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Blog 91736

A blog by khunt719 in General

  • Entries

    33

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    35

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    4852

Entries in this blog

I'm such a failure

I haven't blogged in what seems to be forever so here it goes...It seems like no matter what I do the weight just doesn't come off. I have been stuck between 224 and 227 for a month now. I have been working crazy hours so exercising hasn't been high on the list of things to do. I am on my feet at work and do 2-15 min walks a day but that doesn't seem to be helping either. I do well during the day but at night is when I am at my worst. It's like nothing will fill me up or satisfy me. Last n

Another disappointment

Well I did see 224.5 once about a week ago and that was the last time I saw it. Since then I have gone back up to 227. Maybe it is water weight? I am so tired of this game with the scale. It is like a never ending battle. I have to go for my fill tomorrow and probably haven't lost any weight this last month but I will go with my head held high. I'm just going to eat some watermelon, protein shakes, and a laxative hoping that will take a lb off before tomorrow. I took a day off so that giv

The demons inside of me

Last night was a bad night to be fighting the demons, I call them demons because they go inside my head and tell me things like I'm not good enough or I'm not losing enough. It is a constant battle with them. Whenever I become positive about the surgery, they seem to come from out of nowhere and start with me. It is a tug-a-war between me feeling good about myself and me feeling depressed, I can't seem to get past this no matter how much weight I lose. It just isn't coming off fast enough.

I finally got below 225.

I never thought for a second that when I stepped onto the scale this morning I would final be below 225. I have been fighting this for a month now and after gaining and losing the same 3 lbs I finally got to 224.5. What a relief. I upped my exercise and I've been watching what I have been eating and finally got to it. Now I just need to get to 223 by next Tuesday since that is the day I go for my next fill. I will be at 9cc in a 10 cc band. My restriction has been good but I want more. I w

I got my body bugg

Well I ordered the body bugg and it seems to be very disappointing with the results. I would think that I was burning calories throughout the day but it is frustrating to see just how little you burn. I only hope I can get more exercise in and lose some more weight. I weigh in tomorrow and have 11 days until I go for another fill. Work is going good and home life hasn't been very stressful. So eating hasn't been a challenge for me. Well that is all I can say for right now. If anyone has a

Had a good night

Every night is like a battle for me to not eat everything in site. Last night I had a good night. I had a 4 oz piece of fish and a few nuts. That was good for me. So yesterday my eating looked like this. I had protein shake for breakfast, protein bar for break, a cup and a half of roasted squash for lunch, and then the fish and nuts for dinner. So not a bad day. I didn't get on the scale because I am waiting until Tuesday to do that. I didn't go swim last night, got off work and have a t

Lost 2 1/2 lbs

I watched what I ate yesterday and I'm down 2 1/2 lbs. 227 this morning. I ate pretty good yesterday and tried to watch my calorie intake. Protein shake for breakfast, cottage cheese for lunch, a piece of salmon and a cup of nuts for dinner. So that wasn't too bad. I probably could have gotten away without having the nuts but I wasn't satisfied with the fish. My husband had a bad day yesterday so we didn't get to the gym but we did walk the dogs twice so that helped. I'm taking 4-5 stool

I'm so sick of myself

Nighttime is the worst time for me and last night was no surprise. I just couldn't stop eating, it's like no matter what I ate it wouldn't fill me up. I was still hungry. It felt physically that I just couldn't get full. I just kept eating stuff and nothing would do it. Then finally I hit my breaking point and was so stuffed I could hardly stand it. I say I will never do that again but usually that thinking lasts until the next time. I wish I would never do it again. I have been fighting

This frickin' scale

Ok Ok I know I wasn't going to weigh myself everyday but I did weigh in today and from yesterday to today I've gained 2 1/2 lbs. How is this possible? It is so frustrating because I know I ate yesterday and that is the reason but I was hungry. It is like I can't eat anything without gaining weight. I didn't go swim like I thought I would because I was tired when I got home. I just have to pull myself to the gym everyday in order for me to lose. I did take the dogs for their walk and that h

225.5

Yep that is what I weighed in at this morning. I know I told you I wasn't going to weigh in until Tuesday but I was so excited, I had to do it today. I ate so good yesterday and I knew food wouldn't be an issue for me since all I had was a cup of olives, 7 hot wings, and 2 crackers with spread ( it was so good). I can't believe I am under 226. It has taken me a month to get under 226. I am so happy. I just know this month I will be able to get under 220 by the time I go to the doctor for m

Yesterday

Well I didn't blog yesterday because I had to be at work so early and Robert got up with me and I have to spend time with him so it is hard to have him awake and be sitting at the computer. I feel guilty. I try to blog at work but I can't always because people are always looking over your shoulder to see what you are doing and since they don't know that I have had surgery, that isn't a good idea. Wish people would mind their own business. Work was so easy yesterday for being a Saturday, no o

I haven't weighed myself

I have come to the conclusion that weighing myself everyday isn't a good idea because my weight fluctuates throughout the day. So I'm going to weigh every Tuesday until I go for my next fill. I am hoping to lose 5 lbs this month and that is my goal so hopefully I can achieve it. I made some chili this morning for me to take for lunch today since I had nothing else and it stays with me for a long time. It smells rather good and I can't wait to taste it, maybe I will have some for breakfast.

Panic Attack

Yesterday I had a panic attack and had to leave work. It was the second time in 3 years that I had to leave work early because I was sick so that was no big deal. But as I was sitting doing drops, I just got to thinking about how stressed out Robert has been about not having a job and my back started hurting, then my head and then my blood started racing inside me and all these thoughts came over me and I just had to leave. I cried all the way home. I got home took a Percocet and a Xanax and

I did my best

I'm at 227 this morning so I have to be proud that I lost 9 of those 10 lbs I gained. It isn't the fact that I have to weigh in today for my fill but it is the fact that I have gained 1 lb since my last fill. Doc isn't going to know what to do with me. I'll just ask for another fill and tell him I had a 4 day eating binge and gained the 10 lbs and lost 9 of those and hopefully he will be happy with that. I think I will wait until right before vacation before going back to him for another fil

Shiiiitttttttt!!!!

I once again wrote a frickin' book and can't find it now. I don't know where on this website it goes but Robert came in so I showed him what blogging was like and now I can't find the blog I was writing in the first place, it is probably a good thing because I just went on and on about how much I love him and how much we are in love and crap like that. I also told you about how I gained the 2 lbs that I had lost putting me back at 228 instead of 226 where I need to be before tomorrow's weigh i

feeling better

After feeling so down on myself, I am better. Husband and I went to lunch with my mother and her boyfriend. Ate too much so I was full for the rest of the night. Not bad to eat only once a day. I did have a handfull of nuts before bed and I'm still full so that is good. I'm going to fix a couple of eggs for breakfast today and tomorrow and see if that keeps me satisfied until lunch. I bought some cottage cheese to take for lunch Thursday and Friday since I can only have liquids after my fi

finally I see it

Every night when I get off work I call the husband to see what is for dinner. The night before he said let's figure out what we are eating tomorrow night so you don't have to ask. I didn't get the fact that it bothered him for me to ask...I ask every night after work, it's just a question. I've made decisions all day and don't want to have to make one when I get off. Well last night he went off when I asked about how he doesn't know what is for dinner and I always ask and that it makes him m

The scale won't budge

I don't know why but the scale just isn't moving fast enough for me. I woke up this morning and weighed in at 227.5. I have to be 226 by Tuesday and that is where I was last time I went for my fill. I was so hungry last night I ate a hot dog and a can of pea's. I sometimes can eat alot and then other times not eat hardly at all, so what gives there? yesterday we went to get our award, I had 2 eggs before I left and work brought McDonalds right when I got there to leave to Denver. How was I

On my soap box

I know I know that I have self-pity for not losing more weight. I can't stand the fact that I am tied to the scale. I weigh when I wake up and when I get home and before bed. If I am at the same weight when I get home from work as I was when I woke up I'll eat some protein but if I have gained any weight I'll just have a shake and then I get depressed. All I wanted was this last 2 lbs to come off before Tuesday because that is when I go for my fill. I don't want to have gained weight. What

did I make a mistake

Ok so I come home last night after eating good all day and I weigh 4 more lbs than what I weighed the day before. It is like I can't get back to 226 to save my life. I don't know what I am doing wrong but the way I ate yesterday I should have been down a lb or so. I am drinking my water, walking, eating my protein. I just don't know. Before having surgery I lost 30 lbs before we went on vacation in Sept and it only took me 3 months to do that but now that I have had surgery it is taking alo

up early again

I got up early to come into work to get some more OT, I figure as long as they are offering it I'll take it. Yesterday was a very relaxing day, I did about 250 drops for my 8 hours and then some receipts to add equip to accounts. So it wasn't bad. We have a new security guard so who knows how he will be. It is nice to have the regular security guards around because they know they have to be inside the lobby to help out if a customer becomes unruly. I found a station on Sirius that is 70's a

Back at it

I got up at 4:15 to come into work at 5:30 so I could get some OT. I am supposed to have drops today and that is fine. Drops are where you sit in the office and process the checks that have been dropped off at King Sooper's and outside in the payment only box. It is a nice break from dealing face to face with customers and it usually takes about 4-5 hours, some people take the full 8 hours to do them but I like to get them done and come back up front to work the customers. I went and bought

Couldn't sleep

Well I woke up at 12:00 and couldn't get back to sleep so I decided to do my cafe on facebook and make some coffee. After 4 cups and about an hour on the computer I went upstairs to try and sleep but that wasn't happening. I just laid there and my mind starts to think. I wonder why this surgery isn't working like I thought it should? was it all the sabotaging I did in the early stages? do I need to exercise more? What is it? I just have to lose this 10 lbs by next Tuesday and I'll be fine

Omg

well the 4 days off really got me...I gained 10 lbs. How could anyone gain 10 lbs in 4 days? I know I ate like a pig but was it my body taking in all the calories it could since it has been deprived of them for so long? What could it be? I waited yesterday and ate like I should and lost 5 lbs so I'm sure it was mostly water weight but I've never had that much water in me. I'm drinking like I should, ordered more protein powder from BE. They were out of my favorite chocolate so I'll try som

Back on the wagon

I had 4 days off from work for the holiday and loved every bit of them. I was bad though. It was my mother's birthday and I bought her a cake and I ate it for 3 days. I ate some good foods and some bad foods. I didn't go to the gym like I wanted to and I go for my fill on the 15th so I have to kick it in gear and at least lose 5 lbs before I go into the doctors. I hate disappointing myself and him but the cake was so worth it. Moist, soft, creamy...so full of goodness, calories and carbs.

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