Hello all!!! I really appreciate the words of encouragement. They're amazingly helpful.
So I started off yesterday on the right foot. Writing in my food journal, ate my breakfast, packed a quick lunch. It was my 2nd day of my nursing clinicals...the clinical was good. I passed my physical assessment on my assigned patient ...buuuuuut not time to eat!!!! So as soon as I was done, I ate my 2 slices of deli turkey and a couple carrots! I had lots studying to do so I came home and spent 30 minutes of 'catch up' time with my fiance and fixed up a quick snack 6 strawberries and 2 tbsp cool whip then hit the books. We had a party to go to which I had been dreading for 2 reasons...1) I have soooooo much studying to do and feel guilty for not and 2) it's a PARTY with drinking and food and I'm only day 2 in!!!! ugh!!! Ok so we were running late and no time for dinner, my fiance (his name is Paul...so now I can stop saying fiance which sounds so corny lol) said we'd stop for something quick (remember from the last blog that he stated he wouldn't ask for Taco Bell) but I didn't want to be tempted so I popped one of those broccoli and cheese steamer bags in the microwave and emptied it into a cup and chowed on it on the way (only 145 calories for the whole bag!!! but...no protein though)...so we get to the party, I was happy that my friend's husband was secluded on the back patio AWAY from the yummy appetizers galore! I brought a can of Coke Zero and sipped on that while they enjoyed their beverages of the alcoholic sort I was doing pretty well until about 930. I hadn't planned to be there so late and the pesky hunger pangs snuck up on me Luckily, they had Coke Zero and some veggies. I had a itty bitty spoonful of ranch with some broccoli, 2 slices of strawberries, 3 small slices of provolone cheese AND 3 mini quiche....eeeeeeeeek but seriously, this wasn't that bad...not my 'on the wagon' diet but I avoided the chip, dip, taquitos, chicken and cheesy rice, cake, pizza, etc!!! So, we stay awhile longer...then head home and Paul plays video games and I study. And, again, around midnight those hunger pangs rear their ugly heads!!!! I make some coffee and drink some water in an attempt to rid them. No help. I'm hungry!!!!! And...a terrible thing happened...I'm so upset...only day 2 and I already have a weak moment...this is usually a thing I would hide but the new me is holding myself accountable for the things I eat and do....Paul made blueberry muffins for his snack I had one with honey and a glass of milk....annnnd if that wasn't bad enough, I binged!!!!!!! Left over pizza and Velveeta pasta leftovers readily available...ah!!!!! I eat half a piece of cold pizza standing in the kitchen...realize what I'm doing and throw it away...BUT then that pasta was talking to me (I'm such a fat girl) and I snatched it up, popped off the lid and took 3 ginormous bites!!!!! I automatically felt guilty and wished in that moment that I could take it back but I couldn't so all I can do is own it. Usually, I would just continue to eat like Oreos or the rest of the left overs since I'd already cheated but I didn't. I went back in the living room, logged onto my laptop and finished my studies then to bed.
So, today is a new day. And, I haven't given up even though the urge to quit is whispering 'you'll always be a fat girl'...I'm owning it. I'm writing it in my journal and need to calculate the calories so I can see the damage...BTW any suggestions for an easy website to do that? I've had my cup of coffee and 1/2C of oatmeal and about to hit the shower then hit the books.
So...what did I do well yesterday? I increased my water intake and almost had my 64 oz!! I made smart snack choices before midnight( I know we aren't suppose to snack but I have no restriction right now) . I recognized the opportunity to eat out would rear it's head so I ate the broccoli. While binging, I recognized it and restricted myself a little. What I learned? That if I go out, I need to pack a bag for 'just in case' to eliminate the dilemma of eating what's available. Midnight is a bad time for me...and I need a better coping strategy for late night hunger pangs. I can't just go to sleep because I must study late in order to stay on track...I need to brainstorm!
Thanks for reading and helpful suggestions are most appreciated!!!! Have a great, healthy day!!!!