Breaking the habits of dieting...

Alexandra · October 20, 2003

Decades of dieting have made certain habits second nature. For example, day after day I forego between-meal Snacks, thinking oh, it's only another hour till (whatever), I can make it.

But between lunch and dinner there's often 6 hours, and even though my stomach isn't exactly growling, I'm definitely hungry. But nibbling during meal prep has always been a big problem for me so I habitually stay away from the kitchen while hubby is making dinner.

But then when I finally do sit down, GROWLF!! But guess what? I can't do that anymore. So two bites later I'm in pain and dinner is over for me. Evidently a snack between lunch and dinner would be a GOOD thing.

Another ingrained dieter's habit is that of eating the salad or vegetables first. For decades I'd go for the bulky stuff first on my plate. Now that's just out of the question...two bites of lettuce and there's no room for the actual meal!

I just hope I learn to break these habits before I hurt myself! :cool:

Lioness81970 · October 20, 2003

Thank you for that post!! That is something that I have been thinking about a lot. How am I going to break all the nasty little habits that have gotten me to this point? But I figure I will handle this thing one day at a time......the same way I got here!!!

Lulu · October 20, 2003

Alexandra,

You are soooooooo lucky that your husband does the cooking! One of my worst habits was nibbling while preparing dinner, generally ending up in consuming two evening meals! Although my hubby doesn't cook, he does use the bread machine and makes the most wonderful cinnamon raisin craisin nut bread. This is usually a wintertime project for him, but since he knows I won't be able to eat bread for a loooooooooong time, he baked a loaf for me to enjoy now. That was so sweet of him! I'm very fortunate that he is so supportive of me in this new venture. He promised not to bake any after I'm banded so I won't be tempted!

Two bites of lettuce actually fills you up??????? I CAN'T WAIT!!:rambo :rambo :rambo

leo · October 21, 2003

I am asian and rice is a main staple in my diet, And having grown up in Holland I also love to eat potatoes and milk and cheese.

Those where the things I at a lot of before I got banded.

But ever since I have the band I can't and I don't think of eating those anymore, it just doesn't go down well.

Nowadays I just eat whatever I want, the band takes care of overeating. I tend to stick with Soups because I can have a big bowl of it without having to run to the bathroom every other bite.

claraluz · October 22, 2003

A very interesting post, Alexandra. I actually have been on Weight Watchers since getting banded, partly because I'm not yet at the "sweet spot" (I'm getting a fill tomorrow), but also because I'm not sure I know how to NOT be on a diet. I know about bingeing and I know about dieting. But I've still got a lot to learn about eating with the band.

Nancy

Alexandra · October 22, 2003

Lulu, I was exaggerating a bit when I said two bites of lettuce fills me up. But what does happen is that those bites take up precious room in my pouch, so when I start eating the chicken or whatever I've only had one or two bites when I start to feel the infamous "golf ball." So dinner is pretty much over at that point. :cool:

Leo, one of the things I'm coming to understand is that my version of a serving (or meal) is really warped. This is true of Soup too, so I'm avoiding it until I have a better handle on what is a normal-size serving and can control myself better. (I mean, does anyone normal have 32 ozs. of hot-and-sour Soup for lunch? I think not.)

Now with winter coming on, my chef husband loves to cook soup; I may just have to give in sometimes.

Nancy, I never really mastered being on a diet, so I know that approach wouldn't work for me. All I really did master were the avoidance techniques I describe above. The good news is that with the restriction I now have, quantity control is finally within my reach. :D

donali · October 22, 2003

Most of you have probably read my posts already about going through counseling for my eating issues. I always hesitate to re-post on that subject, because I don't want to bore anyone to tears, but it was so important to me and my mental health... I hate to see people struggling with the same issues I used to. So you guys feel free to tell me "Enough is enough!" and I won't mention it again. :cool: No hard feelings, honest.

I will say freely that DIETING is bad. It is bad for our weight, and it is bad for our self-esteem. It places us in a vicious circle of dieting, bingeing, and self-recrimination. It also puts the focus of our lives and our energy on food. It becomes our source of control in our lives.

There are sooo many other more important and interesting things to do with our time and energy than to focus on food. There are people in our lives who need our attention (mainly US!).

I have a hypothesis that there is a profile for most obese people (I wonder how many of you will say "Oh my gosh! That's ME!", or maybe I'm waaay off base, and this is just me! lol)

1. We are perfectionists (all or nothing, has to be done right or not at all)

2. We have a problem with clutter - our homes are filled with stuff, it's hard to keep up with house keeping

3. We try to be all things to all people (except for ourselves)

4. We have a hard time saying "No" to anyone (except ourselves)

5. Because we are perfectionists, and see all of our human failings (that we forgive everyone else for, just not ourselves), we have low self-esteem, because we do not measure up to what we think we should

6. Many times, we feel that what we do or do not eat is the only thing we have control over - we use it to reward ourselves, punish ourselves, entertain ourselves, and soothe ourselves

7. Most of us have at one time or another been severely depressed, enough so to require medication (whether we got medication or not)

The only way to get out of the diet mentality is to consciously REJECT it. I had to sign a contract to myself that I would never, ever diet again. It scared me to death to do that! Dieting was all I knew! But it had gotten me to 313 at my highest, and I had to admit that LONG TERM dieting does NOT work.

Once I signed that contract, my journey began. It was scary, and frustrating. It was also liberating! I no longer had to feel guilty about what I ate! I had permission, I had made a promise to MYSELF - a promise I am not willing to break.

So how do you stop dieting?

1. You must learn the difference between physical and emotional hunger.

2. You MUST eat when you are physically hungry - no waiting an hour or two because it's not "time" to eat yet!!

3. You must stop eating when you are full.

4. If you are craving something, eat it! Nothing is off limits. Because nothing is off limits, you do not have to have 5 pieces of cake, stocking up for the next time you're "not allowed". You do not have to eat all the chocolate right away, so it won't be there to tempt you tomorrow!

5. When you're not craving something less nutritious, make more nutritious choices - lean meats, veggies, fruit, complex carbs.

There is no "good" or "bad" food - just more and less nutritious food.

Once you believe that you never have to deny yourself again, and are willing to learn the difference between emotional and physical hunger, you are well on your way to licking this vicious cycle.

Talk nicely to yourself, like you would a beloved child or pet. When your head is screaming for cake, or candy, or ice cream, or pizza, reassure yourself you will have it, if that's REALLY what you want. Is that really what you want? How are you feeling? Tired, frustrated, bored, hurt, lonely? Would a hot bath make you feel better? How about a walk, or a phone call to a friend? No? It's cake or nothing? Okay! Then have it! But if another activity will give you the same result as eating, try that activity first.

Eventually, you will be choosing activities that solve your emotional needs instead of eating, most of the time. Sometimes eating is the only thing that will make us feel better. And that's okay. Be gentle and loving.

I cannot tell you how freeing it is to not analyze everything I eat! To never again say "I shouldn't", or "I'm trying to be good"!

It's worth all the emotional work, I swear to you.

I posted an exercise under the support topics called "A tool to deal with emotional hunger" or something like that. Anyone who has issues with wanting to eat when they're not hungry should give it a whirl!

Alexandra · October 23, 2003

Donali, thank you for posting that; you're not boring me AT ALL. It really speaks to me about how I deal with food, and I think it's extremely helpful to read again. Not everyone has the same issues or approach, of course, but you and I are definitely on the same wavelength. :cool:

donali · October 23, 2003

These principles are something I practice everyday. I still struggle with the difference between emotional/physical hunger, but I no longer beat myself up for it.

I feel like a speaker at a revival meeting or something when I get on that subject - lol. Please don't anyone think I've mastered any of these tools, but I really am at peace. :cool:

Thank God I have the band to help! I think I could have eventually lost weight permanently without it, but I didn't feel like I had 20 years... lol

MeganA · October 23, 2003

I'm sitting here, only a week banded and this is the kind of stuff I'm thinking about!! It's hard to eat cream of potato Soup because I've been watching carbs for so long. But, when I'm on the pureed food, that's about all I can eat so I'm having a really hard time not beating myself up for eating stuff I haven't "allowed" myself to eat in a long time. Ok, so I allowed myself chips and popcorn, but this is the stuff I tried to cut back on to justify eating the chips and popcorn. I already feel like I'm eating way too much, yet it's just a few cups of soup a day and a shake or two. Man, I have my work cut out for me. I didn't even realize how distructive my own thoughts have been.

Thanks for giving me a wake up call, and for reminding me why I got the band in the first place. I will no longer be ruled by what I can or can't have. I can have it all...in moderation.

Thanks guys,

Megan

bjkgriffith · October 23, 2003

Donali,

I have saved this post along with other posts of yours because I want to refer back to it. It is so important for those of us who have dieted for so long to end the destructive behavior that keeps us on this roller coaster.

I don't think that anyone minds that you go to counselling and share what you have learned with us --- for free. I know that for me.....you have been one of my biggest advocates. I really search for all of your posts. They are so full of tips and useful information. Thank you very much & Keep it up.

Chickadee · October 23, 2003

Wow Donali,

That was an amazing post. I've printed it out, because there's a lot in there to digest (so to speak)! I read your profile of obese people and wouldn't you know, I fit every single one of those criteria. That post will be helpful now, pre-surgery, and helpful after surgery too. Thanks!

Chickadee

donali · October 23, 2003

I'm really glad you guys are finding this stuff at least food for thought. Sometimes all it takes is the right information presented in the right way for the pieces to fall into place.

I love my band-family!

:cool: