my friend had bypass surgery close to 3 months ago....she claims to have lost 60 pounds...i saw her on saturday and was taken back...i saw absolutely no difference!!!!!!!!! none at all!!!!!!! in fact she looks as though she has put on weight in her chin and neck. she kept asking me if i noticed a difference...i stayed quiet and changed the subject...she kept telling me how much smaller her thighs and waist have gotten...i honestly didn't see any change...i wanted to...i tried to...but i don't see it...when i started my journey i weighed 10 more pounds then she did...after losing 60 pounds it was quite noticable...should i lie and tell her i see it??????? or just keep changing the subject...

I dont know.....maybe tell her that u can tll the difference in her confidence level?! She seems happier?!

When someone is really big to start, it's more difficult to see the weight loss even though the pounds are coming off.

I see nothing wrong with being encouraging, "You look so good!"

When someone is really big to start, it's more difficult to see the weight loss even though the pounds are coming off.

I see nothing wrong with being encouraging, "You look so good!"

This--try to say it before she asks.

I was watching that show "Ruby" it's a reality show about a woman and her weight loss. In the show I was watching, she had lost 100lbs

I could not tell the difference

This--try to say it before she asks.

I was watching that show "Ruby" it's a reality show about a woman and her weight loss. In the show I was watching, she had lost 100lbs

I could not tell the difference

I watch that show too. I could def tell the difference. My mom is about 440 lbs but just lost 60. I could tell. But also I haven't seen my mom in almost 8 months. So maybe you can't tell because you see her more often. You know what I mean? Maybe you could look at pics of her before compaired to now. If she did lose 60 lbs then it will show in her face first. That is where I could tell the weight lose on my mom first and her neck....

I DON'T WANT TO COME OFF AS A JERK...SHE WENT FROM 286 TO 229 (SUPPOSEDLY)...her face looks bigger then b4...i guess i was kind of a dissapointed...i couldn't wait to c her and just b sooooo excited...i get soooo excited when i c people on here's b4 and after pics...

I DON'T WANT TO COME OFF AS A JERK...SHE WENT FROM 286 TO 229 (SUPPOSEDLY)...her face looks bigger then b4...i guess i was kind of a dissapointed...i couldn't wait to c her and just b sooooo excited...i get soooo excited when i c people on here's b4 and after pics...

I'm in total agreement that losing 60 Lbs. doesn't show up that much for someone with several hundred pounds to lose. However, your friend only needed to lose maybe 135 Lbs or so. She has to have lost then almost half what she needed to, for her to be at a normal weight.

I'm sorry but you would have noticed a significant loss if that were the case. I only still need to lose about 100 Lbs, and people notice when I only lose 5, so... Idk, I think your friend might be fibbing.

:thumbdown:

BTW, I haven't seen your pics in awhile and I did earlier.. YOU LOOK FAB GIRL!

I would think that you would be able to tell a difference. That is just my opinion. I have lost twenty pounds and can def tell a difference and so can everyone around me. I would just be nice and tell her that it's great she's so excited about losing and keep encouraging her.

Maybe because of your success at weight loss she felt a little imtimidated and she told you she lost a higher number then she acutual did. Maybe she is just felling a little insecure. I think you did the right thing because if you would have make that comment that you didn't see a difference she might of started not to care and then not loose anymore weight. Some things are better left unsaid.

Just a comment kind of off this particular flow but: When I worked with people losing weight I told them that when they lost 20 lbs and nobody said anything to look at it this way. When you gained 20 lbs were you upset that everyone didn't come up to you and say "hey, wow, you're really gaining weight, you look fat!"

Nobody's noticed I've lost weight except my husband or maybe they have but nobody's said anything. I keep telling myself that.

Maybe because of your success at weight loss she felt a little imtimidated and she told you she lost a higher number then she acutual did. Maybe she is just felling a little insecure. I think you did the right thing because if you would have make that comment that you didn't see a difference she might of started not to care and then not loose anymore weight. Some things are better left unsaid.

I don't know, I don't really like how that is going... it's not fair to make someone feel it would be their fault for someone else's lack of desire to do the right thing. Everyone is responsible for their own. Including myself.

I would lie definitely. She needs support and for someone to share her joy because she no doubt FEELS fantastic about it. Does it really matter that you cant see it?

People are different in the way they lose weight, and with some people you really CANT tell when they've lost quite a lot.

But some situations call for white lies and I think this is one of them, she wont thank you for honesty.

If I were in your shoes I would have lied. Kindness, compassion, encouragment and motivation by acknowledgin her loss is what may help her to keep going. I also agree with some of the other posters that she may have lost those pounds and it may not be obvious. Even what she was wearing could have had an affect on how she looked.

Mary

the only reason i worry about telling her how great she looks at this point...is she is the definition of "unmotivated"...u literally have to make her do everything in life...i'm afraid if i make a big deal of what she has lost ....she'll feel its enuff and stop...she is still at an unhealthy weight...its kind of a lose...lose situation...she does not eat healthy at all nor exercise...i don't want her to go to town with food ....thinking she is finished...

I think you should just say that is so great I am so happy for you!

the only reason i worry about telling her how great she looks at this point...is she is the definition of "unmotivated"...u literally have to make her do everything in life...i'm afraid if i make a big deal of what she has lost ....she'll feel its enuff and stop...she is still at an unhealthy weight...its kind of a lose...lose situation...she does not eat healthy at all nor exercise...i don't want her to go to town with food ....thinking she is finished...

I suspect your friend knows exactly how much weight she has lost and what she looks like. She is just looking for someone to give her a small amount of support. No one suggested that you tell her how great she looks or make a big deal about her weight loss. Just a "keep up the good work" would suffice. As far as "you literally have to make her do everything in life" - it is her job, not yours, to make herself do what she has to do in life, including how she is going to be successful (or fail) with her WLS.