Anyone deal w/ your partner getting jealous once you start losing weight?

[heidib 15]

So, I had my surgery 9-25-08 & I have lost about 35 lbs & people are starting to really notice when we go out. We don't go out a lot but the last time my DH & I went out togther he acted very jealous (sp?) I can't stand it!!! He NEVER acts like this! Well, he did when he was 18 yrs old but not at 28!! This is something I can not deal w/. I know I'm going to lose more weight & my confidence will get even better & he is going to have a BIG problem w/ that. We have been married for 9 yrs together for 12 & I we have 3 small children together. We don't have the best relationship & he know's this. So, I think he's feeling threatened that a may leave eventually. I don't know what to do. I told him I will not put up w/ this! Please help. Thanks!

[megster27 1]

I haven't been banded yet, but my surgery is in a few weeks and my husband has been saying things like, "when your skinny, you aren't going to leave me right"? It iritates me too, B/C it makes me feel the only reason he chose me was B/C I was part of his "league".

I think the best thing you can do it just let him know that you loosing weight isn't about him. It is about you and by him being jealous and possesive that is only making the transition harder. I would just keep as much open communication as possible and reassure him your in your marriage for the long hual.

[Shamrockgirl60 1]

Yikes some men can be such children can't they. I would say that you need to see a therapist as soon as possible to stop this stinkin thinking on his part.

Some men think that when they marry a "fattie" that no other man is going to want them. When the fattie becomes a "hottie" they gat upset and scared.

With my husband it's the opposite, When we met I was 110 pounds. So he's thrilled to get the old me back to some extent. He's so very proud of me and wants to show me off. I am very lucky.

So right now you be the adult in the relationship and sit down with your DH and have a heart to heart on the subject. Let him know you won't leave him and that you want him to be proud of you. Just keep on losing and don't let anyone stop you.

take care

Pati

[mumof2boys 71]

I think that my husband is jealous now but it's too late...he started having an affair when I started my weight loss journey. Now I'm starting with seperation...

Anyway...yes, men will get jealous when others start to notice you...it's a hit to their ego. They are proud but worried. It's a tough road.

[BethFromVA 5]

I'm getting refrains of the 70's song, "When You're In Love With A Beautiful Woman (It's Hard)" running through my head... :thumbdown: Yes, it's as if when we're fatties, we're safe. I am like Shamrock in that my husband met me about 145ish, though I didn't stay that weight very long in our relationship. I can only hope it'll be a good thing.

The only real issue I'm going through is that he's being somewhat passive-aggressive about losing out on losing an eating buddy. He's not fat, but he's a HUGE foodie. It's like being with an alcoholic who is still drinking when you decide to stop. It's becoming a real issue for me, and I'm feeling passively attacked over all of this. :thumbup:

[heidib 15]

Yikes some men can be such children can't they. I would say that you need to see a therapist as soon as possible to stop this stinkin thinking on his part.

Some men think that when they marry a "fattie" that no other man is going to want them. When the fattie becomes a "hottie" they gat upset and scared.

With my husband it's the opposite, When we met I was 110 pounds. So he's thrilled to get the old me back to some extent. He's so very proud of me and wants to show me off. I am very lucky.

So right now you be the adult in the relationship and sit down with your DH and have a heart to heart on the subject. Let him know you won't leave him and that you want him to be proud of you. Just keep on losing and don't let anyone stop you.

take care

Pati

I hear what your saying but I was not heavy when we first started dating either. I gained the weight over the years. YES, they can be such children! Thanks for the input everyone.

[heidib 15]

I think that my husband is jealous now but it's too late...he started having an affair when I started my weight loss journey. Now I'm starting with seperation...

Anyway...yes, men will get jealous when others start to notice you...it's a hit to their ego. They are proud but worried. It's a tough road.

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Didn't you reach your goal recently? I'm sure he wants you now!

[heidib 15]

I'm getting refrains of the 70's song, "When You're In Love With A Beautiful Woman (It's Hard)" running through my head... :thumbdown: Yes, it's as if when we're fatties, we're safe. I am like Shamrock in that my husband met me about 145ish, though I didn't stay that weight very long in our relationship. I can only hope it'll be a good thing.

The only real issue I'm going through is that he's being somewhat passive-aggressive about losing out on losing an eating buddy. He's not fat, but he's a HUGE foodie. It's like being with an alcoholic who is still drinking when you decide to stop. It's becoming a real issue for me, and I'm feeling passively attacked over all of this. :thumbup:

I agree w/ the I was "safe" before part for sure. My dh is a big time foodie too & we were eating buddies as well. He does not have a weight problem either. This is how I put most of the weight on (us being pigs togther). When I told him I was thinking of getting the band he was upset because he thought i wouldn't be able to drink alcohol or eat at cookouts anymore. Weird! I can do both of these things still.

[heidib 15]

This is really bothering me. I'm going to continue losing. I guess we'll see in time how it will play out. Anymore input is welcome.

[BethFromVA 5]

I agree w/ the I was "safe" before part for sure. My dh is a big time foodie too & we were eating buddies as well. He does not have a weight problem either. This is how I put most of the weight on (us being pigs togther). When I told him I was thinking of getting the band he was upset because he thought i wouldn't be able to drink alcohol or eat at cookouts anymore. Weird! I can do both of these things still.

You CAN do them, but in moderation.

Mine wasn't upset -- was actually supported -- but little by little his wants are starting to overrun my needs. :thumbdown:

[JuneAct2 0]

My husband freely admitted he would be jealous when I lost the weight. But, he is very excited about the new me that is emerging. I go to parties now that I avoided before.We go riding on his motorcycle now. And, I just have more energy!

Most men ARE babies. We already knew that. So, just keep reminding him of the fun you can have together...and remember to DO the fun things together. Also, telling him how great he looks will distract him and he'll forget he was jealous!!

Best of luck to you!

[aubrie 6]

My DH???? Are you kidding??? He's a wierdo. He takes other men looking or staring as a compliment. He almost visibly thumbs his nose at them, like.... "Forget it Buster!! She's with me". He's like a peacock. I was thin when we married, so for him, he's getting his wife back. The one he married. He's thrilled. He's very proud of me and tells me often. He's my biggest supporter. We're doing a lot of things together now. Hiking. kayaking. Riding ATVs. Fishing. Not to mention chasing me around the house like a teenager.......Idiot..... But I'm loving every minute of it.

[JABBA THE MUTT 0]

Male perspective:

My wife is way more attractive than me, always has been.

My standard reply when attention is paid to her: "If you can afford her, you can have her."

All kidding aside, ladies, we are creatures of habit, we don't like change. The prospect of a newly attractive wife out in the world makes us look at our relative worthiness, and sometimes we come up a little short. This bothers us and most are not able to process these self ascribed feelings on inadequacy.

Men, be cool. If she is going to go, she will go and that means she was never really yours to begin with. Another way:

A dog on a short leash thinks only about getting off that leash, does not know why, only knows he wants off the leash.

A dog with no leash, wanders around a bit, sniffs a few trees, then lays down by the back door and waits for you to come home.

[lindar172 1]

Jabba the mutt, I loved what you said and it was good to hear from the male side. Life is not a bowl of cherries but we are making our bowls better.

Hang in there and keep reminding your husband that you love him and are losing the weight so you can be with him longer.

[BethFromVA 5]

Male perspective:

My wife is way more attractive than me, always has been.

My standard reply when attention is paid to her: "If you can afford her, you can have her."

All kidding aside, ladies, we are creatures of habit, we don't like change. The prospect of a newly attractive wife out in the world makes us look at our relative worthiness, and sometimes we come up a little short. This bothers us and most are not able to process these self ascribed feelings on inadequacy.

Men, be cool. If she is going to go, she will go and that means she was never really yours to begin with. Another way:

A dog on a short leash thinks only about getting off that leash, does not know why, only knows he wants off the leash.

A dog with no leash, wanders around a bit, sniffs a few trees, then lays down by the back door and waits for you to come home.

I like you! :smile: