I'm noticing a really curious phenomenon in myself lately. I've never been one to be jealous or envious of other people. I've always been proud of my own accomplishments and easily able to Celebrate other people's achievements. Yet lately, I have heard this bitter little voice in the back of my head making really bitchy comments, when I have heard about other people's successes.

For example, I have a really good online friend who is coming to Aus to see me at Xmas. She has been absolutely wonderful in supporting my journey, really positive and encouraging. She is also fairly overweight and in the last month or so, since we decided she should come, has been working hard with diet and exercise to lose weight for the trip. She's doing really well and is losing weight and getting herself fit. I should be happy for her. I AM happy for her! I'm thrilled that she is able to do this for herself! But there is still this tiny voice of resentment in the back of my head that is saying nasty things like "yeah, well she won't keep it off" and so on. What's worse is I can really see myself thinking nasty smug thoughts of "I told you so!" if it turns out that way.

I don't understand this. She has done nothing to deserve these horrid thoughts and it seems so unlike me to be thinking those things. I know it is resentment that she is achieving success at something I have failed at, but that's no excuse! I REALLY REALLY don't like this dirty little secret and I can't fathom why it is rearing its ugly head.

Have any of you felt differently about hearing your friends talk about their diet efforts, whether successful or not, since banding?

At the same time I was banded, my older brother decided to lose weight. He was between 335-350 at the time. I did not tell him I was being banded. He decided to do the Low carbs or I should say NO carbs. He lost fast and is now down to 180...He is 6'3". He is sooo skinny now.

I told him about six months into being banded that I was banded and he didn't really say much about it. A couple of weeks ago, we were talking about what I ate and I told him I was eating a Skinny Cow ice cream bar at the moment. He came unglues and wanted to know why I was eating that. I told him I can eat anything as long as I be careful and I stay away from rice, Pasta and some other things, most of the time....

He says to me, "Well, if I had that thing you have, I would be 120 by now!!".....wow, I was crushed.....I know it is because he has no idea what it is like to be banded. But, it hurt my feelings A LOT!!! I felt so demoralized and shameful, like I should weigh 120 pounds....

I hope he keeps his weight off forever, but, being the one who has dieted since age 11, I am not sure it will happen that way. Its like because he has lost 170 pounds, and I have only lost 110 pounds that he is working harder at it....I don't know....I don't think I am jealous of him for losing the weight, just don't act like you are so high and mighty because you did it without any help.....

JJSmiles,

I am reading the book right now, "Weight Loss Surgery with the Adjustable Gastric Band" by Robert Sewell. It is a good read for anyone thinking about having surgery or going through it right now. It's funny that just as I read your post, I was reading a section that stated how this woman had to work so hard before at being cute and fun. She was the best friend, the funny girl, had to worry about hygiene and dressing so much, shopping at fat stores, and all that just to be appealing. So much work just to be TOLERATED. Now, she finds herself saying NO more and people don't mind. The funny thing is that this describes me. I grew up with a big boobed, blonde, tan, cheerleader for a sister. She got all the guys. In order for me to fit in with her friends as we are similar in age, I had to be funny and vulgar. So I learned to swear. I'm still trying to break that habit to this day. But it just goes to show how thin people have to work so much less hard to make it in life sometimes. I'm not saying it's all the time in every circumstance, but we spend most of our lives being avoided due to some preconceived notion of how fat people are. At my highest weight, 330, I still showered every day, got manicures and pedicures, hair styles, spent tons of money on clothes, and took special care of the cracks and crevices associated with obesity. I even took special care of my feet because I wear open shoes all the time and I didn't want those nasty crusty feet. I joined a BBW group.

You wanna hear what this woman said to me when I was discussing career options with her? She is a professional peer and I work at one of her hospitals doing coding. I let it slip that I was getting banded, and she said, "But you won't be a BBW anymore. You had so much fun being a BBW!" Jealous Bitch. She is a few years older than me and a redhead, with a career more spectacular than mine at this point, and she felt compelled to bring me down. Jealousy!

A friend of mine, whose weight is just about the same as mine, went to Curves for maybe a year. I don’t know how much she lost, but everybody kept telling me how great she looked. You bet I was jealous. But she stopped going to Curves and has now put the weight back on, and then some. By the way, she is pretty supportive of me getting banded.

Someone else I know has lost weight due to stress. She’s having a hard time right now, and has lost sixty-two pounds. Even though I know what she is doing is, 1. not intentional, and 2. not healthy, I’m still envious.

I was also envious of two friends who had their stomachs stapled. At that time, I joined OA and stopped eating sugar for two year. One of my friends said she wished she’d done what I had. I felt smug for a minute, until I began eating sugar again, and gained my weight back. There was a lesson in that for me.

Being the largest person around (formerly) and having lost a lot of weight, I am now noticing that some of my friends and acquaintances seem to be having a bit of trouble with the new me. I think I have inspired some to take up diet and exercise - and not necessarily because they want to lose weight, but rather they are having issues with me being smaller than they are!! :biggrin:

I had to laugh the other day - I was visiting with a very old friend (we have been friends for 28 years). This friend has never had a significant weight problem, but has always said things like "your needing to lose 100 pounds is like my needing to lose 10 pounds" (she didn't honestly intend to be mean and condescending, but REALLY?)

For whatever reason, we ended up in her closet and I ended up trying on a shirt of hers that she said swam on her - and it fit!!!!!! She honestly wants to be supportive - she gave me the shirt, but you could really tell that it bothered her immensely that I could wear something out of her closet. She must have said 10 x how big the shirt had gotten to be on her!!

Probably the weirdest thing is though, that although I am probably within 10 pounds of her weight, I still don't see myself as being at an almost normal weight or being her size. I have never thought that she needed to lose weight, yet I still see myself as huge compared to her. In my head I know the truth, but I still don't really see it in the mirror.

I wonder if this ever changes?

Jacquie

I think a really important thing to remember is that if you want to invite success into your life, then you need to embrace it wherever it occurs. If you see it in other people, do your best to Celebrate it! Be genuinely happy for them and be concious not to slide into jealousy or negative thinking. This way, success will more easily pass onto you as well.

The fact that you guys are even concious of these feelings though is a very big step up from someone who just emits negativity. Being concious of negativity is the first step towards positive change.

Its something that I think we are all guilty of though. It is very hard to keep these kinds of feelings in check, but if you just remember that they do you more harm than good it will help.

I've had several experiences where I've been jealous, or the object of someone else's jealousy. My sister and I were both thin growing up, then I got married, had kids and got fat, she did the first 2, but stayed slim. Finally a few years ago she gained up to 183 and joined WW and the gym and lost it back off. She's a size 10 now (used to be a 2 or 4) and she's happy with her size. I got into size 10's last week. I weigh a whopping 3 pounds more than her!!! I'm so excited and she seems to be taking it well, but I know she hates it and is worried that I will "pass her up". I'll be curious to see how she handles it as she has been smaller than me since we were in our early 20's.

When I went to her office to tell her about the 10's (we work in the same building), she was chatting with a lady in her office. That lady is my mom's age and always been thin, but has been less and less friendly to me as I've lost the weight. When I told Lori that I was in a size 10, the friend said "what store did you buy it in?! In a very challenging tone. I said, Kohl's, she said "Well, I'm a size 6 now, even though I've gained 15 pounds since college and I was a size 10 then! So you can be any size you want if you shop in the right store!". She's so bitter and only seems to like people who are having a hard time with something in their life. :-(

My brother, who is trying to schedule his lap-band as we speak, was really cranky toward me this past weekend and after a while, he pulled me aside and hugged me and appologized and told me that it was killing him to watch me lose this weight while he had to wait until he got some settlement money to schedule his surgery. He's the one who originally got me to go to the seminar with him. He's miserable in his body. I never talk about my weight in front of him because of that I have tried to be so careful of his feelings, but he was still feeling angry toward me for no other reason than that I had lost weight and "left him behind". I really want this surgery for him, I hope he gets it soon, scheduling person isn't being cooperative.

Finally, I have an overweight friend. We've joined WW together, talked about diets, tried exercising together, you name it. I have tried to gently suggest she get the band and I cannot talk her into it. She's nice and supportive of me, but I can't imagine being in a perfect position to have it done (no hurdles for her approval, etc) and NOT wanting it. It's everything I can do not to shake her and scream in her face GET THE BAND, it'll change your life!

So for me, that's my biggest concern. I want to tell everyone and share with them how they can have success too and those that actually ask me about it and then shun the idea when I tell them about it, it floors me!

Edited August 20, 200818 yr by SuzanneG