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carol1951's Journal

A blog by carol1951 in General

  • Entries

    120

  • Comments

    152

  • Views

    11,158

About this blog

carol1951's Journal, a weight loss surgery blog by carol1951 on BariatricPal. 120 entries on surgery, recovery and progress.

Entries in this blog

6-11-2010

I haven't written anything in almost a year. I have just given up until a month ago. My knees are so bad that I can't hardly stand it. The doctors tell me that knee replaces probably won't get rid of the pain. They said its my weight. Not sure I believe that completely, but I have to do something. I have had a great 2 weeks, but and you all know there is always a but. I had family in 2 different days this week. Now I have all this left over food. I really want to eat it. I also know I ca

Still hanging on

I'm still hanging on and the weight is still here. I went to the Doc the first part of the month and had lost some since I had seem him in april or may. That was a good surprise and my Hc1 was really really good. I still need to work on portion size as I eat to much, but I still have lots of issues with stuff not wanting to go down. Yesterday was one of those day where I could eat very little esp. protien. I have a really hard time with protien. Yesterday morning I fixed some eggs, bacon a

7-27-08 on the edge

I feel like I'm on the edge of very high cliff and it will only take a small push and I will be falling,falling and falling. I have only myself to blame for all my unhappiness. I keep looking for things and when I find them I'm just sick at heart.   I really don't know what to make of all the e-mails my husband gets from a former co-worker. Since he retired in April he almost always gets at least one e-mail a week from this person. Now I don't really care except he hides them from me.

7-8-09

I have not posted on my blog for serveral months now. I keep thinking things will change and I will start to lose. I'm so disappointed in myself. I know the band rules about junk foods, so now I'm trying not to have any in the house. I think that has helped me some, but I want to be thin. Thin is my dream these days. My life is all about food and what I can eat and what I cant eat. Sometimes I find myself hungry, but nothing sounds good anymore. Some of the things I want to eat I know wi

Lazy?

I have decide that I'm just lazy. Its really really hard work to lose weight and I guess I just don't want to do that kind of work. I can't eat chicken and have not for two years that goes for bread also. I have toyed with joining weight watchers again, but because I can't eat most meat I'm not sure what I would eat. I think that is part of my problem. I don't know what to eat, since most meat just doesn't want to go down.   I need to make an appointment with the doctor and see how thin

Do You Every Feel

Do you every feel like no one understands you? Do you every feel all alone with no one at your side? Do you every feel so overwhelmed that you just want to go away some where and hid? Do you every feel like everyone you know is ashamed of you? Do you every feel like no one likes you, or wants to be with you?   These are some of my feeling today and these are some of the tiggers for my wanting to eat.   Now I just have to learn how to control the need to eat when these things are getti

Control

Here it Feb. 13th and I still at the same weight that I have been for the last serveral months. I know that I have lots of problems, but one that came to light last night is the need to control something. I have no control over so many things that I can control what I do put in my mouth. No one can tell me no. No one has to see me eat (I know everyone can till that I overeat by just looking at me.) I can eat in private, I can hide things, I can eat in the car, I can go through a drive thru a

why

Why do I have this over whelming desire to eat? I know I'm not hungry right now, in fact I'm very full. But at this very moment all I want to do is go fine something to eat. I know I need to redirect and do something else. So why don't I go for a walk or go do laundry? This is the sickness that I have. Why do we eat when we know we are not hungry? It would be so much simpler if we could just take that huge devil right off my shoulder. The feeling sometimes so bad it almost all consuming.

1-6-09

I went to the Y this morning and walked in the river for 35 minutes and then did 45 minutes of water arobics. Feeling really good then came home and ate all the stuff I shouldn't have. For two years I have sat here and wrote all the same things. Why do I do this. Why do I just keep on doing the wrong things. Why don't I feel like I deserve this. Why don't I love myself enough to do this. I know I don't feel good most of the time and I know that my weight is most of the problem. I have

12-5-08

Haven't post in a month. Time just gets away from me at times. I went to the ortho doctor today and she did injections in both knees. I hope this helps for awhile. I need to get back to the "Y". I'm going to try water arobics three times a week for awhile. Been doing twice, but I have to kick start this weight lost. She will not do knee replacement till I lose more weight. I keep telling myself that I will feel better if I lose more, but the more the knees hurt the more I don't do. Stup

11-04-08 election day

Well its been a long since I was here. I went on vacation and did really pretty good. I was at the my GP last week and I was done 10 lbs since I was there 3 or 4 months ago. He was happy and I was happy that all the good food we ate on vacation didn't have a bad effect on me. I did really good I don't know if it was because I was in a different place,but I just couldn't eat very much. I'm still making the all the wrong choices. All the bad stuff goes down really really to easy. I started

9-15-08

Well its been a month since I last post on my blog. I'm still not losing and its still my fault. At least I'm not as fat as I was when I started this journey. I hate to think where I would be without the band.   I leave in two weeks for vacation. I wanted to lose 30lbs, but I have lost maybe 5lbs. I guess I just don't want it that bad. I know all the reasons I should do it, but I just don't do it. I eat all the wrong things. I have so much trouble with the good stuff that I fine myse

8-12-08

I'm so disappointed in my weight. I know I'm not doing what I should be doing, but I can't seem to help myself. What in the world is wrong with me. I'm not happy,I'm sad all the time. I just can't seem to get it together. I thought I was doing better, I had lost four pounds, but their back. I just want to give up. I guess I wasn't really ready to do this. Its been 17 months and I have only lost around 30 lbs. That is so sad and disappointing. Guess I will always be a FATTY. NO ONE in

7-7-08 slowly losing

I'm really losing slowly now, better than not losing at all. My scale says I'm down another 3 lbs in 2 weeks. I really like to lose 2 lbs a week, but I will take what every I can get. I went so long without losing anything at all, I can't hardly believe I'm losing. I just need to be patient and it will come. I really excited about losing anything. I maybe a little to tight, but not so bad that I can't live with it. I'm having some acid reflex, esp. after I take my meds. I don't know ma

6-23-08 Yeah!!!!

Just back from the doctor for this month and low and behold I lost for the first time in almost a year. I lost a total of 8.2 lbs. I really do feel as if I have restriction for the first time. I hope this continues for sometime to come. I didn't get a fill this time, I will go back in 4 weeks and see how I'm doing. If I feel I need a fill (I'm eating more, or gaining weight) I can go back sooner. I have spent so much time with no restriction. I can't believe it took this long to get restr

6-16-08

Man am I tired. I have caught all the feral cats outside today. I have two to take to the clinic tomorrow to be fixed and I will pick up the 8 they already have. I'm very excited about having them all fixed, NO MORE BABY KITTENS. I have had these feral cats around for probably 20 years, they come and the go. I just can't take care of them any longer. I found a place here in town that will do the spade and neutering for 15.00 per cat. Thats really not that bad. I really excited. One less

6-10-08

Why? Oh Why? can't I lose like everyone else with the lapband. I just don't seem to lose. I have played with the same five pounds since Feb. I do try and I know I'm not eating nearly as much as I did before the band. I must just make bad choices. Yesterday I had weight control oatmeal for breakfast, lunch I had a panni forzen sandwich the light kind, supper I had meatloaf and corn. I had for a snack yesterday small cup of rice pudding, 90 calories. That's not that much. I didn't excerise

6-3-08 feeling good

Just got done with the water areobics and I'm just lovingit. I thinking of adding the 3 day a week class, I'm doing the 2 day a week class now. That would make me go to the Y 5 days a week. I don't know if I would tire of this routine or not. But walking just kills my knees.   Its been 10 days since my last fill and I just love it now. Its taken a year for me to feel as if I have a band. I now have restriction which is wonderful. I'm not eating nearly as much and I don't think I'm thin

I did it!!!!

I did it, I went to water aerobics class this morning at the Y. It was really fun and I think I like it. I will try to go again tomorrow and do either the aerobics class or walk the river. I don't know if I'm fit enought for a full blown water aerobics class. The one I did was for I arthritis. I can't belive I did it. I put my swimsuit on and did it.   I think I finally have some restriction. I'm eating only about half as much as I was a week ago. I will try to keep track of what I'm

5-23-08

Just back from the doctors and I gained, gained, and gained. I was up 4 lbs. The nurse is so nice, she thinks I have an obsession with food. Do you think. I don't have the feeling of fullness that others have, which she said was bad for me. I can still eat 2 cups with no problem which is way to much. I have some restriction because I can't eat chicken, tuna salad and bread. But I don't have the restrictions some have where they feel as if the just can't eat one more bite or the will just u

5-21-08

I'm having a ok week, not great,but better than the last couple of weeks. I hope I can keep this going, I really want to lose 30 lbs before we go to Hawaii this fall. I don't think this is an unreasonable goal. I just have to be on my toes and stick with it. I really have to excersise more. I wish I could be one of those people who only eat 600 cal a day. I just don't know how they do it. I have a hard time staying a 1200 cal a day. I feel good if I stay around 1500 cal a day. Oh well I

I've not changed 5-19-08

I've not changed at all. I'm still trying to out smart the band and I still eating all the wrong things. I have not learned to give up all the thing that are bad for me. I still want it all and I know in my head that I can't do that. I start strong in the am, but by mid afternoon or evening I'm lost. I just can't stand the thought of not eating something good. I have trouble eating fruit, and I have to eat meat really slow. I have slowed down how fast I eat, but I let my self get to hungry

5-1-08

Well I haven't lost a thing in a month, but I'm still holding my own. I guess I should be happy about that. I'm still wondering why I make the choices I do with food. I know that I'm addicted to food and I also just love food. I love to make it, eat it and share it with others. I'm doing better about what I keep in the house, I'm now avoiding the snacks in the house. I don't have any chips that I like in the house, no cookies either. I need now to focus on protien. They told me to eat more

4-28-08

I have had this love affair with food since I was little. I can remember eating to much or wanting to eat more since I was maybe 7 or 8 years old. I'm trying to figure out just why I love food so much. I learned to cook when I was only 7 or 8 and I think I just loved the praise that I got. I don't remember being told that I was loved or being good at anything. I think I praise I got from cooking and it took over my life. I have always done a good job of cooking. I love to bake and I love

4-17-08

It been six years ago tonight that my daddy died, I really missing him today. Its really been hard since my parents have been gone. Didn't really know how much I loved them. I wish I could just call them up and talk for awhile. Silly but I wish I could have some of their wise words to live by right now.   I'm still at a stand still. I must be the craziest person alive. I don't think I have read where anyone else is not losing, just me. 13 months and just 30lbs and holding. I know I mu

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