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Lapband Journey

Entries in this blog

 

The Little Things....

I spent a while last night researching little things I can do to increase my weight loss with out feeling like I am giving up anything and here are some of the things I found:   - Say no to empty calories (drinks with calories are useless- they do nothing to fill you up and only add to your waist line. If you need flavor in your drinks there are a great deal of water flavor packets you can buy with 0 calories)   - 3 meals a day isn't always the best (I use to think if I stuck to breakfast, lunch, dinner I would be ok- not so much. If you eat a big meal 3 times a day, your metabolims looks like a roller coaster. If you eat small meals- like our 1 cup meals- and add in protein/fiber rich snacks your metabolism keeps trucking along, which helps you burn more calories)   - If you are going to eat a carb, make it complex. (Fruit has carbs, go ahead check behind me, but they also have water, nutrients and fiber. So mix a little fruit in with your protein- like grapes and cheese, blueberries or strawberries in yougurt or oatmeal)   - Moving burns calories. (Any movement will burn calories. Shake your legs while sitting at your desk, walk to a co-workers office rather than calling, park further away from the store, walk to the mail box rather than driving (yep I know people who do this), Shake your grove thing while cooking (the hubs love when I do this), laugh, clean your house, wash your dishes instead of putting them in the dish washer. The point is MOVE.)   -Develop a meal plan for the week. ( This will keep you on track and will help the budget, because you won't buy things that you don't need. Put your plan on the frige- this really does make things easier, when you have a busy life).   -Take Vitamins (Nearly all American Adults have low Vitamin D levels. When mine was just tested it was 19, it should be 50. Your body must have Vit. D to break down fat, I didn't know this, but have found out, this can cause weight loss slow downs. Make sure you are getting your levels check at least yearly and you are supplimenting where needed).   -Spice it up (By adding a little heat from pepper to your meals you can boost your metabolism. This may not be a huge boost, but if you are like me I'll take what I can get. Sprinkle a little chili powder on different foods- spice up chicken.)   -Eat fruits and veggies. (Yes, protein is very important, but a person can not live by protein alone- well they can, but you get my point. It's summer, hit the local farmers market and try veggies. There are thousands of healthy ways to prepare veggies- hit up google. Try new and diffrent fruits and veggies. For a indulgent desert- grill a halfed peach and put on spoon of greek yogurt on top (it is so good!!). Fruits and veggies give you nutrients, help your digestive system, satisfy a sweet tooth, gives you water- so add a fruit of veggie to each meal.) I planted a small garden out back of my house which I go out and weed and water nightly -moving- and I get fresh organic veggies- so double the good for me.   Little things may seem little, but together they add up. I have found over the last year, sometimes it is the little things that can make a big difference.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Banded life can be some what of a roller coaster ride. We all get upset when someone says we took the easy way out, I'd like to see them try it! It's true you never understand until you walk a mile in there shoes. At almost 4 months out I have walked several of those miles and not all have been easy.   For a week after surgery I though oh, heck what did I do. I felt like crap, I hurt, I was hungry, I was miserable. Then as the healing got going I started to feel better. Then I started to see results- weight loss- and it made it all worth it.   I have had 4 fills now and know I am getting tighter. To begin with I was just watching my calories and staying below 1200 even if I felt hungry. Now the hunger is less of a problem except certain times of day. I am able to drink more and get my protein in, plus exercise.   Since my last fill I experieced the dreaded "STUCK" moment. Before the food even got to my band I knew I had screwed up- I swallowed before I had chewed enough - MISTAKE. Lets just say that certainly gave me a good reminder to CHEW!! Most bandsters have experienced this moment and it's the ugly one- you feel like your chest will explode. You want to puke, but you can't, you want to wash it down, but you can't. You are almost foaming at the mouth with spit- not pretty or fun.   Some foods I use to love, now just don't love me. Breadsticks for instance - I LOVED them- now I just can't do it without putting my band at risk. I don't know about you, but I don't really enjoy surgery and the thought of having to have my band fixed because I ate the wrong things and made it slip just isn't going to happen. That breadstick doesn't taste that good. Most other things I can still eat, but it's a question of should I. Things like ice cream and cheese cake - while my band will allow them down, my calorie count really doesn't. Does this mean I will never partake in these again, probally not. I think I will allow myself one SMALL slice of cheese cake once a year on my wedding anniversary because that is what we had for our wedding cake. However, I may do an hour on the elliptical to compensate.   As most people who have been banded figure out quickly, weight lose can be painfully slow at times. This makes it easy to get discouraged, but when you look at the big picture, when was the last time you lost 35 lbs in 3 months.   The band doesn't do it all for me. I still must choose the right foods - healthy. I must choose not to eat or drink empty calories. For me I choose to count calories, which has helped me a lot. This helps me make sure I don't go over and that I am staying in the "lose" zone. I think my counting calories with myfitnesspal will help me with my long term success. With counting I must be accountable each day not just when I get on a scale.   The Good part of the band is-- I am losing weight, I am not crazy hungry, I feel good, I am looking better, I am becoming the me I always wanted to be! For the 1st time in my over weight life I have hope and confidence that this weight will come off and I will one day be a healthy weight. So to be the bad and ugly times are far out weighed by the Good!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

The Band Vs. Vacation

I just returned for a wonderful week of warmth and sunshine in Orlando, Florida. This was my first vacation and first time flying since being banded. I talked to my doc before hand about this and she advised to not get a fill and eat and enjoy food, but with in reason.   Last Saturday we had to be at the airport at 3:30, so we got lunch at the airport- first stuck episode. So embarrassing having to run to the public restroom with my hand over my mouth. We got to Florida and I just drank some Vitamin Water Zero (no calorie). First thing the next morning I figured I would go for yogurt for breakfast since I had gotten stuck so bad. Well, I just stuck on the yogurt. Again, Vitamin Water Zero.   Later in the day I was dying for something, so I got some Froyo 120 calorie with protein added. That perked me up. That night after having walked over 22500 steps I really wanted food!! At a nice restaurant I order some grilled fish and that went well- I thought I finally was good.   The week went on and I didn't get through one day without getting stuck at least once. I never knew what would do it.   Yesterday before flying home I wasn't able to eat anything at all. I sucked on ice most of the day and drank a slim fast when I got home.   Today, I have been able to eat cereal, but that is all.   My weight this morning was up by 4 lbs since last Saturday. I am however on my period and since I have eaten out for a week I am sure sodium levels are up. I am not freaking out about the weight being up, just bother by not being able to eat anything.   So I have learned lapband and vacation isn't the best mix, but I will make the best of it, because I don't plan on giving up either.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

6
 

The Amazing Pita Pocket

I recently purchase a pack of whole wheat pita pockets, they are round and if you slice them in half they make a little pocket. Once half is less calories than a slice of whole what toast and taste great.   I have been making myself and my hubs sandwiches with these. My hubs like to put laughing cow chipolte cheese and ham in one and heat heat for a hot ham and cheese - low cal and high protein. I had an peanut butter and banana pita - got my protein and my fruit in. The pitas are so thin, it gives you just enough bread to feel like it's a sandwich, but not so much it gets stuck.   These pita's are great for stuffing with deli slices and cheese, chicken or tuna salad, PB and banana or even a scrabled egg and cheese for morning breakfast. We are loving these things- if you have tried them but like a sandwhich or need an easy holder for chicken or tuna salad while you are on the go you gotta try them.   What lapband friendly items have you found that are awesome?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Thanks Carolina Girl!!

The last week I have been BUSY!!! I spent most of last week in classes to learn about the new software system we are switching over to this summer. This was a very technical class, that left my brain in mush mode by night.   In an effort not to back track on my success I opted to take a page from Carolina Girls book. I made my little cups of chicken salad (chicken, apples, grapes and pecan) were fixed in my fridge. I also had more apples and grapes in there, along with the staple of weight watchers cheese sticks. Each morning I would pack my little bag and take it with me to class. Taking my lunch allowed me to stay in during lunch and play with the training database more and talk to the teacher to get more info. The great thing I found by doing this is it works!! I stuck to my portion size and found that I didn't get hungry, I never felt bloted or bad.   So this week rather than chicken salad I make homemade fresh tuna salad for my lunches. Again this is great and keeps me from just grabing anything for lunch. So I have to say thanks to Carolina Girl for putting out there what works for her.   Unlike, CG, I can't do carbless. As she said that is her choice, but I have always been a carb aholic so I know long term carbless wouldn't work for me. So in an effort to do better, I have opted to go carbless for one meal a day.   On my fidge is a list, each day with what I will do for breakfast and what I will cook for dinner. This way I can plan, get fresh groceries, and make sure one carbless meal gets in a day. My fresh veggies and fruit also don't spoil this way. In my fridge I have the shelf that is at my eye level full of my fruits and veggies and healthy options- this helps me make good choices.   Now if I can manage to kick it to the next level and get back into a regular work out routine rather than the sporatic one I have been one of late.   A bit of advice for newbies and oldies.... read what works for others, pull some of it and try it, see what works for you. We are all different, but by putting what works for us out there we might help others so talk, read, learn!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Thank You, Thank You Very Much

Journey began- June 22, 2012 (band day) Weight- 244 (Highest 247) 3/3/14 weight- 192.8 Sizes- pants 14/16 shirts L   So much as taken place since June 2012. Some days it really hits me how much I have changed both inside and outside. I have a lot of people to thank for this including myself.   My hubs- For encouraging me to move it to lose it and for being my support. His encouragement has gotten me through the rough days.   My parents- for supporting me in this journey and for telling me they are proud of me. Just this weekend my dad told my hubs to buy me a new coat because they one I had was wayyy to big- this really made me feel good because my dad does not compliment people.   Lapband site folks:   Carolina Girl- for her no nonsense, this is the way it way of responding and blogging. Often she reminds me what this is really about.   Missy- for being the ever encouraging inspiration lapband rockstar. The way she responds to post and "likes" most encourages me to hang it and that I am not a crazy bandster.   Jean McMillian- for her responses, her articles, ect. This last article she wrote slapped me upside the head and I needed that Gibbs slap.   The great thing about this site is while you will on occasion encounter negative nellies and the general butt hole, you also encounter folk who know what they are doing, who have and are rocking the journey and can give great encouragement and support if you just listen with an open mind.   Of course there are days when I feel like crap and that I am a total failure, I think we all experience this at some point during the journey. However, times like this weekend when I try on pants and find that size 16 shorts are to big and 14's are perfect and a large shirt fit just right let me know I am doing this no matter how I see myself in the mirror. There are time when I still feel like shammoo in drag, but I am doing this- I am getting smaller and healthier.   So thanks to all who have encouraged, supported, listened, responded, posted their stories, blog - you have made an impact on this bandster!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Sweet Success!!

I had my 9 month post op yesterday (one week before my actual 9th month - 22nd). My doc was very happy. We determined I did not need a fill at this time and I am in the elusive sweet spot. However, she did tell me that as I contiue to lose I may need a tweak here and there.   I questioned the fact that I feel like my weight loss as almost come to a stop. I was at one point losing 7 lbs a month, from Dec. until now I have only lost 7. This makes me feel like I am failing. I was told that this is totally common. Almost every bander in the 1st year will hit a 3-4 month spell were the weight loss is almost at a stand still, but just keep doing what we are suppose to and the weight loss will start again.   The next bit of encouragement came when I told her I felt like I wasn't doing as well as other banders. I was told that at 9 months post op I have lost 50% of my excess body weight. Doctor consider patients successful if at 1 year they have lost 40% so I am above the curve and they consider me an exordiary success. This made me feel great.   Then the discussion turned to continue loss. I told her I was burning around 2100-2300 calories a day, according to my fitbit and walking around 7000-10000 steps a day. She said this was awesome. But, I needed to keep in mind that at this point my daily calorie deficit should only be 500 calories. If I was at a deficit of more than 500 the body would store.   I told her that in a couple weeks I was flying to Florida for a week Disney Vacay and I ask about flying effects on the band. I was told that a small percent of patient experience tightness when flying, but most of the time it is only mild and they can still get liquid down and it disapates within 12 hours. To my surprise she said while at Disney not to refuse to enjoy eating. To stick to my alloted amounts, but to enjoy. The fact that I will be burning a lot of calories walking around Disney, I will need the increased calorie intake. So enjoy within reason.   I totally love my medical team!! They continue to encourage me. The best thing she told me was that I was the type patient that makes her want to come to work each day. She has patient who refuse to do what they are told from the get go they will have to do and they aren't successful and blame the team. But, the fact that I am doing great and have taken the time to understand my band and body makes what she does worth it. This was a nice compliment.   I am so glad I went through with being banded and I am very thankful for the wonderful medical team I have. Biggest advice- Chose a medical team who you feel comfortable with and who is experienced with bands.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Surgery Pains

My mom has had a rather bad hiatal hernia for the past 3 years. In the last year and a half it seemed to give her hell- nausea, inablity to eat, not able to drink much. In that year she went from the 170's to the 120's. But my mom refused to do anything about it because she was caring for my dying grandmother. Grandma passed in Oct, so mom finally agreed to see a surgeon.   My lapband doc also happens to do these types of surgery as well. I spoke to him about her and he said to get her to come in. After talking he agreed that her nausea and in ablity to eat much if at all was due to having 1/3 of her stomach in her chest and that surgery needed to be done soon.   Yesterday was surgery day. I don't mind being the patient, but I hate it when I have to watch those that I love go through pain. The doc came in and saw us pre-op and assured us everything would be fine. Mom went in and in about 2 hours the doc came out and said things went great, however instead of having 1/3 of her stomach in her chest she had over half of her stomach in her chest putting pressure on her heart and lungs. I have not idea what this could have done in the long run, but I am glad it's fixed. The doc said he had an easy time getting everything back into place and he did a plication to prevent her stomach from moving and put mesh in to repair the hold in the diaphram.   When we finally saw her she was in horrible pain, which I expected. However, the insurance would not allow her to stay over night. So the doc told her the best thing to do was to go back to my house, which is only 20 min away verses her house which is an hour and a half away. So she came and stayed with me.   This morning the gas pain was better, but she said she was sore to just breath. The doctor said this would happen since he had to work in her chest cavity. She is onl liquids for the next couple of days before going to mushy, but I know she can do it.   Surgery, while painful and the afterward can often times make the need seem less evil, surgery is an amazing thing. Doctors have the ability to give us our life back. Mom lost weight because of illness and had to have surgery so she can eat, I had to have surgery to lose weight. Thank goodness for doctors with the knowledge and skill to do this.   I have no doubt that what my mom had done was more technical since as he said he was looking at her heart, but he was skilled enough to do what needed to be done, to help her get better.   A doctor with this much skill and ability to do these procedures well, don't you think we should listen to them. Use them for what they are there for- to help us heal and answer our questions along the way.   If you have a great doc, let him or her know how you appreciate them and their ability not only by telling them, but by listening to them and asking questions.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

Stalled And Frustrated

I am so frustrated that I seem to have stalled out after a month of solid loss. I am excited to be 20 lbs down, but I really had hoped I would see a continual loss. Today has almost been a week since I have seen the scale go down. I know it is time for my TOM, but it is still bothersome.   The great thing is, that years ago I would have said screw this I am going to eat whatever I want, but now I can't. While I could choose what I eat, I can't eat much of it. I know the band is already helping even though I am not at my sweet spot. I am staying on track longer than I ever have.   I have managed to do the Total Gym and the Elliptical this week and it does help how I feel, but it's still not easy. So many others on this site have said we didn't get fat over night so we won't loose it over night.   Here is to really hoping the scales start droping soon.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Spinich chicken Alfredo

I love me some Italian food, but Italian food tends to be calorie loaded and heavy. I have been wanting Chicken Alfredo lately, but knew I shouldn't. So I attempted to make it from scratch tonight and it was fabulous. Here is the recipe that I came up with:   Pasta- Spaggetti Squash cooked in the microwave     Chicken- 4 chicken tenders sautéed in a skillet with olive oil   Alfredo Sauce- 3 cloves of garlic minced (use more if you like or less) 1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil 2 tablespoons I Can't Believe it's not Butter 1.5 heaping tablespoons of all purpose flour 1 3/4 cups 2% Milk (you can use 1% I just had 2%) splash of balsamic vinegar salt and pepper to taste 1 tablespoon of splenda   put the evoo, butter and garlic in a sauce pan cook on med heat for about 3 min stiring add the flour and stir until incorporated add milk and bring to a boil add salt, pepper, vigegar and splenda and stir   cut heat off and let sit   chop half a bag of baby spinach (I used the ninja chopper I have)   Once chicken is cooked add the sauce (if it is to thick add water to thin it down). Add in spinach and stir. Stread spaggetti squash with a fork add to chicken and sauce and stir.   Eat and enjoy!!     This was a WONDERFUL meal!! The hubs and I both enjoyed it. It was enough for him and myself to eat dinner and have lunch tomorrow (He eat bigger portions than me)    
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Spinach and Onion Fritata

This was an awesome dinner. It comes in about 250 calories a serving with 16.5 grams of protein.   Ingrediant:   1 large potatoe sliced thinly (you many not use all of it) 1 large onion diced 2 teaspoons of garlic minced 1 box of frozen defrosted and drained chopped spinach 4 eggs 1 cup of skim milk 1/4 cup of sh. cheese salt and pepper to taste 3 table spoons olive oil   Heat oven to 350 - place a cookie sheet inside   Slice potatoes evenly and thinly - coat with 1 TBS of olive oil - dash of salt and pepper Remove cookie sheet from oven and place a layer of potatoes on the sheet- bake for about 10-12 min (you want the potato just tender)   In a skillet add 2 TBS of olive oil- diced onion, minced garlic. Cook until onion is almost done, then add drained spinach and mix well.   In a bowl mix 4 eggs, 1 cup milk, cheese- add salt and pepper to taste.   When potatoes are just tender remove from oven and place in the bottom of a Pam sprayed casserole bowl (I used a large corningware round bowl). Just cover the bottom with potatoe for the crust. Pour egg and spinach mixture over top.   Bake for 30 min or until center is set.   This was so good. It make 4 portions so I have left over for my lunch today or I could have had it for breakfast.   You can also play with the recipe adding different seasoning to the potatoes or add salsa, mushrooms, peppers- almost anything to the mix.   Bottom line it was good, filling, and low cal.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Son of a Biscuit

It's been a son of a biscuit few weeks. At work we have converted to a new software system and I am trying to learn it all the while, trying to make sure we are ready to start school in a month with 2500 kids and two campuses. This ain't easy!!   I go home from work with a head ache and high BP each day. The only thing I want is a nap. For about two months now I have weighed between 187-189, daily weigh in. My NUT told me not to worry about it right now, that stress is keeping me from losing and right now my goal should be to maintain during this stressful time and then once things calm down I can start working toward losing again. My hubs tells me to go home and work out each day. He has been hitting the elliptical and weights hard the last few weeks and has dropped 2 lbs - proud of my boy! I know I to need to get back to exercise, without it further weight loss will not happen. I have never been a lover of working out, I rather work at something- yard work, cleaning ect. When I lived on the farm there was always work to be done- garden to pick, yard to mow and clean, feilds to work, cows to deal with, ect. Now as I live in the city my little .27 of an acre isn't keeping me as busy as the 100 acre farm I was raised on.   I know must find some way to enjoy and maintain an exercise regiment. We have an elliptical and a total gym in our home and a greenway behind our house. I have no excuse, yet I always seem to find one.   This week I am trying to go back to the basics. No eating out, eating clean and healthy. Also, I want to hit the elliptical at least 3 times this week.   While I am proud of myself that during this 13 month journey I have managed not to gain, that isn't good enough. I still have about 45 lbs that I want gone. I will get there, just don't know when.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

5
 

Simple Pleasures

There are so many pleasures that I never knew in my life.   Simple Pleasures:   Walking or power walking with the dogs on a pretty day. Breathing clean and clear without wheezing. Walking fast and not having to stop and catch my breath before I speak. Walking into a store and buy a pair of pants where the size doesn't start or end with W. Not getting the worlds worst wedgy when wearing short. Not having my full coverage panties (granny panties) turn into thongs. Having energy to not only do what I must but wanting to do more. Not being feeling self conscious all the time. Not being afraid to step on the scale at the doctors office. Being willing to stand up for myself rather than just wanting to fade into the back ground. Having my life not revolve around food.   There are so many more simple pleasures that I am sure I will find as my weight continues to go down, but these are the ones that I am seeing thus far.   What simple pleasures are you enjoying?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

0
 

Shut up and Listen!!

I know that is a bold statement, but not doing this is what got me to 250 and not doing this will make me gain weight back.   Yesterday was Father's Day and I went up to see my dad. I ordered a nice cake with a pic of him and his tractor on it and we got him a new Tab computer for a gift. He was so happy. I am a Daddy's Girl, so I love bringing a smile to his face. My brother's came, my mom had gotten chips and icecream to go with the cake. So we snacked. I got a small piece of cake with one scoop of ice cream. I ate about 3 bits of cake and got the hicups. At first I wanted to ignore them, but then I realized, wait that is my single to stop. My body is saying ok, we tasted this, now we are done- put the darn cake down.   This is when I can either continue eating or put it down. I ate another couple of bites and tossed the remainder.   I learned something in this. My body knows what it is suppose to do, but I over rule it sometimes and this is what lead to my original weight gain. If I just shut up and listen to my band/tummy it will tell me what I need to know. If I ignore it, not only will I gain weight, or not lose, I will increase my chance for complication with my band.   Soooo- if you are choosing to ignore your body, to ignore your band, to ignore your doctor, who do you have to blame for lack of weight loss or weight gain- YOURSELF. I know that may sound harsh, but it's true. I haven't lost as much as I wish I had, and you know whose fault it is - it's not Dr. Yoo's or my band's- it's Kim's!!! I have to own it.   Food is awesome, it taste wonderful. One of the great things about the band is- no I can't eat as much, but if I eat the way I am suppose to, slow and chew slow I can enjoy, savor, taste, really get the joy out of what I am eating. Think about it when you scarf something down, do you really taste all the flavors, do you taste the layers, the goodness, all the hard work put into making the dish - nope.   Enjoy food- slow down and take the time to savor. When you body says ok enough listen. Then when you body says ok, I need nutrition- eat.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Shake the Sheets

This morning I did my norm morning routine. Got up pottied and got on the scale before dressing (TMI I know, but it is always best to weigh in you birthday suit). The hubs walks in and hugs me and says "geez I can reach my elbows when I wrap my arms around you". Then he said "I'm proud of you babe, but don't get so skinny I have to shake the sheets to find ya".   For those who don't know my husband is visually impaired. His vision is 20/800 - legally blind since birth. Granted he is well educated graduated with honors with a degree in computer science and is a well respected software engineer. He just can't see very well. So it's always been the running joke that he feel for me because I was large print (he always replied to that with you said that not me). Now he is joking saying I am getting so small he won't be able to see me anymore.   The joking is all in fun- he is very supportive of my weight loss journey and is helping me leaps and bounds.   But I must say it would be nice for him to have to shake the sheets to find me
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

5
 

Scratching to Climb this Mountain....

The last week has been emotional. I have a lot going on in both my professional life as well as my personal life. I have a lot of decisions to make on both fronts that will effect the rest of my life. So needless to say I feel a little out of sorts.   At work we are changing systems and I have to write a software program to track some things that won't be tracked in the new system. Plus, I have to get all the training in for the new system so I can train everyone else.   My mother-in-law is begging us to come up north to see her. While we want to, right now with my crazy work life it is hard to find some time to take off.   My dog got crazy sick last Thursday night. Vomiting blood- we were at the ER vet at 3 am. Thank God she is better, but I am having to watch her like a hawk. Plus, she has gotten really clingy during all of this.   We have had a contractor working on our house. Had our deck enlarged from a 10x14 to a 25x14.   Managed to get to my mom's for mothers day, which I ate a dessert and shouldn't have. I had to leave my dog for a few hours with the hubs, which caused the dog to howl for 45 min, driving the hubs crazy. She finally tuckered herself out and went to sleep.   Mother's Day is hard for me. If I wouldn't have lost my first child, she would be 3 and a half now. I have lost two more since losing her. Then I went to my OB/GYN Monday and was told my chance for having a child are slim. He said I can keep trying, but he would not get to invested until we are through the first trimester and half of the 2nd. So it's hard to decide if we should give it another go or not. The thought of seeing a postive pregnancy test I think would scare me. I am so scared of losing another one.   My weight loss is still at a sllllooooowww pace. Since Dec. I have only lost 10 lbs. It's hard to stay positive and focused when I seem to be getting hits from all side. Last week was pretty good weight wise. I went down to 188. After Mother's Day weekend and a splurge up to 190. It is so easy to put on and so hard to take off. It seems I can't even have one cookie without my body flipping out and gaining weight. Being that I seem to stay busy from before the sun rises until after it set finding time to work out has been difficult.   I am exhusted from the fast pace of life right now, and the knowledge that it's not going to get any better any time soon.   On top of all this the hubs and I are trying to figure out if I should go back to school to finish out my degree that I was forced to give up on years ago due to finances.   So as you can see I have a lot going on. I am not sure what to do or which way to turn. I am just tired!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

Scared

I think most of us were scared if not nervous going into this- all the what if's sworrling around our head. I am sure we thought about possible complications, what if it doesn't work, fear of the pain, ect.   However, sometimes fear is healthy. Like during my post op I was scared to do anything the doctor didn't okay, I know I bugged him and the NUT calling and asking what can I have - is this okay, is that okay. Then every little ache and pain I was scared I'd hurt my band.   Now I am a little less worried about the things from the begining. I do still have a little fear of will I be able to lose all the weight I want to. I've lost half of it so I guess it was successful, but I still have about 45 lbs I want to get rid of.   My fear now is foods!!   In some cases it's a good thing. I am an NC Girl and I swear Krispy Creme runs in my veins (heck where else is there a Krispy Creme Marathon). Due to the texture of a donut I am scared to taint my beloved friend. I fear that if I take a bite and swollow the pain will begin, then the foaming at the mouth, flowed by the delightful reverse of the donut up my eshogus.   Some foods though now have more power because I know they will go down. I can not tell you how often I pass the McDonalds right by my office and want to get a ice cream cone. But, I have been able to pass it up. Also, cookies- they slllliiiiiddddeeee on down. Last weekend when I make 3 batches of cookies for my hubs office party, I managed to keep my intake to just one (my fav- Carmel Pecan Crunch)- the other were shipped off to my hubby's office and I told him not to bring the box back until the cookies were gone!!   Then there is the fear of eating to much/eating to little. Having been a big girl most of my life I had never had anyone tell me I wasn't eating enough. A couple of months ago when I went to a doctors appointment and complained that I wasn't losing weight hardly at all anymore. My doc looked over my food chart and exercise tracker and told me I wasn't eating enough. I took a double take for sure. So I have a hard time balancing that line of too few calories to to many calories.   Fears bounce around all the time, some times it's good to give in to it (like not eating the donut out of fear) and sometime it's better to say a little prayer and plow through it (like having the surgery to begin with).
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Right Here, Right Now.......

I think all of us tend to look way down the road. Oh, how long will it take me to get to 100lbs lost, when will I be skinny, ect. Sometimes these thought hender us from reaching our goals. The job just seems to big to conquer. Instead we should set smaller goals for ourselves and celebrate each one, then when we reach the big one it won't feel like it's taken so long.   When I first had surgery, my first goal was to be below 220 (started at 244), then it was 210, now the next one is 200. My goal had been to reach 199 by Thanksgiving. This morning I weighed in at 201.4. So I may not make it quite to goal, but I will get there. All total I would like to be 100 lbs down in one year. But, I know me, if I think oh 100 lbs it will seem like way to much to accomplish, but when I take it in 10 lbs blocks it seem easier.   The last few weeks I have been sitting at a plateau, my weight bouncing between 202.8 and 201.8, today I saw 201.4, so hopefully the downward trend will continue. This frustrated me so much that I wouldn't make my first goal. My thought was here we go, the begining of my utter failure (yes I can be dramatic at times- I am a chick- sue me). My hubs had to get stern with me and tell me to get over it. I have been doing great and I just need to stick to the plan like always and in time the weight would start moving down again. He keeps reminding me that I only start to fail when I admit failure.   So today, I will not admit to failure. I am still trucking along and will continue. I will get through Thanksgiving and not feel like a stuffed turkey and I will enjoy the bites that I do have. I will continue to lose weight, at my bodies pace.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Reality is.......

It was hard to face reality a year and a half ago, they I was just shy of 250 lbs and had to do something to stop it before I hit 300.   The first year I must say was the honeymoon period with my band. I felt like I hardly had to work at losing weight, it just fell off. It was wonderful and exciting. Then bang- my one year aniversary hit and my weight loss came to a streeching halt- the band's fault- nope mine.   The first year, was easy because my weight was high and I was eating far less that what it takes to keep that weight. I couldn't eat as much as normal- so I lost weight. As the weight came off, I hit the titration point- I had finally lost down to the amount that my eating was matched.   Now, I have to face reality, I can keep going with what I am doing and stay in the same zone. I can, make changes- eat even less and or add exercise. The thing is, at this point, it's not going to be so easy. Now I must really work at it. I, also, must deal with weakness in myself, that I never really got rid of. Stress makes me want to eat. Last night as I lay watching TV with the hubs (Ziva's last episode on NCIS) I started thing, boy I want a snack. The thing was I wasn't hungry. I didn't need to eat anything. However, I gave into the weakness and went and got a bowl of ice cream. It slapped me in the head as I sat the empty bowl down in the sink, that I had just done something I would have done pre-band. That was not good- I have to nip that in the bud now. Will it be easy, no, but I must do it to maintain and to further succeed on my journey.   I know what I must do, I know what I need to do, yet I have not done it for months. Now, it's time to pull on the big girl panties and make some difficult choices and changes. It's time to face the music, because the reality it, if I go back to old way I will gain back all I have lost. The reality is I must, for my health, for my future, for my peace of mind- I must make these changes.   Is it my band failing me, no, it is myself and my human weakness trying the make me fail. But, here is the thing- I have the power to stop it, to change it, to change it now before it goes to far. Yeah, I may have lost even more if I would have gone with the sleeve or bypass, but I likely would have run into the same stumbling block at some point.   I hope I can do this!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

Reality Check

It seems that with weight loss surgery we have ups and downs in weight and mood.   Before Christmas my weight got down to 197, then went up over the holidays, now it back down to 198. I expected as much. I enjoyed my holiday and I don't regret or fret over it.   Even before the holidays though my weight would flucuate day to day and the last two months I had only lost a total of 3 lbs even though I was doing as instructed. I have been banded for 6 months and am right around the 50 lbs lost mark. Don't get me wrong I am so glad that the 50 lbs is gone, but I really thought I would have lost more by this point. Some people have lost much more weight in this time frame, why haven't I?   Time to take a good hard look at myself...... Am I really sticking to the rules?   Do I only eat 1 cup of food at a meal? Honestly, the answer is no. Sometimes it is likely to be about 1.5 cups.   Do I get 64 or more oz of water in each day? Again, no. During the work week I drink 80-90 oz, but on the weekends when I am busy cleaning house, running around on errons, going to see friends I often don't drink water like I should.   Do I get 60+ grams of protein in a day? Most likely no. I try, really I do. I start my day with 20 grams in a protein shake and have greek yogurt with 12 grams for a snack, so I get close, but close only counts in horseshoes and hand granades.   Do I workout 3 or more times a week? Not lately, not since October. Life got crazy in October with the death of my Grandmother. I have been working more, getting ready for the holiday's, traveling, helping my mom deal with my Grandmother's estate, helping my mother deal with her own health issues. I have let the work outs slide, and I know I have got to get back to it.   So, bottom line is, my band isn't the issue, my surgeon isn't the issue, I am the issue. I have got to get on the ball and meet goals each day not just sometimes. I do have good intentions and I try hard, but fall short and it's time that it end.   I am not sure how much I would have lost if I would have followed each and every rule to a T and I won't know. However, I am happy and proud of what I have lost and I am working to change my ways and be more complient.   I feel ashamed that I have fallen short, but not admitting it doesn't make it not so. I want each day to be a gold star day.   I get down and out because I haven't lost as much as I wish I had, but I only have myself to blame, yet what is blaming myself going to do. I must let it go realize that I must make some changes, make them and move forward.   It's time to stop wanting and start making it reality.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Rant and Rave

Ok, the last week has been kinda stressful and I know it's only going to get worse. My job is changing greatly over the next few months and I am having learn a lot of new things and work extra to keep up with my job while I learn a new system. So maybe I am just stressed, but I need to rant for a min......     WLS is Easy WTH. I saw someone this weekend who hadn't seen me for a while and told me I looked great. Of course the next thing out of her mouth was how did you lose so much weight? I said that I was really watching what I ate, eating healthier and moving more, and that I had lapband surgery. Her comment was, oh well you are lucky then you can't gain weight. I wanted to expload at that moment. The thing is with lapband or ANY WLS you can gain weight. Gaining weight is EASY, not losing it. I can gain by eating more than I expend- calorie layden thing (milkshakes, chips, ice cream, cake, ect). I can gain just like anyone else. It really bothers me that people still have this misconception that WLS makes it so much easier. Does it help, YES, does it make it easy HELL NO.   BMI vs Size Ok so here is another thing that is buggin me. My entire life doctors have complained about my weight. I have been over weight since I was 5. Over 200 since middle school (now 190's). Now that I am losing and I have studied info, I congnitivly know that the scale isn't totally accurate when it comes to my health. I have lost 50+ lbs, while my weight is in the 190's I am far smaller than I thought I would be in the 190's. Why, because of my muscle to fat ratio. It is often said that muscle weighs more than fat, not exactly true. A pound of muscle takes up far less room than a pound of fat. A stick of butter and a ball bearing may weigh the same, but that ball bearing is much smaller. So my muscle mass has increased, and my shape has decreased, but the scale isn't moving these days. Yet when I go to the doctors they look at the scale and calculate my BMI and tisk tisk tisk. WTH- Doc please look at the whole pic instead of one fasit. I am a work in progress not a completed project.   Fear factor I will be the first to say that I am scared, paranoid, terrified of gaining weight back. I have tried way to long to lose, now that it has begun I do not want to revert. So yes I am almost obsessive over it. Is this good, not really, but it's me. I look at what I eat, I weigh daily, I move more. Being a scientific person I like to see cause and effect. How does what I put in effect measurment and weight. I chart every thing so I can take it to my doctor.   Judgements Ok, so maybe I am paranoid that people judge me when they aren't, but I think that comes from my years of low self esteem. I often see people state, Oh you are doing what your suppose to so don't worry about the scale, don't weigh it just drives you crazy, don't worry the weight will come off. Yes, I know all the data- about the scale doesn't show the whole picture, that we should keep on doing what we are suppose to when the scales stops and in time weight will come off. But, gee am I the only human on here that while I know this, it still doesn't make me happy that the scale isn't going down.   Ok, so maybe I am judging others here, but here it goes.... some people post and make statements on here that make them appear that they are perfect. They are losing, they are doing what the doctor says, they aren't weighing daily- happy, happy, joy, joy. It's like they never get frustrated or impatient ever. I honestly wonder sometimes are they really like that, or are they just putting on a front on this sight. Because while this journey hasn't been the tooth and nail climb that diets have been in the past, it has not been all hunky dory and perfect. So my thought for them is be human, I have flaws I get stressed, and I know you do to, no matter if you want to admit it or not.   I think newbies need to know and see the entire picture. Yes, you do what your doc and NUT say. Will this be easy - no. Will you hit plateaus- yes. Will you get frustrated at times- hell yes. Will what works for me work for you- maybe/maybe not.     Okay so enough of my ranting. If I offended anyone sorry, chalk it up to me having a bee in my bonnett to day and had one straw to many put on my pile.   Thanks for letting me rant!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

7
 

Puff The Magic Dragon

Sunday I finally saw something I had been waiting years to see....199.2 on the scale. I was so excited to finally be below the 200 mark, which I am sure most of you can understand. Flash forward to this morning 201.8 - the wonderful water weight gain.   When I woke up this morning I knew instantly I was retaining. My eyes and face were puffy, my hands felt tight. According to by BC pill pack next week is my TOM. Even though I haven't had a period since surgery (no, not pregnant) I still have the water weight gain and the wonderful moods.   Right now I ache, my back hurts, my face hurts - how in the world did I manage to pack on that much water over night? By band is NOT happy about this- I barely got my special K down this morning. Frankly, I am getting reflux from my water this morning. So it's all liquids today until this water gets out of me.   Anyone got any ideas how to flush the water out aside from fluid pills? I don't like being Puff the not so magic dragon.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Plateau Hell

October was an awesome month for me in the weight loss department, I lost 8 lbs. Since the first week in November I have been on a dang gone plateau, and it sucks!!! My weight has bounced since that week between 202.6 and 201.4. My goal had been to hit 199 by Thanksgiving and obviously that didn't happen.   I did indulge one day and allowed myself 2000 calories on Thanksgiving day, which was still below the amount I burned that day. Lunch was followed by a nap and then a 4 mile family hike. I totally don't feel guilty about allowing myself that once, as long as it doesn't become habit. Some of you may berate me for that, but we all have to do what works for us.   Other than the family hike on Thanksgiving I haven't been exercising per say. I have been working! I get up get into the office by 6:45 work until 3, go home or run errons, then go home clean, do laundry, cook dinner - deal with the creatures (2 dogs, 2 cats). We have stuff going on every weekend that takes us out of town or brings family to our home. When I cook I make my recipes as healthy as possible. I feel like I am going crazy though staying busy all the time. Sunday after my in-laws left I passed out on the couch and took a 3 hour nap, I was exhausted.   Is my tiredness playing into the platuea? Is my lack of working out causing? I have no idea what the cause is, but I know it sucks.   Tomorrow I return to my doctor for a fill, likely with my head tucked between my knees. When I left last time, my doctor smiled and said I will see you in November and below 200 and I failed!   I know that my inches have gone down because my clothes are fitting differently, my 16's are fitting a little looser and my 14's are pefect. But, weight is what is the main measure of success.   I know I shouldn't just look at the weight, but it's hard not to. I am so very close to onederland. When I started this journey the thought of getting below 200 was a dream, now that I am so close it almost seem unattainable.   Am I meant to always be the fat girl? Is my body against me and refusing to drop the fat? I don't know, but I do know that this plateau is making it very hard to stay motivated.   Hopefully, the weight will start to move again soon and in the right direction.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Picture Painted

Ok, I just went in for my 1 year post-op. June 22 will be my one year, but due to scheduling I went early.   Good news- I have lost 60 lbs since pre-op. I was down 7 lbs from my last fill in Feb (even though it doesn't feel like it). Every thing looks great- had floro fill done.   I would like to share a few things my doc stressed to me while I was there that painted a good picture of how life should be now....   1- I MUST see him at least once a year for a floro check of my band, to make sure I am not having any problems.   2- Eat 5 meals a day. This will keep my metabolism going and give me enough calories.   3- Eat only a cup at a time. His picture was: you use to have a 4 lane highway, now you have a one lane pig path- no more tractor trailers.   4- Small bites. A bite is the size of a peanut M&M and only 3 per min.   5- Sips of water. A sip is half a cough syrup cup - again only 3 per min.   6- Protein first then fiber.   Going in today I kinda felt like I did at the start of the journey, excited and waiting to get going. Not sure why I lost that fire before, but glad I found it again.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Perspective

I've been down the last month or so because my weight didn't seem to be moving. I was following the doctors orders, doing what I was suppose to, but the scales were not moving. Then last week all of a sudden I came to realize geez my pants are falling down, my shirt feels bigger. The scales weren't moving, but the inches were. I purchase some summer shorts and capri's in 14's and 12's - holy cow, WOW!! A XL in the ladies section is to big, I need a large.   Yesterday the hubs and I went to the mall to finish getting what we needed to our Florida vacation in a few weeks. I tried on a new pair of flip flops and was standing in the mirror looking at them. It took a second for it to register I was looking at my leg- OMG- it's not huge. I look nice. I am sliming down all over. When heading to the store I was tell the hubs- last year at this time I was poured into my 20/22 capri's and wearing a 2XL shirt; yesterday I had on a pair of 14 shorts that are loose in the waist and a size large ladies t-shirt.   Wow- this has worked, I did it. I have lost weight. I feel good.   At the start of this journey I said I would be happy to get to a size 12/14, well I am here. But, now I am thinking a 8/10 would be nice. Me in an 8/10 WOW- what a thought. I never imagined that could happen and I could still eat good food.   I don't feel like I am being deprived or eating rabbit food. I eat the same things I have always loved, just less of it. I don't feel like I am missing out on anything. The only thing I could totally go for that I really should avoid is a slice of Cheesecake Factory Red Velvet Cheesecake. Most likely I will get one for my anniversary (we got engaged there), but I will likely eat it over a few days vs at one time or share it with the hub.   So for anyone reading this just starting out or hasn't been banded yet, good news, you can loose weight and still eat good food. It's possible to have it all!!!   Today I am on top of the world!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

5
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