I went for my shin check up with the dermatologist today. She took off a "suspicious" bit of skin(and is sending it to the lab) and gave me a scrip for some cream to put on two other spots. Then she cut off one of my finger nails to send to the lab for a culture. What is up with that?
Back story is that I lost my daughter-in-law 5 years ago to Melanoma and my husband has been battling with skin cancers for about 10 years.
I don't need this now. I'm trying to focus on this band and getting the weight off and now this.
I woke up this morning wondering why, again I lay there like a slug. My mind trying to figure out the motivation question and wasting time. This is a pool morning. I LOVE swimming. Where is my MoJo?
Then I read my Horoscope today:
Why worry about what is holding you back from reaching your goals when there seems to be no way to determine what exactly it is? You're fretting and stressing over a mystery that might never be solved -- and it's a huge waste of your precious energy. So today, just get moving forward and focus more on doing things rather than on all the subliminal stuff that you'll never be able to pin down. You just need to get stuff done.
Happily I did get to the pool and I do feel invigorated.
I just have to stop thinking so much and just get stuff done.
All my planning for the cruise was for not. I actually gained 7 pounds. Good news is that I have also lost it. (I think a lot of the pounds were water weight from traveling) So Im back to pre vacation weight.
I also returned with a cold(explains the weight loss). So working with the trainer is out until Friday.
I think I will go have some soup.
I did a triathlon about 5 years ago. It was a great feeling!! So to that end...
I have signed up for a triathlon this summer.
I've decided that I need a focus regarding exercise. I might be crazy but I have to challenge myself and be accountable to something.
This is not the big IronMan type. It is the sprint length, not that I will be sprinting. 400meter swim/6mile bike/2mile run.
God, I hope I don't make a fool of myself.
For the most part I have a handle on my eating. I've been experimenting with more 'color' on my plate. Veggies and fruit.
I just wish my husband didn't like nuts so much. I want the nuts out of the house!!! I could just munch away while reading a book all afternoon.
Im working with a Health and Wellness Coach. Trying to get to the root of some of my unhealthy issues. Like why I regained every time I have dieted in the past. Setting some goals for diet and exercise. Learning to Love and Accept myself. Learning I am worth the hard work and the resulting 'body of my dreams'. It could be all a bunch of gobbley-gook but I want to give myself the best chance for success. I'm focusing alot of time, energy and $$ on this effort (the band and all).
I gave yoga another shot this morning. I'm glad I did it in my home. That sticky mat is, well sticky. I either had a wedgie or flashing a butt crack the whole time. I don't think I'm ready for a class yet.
75lbs gone 50lbs to go!!!
Im doing my part as a good Auntie and telling everyone I know about the calendar my Niece is producing. She is only 17 and all the models are her friends.
Calendar Geeks
Go check it out and if you like it please pass along the link to anyone else you know who would like.
Thanks,
Amanda
Ok after my major whine-fest I'm back on track. Back to the trainer twice a week. I have an exercise focus again. Which seems to be the only way to keep my mind interested in moving the bod. I've entered the 2009 Muddy Buddy Ride & Run in Richmond VA. with my husband. He's not all that happy but he wants me to succeed so he's supporting me in my whim. I'm trying to keep food choices good and think I'm succeeding about half the time. Better than nothing. I have an appointment for a fill on Monday because I've been stupidly hungry most of the time.
Best of all I'm back in the game. :confused: Yay me!
I've been hanging around, reading posts and journals for a while now. I really respect the folks that are recording their lives here. I don't know how long I will be able to keep this up. I'm not much of a writer and I'm sooo glad there is spell check. But Im going to try. Maybe someone will read something I write and get something from it. I know I've got a lot from the journals I'm currently following.
So here goes:
My name's Amanda. I'm 41, married to a wonderfully supportive guy and have 2 step sons (30 & 31)I'm very close too, and we live in the Northeast. I am the CFO of a small company, so I work at my desk, in my office, all day and it doesn't leave much opportunity to move around during the day.
My weight has been up and down all my life. Mostly up. I'm at my heaviest and not liking myself much lately. My husband and I like to keep busy and we do many sports together (golf, biking, walking, shopping(involves lots of walking!!)) and I love everything to do with the water (kayaking, sailing, fishing, boating, swimming). In 2005 I was on a 3 person team that completed a triathlon. My goal is to do the triathlon again. (UPDATE ON AUG 2, 2008 I COMPLETED MY FIRST SOLO TRIATHLON!!)
I've been looking into the LapBand for about 2 years, ever since my sister-in-law got it. She has since had it removed because it was eroding, but says she would have another put in if she could. About 2 months ago I went to my first information session and consultation with the surgeon. I have since jumped through all the hoops (psych,nutrition,upper GI,pulmonary and cardiac clearance, diet history, blood tests). So far so good. I stopped by the Dr.'s office to see how things were progressing last Friday. They have received all the information and will now submit to insurance. Then they will call with a surgery date. The desk lady said I should be hearing in a week.
So I wait.
I've been working on eating meals without drinking. It does make me feel full faster. I'm going to sign up at the gym after the first of the year. I've lined up with my company to take a week off after my surgery, hopefully in mid January.
A word about the pre-tests. I breezed through the cardio, pulmonary, blood, nutrition and diet history. It was the psych that messed me up. I've had some hard times these past few years. Many deaths (a very dear friend from suicide and all grandparents, a daughter-in-law, my father-in-law and mother-in-law. I guess I'm a bit depressed. This Dr had me thinking I have some real problems and they might get in the way of her passing me for the surgery. I figured I flunked the psych part. Is that possible I asked my husband? Well I didn't hear anything further from her so I guess I didn't flunk. But gees I am an intelligent person that goes to work each day, am very successful, happily married and don't beat my dog. This lady had me doubting myself. I'm just fat, not suicidal! I'm glad I don't have to see her again.
So I wait.
I've decided not to tell most folks about the surgery until it happens or someone asks after. My business and all that. My close friends and family know. I'll need their support.
Well I guess that's it for now. I hope to chronicle as often as possible or when the facts allow.
Comments are welcome and appreciated.
TTFN :cursing:
Ive started my training for the Triathlon. Feels good to have a focus.
Weight loss stalled. Haven't lost for the last week. I think it is because it has been hot here and I have been reaching for the juice. To many calories.
I've been tired lately too. Perhaps because of the increased exercise. I think I will be hitting the pillow early tonight.
TTFN
I've been to this place before with friends and said I "never wanted" to do it myself. That was Bull**it. I always thought I was too heavy and they wouldn't let me.
Today I climbed 6 walls more then half way and one to the top. We're talking over 50ft to the top.
It was fantastic!!
I'm down to 4 days now. All week I was just "off" at work. I was occupying space, putting on a good show but really didn't get much done. That will bite me in the butt when I get back because I'm the only one who does what I do. My desk is going to be FULL when I return. I usually am more on the ball when I know I will be out of the office. I have to let that go. My mind can't really focus on anything. I keep shoving down my worries on the band. I've done alot of research on the band and my Dr. I know what I'm getting into. But still. I've never really been sick, never hospitalized. The idea of being told to "stay" just isn't sitting with me. I wish this could have been outpatient. I know some people have had it that way but it's not available around here. I'm freaking out about the catheter, having to take my wedding ring off, about staying overnight, about having an IV in so long. Getting my period, which is not due but everyone says will happen anyways because of stress or the Heparin. I will not wear that gown walking up and down the halls. It's all little stuff, but still...
On top of this a couple we haven't seen in a while invited us to dinner tomorrow night. They don't know and I'm not sure I want to share. Do I go and have soup and say Im babying a bad stomach? If I say no then Im limiting my husbands social life. I don't want him to resent my choice of the band already.
Ok that's enough. I'm going to have a hard enough time getting to sleep already.
I had a bit of a scare in the mall yesterday. I had some soup and a few minutes later my stomach was a bit unnerved. Well I went to the health food store and got some ginger. That and alot of water to wash it through seemed to help. I did get diarrhea, but I didn't puke. I got really nervous thinking about getting sick and the band slipping.
It all seemed to hit me. I may never eat regular again. I now have surgical scars on a body that had never even been to a hospital. I mean Im having BIG time doubts about this and I can't change back. It's not like ANYTHING Ive ever done before. I had this thing put in. It was my choice, Im the only one to blame. I really did a lot of research before the surgery but nothing could prepare me for how Im feeling. I was really thinking about making myself puke so it would slip and have to be removed.
I really shouldn't be complaining I get a good nights sleep. Ive been sleeping on my stomach since the first night in the hospital. Drinking my 5 meals getting all my protein. Not getting enough water, but whatever. Going on walks with the DH to get exercise. Im not really in pain, just discomfort.
I wish I could be more psyched about this but right now I'm just trudging through the day thinking I've made the worst mistake of my life and pissed at myself for putting my family, body and mind through this.
I know this is not what you guys want to hear but It's how Im feeling. I think Im getting depressed. __________________
UPDATE If you're reading this please know that Im fine and after a few days I wrapped my mind around stuff. I'm doing really well and am happy with my decision. :confused_smile:
I hit the web hard today.
I ordered a bunch of protein shakes/puddings from different brands because I'm not sure which ones I'll like. I REALLY like food and variety is the spice of life. I've read on the boards about a few different brands and everyone seems to have a favorite. Soon to be arriving at my door are; Unjury(I liked that they have sample sizes), Medifast, and Focus 28.
My big problem is that when I eat it is everything on my plate and maybe what is left on my husbands. A smaller problem is remembering to eat. The first will be solved with the band. The second will become a very large problem if I don't address it. I get very focused at work and skip lunch. When I get home it's --GET OUT OF MY WAY-- as I head to the frig. The nutritionist suggested I get a timer that reminds me to eat. Hmm good idea. It would also work to remind me to drink. So I hit the web again and found this
really nifty watch that has a alarm setting. I thought about a kitchen timer but if I leave my office or am out and about I'm not going to take that with me.
I'm looking into elliptical trainers but I don't think I will buy that on the net.
tomorrow is -make some sense of the basement day.
Comments are welcome and appreciated.
:cursing: TTFN
I was just looking at my signature line. I have the counter for my weight(of course) plus the count-downs for my trip to Bermuda and the Triathlon.
I realized that A: the trip is a gift to me from my husband for taking the steps necessary for better health & B:the Triathlon is a gift to myself for taking the steps necessary for better health. C: if I keep on my current loss rate I will be half way to my goal by the time A & B happen.
That is special.:biggrin2:
I was sitting at my desk hunched over the year-end numbers and my cell phone rings. Very absent-mindedly I answered. It's about 10 seconds in when I realize that its the desk lady from the Dr.'s scheduling my surgery date. "How's March 4th?" "Is that a good date?" "Okay how about the next week?" Now I focus in. Excuse me, what would you like me to do when? She says she's sorry, she knows she talks fast. " Your LapBand surgery. Would you like to schedule it for March 4th?" Now she's got my full attention. I was hoping to have it sooner but the Doc is going away on vacation for the month of January so that's the best they can do. I scheduled the surgery and the meeting with the hospitals nurse educator and ask to be put on the waiting list.
So again I wait.
I'm VERY glad to find that the nutty psych doc didn't sidetrack me.
So now I'm thinking maybe I will knuckle down and start the fitness part in January like I was planning. Maybe even start the liquid part in February, just to jump start things. I was really pumped to get this thing started at the first of the year. New Year, new start and all that. It looks like fate has a different path for me.
I called my sister to moan about the delay. She was really good about it and redirected me to the fact that it's going to happen, it's just delayed. She said March was a better time anyway because then she could fly out and take care of me for a week. How sweet is that?!
My husband will be very happy. I don't think he was looking forward to that first cranky week. Me hurting and only drinking my food. Him a big strong fireman having to forage for himself (My sister is a good cook- he won't go hungry).
I guess that's enough of a rant for today.
TTFN
I got my surgery time 10:00. My stomach is all gurglely from the liquid diet.
I'm going to go have a glass of white wine(clear liquid) and listen to the relaxation cd from the complementary medicine program.
Night all.:thumbup:
I rescheduled the training sessions I will miss while on jury duty. I going to have a few late nights and a chunk out of a Saturday but Im happy not to be missing the time in the gym. I do feel better/happier while I am working out. My trainer was not available for the night workouts so Im giving another a try.
I cleared my desk at work so I can go to jury duty with a clear conscience. I know I will have to come in a few evenings or no one is going to get paid.
The scale still seems to be going down. Happy dance. I have a fill scheduled for 7/7. All is good.
Im off to my book.
Today my husband surprised me with a trip to Bermuda. He said that he is so proud of what Im doing that he wants to reward me for all my hard work.
I think it is wonderful because it is four months away and I will be needing a boost by then, and new clothes. What he doesn't know is that all my summer stuff isn't going to fit and I will be needing to shop for stuff to wear. Woo Hoo. Win Win.:thumbs_up:
(edited 4/8)
After thinking about the trip some more,(not that I want to be negative but) it's kind of sneaky, it sounds more like a motivator then a reward. I mean now I really HAVE to stick with this and meet or exceed my goals. He knows I want to look good on those pink sand beaches.:thumbup:
I hate to poop poop the band so early but I know myself and I need some more reenforcement to keep on the proper path. This thing is supposed to kick in where my will power can't. Or maybe not. Maybe I just wanted it to and read into the Lap-band information what I wanted to see.
I called the Dr about a fill and was told not for 6 weeks.
I really should have looked into the fill policy of this Dr before banding. Live and learn. There are other Dr's that fill more frequently. I think I should make up a list of ?? prebanders should ask.
I hope I will be one of those bandsters who at one year are counseling the newbies to hang in there because I had a slow start also.
I really appreciate the opportunity to vent in a supportive place.
THANKS:smile2:
I have been very discouraged lately. Second guessing my decision to get the band and wondering if perhaps I should have gotten the bypass.
The scale has not moved down since April 11(not counting the times it has gone up then down, back to the 4/11 weight). I had a fill on May 2, 1 1/2cc in a 4cc band. I have been working out with a trainer and doing the cardio. I have no soft stops, hard stops, BPs, anything. I "could" eat anything I want but manage to eat well most of the time. Although Sunday I had a whole NY bagel for Gods sake, that is not supposed to be possible. I have been journaling foods. Not drinking with or after meals. Its like I don't have the band in at all. Except for the scars and the golfball that is sticking out of my stomach(aka the port).
I have reminded myself of why I chose the band over the bypass- recovery time, malabsorption issues, reversible. But Im starting to think about the bypass in a new light.
Im thinking maybe I should have done some more research. Talked to some more people.
If I had the bypass there is no way a bagel could go down.!!!:thumbup:
I am not happy.
(on the Drs scale I have only lost 9lbs in the first 10 wks after surgery. I lost 5lbs in the first week. Do the math this is not working!!!!:thumbup::cursing::smile2::cursing::cursing: )
