Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Recommended Posts

i have only told selected people. mostly really close people or those who i am around a lot so they know why i have to stick to my change in eating habits etc.

i have found that some people who know--like my dad--tend to think they are the lap band police. when i try to eat anything he says things like "why are you eating" "you dont need to eat that" "you have lost some weight, but you still need to lose a lot more" "you just shouldnt eat at all"

he thinks he is helping...but actually it makes me want to binge when he is not around so i dont have to eat in front of him and endure his annoying comments.

i wish he didnt know...but he helped me finace the surgery so i had no choice in telling him.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My concern with not telling people is that I will have a hard time explaining all this weight loss. I've only been banded a few days and I'm down 12 pounds! I'm determined to get 50 pounds off by 4th of July and there is just no way to explain that given that I've struggled with my weight for the biggest part of my life.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My concern with not telling people is that I will have a hard time explaining all this weight loss. I've only been banded a few days and I'm down 12 pounds! I'm determined to get 50 pounds off by 4th of July and there is just no way to explain that given that I've struggled with my weight for the biggest part of my life.

not sure about others - but i made this a lifestyle change.

i shop & cook healthy meals & i exercise regularly. when i'm out w/friends i always order some type of fish/sushi - they see my eating habits changed, know i'm a gym rat ... so no one would ever question the weightloss other than what it is.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I chose not to tell anyone for a variety of reasons. First, my mother claims to have had her own weight struggles. Being 20-25 pounds overweight to me does not constitute a struggle....Growing up, my father had two nicknames for me--thunder thighs and fat sh*t. My uncle called me Buddha. Ironically, I went to a division one college on a full athletic scholarship. I have had success other plans and have lost 75+ pounds several times. Unfortunately, with each new stress in life, I managed to gain it back at one time or another. I knew my family would not understand my very personal struggle with my weight. The hardest part has been realizing that my brave outward face has been a well received facade that people prefer to see because they would not want to know the real pain I faced.

My primary care doctor called me after giving me a referral initially. She had done some more research and decided I would be more successful with the Gastric Bypass and that I would never lose the amount of weight I want to lose with the band. I am now down 100 pounds. I surpassed her expectations and my own. I had enough self-doubt and didn't need any detractors.

After about 14 months, I told my best friend. I knew she would support me unconditionally, but I also knew that another friend of hers might benefit from my experience. I told my mom and dad a few weeks ago because my mom voiced concerns that I might be bulimic. They were supportive, but only because they have seen the success I have experienced. They haven't been privy to my struggles. They don't know how hard this has been.

I would have liked to have a support system, but when you're the person others lean on for support, you can't do that. I don't have room to be the needy one in my life. I have to be the provider....so with this in mind, I have gone to my support group meeting religiously. I have made some fantastic friends who support me unconditionally there. I did what I needed to for my own reasons---yes, some shame, but mostly because I have never voiced the pain I've lived and I don't think people could understand this journey.....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i agree with you catherine.

i was banded the same day w/my husband and we have kept this private for 18 months now. i did tell my parents and brothers about 6 months out & while they are nothing but supportive i, rather "we" did not want watchful eyes - questions about slow loss (me) - food police... you name it.

am i embarrassed? absolutely not, but managing my health & fitness is my business, one i don't feel the need to share.

to those that are comfortable letting friends/family & the mailman know - have at it.....i don't particularly care to hear when someone has a BM, so i'm not overly interested if they had WLS or are just dieting & exercising.

Yep, Catherine summed it up perfectly!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Here is an interesting perspective. My friend and I had the surgery within two weeks of each other, hers Dec.29th and mine Jan 13th. My friend decided to tell everyone. I decided to only tell my family (who have been incredibly supportive). My reasoning, which I have not attempted to anyone but you guys, is that I have failed at so many diets that I figured if I failed at this one too, nobody would be any the wiser.

From the beginning, people were telling my friend their concerns, encouragements and objections. As a result, she second guessed her decision, although still went through with the procedure. No one said a word to me...no encouragement, no concerns, no criticisms.

After her surgery, my friend got immense help from her friends and family. She did not drive or cook or clean for weeks. After my surgery, my dad came to help out with the kids but, after only four days, he was gone, my husband went back to work and I went off pain meds. My surgery was on a Tuesday and I was back carting my sons to their basketball tournaments by Saturday. My recovery was so fast-tracked (although the pain lingered) that no one would even suspect that I had had surgery.

My friend got immediate feedback on her weight loss. As I would stand beside her, everyone would rave about how great she looked. Even though I had lost the same amount of weight she had, I kept my mouth shut, happy that she was getting the attention and not me.

Incredibly, I had to lose 40 pounds before anyone said anything to me. Now people are really noticing and they have started asking questions. I have just told everyone that I have set a goal of losing as much weight as I can by July in time for a cruise my family is taking (which is the truth). So far no one has questioned me further since they see me outside jogging with sweat pouring down my face and they know I have been working my butt off. Still, I am now wondering if it is best to just tell everyone. My friend wonders if she should have kept her mouth shut. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

For me, it is just a personal choice. I will gladly tell anyone who asks, I just don't plan to advertise. At this point in my weight and life, if people don't understand, I can't change their minds and I not going to bother with trying. Like many things in life...only those that have had the experience/issue they will never understand.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Everyone has different opinions on this very subject, all being VERY valid.

I chose to tell. I have very supportive family and friends which helps a great deal. I have a very public job, so I thought I could possibly help others by being open about it. Now I do not wear advertisement by any means, I dont talk about it in speeches I make. Though I do have to say that it is amazing what gets around by word of mouth!!!

Though I do have to say, at least for me, I do get tired of the weekly, "So how much have you lost now?" question. Many people associate WLS surgery with the results of bipass. So they expect fast results, so I feel I am doing a lot of education when talking to people as well :).

This is such an individual decision, to tell or not to tell. I can see positives in both.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I want to make sure that I was in no way trying to imply that people should or shouldn't tell. I completely agree that it's a personal choice. I think the thing that was bothering me the most was that people online here would post something like, "I'm having dinner with my dad tomorrow, and I'm on a liquid diet, and he can't find out about my surgery...WHAT DO I DO?"

Now, I know that some people do not have the support system and relationships with family/friends that I have. I've always been able to be open and honest with everyone in my life about everything I chose to be open and honest about. But you are all correct--it was MY CHOICE.

On a side note, I think it's slightly irresponsible to allow people to encourage you and believe that you are having such success and weightloss simply by diet and exercise alone. If that were the true case, why have the surgery at all? In my opinion, it sets false expectations for other overweight/obese people. Just my two cents...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I want to make sure that I was in no way trying to imply that people should or shouldn't tell. I completely agree that it's a personal choice.

On a side note, I think it's slightly irresponsible to allow people to encourage you and believe that you are having such success and weightloss simply by diet and exercise alone. If that were the true case, why have the surgery at all? In my opinion, it sets false expectations for other overweight/obese people. Just my two cents...

well which is it?

your ok w/it being a personal decision, yet feel it's irresponsible not to share?

with all due respect - there is nothing false about diet & exercise. the lapband does not go food shopping for me, does not cook my meals, does not haul my a$$ up out of bed and drag it to the gym when i'd rather sleep in. those are lifestyle choices - so therefore there's absolutely no false expectations i'm purporting out to others about my weightloss.

my 3 cents.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

well which is it?

your ok w/it being a personal decision, yet feel it's irresponsible not to share?

with all due respect - there is nothing false about diet & exercise. the lapband does not go food shopping for me, does not cook my meals, does not haul my a$$ up out of bed and drag it to the gym when i'd rather sleep in. those are lifestyle choices - so therefore there's absolutely no false expectations i'm purporting out to others about my weightloss.

my 3 cents.

You are right. I just have one question for you: If you've done it all yourself through lifestyle changes (which is awesome and fully respected by me), why did you have the surgery in the first place?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You are right. I just have one question for you: If you've done it all yourself through lifestyle changes (which is awesome and fully respected by me), why did you have the surgery in the first place?

how about to keep the weight off long term & prevent regain?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

how about to keep the weight off long term & prevent regain?

keeping the weight off long term and preventing regain will not take place due to the lifestyle changes you've made?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

keeping the weight off long term and preventing regain will not take place due to the lifestyle changes you've made?

it's my secondary insurance bank that it won't.

enjoy your banding experience -

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

it's my secondary insurance bank that it won't.

enjoy your banding experience -

i plan to.

you've done great with your experience as well, and i know i'll do just as well. i, too, have made lifestyle changes and am using the band as a TOOL--in addition to a healther diet and regular workouts--to reach my goals. i don't, however, have any misconceptions that the fast success i'm having would mirror that of the same success i would have EVENTUALLY had with the same healther diet and regular workouts and no banding.

enjoy your insurance bank.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • vsg.with.sharon

      Hey everyone!
      I’m new here! Looking for some friends! 🥰
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • LeighaTR

      Four days post surgery. I am sipping as fast as I can and getting NO WHERE near the goal of 60 - 80 grams of protein or the 64 oz of liquids. I just feel FULL. I don't know if it can still be the gas build up (I would think by now that would be gone) but it is a struggle to drink. And so far I have not had the nausea or spasms and don't want to wander into that territory by pushing too hard with liquids. I about passed out today as it was my most "strenuous" day. Went from second story to basement for shower and I was sure I was going to pass out. Looking back on my last few days I have had a total of less than 1000 calories. Am I just not getting enough nourishment in me? Once again a friday where I can't get ahold of the doc until Monday rolls back around so I am hoping maybe someone here has some experience on how to keep energy going. I do have fibromyalgia too and that may be where some added fatigue comes into play. How did you all fair with the goals the week after surgery?
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      2 days until I fly out to San Diego to have my Bypass Surg. in Tiajuana Mexico. Not gonna lie, the nerves are starting to surface. I don't fear the surgery itself, or the fact that I'm traveling alone, but its the aftermath that I'm stressing about the most, after this 8 week wait. I'm excited to finally be here, but I am really dreading the post surgical chapter. I know its going to be tough, real tough and I think I'm just in my head to much now that the day i here. Wish me luck, Hopefully I'm one of the lucky ones, and everything goes smoothly. Cant wait to give an exciting update,. If there is anyone else have a June bypass or even a recent one, Id love to have someone to compare war stories with. Also, anyone near San Antonio Tx? See ya soon with the future me. 💜
      · 3 replies
      1. Phil Penn

        Good Luck this procedure is well worth it I am down to 249.6 lb please continue with the process..

      2. Selina333

        I'm in Houston so kind of near you and had the sleeve in Dec. Down 61 lbs. Feeling better. Was definitely worth it. I hope the everything is going well for you. Update us when you can!

      3. Doughgurl

        I am back home after my bypass surgery in Tiajuana. I'm post op day 4. Everything went great! I guess I'm one of the lucky ones who have not encountered much pain at all, no nausea thus far and I'm having no problem keeping down broths and water. Thank you for your well wishes. I cant wait to keep up this journey and have a chance at better health and simply better quality of life. I know there will be bumps in the road ahead, and everything won't be peaches and cream, but at least I have a great start so far. 😍

    • LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

      2. Doughgurl

        Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am hoping that everything goes easy for me as well. We don't eat out much as it is, so it wont be too bad in that department. Thankfully. Also, I hear you regarding your back and feet!! I'd like to add knees to the list. Killing me as we speak! I'm only 5' so the weight has to go. Too short to carry all this weight. Menopause really did a doosey on me. (😶lol) My daughter also lives in Houston. with her Husband and my 5 grand-littles. I grew up in Beaumont, so I know Houston well, I will be sure to keep in touch and update you on my journey. I may need some advice in the future, or just motivation. Thank You so much for reaching out, I was hoping to connect with someone in the community. I really appreciate it. 💜

  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×