Am I being mean and rude?

[justmel1957 1]

I will be getting the band in November <fingers crossed> if all goes to plan. I am 31 years old, 6' 1" weigh 300lbs. My goal is to lose about 100lbs. My beautiful wife and mother of my 3 children is also 31 years old. Still looks beautiful but like many other women after giving birth has gained weight. She is 5' 9" and weighs 200lbs. Here is where I feel I maybe stuck my foot in my mouth and was rude to her but it was not my intention. I suggested that she also have the lap band done so we can take this journey together. Of course she was not very happy about that. I mean we have been together since we were 14, I have seen here at 18 when she had an AMAZING BODY :thumbdown: but at age 25 when we had our first child she started to pack on the pounds. She says she wants to lose it on her own but we have both tried that. I don't know......maybe men just don't get women sometimes..... HELP!!! :thumbup:

Yes, you hurt her feelings. Especially if you worded it to her, like you said it here:

"I have seen here at 18 when she had an AMAZING BODY :biggrin: but at age 25 when we had our first child she started to pack on the pounds."

Losing weight is a very personal decision. And women are very, very sensitive about it. 200 lbs at 5'9" would not qualify for banding. I'm sure as you go down your band journey she will be watching and learning and will most likely want to lose too. But, its her decision to make. And possibily the more you mention it to her, the more defensive she will be about it. Just play it cool, and she will probably join you in your journey soon.

Good luck...........

and yes, flowers or jewelry will definately help get you out of the dog house! LOL

[lovegrapes 0]

I mean we have been together since we were 14, I have seen here at 18 when she had an AMAZING BODY :thumbdown: but at age 25 when we had our first child she started to pack on the pounds. She says she wants to lose it on her own but we have both tried that. I don't know......maybe men just don't get women sometimes..... HELP!!! :thumbup:

I think what you've said isn' rude, it's actually verbal and mental abuse. Your wife will never look like an 18 year old again, and either will you for that matter. Just imagine what she could say about your physique; and you haven't even bore children! 200 lbs on a 5'9" frame isn't "packing on the pounds" it's baby weight. You are so very fortunate that she didn't pack on the same pounds that you did.

Have you ever considered that your wife's lethargy could be due to untreated depression. Having an unsupportive husband and just having children can make the strongest woman depressed.

Edited September 19, 2008 by lovegrapes
.

[jbflorida 1]

Hey! Give him a break everyone! He loves his wife and his intention came from a loving heart.

So, he's human!

And his wife is sensitive because she may know that she needs to be more healthy. I didn't like it when my family commented because I was sensitive about my weight, but I knew it was said from love and not malice.

I wish I had had a husband that cared like you!

[babs0101 1]

I'm 5'8" and now weigh 185lbs. Just 15lbs more and I'd be at the 200 mark AGAIN. I am not fat. Not by a long shot now.

I'd say you did put your foot in your mouth. She may have a bit of excess weight, but most people do.

[Melolo 0]

Hey! Give him a break everyone! He loves his wife and his intention came from a loving heart.

So, he's human!

And his wife is sensitive because she may know that she needs to be more healthy. I didn't like it when my family commented because I was sensitive about my weight, but I knew it was said from love and not malice.

I wish I had had a husband that cared like you!

I agree with you. I believe calling him abusive is too harsh. Like I stated in my last post "don't feel bad," I beleive you two have experience things as a couple and that is what you wanted to do with the Lap Band. I know you're not a bad husband because you referred to her as your beautiful wife. An abusive husband would have been less kind. So I know there's love and concern in your marriage. I commend you on wanting to experience the Lap Band journey with her...But I also commend you on respecting her wishes to taking a different approach to losing weight.

[Jodi_620 37]

I agree, jbfllorida. I don't think that it was abuse it was just a man "stepping in it" like they sometimes do (like we all sometimes do) :thumbdown:. If you read his post, it is clear that he didn't mean offense. Men and women think differently that is a simple fact. Two men can poke fun and insult each other all day and come out it just fine but just imply some of those things to a woman and look out! :thumbup: I think most of us women are more sensitive about our weight, especially when it comes to what we think our signifcant other thinks of us.

Edited September 19, 2008 by Jodi_620

[Daisalana 33]

I think you went about it the wrong way, and I agree with another poster, she doesn't even qualify.

Luckily with YOU being banded, if she decides she wants it, you'd inspire her. You wouldn't have to say it, she'd see it.

Also, my husband--by proxy-- was losing weight with me. I cooked healthier, we stopped going to fast food because I couldn't eat it, we stopped keeping sodas in the house, so these things affected his eating.

You'll likely see this change in your household too.

[ksill18 0]

To the positive responses I Thank you!! I most certainly am not an abusive husband to the negative responses. I agree with Fairy and others that when I can't eat fast foods or drink soda then my whole family will lose weight. This will be a lifestyle change for me and my whole family. My wife and I have had a long coversation about this today. She really looks forward to changing her diet and working out together. This is a journey she is willing to take with me. I love my wife and I am glad she is by my side.

[Melolo 0]

GOOD! NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. TRUE LOVE WILL ALWAYS COMPROMISE! :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbdown: :biggrin:

[Bella1962 0]

THERE YOU GO!!! Communication is always the key...makes you think before you speak, doesn't it?....

So what did you buy her...hahahaha

[tapshoes 2]

. My wife and I have had a long coversation about this today. She really looks forward to changing her diet and working out together. This is a journey she is willing to take with me. I love my wife and I am glad she is by my side.

A successful resolution...yeah!! I wish you both success in your band journey, and continuing success in your marriage.

[annecolorgreen 0]

That's wonderful!

You probably just came off abrasively and out of the blue when you spoke about it the first time. She's had time to think now.

Still...be gentle and don't chastise if screw ups happen. You wouldn't want that for you.

Hugs,

Anne

[BLUEZBANDIT 0]

I divorced the husband that kept dreaming of that 18 year old body that I did no longer have after having his children. Best thing I ever did! Now I'm married to a lovely supportive man who loves me no matter what shape I'm in.

[illinoishusker 0]

Ya, open mouth insert foot. lol

I agree with above poster, she would not even be qualified. I'm sure she was not thrilled with the comment when she is struggling and has had 3 children. My husband is a big boy and he didn't even have children to help with his excuse, yet I'd never suggest he have it too.

She has her journey, you have yours.

[FrankieJ 0]

For Jodi: I saw you just inched into NORMAL BMI, wow, that is awesome! You have come a long way from your ticker. I am so far from a normal BMI and I think the lap band can help me get there.