Is There Any Hope For Me????????

chichigirl · September 5, 2005

I am feeling really, really down right now. I have anxiety churning from the very bottom of my stomach and of course the only thing I know to do is feed it. It's like it's an unsatiable entity that will not be denied it's pleasure no matter what I do.

I have tried every distraction know to man, yet it is always much louder and far more persistant than I could ever be and it always wins. In every other way of my life I feel that I am a strong, confident, intelligent woman with many positive qualities and yet this one burden that has been with me most of my life I cannot overcome. What's wrong with me???

I have a psychiatrist, therapist and my best friend is a social worker. Yet even they haven't been able to help me with this problem. They have taught many coping mechanisms, and generally they work well, for every other problem, but not this one.

Like so many of you, nighttime is my most difficult time and I really don't understand why. I take medication for my depression and anxiety disorder and I always keep my appointments with all of my doctors. In that respect I am the proverable goody two shoes. I feel that I honestly have tried everything short of electro shock therapy.

Tonight I am frightened by my feelings. When they get this bad I really go into self destruct mode. I binge like there were no tomorrow and have even been known to make myself physically ill from eating junk.

I had a fill almost 6 weeks ago and have lost 22 lbs. I am not happy with that amount and feel like a failure and am wondering what's the use. I go Tuesday for another fill, but am ashamed at how little I have lost.

Is there any hope for me????

Cindy

NJChick · September 5, 2005

Cindy,

First, here's a BIG HUG for you. Second, there is NOTHING wrong with you. You are human and we all have parts of our lives that are more difficult than others. Please PLEASE do not put yourself down, especially now.

I really wish I had the magic words for you but I don't. I can only suggest that you turn to your faith for help. Prayer can move mountains, and I have no doubt this will help. So when your headed towards the kitchen how about turning around and going to a quiet place in your house to pray and really think about why your going to eat. Hopefully in that time you are in deep medatation the feeling of wanting to binge will pass.

Positive thinking I believe is the best thing we can do for ourselves. Maybe you can hang some signs in your kitchen, some positive thing, things that will help you suceed in your journey.

I truly believe we should leave our burdens at the cross. God is here for us, but we have to ask as well as do.

Hugs to you Cindy, you can do this, you will do this.

NEVER GIVE UP HOPE !!!!

Love, Eileen

ladysplenda · September 5, 2005

You told me not to give up. Its hard food is our comfort.You lost a best friend and you are morning the loss. I eat when I am bord .Is there a support group or a TOPPS group in your area that can help. Keep busy busy busy.

PS im still fighting my insurance and im not giving up.Look at some PICS of others. find someone that is your size get a before and after and put it on your frige.

ladysplenda

La_madam · September 5, 2005

Cindy Cindy Cindy

A fill 6 weeks ago and you have lost 22 lbs and you feel like a faliure. Do you realize it is an average of 3.3 lbs a week..That is fantastic, that is NOT faliure by any means. Many Many would love to be in your shoes right now with such fantastic weight loss.Ok so you struggle, Ok so you binge, but your losing, the band is doing its job, now you need to focus and do your job to help your band. We all have bad days, the good thing about the band is even with those bad days it is better then a bad day pre-band where the scale would of gone in the upward direction. Tomorrow is a new day, wake up , start your day with Protein to help curb the hunger and the cravings, keep telling yourself today I'm going to get through it, I'm going to make good food choices, just for today..One day at a time..YOU CAN DO IT>>>One day at a time is all you can do. Be strong

DevilMayKare · September 5, 2005

Oh, I could have written that sooooo many times. Every single thing you said I (& I would guess many here) have felt. With or without the band there are times ya gotta just white-knuckle it. (Those are the times you hang on for dear life although your knuckles are white from the strain of your grip and gravity is yanking on your ankles.) There is NO ONE THING that works for me, but when the dragon's breath is so hot on my neck that I'm getting sindged--I try EVERYTHING.

Make a list of things you can do when those urges hit. Often they will pass if you busy thru them. The thing that seems to work for me the best is exercise. I walk every night because I'm a night eater. Sometimes taking a long shower helps, sometimes music, sometimes sewing--a cup of camonille tea in my favorite pot (make your own tea ceremony). Sometimes I take an Ambien and go to bed early just so I won't stay up and eat.

You can do this, you really can. Just because you have the band, don't think you won't have to work at it. Some have to work harder than others, but I don't think it's a slam-dunk for anyone.

And please, be NICE to YOURSELF. STOP telling yourself that you're hopeless, that you'll never get there. Don't say that stuff to yourself and don't listen to that crap--from ANYBODY. Picture the "devil" you on your shoulder saying that nasty stuff, then picture your strong angel self kicking his bad ass back back to hell. It will take patience--but you CAN SUCCEED.

La_madam · September 5, 2005

Cindy, one thing that has worked for other bandsters here who are struggling is to make a phone call to another bandtser when the urge to binge comes over you. You can call me, PM me for my phone number if you would like to call me for support I will help to get you through it, we all battle the same demon here and none of us a perfect bandsters. I just ate ice cream just now, but I'm not beating myself up over it. Tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start.

daniela531 · September 5, 2005

When I had my psych eval the doc told me something I still think about that makes sense........

He said...the human being doesn't like to sit around in discomfort so they turn to binging on food, nail biting, cigarette smoking,drugs, alcohol, etc......

However if we didn't do those particular things the same will result....we won't die or get sick......we will just be uncomfortable........and sometimes life or the things that happen in life are uncomfortable......for me that's a new feeling. You said you have anxiety....I do too....instead of doing something self destructive why don'y you try something constructive...just once and see how you feel. Go for a long walk, play a game, talk to a neighbor. For me the best thing is to know that your anxiety is trying to take control ---embrace it, let it ride, let it take its course, and it will be over....in the meantime....try something constructive that way when it's over your not feeling depressed because of your guilt over doing something destructive when you were anxious. Then let the positive feelings lead into more positive feelings, rather than the negative.

chichigirl · September 5, 2005

Thank you, each and every one of you for your generous support and time. It really helps to know that there are such caring and compassionate people there for me when I need a should to cry on. You are all my angels watching over me, so there is something very special in my life, all of you. How can I fail with your support? I read and reread these messages for constant strength, so thanking you from the bottom of my heart for being their for me. We are familiar strangers traveling the same path, so please know that I too will be there for any of you in your time of need.

God Bless each and every one of us!!!!

I love you all, I really do and thanks again.

Cindy