Die Hard......

It is to true that old habits die hard. It doesn't seem to matter how long ago you put them away, you thought for good, they will still on occassion rear their ugly head. If we are not on the look out for them, it is very easy to fall prey.

This weekend, the hubs and I hosted my mom's 65 birthday party. I had about 35 people at my house. While it was an awesome night and every one had fun, I realized that I screwed up.

Our menu was hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill, sides were: chips, tater salad, cole slaw, baked beans, mac and cheese. I thought ahead enough to know I couldn't do the bread, so that was fine, I bought skinless hot dogs so I could have one with a little slaw on the side. I did good in the fact that I avoid the chips, mac and cheese, and tater salad. I had a small spoon of baked beans.

I was having a great time. I ate slowly- no stuck problems. Then it was dessert time. I had made a homemade apple cobbler and peach cobbler and had purchased a beautiful cake from BJ's. I also had ice cream to go with these. I ate a peice of cake and a spoon of ice cream on the side.

Granted in days past I would have eaten double, maybe triple what I ate that night. But, I still over did it. My band is really loose right now and that makes it really easy to slip up. (My appointment is Thursday- yeah) But, I can't blame my band, it is me, my choice. But, honestly I wasn't even thinking.

We had a ton of cake left and chips and burgers. I sent left overs home with my brothers being that one has 5 kids at home and the other has 3 at home. I did keep one small square of cake for me and my hubs to share- shouldn't have done that.

Yesterday, I woke up with the mother of all migraines. I managed to stay up right long enough to feed the dogs and tell the hubs I was going back to bed. I stayed their till noon. I got up cleaned my house up from the party the night before and the head ache returned, I hit the couch. I hardly moved yesterday. Felt like crap.

This morning I felt better- got up and hit the scale before heading out to work. 191.3- well the weekend certainly showing it's self. 3 lbs up for the lowest. I keep bouncing between 188 and 191 for the past 3 weeks.

I know I can do better, I should do better, I want to do better- but I keep slipping up. At the moment I am like screw it I want this- then I feel aweful. Granted I don't slip to bad, but a slip is a slip and bad either way.

I worry that I will never drop below this weight. Is this where I am destined to stay? Will I self-sabatage myself more? How do I get back on track and stay there?

You may say, well you have to do it, you have to want it. I do want it and I know I have to do it- but it is not easy, WLS is NOT the easy way out.