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Breathe. Angelica's Journal

A blog by Angelica in General

  • Entries

    29

  • Comments

    38

  • Views

    1,041

About this blog

Hit me with your best shot =)

Entries in this blog

baby, I'm back

=)   Okay, so, things are good. Lets play catchup:   I got a boyfriend, he moved in, we're in love, things are awesome. Hes HUGE. Like six foot four, makes me feel safe, makes me feel SMALL. He told me I was tiny the other day =) His name is Raul, and I had dated him before, but it fell apart for various reasons, and now its back on. I'm happy.   My bestie ray and I arent besties anymore. He did something really vile, and I cant talk about it, because I am still moving through the

Chemical Imbalance

So, a wobbler.. Whats a wobbler, a wobbler is when Angelica loses her mind, and sort of falls into a world of HIGH anxiety and depression.   I guess most people would call this a fat day?   Lets break it down like this, I have lost about 5-7 lbs for every month that I have had the band (today is my 6 month anniversay, btw)   Okay, so 30-35 lbs. In 6 months.. I am TRYING to be patient. I have gotten my fills, but I havent eaten the correct foods, I havent eaten the correct portions. I

No Air..

Geez, I feel awesome today.   I read this forum pretty regularly. Probably on a daily basis, provided that work permits... Ive read so much, seen so many attitudes, seen alot of pain and hurt over being overweight, alot of triumph over losing weight...   I did something this week that I am proud of. My dating life, its bad. I started talking to an ex boyfriend of mine called Raul.. Raul, hes, difficult to describe. He possesses a brilliant criminal mind; and uses it to his advantage.

awessommmmeee

This is probably not a big deal to anyone but me.   Okay, so my entire life, basically, I've been a fuck up. I have made bad decisions, and done stupid things, and I am now 26. I havent been licensed to drive a car since I was 17, and had said license revoked.   Its been nine years, and finally, I got up the gumpton, and took the stupid test, and I finally passed. I am offically licensed to drive in the state of texas.   This is exciting to me. It means release from a whole lotta shi

Fills, fills, fills

So, the last time I went to go see my doctor, about 9 days ago, I told them something was right about my fill, I could basically eat whatever I wanted too, and my doctor said, 'I dont want to make you TOO tight, so we're going to do the next one under floro.   That happens on Friday.   I feel a little disenchanted with the band, but I understand its just growing (more like shrinking) pains.   I started eating differently last week. A friend of mine wanted to 'go raw' and see how it felt

One more time, celebration..

Musics got me feeling so free, one more time.   So, since its the slower part of the month at my job, I have taken to walking around the building in the morning. I am guesstimating that each circle around the building is half a mile, I think, I mean, the building is huge, but I guess I need a pedometer to really tell how far I am walking.   I build up a sweat, the first couple of days, it was only 2 laps around in the morning, and 2 at lunch. OKay, that was cool, but today I decided to s

Turbo Jam, and other random thoughts

Okay, so, as almost everyone I know, knows, I am terrible at dating.   Like, super bad.   I met this dude, online, okay, and hes got my myspace, so hes seen my pictures.. I dont know, I feel so self concious about being overweight. Having said that, I look a million times better than I did before, but I just, I want this guy to like me, and I guess that fat girl is creeping back into my head telling me that something is wrong with me.   Anyway, I have done well today, I had a soy pro

Walk hard.

Laci: there are two directions we can walk each day....one is toward our goals and dreams....we may tire, we may falter, we may even crumple in the dust....   Our success is not measured by how many times we fall but how many times we arise and take another step toward the Light....   We can choose our path....or it will be chosen for us;   we can act in our own interests....or we can remain trapped by forces that hold us prisoner;   we can move ourselves by discipline or we can be impri

Why arent you losing weight the way you want to be losing weight?

I pondered this question last night, whist I was sitting on my couch, enjoying a TV dinner, and recovering from being punched in the port by a 5 year old cousin of mine (accidentally, she didnt know what she was doing, but GEEZ it hurt).   Nothing tastes as good as thin feels...   mmm, this is interesting.   Food, in itsself to me, is instant gratification. I like it, it makes me feel better. It makes me feel even better when I can get a smoke after eating a nice big portion of food. I

Sugar Crash?

Okay, so I havent eaten any sugar lately. By lately, I mean, probably for a week, I have been eating really well, fruits, veggies, chicken, and fish.   so today, I figured, some variety, I will have celery with peanut butter.   Oh mistake.   about 10 minutes after I ate it, I crashed, meaning, i could hardly keep my eyes open. I ended up taking a lunch, which I normally dont do at work, (I just eat at my desk, since my meals are so small) and having to go take a nap in the car for an hou

Something very strange is happening to me

Okay, so this morning, I woke up, and (I know, TMI) I am in the middle of a raging peroid. Normally, during my monthly, I'll eat just about anything I can cram into my face, but this morning, I woke up and thought, God, a nice salad with some chicken would be delicious right now.   What in the hell.   I have read things in the past that note that your body craves what you put into it. Am I getting there? Am I finally at the point that I am starting to LOVE the foods that I am eating?  

Today

I am not quite as mental, and I feel alot better.   Didnt over eat, didnt drink last night.   I am headed in the right direction.   Addiction, at least for me, is about instant gratification. How do you work weight loss into instant gratification, how do I become addicted to being a health nut?   This is going to be my new task.   Called a therapist, have an appointment on Friday. Its gonna be good.   Today, the road seems so much clearer.   -A   :biggrin:

Help me out, Please.

Issues, Issues, Issues. Food, I hate food, I love food. Food is the worst abusive boyfriend I have ever had. Albeit the longest boyfriend I have ever had. My band is tight, I have GOOD RESTRICTION. I can’t stop myself from eating until the food is gone, or until I am uncomfortable. If it’s in front of me, I have to eat it. I have resolved that I should get the food away from my face whist I am trying to make this change. In order to do that, I do a variety of things. If I am eat

Holidays, Family, and Other BS

Okay, so, I am Jewish, right? My dads side of the family is catholic, my moms side is Jewish.   Well, some of my aunts have been 'born again' Christains, which is fine, but Easter is a big deal to you guys!   Anyhow, so we got together for Easter celebrations because we dont want to leave anyone out, that isnt nice. My family jumped on my case so bad. 'Why arent you losing weight faster', 'Youre still fat', Why did you have a sugery when you couldnt lose weight faster, 'Are you supposed t

Why Skinny Girls are afraid of Fat Ones.

I got into a 'spirited debate' earlier today.   I have a co worker, shes beautiful. Shes got a beautiful body, and a beautiful face. Shes dumber than a bag of rocks. She wrecked a marriage of another co worker of mine. Shes 19.   No one knows about the surgery I had at work except for Jon, who is my bestie at work, and hes very supportive. Anyway, he also happens to be the one who got wrapped up in this pretty girl.   We we laughing, and joking around the other day, and he mentions

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a new goal set

Okay, so I went and got another fill, right?   Awesome, restriction. I can finally not eat a whole plate of food. My band is TIGHT in the mornings, which is fine. I'm not too worried about that.   Still chugging along with the crab meat breakfast. The protein sticks with me all day, on the plus side, on the negative side, all my co workers hate me because they say the crab meat stinks. It probably does. Sorry guys, doing this for me. I normally eat one packet, which is actually 3 serv

When I thought I was gonna go CRAZY

And now my grandmama aint the only girl calling me BABBBY.   I love that song, I have had it stuck in my mind, this IS the good life.   I have started eating a little differently lately. My days normally go like this - Crab meat for breakfast, I know this is wierd, but its tasty, and its high in protein, LOW in calories.   Then I like to follow it up with a cottage cheese snack mid moring, a peice of fruit near lunchish. The fruit normally stays in the band longer that the crab meat

She hit the floor

Hoo boy, its been a busy month, my dears.   So, I got over all the crying and whining, and moved out of my previous apartment. Steve still hasnt come back around. Its alright. If he does, we might have another go at it, I dont know. We will see how it goes.   Just as a side note, its really super hard to move at 1 in the morning when its raining and colllllddd.   I got it done, some of the personal relationships in my life are sort of skewed right now. Obviously, my relationship w

Over and Over again

Would I be violating, if I grabbed me a handful?   hahaha, thats from an old rap song, and right now, the answer is No, you wouldnt be violating.   I read a post recently about poor eating and exercise due to stress in the personal life. It sort of hit home. My life has been sort of stressful for a while.   My roommate is techincally insane. Shes basically moved out of the apartment to live with her mother, but is still paying rent. She makes no sense to me. I dont have my own pl

Pity Party Ova

So yeah   Its finally hit me. I realized, I read this board because the people here inspire me. I read the journals because I want to see what tips and tricks I can pick up.   Being lazy, at least for Angelica, is OVER.   The fact of the matter is this I MADE the RIGHT choice having the Lapband, now, am I willing to let it help me, or not. I dont know if I have lost any weight yet, I suppose I can check, because I am at work, and we have this really accurate scale in the mailroom.

urhm

I feel a general sense of not being well today.   I miss Steve, I miss the way things used to be. I miss the way he made me laugh, and how we wasted our time together. He said the kindest sweetest things, and then would be thrown off because I didnt expect him to say them. It was cute.   I need a smoke, but alas, no lighter, not alot of people that I work with smoke, I guess. Its my fault, really, I shouldnt have left the thing at home.   I feel like I have been robbed of an opprot

Addictive

'My ups, my downs, my high and my lows?'   My situation with Steve is over. Its a long drawn out explination, I am pretty much, well, its not a good day for me.   I'm taking this one day at a time. One day. One hour, ten minutes at a time.   Having gotten the bad news out of the way, the good news is that both my mother and I were promoted, which is funny, we dont work in the same industry, but we are both going to have to do alot more travel.   2 minutes at a time   I ha

Never

That song, love like this. Okay - I like it, and I realize, and my music snob friends tell me all the time that I listen to shitty music, I get that. But that new Natasha Beddingfield song is awesome.   Okay, so the weight loss, shea, well. Look, I'm fuckin up. I realize that, and I feel like shit about it. I'm TIRED of feeling guilty. My life has to change.   So, for the past two days, I have drug myself out of bed on time, I have worked out. I havent done the Power 90 yet, because I

Where every step I took in faith betrayed me.

Things are swimming, my dears.   Starting low carb, its sort of strange, but I figure its like, the best idea for someone who hasnt reached complete restriction. You get the protein you need, right?   So its only day one, hour 4. I am itching for a fix :redface:   I have started the day out with crab meat, which is nice, 45 calories per serving, and 10 grms of Protein. Head Hunger is killing me. I just keep shoving food into my face. So, we are back to the question that I now have

Rehab and Restriction

mmm.. I got my fill on Friday. I am in heaven. Restriction is awesoommmeee. As of right now, I have 8 CCs in my 10 CC band, and I know I am only a few months along, but I needed the restriction. I am not going to worry about it.   I got some rough news on Friday, smoking causes errosion? WTF, WHY cigarettes, WHY, I LOVE YOU GUYS. I am going to have to give up on the smoking and thats some bullshit. I love cigarettes, I just do, they make me happy, i like smoking, its fun for me, I lik

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