I'm writing it down

The truth. I want to lose weight so I can get a better paying job so I can leave my husband. I married a mentally abusive alcoholic 15 years ago, and that has led me down a river of self abuse/denial. I've filled the holes in my life with food & pets. Food loves me, pets love me, and I love them back. Don't ask me how it all hapened. It just did. He drove away my friends, then my family, then my own self respect. But bit by bit I'm clawing my way out of the hole I've been in. When I got my band I started to see light. (he never even asked me why I was in the hospital. duh, love) It's hard, but I know i'm not alone feeling this way. I don't want to be thin so i can get another man. No way. I've been burned enough. I just want to have people look at me, not look at my fat or my ill fitting clothes. I can giggle and joke about the chips I had, or the donut i had, but it's sad. There's nothing funny about being fat.