Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

When do you tell a potential partner (that will see you naked)?



Recommended Posts

I've wondered about this. With the new body, the lost marriage (ugh...he had it coming), new-found confidence, I was with a few partners. But nobody I was REALLY interested in - so telling them wasn't that big a deal, or I'd lie to them, straight up.

But anyway...it looks like a new and VERY promising relationship is underway. I told him before that I lost a bunch of weight, so that's not really my worry about the lapband. I guess I realize that there is a lot of stigma attached sometimes to people losing with surgery rather than on their own (even though - truth be told, this has been a difficult journey and even 3 months shy of 2 years out, I'm still not at goal). I have to work my azz off to lose. The GREAT thing about LB, though, is that when I get lazy and my eating relaxes, I can't gain any more than 10 lbs at a time - period. I love that. So even when I hit rough Patches, I still don't balloon like I used to.

Well, things are heating up and I'm pretty sure he could feel my port through my clothes because he kept going to that spot with his hand. But he didn't say anything...I kept distracting his hand away from there. LOL

But WHEN do you tell somebody that's going to see you naked that you got Lapband done? One partner in particular (I lied about what the actual surgery was because I didn't care about the guy - it was FWB), I told him before I'd take my shirt off because I told him I have scars. He didn't end up caring, but that was kind of expected.

I just wonder...when would you tell? Already before things started getting sexually-tense? Or right before you get naked? LOL I just can't decide.

He has noticed that I eat strangely - very little and very slow. LOL So I was thinking maybe the next time we go out to eat just bringing it up...telling him that the reason I do that is because of LB surgery.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Total honesty is the best policy. If he is really into you then weight loss surgery should not be an issue. The sooner the better. Lucky for me my wife has the band too. So we are band buddies.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you really like the guy and feel like the relationship could lead somewhere serious and you want it to, then I think straight up is the best way. It could only lead to problems down the road if you don't tell him now. If the relationship does go somewhere and you wait too long to tell him, he may wonder what else you haven't told him and then the mistrust sets in and that is irreversable. The damage will be done. If he is really into you and really wants you body and soul, he won't care. The pic of you in your avatar you look fabulous. He shouldn't care. If he does then, there is a problem with him and you don't need that anyway. I think the restaurant idea is the perfect way to tell him

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeeaahh. I'm not GOING to lie to him. It was more of a fun type question posted in the 20's forum because I know a lot of these peeps date.

The question is "WHEN?" Right before the shirt comes off? Before we even get to that point? After the shirt comes off?

I was thinking I'd probably end up telling him right before the shirt comes off. The scars are totally obvious - I can't lie about where they came from. There are 5 of them - I can't think of a freak-accident in the world to explain that. LOL I don't intend to lie to him or even lie by omission or even half-lie to him. I'm not going to. Hence the question. I was more curious about the timing and what people who are dating have done.

But yeah - like I said, I think he felt the port, so that's pretty much unmistakable. The only things I could think of for that are cancer or the LB. He just simply didn't ask - I don't think it was in the forefront of his mind. So he'll GET the truth.

I think the post was more a commentary on the goofy things you run into with the band. Was wondering if anyone had personal experiences to share.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ack. I hope that didn't come across snarky. I wasn't trying to be. LOL I'm working and I'm tired. And come to think of it, I'm hungry, dangit. LOL

I appreciate the responses. I guess whatever our next date is will make it easier to gauge an appropriate time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Personally I don't think it's their business unless they straight out ask. It's not a big stigma that you decided to go with surgery to help you lose weight. Be proud of your accomplishments and they will too.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've wondered this myself, Steph. I'm not at that point yet but have thought about how to approach it in the future. I'm a private person anyone, so I'm not one of those people telling everyone about the band. I think I decided I would tell a potential partner when I realize that we will probably get better. I think the earlier the better. I have lots of scars from other surgeries, so that's not a big deal to me. But I definitely think if there's potential to be a serious/intimate relationship, it needs to come out. It's tough though because like you said, there's a stigma attached to it. Maybe when I'm closer to goal I won't care as much. I'm sure they will notice before we reached that point anyway based on eating habits, so if it were ever brought up by that person I'd be upfront. My policy in general for telling is that I'm not going to offer up the information, but if someone asks me I'm not going to lie or lie by omission.

Plus I figure if it really makes a difference to them, then they aren't worth my time.

Edited by Unforgettable
typo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would say well before you get to that point! Have an "oh, by the way" conversation. Dont make a big deal of it. Give him a peek at that time. That way when you are getting ready to do the deed...it's all about that and nothing else. Once the "girls" come out, he wont see anything else anyway!!

Edited by SummerAgain

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Once the "girls" come out, he wont see anything else anyway!!

LOL...true, dat. Once I pushed him to 2nd base, the port was forgotten. :biggrin:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Once the "girls" come out, he wont see anything else anyway!!

LOL! So, true.

It is really hard being comfortable with being intimate with someone when you have excess skin or boobs that look like great-grans. I had to have the conversation when the insecurity became apparent. It is not easy opening up to someone and saying well I have lost 100 plus pounds and everything is not where it "should" be.

I really wish I had the answer because it is tough. I think you have to just open up to him about you having lost a significant amount a weight and your body does not look how it maybe expected.

GOSH, being a woman is so difficult

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, I've been blessed with "A's." I've never seen them as a blessing before, but the simple fact that they are exactly where they should be makes me happy. The skin getting wrinkly on my ass and tummy, on the other hand... :biggrin: I'm really not anxious to show that off to him. He's seen me semi-naked in the semi-dark and has felt all of what I just mentioned and still tells me I'm "hot." He wants me to strip naked in front of him so he can look at me. LMAO I'm not sure if he says stuff like that to torment me (he knows I am shy), or if he's hoping I'll really do it. Anyway...I probably will, I'm getting more comfortable with my body by the day with how much working out I do.

As for how the "convo" about my band went down. We were in his truck driving to an outing and I said, "You know how you tease me about how I eat?" He chuckles, "Uh, yeah." I said, "We're going to have words about that." (in a joking tone) He laughs again. And I went into what I had and what it was. I had already told him about the weight loss, so it was just a matter of bringing up the band. He was just curious about what it was, didn't have judgment about it. Still asks me questions from time to time and said he was going to "research" it. LOL But at least he doesn't tease me about my eating habits anymore - that's refreshing. His most flattering response? "How did YOU qualify for that?" LOL He hasn't seen my heavier pics.

Edited by steph_co

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, I've had a recent experience with this, though I'm a guy and it's a little different...

I feel that if you're going to be in a relationship and you're trying to build that trust, if they discover the port and ask, then you can give details. When my port was discovered (which it's pretty easy to feel since it's so close to the skin on me), I just mentioned I had surgery and left it at that. She didn't seem too much more interested when she saw I wasn't too thrilled about her finding it. But if your partner wants details, you can disclose that information as vague or detailed as possible.

To be honest, I'd just say it's a scar from a minor surgery and leave it at that. Hopefully they won't inspect it and say, "it feels like there's plastic in there."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

At the expense of coming of a little harsh, come on, guys...

Let's be honest here. If they ask, you should tell them. If they think any less of you, they're not the right one.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

OK...seriously...I'm starting to get just a *tad* irritated at the lack of reading comprehension. I didn't ask HOW should I tell him. I didn't ask IF I should tell him. I said WHEN. Please pay attention, people. I don't like it when I feel like I'm being judged for something I wasn't even contemplating (and didn't even hint that I was planning to do). WTF?

Please read OP before responding, people. My question is WHEN do you tell a potential partner. Goodness.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, if you're referring to me, please re-read my post. No need to read between the lines, either. If you'll take notice, I said, "If they ask, you should tell them."

Having said that, I hope you weren't referring to me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • vsg.with.sharon

      Hey everyone!
      I’m new here! Looking for some friends! 🥰
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • LeighaTR

      Four days post surgery. I am sipping as fast as I can and getting NO WHERE near the goal of 60 - 80 grams of protein or the 64 oz of liquids. I just feel FULL. I don't know if it can still be the gas build up (I would think by now that would be gone) but it is a struggle to drink. And so far I have not had the nausea or spasms and don't want to wander into that territory by pushing too hard with liquids. I about passed out today as it was my most "strenuous" day. Went from second story to basement for shower and I was sure I was going to pass out. Looking back on my last few days I have had a total of less than 1000 calories. Am I just not getting enough nourishment in me? Once again a friday where I can't get ahold of the doc until Monday rolls back around so I am hoping maybe someone here has some experience on how to keep energy going. I do have fibromyalgia too and that may be where some added fatigue comes into play. How did you all fair with the goals the week after surgery?
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      2 days until I fly out to San Diego to have my Bypass Surg. in Tiajuana Mexico. Not gonna lie, the nerves are starting to surface. I don't fear the surgery itself, or the fact that I'm traveling alone, but its the aftermath that I'm stressing about the most, after this 8 week wait. I'm excited to finally be here, but I am really dreading the post surgical chapter. I know its going to be tough, real tough and I think I'm just in my head to much now that the day i here. Wish me luck, Hopefully I'm one of the lucky ones, and everything goes smoothly. Cant wait to give an exciting update,. If there is anyone else have a June bypass or even a recent one, Id love to have someone to compare war stories with. Also, anyone near San Antonio Tx? See ya soon with the future me. 💜
      · 3 replies
      1. Phil Penn

        Good Luck this procedure is well worth it I am down to 249.6 lb please continue with the process..

      2. Selina333

        I'm in Houston so kind of near you and had the sleeve in Dec. Down 61 lbs. Feeling better. Was definitely worth it. I hope the everything is going well for you. Update us when you can!

      3. Doughgurl

        I am back home after my bypass surgery in Tiajuana. I'm post op day 4. Everything went great! I guess I'm one of the lucky ones who have not encountered much pain at all, no nausea thus far and I'm having no problem keeping down broths and water. Thank you for your well wishes. I cant wait to keep up this journey and have a chance at better health and simply better quality of life. I know there will be bumps in the road ahead, and everything won't be peaches and cream, but at least I have a great start so far. 😍

    • LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

      2. Doughgurl

        Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am hoping that everything goes easy for me as well. We don't eat out much as it is, so it wont be too bad in that department. Thankfully. Also, I hear you regarding your back and feet!! I'd like to add knees to the list. Killing me as we speak! I'm only 5' so the weight has to go. Too short to carry all this weight. Menopause really did a doosey on me. (😶lol) My daughter also lives in Houston. with her Husband and my 5 grand-littles. I grew up in Beaumont, so I know Houston well, I will be sure to keep in touch and update you on my journey. I may need some advice in the future, or just motivation. Thank You so much for reaching out, I was hoping to connect with someone in the community. I really appreciate it. 💜

  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×