To tell or not to tell????

[kjhack 3]

Ok here's my drama. I'm a 31 year old woman, married with 2 children. I weigh in at 257lbs. I have been overweight my whole life and obese the last 13 years. I am having lapband the 22nd. I just told my mother. She was very upset. She doesnt think "you're not that big". Hello!!!!! I am seriously considering telling NO ONE else. Not even my grandma. WOW!!!! I had hoped my family would be supportive. My husband, my sister and my in-laws are all very supportive. Any suggestions? EEK! Thanks in advance. Kelli

[kyakdreamer 0]

My husband and I talked about it and I decided to only tell my kids and parents. As the weeks went by and friends starting commenting on my weight loss I then proceded to tell them I had lapband. They were all supportive. I have not had anyone that isn't. Not sure if that would have been the case if I had mentioned it before surgery.

[lsullivan68 0]

When I first did it I only told my husband and daughter. Once I had the surgery and starting losing weight I began telling people and they were all very supportive. However, I have yet to tell my parents or siblings. They will be all "but you weren't that big" and I just don't want to hear skinny people tell me that, they are just being kind because they love me. I say, pick carefully who you tell.

[heidib 15]

I know what you mean. Before surgery I only told close family & friends. I'm not sure if I will go into detail if people start asking when i lose a large amount. i guess it depends on who. My gradmother doesn't know either. Just because she gets confused & I don't want to explain lol!

[sthoma01 0]

I am 4 months post-op and wish I hadn't told several of the people I did - including my parents and grandparents. I am not sure how your family is, but mine spreads this information like wild-fire. Then I started getting calls telling me they heard from Joe-Bob that I needed a certain type of underwear that wouldn't irritate the incisions. It was very embarrassing getting this information from the couple of family members that I did, but even more so when it came from my 75 year old Grandma.

I have already decided that it I have to have adjustments later (PS), I am not telling anyone....learned my lesson.

[agreatknead 1]

I have to say that I agree with most of the posters. The more people you tell, the more people you have watching your every mouthful (or not). I didn't want people judging my progress, although its been great.

When people ask me how I am doing it I just say I am eating less. It's been about 6 months and I can go out to eat with friends and no one really even notices how much you eat. You will know when and if it is time to tell someone. Blessing on your journey to good health and a sexy body. Your husband will love it, mine does! :-)

Sally

[AliNSanDiego 1]

Whoever asks me, gets the truth. I am very proud of my band!

[KarenK 0]

I'm sorry you're having a hard time with your mother. Do you think it's worry? Take your time - tell them when you're ready and on your terms. Maybe make it clear how you feel about the decision up front - "I am really excited that I'm going to take control of my weight and use this great tool...."

Right now my daughter, parents, brother & his wife know. At work my boss, my assistant, and one friend know. Everyone has been very supportive. My boss is even considering it for herself depending on how it works for me.

I don't expect others to be unsupportive. In fact, I'm a little worried that it will make me and my weight the center of attention. That sort of attention has always backfired with me.

[lsullivan68 0]

Whoever asks me, gets the truth. I am very proud of my band!

I am not saying I'm ashamed of my band at all, I simply don't want to deal with the drama that comes with telling my mama! :tt1: I think many of us have felt the same way. Afterall, who wants to hear from their grandmother what type of underwear to wear after surgery. For some of us, not telling certain people makes it easier for us and I think that is OK.

[gentylwind 1]

I have only told a few people....my significant other (obviously), my mother (who is supportive), my boss and one friend. Nobody else. I have a very close group of girlfriends whom I adore...we all love one another...but I brought up lap band about a year ago after I attended the seminar and the backlash was outrageous. I am the heaviest one in our group and it was almost like they were threatened at the idea. I have never had them be so UNsupportive about something ever. So they don't get to know now that I am going to pull the trigger and do it. This is a scary enough, intense enough decision without negative people planting ill-founded doubt in your head. If it was as simple as "put the fork down", none of us would be here in the first place.

[kjhack 3]

AWWW Thanks so much for all this support. When I wrote this post last night, I was still crying. I know I want this and I know I want to do this. My mom says she'll be supportive, "I am just scared for you". I've tried explaining to her that it outpatient/laproscopic and to look in lapband.com for more information. Now she wants to know if she can come up the day of the surgery. My hubby says he thinks she would only make me more nervous. What do you all think? Thanks again Lapbandtalk family. Kelli

[KarenK 0]

Kelli - I am so glad your mother admitted her lack of support was born of fear. That I can understand.

If I had a family member whose presence was going to make me even more nervous than I am, I think I would ask them politely not to come.

I'm doing it the opposite way - everyone is coming! My mother & daughter are coming up tonight with me. My father & brother are driving up tomorrow. It's going to be like one big family reunion with me laying there in a hospital gown. I may have to rethink this quickly.

Best of luck.

[bandfun4me 0]

I told only a few, hubby, sister, mother and only one coworker. Did not want to hear the negative stuff. I hear some of that from my hubby when we first talked about it and my mother. I think it is much better to let them see the results. Then tell them about the new tool I have for losing weight. There was another lady at work that had the bypass 2-3 years prior. she ios back to eating the way she did before. She spends 1.5 hours in our breakroom/kitchen eating everyday. SHe lost about 200 lbs. At this rate she will be one of those that puts it back on. I don't think she does any support meetings anymore. She ask me about websites. I sent her a link to one that has the 5-day pouch test. It resets the pouch for the Gastric bypass people.. The lap band surgery is not as invasive as any of the WLs were in the past. The biggest thing to the Band is getting your mind right to deal with it and learn to use your tool. Sometime it is very hard to restrain yourself and you make the "bad food choices". Hopefully we learn from these.

I would keep the secret and smile when someone asks!!:tt1:

[gentylwind 1]

I think you are totally within your rights to tell her that you would love to have her there if she is going to be positive about the experience, but that you yourself are afraid and you don't have it in you to support her fear as well. That you believe this will lead to a healthier, LONGER life for you...those were the words that really konked my own mother over the head.

I think you should let your Mom be there but only if she completely understands that she is there to SUPPORT YOU, not to sooth her own anxiety by being present as it happens. And if she says she can't do that or if you think by her past behavior that she can't take her own psychological angst out of the equation, you'd be better off talking to her when you get home.

[ShiraSimcha 0]

I am glad the OP started this thread! I decided early on (and I am still pre-seminar) not to tell anyone but my husband. I am considering telling my best friend but still not sure. Definitely no one (and I mean NO one) at work...this kind of thing would become the office joke.

My question to folks who didn't tell anyone, how did you explain your surgery and how long were you really "down" from it? I had my gallbladder taken out through lap surgery years ago and took a week off work for it. I was thinking about the same.

I just hope I'll be eligible. I am at 35bmi but just barely. I do have to comorbidities though - arthritis in the spine, cholestoral meds, irregular heart beat meds and a strong family history of heart attacks. The last visit I had with my doctor in August he put me on xenical...but it really just didn't work. Alli did work for a while but would start and stop in spurts. I hope that will qualify me. I realize this is a BIG step but I really do want to improve my health and be young enough to enjoy it!!!