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The demons inside of me

By khunt719

· 410 views

Last night was a bad night to be fighting the demons, I call them demons because they go inside my head and tell me things like I'm not good enough or I'm not losing enough. It is a constant battle with them. Whenever I become positive about the surgery, they seem to come from out of nowhere and start with me. It is a tug-a-war between me feeling good about myself and me feeling depressed, I can't seem to get past this no matter how much weight I lose. It just isn't coming off fast enough. It's like I want to lose it over night but I know that won't happen. I look in the mirror and get so sick of what I see...the big belly, the rolls, the saggy skin. How could anyone love me like this? Good thing we have clothes to cover our bodies up. I don't know how to get rid of the demons, I used to cut myself to relieve the pain I felt inside but with the help of medication I don't have that urge anymore. I just need to find a way to keep them from coming back. My head hurts and I feel overwhelmed with emotions when this happens. If any one else feels this way, let me know what works for you.

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    Bariatric Master

    imaluckydog

    LAP-BAND Patients

    You are doing what I do!! It does work and helps so much;-)

    Get Blogging writing about ones feelings is the BEST way to start to figure what is going on. These demons are very, very real and I can cave so easily I need to keep refocusing myself even after a year of being banded. My thoughts seem to try to get the best of me. Even this morning I am thinking I can have something I should not. Thanks for sharing I alway feel better when I get on this site. We can do this together. Thanks again and Best Wishes imaluckydog

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    • Bariatric Evangelist

    sandradee0124

    LAP-BAND Patients

    I agree with Ima (lol), sometimes I'm reading blogs and somebody that had surgery the day I did or the week after has lost twice the weight and I want to cry. But there are so many people on this site that are tremendously helpful, and caring and sharing. All hours. Post something and get some feedback.

    Don't set your expectations too high. This is not drastic, potentially dangerous gastric bypass. Our weight will come off slower, but it is safer and more permanent. We are changing LIFE habits and that doesn't happen overnight. Try to give yourself kudos for going through with this and doing as well as you have, which is fantastic!!!

    But I'm me, and I am older, in menopause and don't have the metabolism I did at 22. Or 42 for that matter. I try to tell myself down .5 is better than up .5 and keep a really loose pair of pajama bottoms around for the nights when I'm feeling low. Putting them on helps.

    The other thing is I try to remind myself how lucky I am to have gotten the surgery and recovered from it so well. I have insurance, a great surgeon and support staff, and this wonderful site to help me any time.

    Email at me if you need to talk: sandy.devine@cox.net

    Hugs!!!

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