Why arent you losing weight the way you want to be losing weight?

I pondered this question last night, whist I was sitting on my couch, enjoying a TV dinner, and recovering from being punched in the port by a 5 year old cousin of mine (accidentally, she didnt know what she was doing, but GEEZ it hurt).

Nothing tastes as good as thin feels...

mmm, this is interesting.

Food, in itsself to me, is instant gratification. I like it, it makes me feel better. It makes me feel even better when I can get a smoke after eating a nice big portion of food. I enjoy it. Theres a certain amount of satisifaction to it.

Okay, so now I have my band, and I cant eat nearly as much, but I like the feeling of being full, its like saftey to me. It makes me feel comfortable.

Last year, when I was in the process of having my surgery, I would have figured that by this time, I would be done, I would have lost the weight that I needed to lose, I was totally committed.

The problem is that I didnt bother to think about the reprecussions of losing something that was so important to me.

Food is very important to me. Its sort of ridicilous how important it is. I didnt think, Gosh, you arent going to have a coping mechanism anymore, you arent going to have something to help you erase the sins of the day. All I thought was that I will have this surgery, and everything will be better.

It was a very young thought process. No foresight, at all.

Well, now, here I am, dealing with these emotional issues. Its hard. But I realized two things.

Number one, without a plan, Angelica WILL fail. Without little meals to take to work with me, I will end up in the vending machine when I get hungry.

Two, if you dont move your body, you cant shake the weight off. DUH. Look, I will admit right now that I havent been consistent in my weight loss. I know its because I found ways to eat around the band when I want too, and its because I havent really committed to my exercise program.

That stops today.

Its time to be a grown woman, and face the issues in my life head on.

This wishy washy bullshit stops today.

-A

:thumbs_up: