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job hunting

Well, I've started looking around for a better job. I work seasonal right now, get good money, but I need something year round if I want to support me & the kids. My husband has drank away everything he owns and I see him drinking away this house inside the next 5 years, he already drank his buisness away, his vehicle, so I have to save myself. And there's no way I'm going to bust my butt working just so he can continue drinking. It's either he quits or I'm gone. Oh who am I kidding, I want out of here. I am disgusted with it all. In the past 15 years I worked so hard making a nice home for my kids, I can't beleive it will all be gone soon and someone else will be enjoying all my hard work. In a way I'm glad my father isn't around to see all this. But I know deep down that it's not my fault. He's the one drinking drinking DRINKING. I feel bad for my kids because they;ve grown up with a beautiful big yard and a nice house, and we'll probably end up in an apartment somewhere. they will definately hate me, blame me, resent me, but in the end I hope they see & remember how their dad treated us. |Too bad we'll have to lose everything though.
Rosie Sue

Rosie Sue

5
 

calorie counting works!

I'm losing! started counting claories, i've been resisting doing that since surgery (50+ days) I wasn't losing, but now that i realized that i was eating almost 4000 calories i've cut down to 1200 aprox. and the weight is going down, a good 5 lbs this week. I hate counting calories, but it's easy using the lapband-progress site. i went out with the kids last night, they needed a night out, i had some onion rings and i don't regret it, they were good! i get another fill in 2 weeks, i hope i get RESTRICTION! i can eat more than a cup of food at a time, and i only get stuck if i eat too fast, wich doesnt happen often, but i'm getting good at eating slow, i don't have to think about it much now. anyways, it felt good to get out last night, we had a lot of laughs, it was very relaxing, we really needed that. it took a while for us to unwind, but by the end of the night we were giggling & joking & we talked about all sorts of stuff. very nice. i love my kids.
Rosie Sue

Rosie Sue

2
 

I'm writing it down

The truth. I want to lose weight so I can get a better paying job so I can leave my husband. I married a mentally abusive alcoholic 15 years ago, and that has led me down a river of self abuse/denial. I've filled the holes in my life with food & pets. Food loves me, pets love me, and I love them back. Don't ask me how it all hapened. It just did. He drove away my friends, then my family, then my own self respect. But bit by bit I'm clawing my way out of the hole I've been in. When I got my band I started to see light. (he never even asked me why I was in the hospital. duh, love) It's hard, but I know i'm not alone feeling this way. I don't want to be thin so i can get another man. No way. I've been burned enough. I just want to have people look at me, not look at my fat or my ill fitting clothes. I can giggle and joke about the chips I had, or the donut i had, but it's sad. There's nothing funny about being fat.
Rosie Sue

Rosie Sue

3
 

Frustrated

ARRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! I am so freakin frustrated, I'm hardly eating, working outside ALL THE TIME, don't stop moving, AND THE WEIGHTS NOT COMING OFF!! I haven't lost a single #&%*$& pound for WEEKS. Ya ya, i've lost 20 so far, but 15 of those was before the band on that liquid diet phase. CrAP!!! I......HARDLY.....EAT.....ANYTHING!!! I nibble more at night, but hey, that's hardly anything at all. some nuts, cold chicken, ok i had a icecream drumstick one night. i hardly think that's going to keep me from losing for WEEKS. I have good days and bad days. Obviously this is a bad day, they've been going on for a while now i guess. i got the manic lows, the manic highs don't last as long, sometimes just for a couple hours. Now i got to get off my butt, get to work while the sun's shining, i can't do much in the rain.
Rosie Sue

Rosie Sue

3
 

Less computer time!

Yup, moving more, sitting less. I feel good. Could use a bit more sleep, but it's all good. I have to cut down on tim's ice caps, but it's so HOT and they go down so well! But it could be worse, it could be beer. The scale isn't moving too fast, but i see that my tire is definately getting smaller. yeay me!
Rosie Sue

Rosie Sue

4
 

and I SLEPT!

For the first time since surgery, I slept throught the night without being woken up by pain! I took a zanac around 9pm, so what i thought was hunger pains must have been heartburn! Plus, yesterday...No back pain all day!! I'm on a roll baby! I wasn't going to post this, i didn't want to jinx it, but hell! No pain! And a full night sleep, the first in a month!! hopefully my energy will start to pick up now and i'll want to walk/exercise more! wooooooooooooooo!!!
Rosie Sue

Rosie Sue

3
 

I did it!

I did it! I actually got off my butt and left the yard and went for an hour walk. I feel great now! What has helped me is not waking up with back pain. I cleaned the kitchen, washed all the floors then out I went. Now, if i can just do this again maybe not tomorrow, but at least the day after! (plus, I have puppy fever really really bad! somebody stop me...)
Rosie Sue

Rosie Sue

2
 

waiting for the call

Well I called the docs office this morning to talk about all the pain I've been in, still waiting for the call back. I hope I didn't slip my band when I fell with the dog. (ya, sure, 'with' the dog...she bounced me, dragged me, rolled me...) Crossing my fingers and still waiting for my first fill in a few weeks. tick tick tick tick tick....
Rosie Sue

Rosie Sue

1
 

after vacation...

Well, back from vacation. Had a good time, but it's always nice to come back home. A little dissapointed that I haven't lost any weight since surgery, I EAT SO LITTLE! I know I should walk more, I just don't have the energy. Still getting killer hunger pains in the middle of the night, still have big backaches that I think are brought on by being too full. "real food" seems to bring on the backaches. I wanted this band so bad, but it's so hard changing myself to fit into my band! I'm still the fat chick.:rolleyes2:
Rosie Sue

Rosie Sue

2
 

19 days post-op

19 days, and I hardly slept last night. Boats going up & down the river all night, music, parties, yelling. Plus I had killer backaches all night. When will it end? I should get up, take a shower and go for a walk with my dog. There are lots of people coming to my house tonight, and I'm not looking forward to it at all!! They want to BBQ (they invite themselves every year) and i don't want to cook, even less eat with them. They are the kind of people that only talk to me when they want something from me. Like tonight, I have a huge yard so everyone comes here to watch the fireworks show. I never hear from them the rest of the year and I dont get invited to their house for parties either. (why don't i just put a stop to that? I don't know...) I hope it rains!! I'm just looking forward to leaving for my vacation whenever it decides to stop raining. Well. i got to stop feeling sorry for myself now and get off my but and go for a walk while the sun is out. Later...
Rosie Sue

Rosie Sue

1
 

Solitairy confinement!

Yup, that's what if feels like. Solitairy confinement. That's because I haven't told anyone about being banded 18 days ago. I am married, have kids, extended family, friends...And I managed to fly under the radar. It's a bit wierd that no one questioned me more about being in the hospital overnight, but when I said "I don't want to talk about it" , well, they didn't talk about it. Now I'm anxiously waiting for my first fill in about 2 1/2 weeks. I find it a struggle going to restaurants with friends/family and not being able to eat like the rest of them (big eaters!) I stick out like a sore thumb being a big woman eating a small portion of a healthy meal. I feel like a hipocrite. (spell check!!) But I can't and DON"T want to go back to my old habits. I want to be thinner. Not thin, just thinner. I figure losing about 75 lbs will do me good. If I can go for more, it's a bonus. I really like the june bugs 2010 posts, they get me through the day when things are not going as smoothly as planned:rolleyes:. It's nice to know that other people are going through the same things I am, and it's nice talking about it. A great support group. Well, till next time...
Rosie Sue

Rosie Sue

0
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