female only Question for the Ladies; Men you can answer too

[wookie1000 0]

I can tell you that many companies require the harrassment training, and it strongly advises against saying anything about how a coworker looks. You're told not to say "you look very nice today" or "I really like that shirt", etc. Where I work, they really laid it out about not complementing anyone's appearance. So most men I know (myself included) would just avoid the topic completely. The consequences are far too severe, loss of job and financial ruin, if something goes wrong.

Comments wouldn't need to be vulgar or anything to be considered harrasment. It could really be comments like "you look very nice today" that can be used for a harrassment case. No warning needs to be given to the "offender" either, of course, so it's just far too risky. Honestly, I don't want to be that personal with coworkers anyway. Even if there aren't any harrassment problems, intentions are easily misunderstood. Suppose you said "you look very nice today", and the receiver of the comment thought that you perhaps were interested in them. That can lead to rejection and problems with the work relationship. No, this hasn't happened to me (thank god, how awkward that would be!)

[Apples2 19]

Yeah, no doubt.. I complimented a guys shoes at work once and he told my boss that made him "uncomfortable".. and all I said was "I like your boots"..

It's not like you said "You can park those boots under my bed any time!". It's pretty sad that we have to be so overly careful in the work place. But, the way I feel about it is that it is better to make no comments than have harassment run rampant as it did not too many years ago.:biggrin:

[CynthiaMcC 0]

I've noticed the same thing, very few male friends or co-workers have commented. And, in a few cases, they have commented to someone else who has then told me ... And, interestingly, I have noticed that even female friends and co-workers are sometimes hesitant to bring it up.

And, to the man who said his wife trained him to comment, I am pretty sure that happened to me last night. A good friend had a party and her husband very pointedly (and carefully and appropriately) commented on my weight loss. I am pretty sure Becky told him to, which was fine with me.

I also think you will notice a difference when you get new uniforms. I've lost 5 sizes and when I finally invested in some new, correctly fitting clothes, the compliments poured in.

Good luck and enjoy the loss!

Cynthia

[ksill18 0]

can you say "sexual harrassment?" us men are scared out of our minds about that. Any little compliment and BOOM there it goes. so we just keep our mouth shut and dont say anything.

[renorocket 0]

I also work with 90% men. Very few comments until I starting wearing clothes that fit. Then its was you look really nice today, or something along that line. Then one day one of the guys who only comes into the office once every two months asked me if I had been feeling okay. I told him I was feeling great why, He said he noticed that I had lost alot of weight! I told him in front of everyone that I was trying to loose weight and thanks for the comment because it is very incouraging when people notice. After that everyone starting making comments. I think men and some of the ladies also are just affraid of hurting your feelings. I have been large every since I worked here. One of the guys even said, I don't mean that you looked bad before but you look great now. Keep up the good work !!

[gone 4 ever 6]

So many people are overly sensitive to "sexual harrasment" Give me a break people. You want sexual harasment bartend! I did years ago and heard it all. Then when I worked at a factory the girl next to me was crying and our supervisor put his hand on her shoulder and asked what was wrong, she hollard sexual harasment. Luckly I could vouch for the suporvisor. The girl got moved to a different line. Just to easy to be nasty over nothing. If it is honestly harsment then fine, otherwise people need to get a grip!. Compliments are just that, people shouldn't be afraid of losing their jobs because of it. Sorry about going on a tangent.

[Donna113 2]

Hey Kat, I guess my take on the "men" commenting thing is this: Most men are scared sh**less to say ANYTHING when it comes to a woman's weight. Most of them have heard the dreaded questions from their women, i.e. "Does my butt look big in these jeans?" I think most men would rather run like hell rather than answer a question like that or bring up a woman's weight, good or bad. WE did that to them!

Congrats on the weight that you have lost and wishing you continued success.

I am with Apples on this one.

[aubrie 6]

I work in a law enforcement office, so I'm surrounded by male, uniformed officers. A couple will tell me I look nice if I'm dressed up for a meeting or something. I'm civilian, and dress professionally on meeting days. Other than that it's pretty casual. I don't mind if they compliment me. BUT, one gentleman on the Command staff (who should have known better) started hitting on me. I would just laugh and brush it off, but it got more frequent, and one day he went so far as to tell me not to lose much more weight, because if he was going to ask me out, he wanted a little meat on my ass!!! He crossed the line there. I just walked away, but another officer heard him say it, and reported him!!! I had nothing to do with it. Shit hit the fan. A big fiasco ensued and next thing I knew, he was announcing his retirement. So even other guys are offended by it. The reporting officer knew me, knew I was married and respected me, and knew full well the commander crossed the line. I was quite surprised at how they came to my defense on this issue.

[AirKuhl 1]

I'm a guy. I'm also an exec at a high tech company. I can tell you for fact that we go to mandatory sexual harassment training, required by our legal department, where we study case law about women that have successfully sued companies because their manager commented about how nice they or their clothing looked.

I can also be sued for sexual harassment simply for mentioning to a fellow male employee that a female, even one that doesn't work here, is hot, and I was accidentally overheard by a female employee. One case we studied was a lawsuit just like this, and even worse, the two guys were out in a restaurant after work, and the female employee was at a nearby table. She won.

Our legal system makes it so that even if it clearly a ridiculous lawsuit, it's often cheaper for the company to settle out of court than to win the lawsuit.

For example, we just settled a lawsuit (not sexual harassment) for $800K that we are 100% certain we would have won, because we know that winning it would have cost us $3M.

Sad but true. We guys notice it but realize that in our world we aren't allowed to say anything at the office, because we have no way of knowing if you are looking for some free money.

One of the reasons I don't post a pic of myself on any forums is because someone I work with could figure out who I am, get offended by something I post, and sue the company.

Most of us, women included, in these classes get upset and outraged at how unfair this is, but it is what it is.

So at this point I wouldn't ask a woman if she was pregnant even if she was standing in a wet spot screaming with a little head poking out of the danger zone. If someone that looked like Oprah one day came in looking like Elle MacPherson in a bikini the next, I wouldn't say a single word. Secretly, I'd enjoy it though. :biggrin:

[Lshelley21 0]

something that hurt the most, was when my sister(37) told my niece (6) i was having surgury, and my niece goes...Auntie had a baby??????? and my sister told me about it. I know she is just a kid and all...and doesn't judge people....but still. At my work i have people consistantly asking how much i have lost, and they are super supportive about it...but....they also have an enormous jar of candy in front of my desk too...which is now moved out of my way.

[bambam31 168]

Ann and Aubrie,

Being in the same line of work I can guarantee you that guys may not directly complement you (for various already stated reasons) but I'll assure you they're talking about it while out on the road.

Every office is different and there are all sorts of varying friendly relationships. Applying it to my office... It would be seen as "out of bounds" if one male officer (who is a co-worker, but not really a friend) told a female officer she was "looking good"... But another male officer (who was really a close friend of the female) might be completely in bounds saying, "wow your ass is looking fine." Bottom line - it depends on the people, context, and inner-relationships. You have to be certain your words are received in context and are in-bounds.

Brad

[Chrisann 0]

Maybe it depends on your overall work atmosphere. I work in a corporate environment, and I have had comments more from the men than the women.

Funny though, from the men, its more like "how much have you lost anyway" or "wow, didn't realize how much you lost because you were always wearing baggy clothes". I am finally wearing my new size since I am down 4 sizes. Or the standard "you look nice today". I never used to get that from the men here before.

From the women, its more often always about the clothes.

[Donna113 2]

During our office Christmas party, a couple of guys I work closely with said they noticed I was losing weight and thought I looked really good. When I asked why they hadn't mentioned it before, they said they weren't sure if it was OK to say anything because every time they mention weight to their wives, it always backfires on them. I think a lot of guys, especially the married ones, have been conditioned to never mention weight to women. he he