healthier place. Who says I have to mention the part about being sleeved? I sat in the movie theatre with my sons to watch the Chipmunks movie the other day. The seat was comfortable. Its usually to snug and I end up having to scooch my self forward to get out of the seat without bruising my hips. Now, no problem. Will definitely be going to the movies a lot more from now on. I have to brush my teeth several times a day. I guess since we have to chew our food so much that we’re more susceptible to plaque. I just know that I hate that feeling – the cheesy film that you feel when you run your tongue across your teeth. Instead of twice a day, I’m up to 4 to 5 times for toothbrushing. Flossing is becoming more frequent too. I have to get my wedding rings sized. They look like hula hoops when I put them on my finger now. Everytime I see someone who is obese I want to run and tell them about the sleeve. I’m realizing that since I’ve gotten more accustomed to my sleeve, the less I get on to VST and the less I have to vlog about on Youtube. I now understand why so many people are all in for months at a time, and then they just disappear and return a year later to announce their “surgiversary.” Once life with your sleeve becomes normal, there isn’t much to report.

Figured I'd post a couple of pictures...they are not good ones at all. I don't think the side shot is accurate. The shirt I'm wearing flows out so it looks like my belly is making it do that, but it's really not lol. I figured I need to keep pictures posted somewhere so I can visualize my progress. Anyway, these pics are me at 225.

I went to the Dr for my follow up since my surgery on DEc 7th. Yep, down 20 pounds, but then I went to the gym and lost 3 more. yey me! I did not get a fill since I dont have much of an appetite. I go back in 3 wks and she said we would think about and adjustment then if I was eating more than a cup. Saw the dietition, of course she yelled at me for not taking my vitamins, but they make me hungry. So she suggested that I change my vitamin. I take Centrum chewable, but I dont think it the maker, I think its just me. So I will try again, but I dont like being hungry and I like taking in around 500-600 calories a day. The redness and swelling around my incisions are because I have a case of dermatitis and I am now allergic to the glue that is on the steri-strips and bandades. Great, turn 49 and now all of a sudden Im allergic to bandades. How does that happen? Oh well, All in all it was a good visit, she was proud of my weight and said I was doing great! another yey me! (crowd applause please!)

I posted this as my status today: "This journey, regardless of how much or how little support we have, is an individual one. No one else can lose the weight for you. Take the encouragement, the support, the good w/the bad and separate the meat from the bones... and ultimately do what works and what's best for you! That is always a key in success!" How does this tie in to honesty? Well, I'll tell you. I've noticed, not only in the few short days I've been banded, but in the entire time I've been researching lap band, that everyone has advice to give. We all want the keys to success; what it took for others to lose the weight; the exercises and the food they ate. But the truth is, what works for one won't always work for everyone else. Not everyone gained the weight because they've over eaten or because they're lazy. Just like everyone has their own reasons for gaining the weight, everyone will have their own means of losing it, even if we are all using the same tool. Encouragement and advice are great and I know we all have a lot to learn on this journey, but it starts with being honest with ourselves. We were honest (or vain) enough to realize we needed the lap band and now it's about being honest enough to admit our limitations and strongholds. Food is an addiction that we're trying to kick (we know that), but my food addiction isn't yours. My habits are not yours, and I have to be real enough with myself to understand that if I'm going to succeed, I have to do what is going to work for me.. and you need to do what will work for you. This starts with listening to your surgical team, dietician, nutritionist, etc. If there's one thing that remains consistent in all of the advice I've received from successful lap banders, it would be, "If you follow the rules, you'll lose the weight." Not just the universal lap band rules, but those set forth for your individual program, for your individual needs. One of the dangers of trying to follow the regimen of someone else is that you may not be able to live up to it, because it's not tailor made for you. And on this journey, that is one thing I think is definitely a plus; the capability to contour the band to work for YOU! Remember that there are people that have health issues and co-morbidities that may affect their regimen. Don't waste time trying to compare yourself to everyone else, do what works for you! We all want to be successful.. get this weight off and strut our stuff! Be healthier...be happier! For me, it's starts with doing what works for me and building from there! =) O well, that's enough ranting for now. Just had a few things on my mind I wanted to share. All the best!! -Mary-

Banded day before yesterday, and yesterday the nurse said it was still considered day 0 since I was still in the hospital. So today is day one. Ooooo doggie, my tummie hurts this morning from my incision and its just a rumblin and grimblin in there. Still, I got up and cooked my husband breakfast which consisted of scrambled eggs with ham and I am sipping on my hot apple cider. I know it has 80 calories in it, but it really goes down easy and help with my pain. I am going to try to walk a little at the gym today. Hope everyone has a great Friday!