Negative people with negative feelings

[Bizzy Bee 1]

I have only told 3 friends, my hubby, and mom. That's all I plan to tell. It is my and my husband's decission only. My friends are worried for me, my mom wants me to try one more diet, my hubby wants me to be happy. Gosh I love him :smile2:

[southerngirltx 0]

I am so glad I found this thread. My parents and my two best friends know but that is it. I haven't told my boyfriend. I know he will freak out.

I mentioned it to him about six months ago and he told me that he loves me just as I am but if I wanted to lose weight then I should try harder and to not be so hung up on being thin! I cried myself to sleep for three days...

It's not about being thin (of course I won't complain when I can actually get petite pants in a size that will fit) but it is about being healthy and comfortable in my own body, which I am not at my current weight.

I reallly think he and others who are negative are afraid that who we are may change or they may lose us once we are feeling better about ourselves.

What they don't seem to realize is that I can't be happy with anyone if I am not happy with myself...

Just my two cents worth..

Oh and I am not banded yet. I am a self pay so I am scheduling for the first week of April but I don't have the date finalized.

[pandagirl 0]

My band date is 04-09-08,... she has such negative feeling about the band. She claims she know three people who have the band and they all have negative results. ( haven't produce none of their numbers) I don't even bring up the subject to her. I'm trying to remain positive.

Most of the people I've told are supportive, but like you I've had a few who just aren't. They know someone who knows someone, etc. Whether they actually do or not isn't the issue. You know, I know, everyone who has studied the process knows the risks, the complications, the statistics, etc. Somewhere someone is having a hard time with the band; that's a given. But for every three people having trouble somewhere there are twice as many having an easy time of it or at least an expected normal time of it.

Your friend is going through her own issues. Maybe she is fat too or has built your relationship, even uknowingly, around that your bigger than she is. Maybe she fears losing the you that she knows. I don't know, but I do know that you will do what you must and if she is worth it to you, then she'll be around when all is said and done, if not..Well, you will be healthier, happier and where you are supposed to be.

(Gosh, do I soap box much? :thumbup:) All IMHO, of course.

[MaidMarion 1]

Oh I wish people would just stick to the if you don't have something nice to say don't say anything at all. I have been lucky everyone has been super supportive, I have 3 friends who want to have banding done with me but I am self pay so I am going to be approved before they could be. I have told probably 10 people and everyone has been Good for you! I am proud of you! Even my diet doctor that I saw for years was so excited for me she gave me free Protein shakes to do my pre diet.

I feel so bad that everyone hasn't had as much support. I swear I will be here to support anyone who needs it in any way I can. Just making the decision to start this process has made my life seem smoother and more productive.

I think a lot of times people are just jealous. Not necessarily outright where they know it but resent that your life is going to have this big positive change. Good for you for making the decision to better YOUR life!

[Blund 0]

I've only told my DH and 1 good friend so far, and that will probably be it unless I'm really pressed. The 1 good friend I told gave me the same old line you all got: "we could just try this together" blah blah blah. (She is overweight too.) And a few days later flippantly said something like "oh, that's probably how all of those people in LA and Hollywood stay thin, they all get surgery!" I just let that one float on by. She's not really UNsupportive, but sheeesh!

My side of the family is spread out all over the country, and we don't really see each other or talk much. My in-laws are close by, and we see them about once a week or so. Not sure how I'll keep it from them, although they are getting forgetful!! :smile: He is a PhD and has to have his nose in everyone in the family's business. She is TOO thin, and frail, and makes negative comments about my dog and cat being fat!! And William Shatner too! Gimme a break!! The next breeze that blows by her will send her sailing off to who knows where! Sorry I'm ranting. I do worry about the day, if it comes, that I have to tell them. I certainly don't want them constantly asking me how I'm doing or watching me like a hawk.

If it werent for this forum, I'd be nuts by now. DH is supportive and great, but not a big "talker" so you all are stuck with me here!

Thanks everyone

[ctcutie 0]

Hi I am new to LBT and your post helped me tremendously. My boyfriend told me flat out he does not support me having lap band even though I explained the difference from the riskier gastric bypass to him. He too is heavy and feeling very insecure about it as now he is being passed over for advancement positions due to his weight. I think he is fearful that I will become thinner my feelings will change. I chose to go ahead and schedule the surgery anyhow for 4/22/08 without his knowledge. I will tell him that I am going to do it anyhow soon. My health and life are important to me and I hope he will come around but if not at least I will live long enough to find another. Thanks for some good insight.

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

Hi I am new to LBT and your post helped me tremendously. My boyfriend told me flat out he does not support me having lap band even though I explained the difference from the riskier gastric bypass to him. He too is heavy and feeling very insecure about it as now he is being passed over for advancement positions due to his weight. I think he is fearful that I will become thinner my feelings will change. I chose to go ahead and schedule the surgery anyhow for 4/22/08 without his knowledge. I will tell him that I am going to do it anyhow soon. My health and life are important to me and I hope he will come around but if not at least I will live long enough to find another. Thanks for some good insight.

Good for you! Do not let anyone get in the way of you doing what you feel is best for your health and well being.

I have had zero negative feedback, in fact my office threw me a "Protein Shake" Party to send me off. They are great!

This place is the best for positive support, so stay logged in.

[mmh498 0]

Hi Bee, Just wanted to say that I am glad you have your husband's support-it makes the journey so much smoother. I have all my friends and family's support, so am also lucky. I get banded a week from tomorrow, and will be using the same doctor. I am so hyped for it. Best of luck to you.

[Little Debbie 1]

I'm glad to see so many others are keeping their surgery secret. It makes me feel better about my decision; only my DH and DD will know. I feel a little guilty not telling my mom or sister, but I know they would only be negative. But my question to all of you is this... What is a firm but tactful way to tell people to 'myob' when they begin to see you loosing weight. I feel that most people asume remarking on someone's weight is as acceptable as fat jokes. I think it's a very private thing and I just want a tactful way to warn people to back off. I mean, I don't mind when people notice and commment on your weight loss, but then they often feel justified in asking how you did it, why you did it, where you did it, why didn't you go to WW, blah, blah, blah. Have you guys thought about what you will say when people ask?:thumbup:

[mmh498 0]

Debbie, I am lucky to have totally supportive people in my corner, but if I had negative people around and they started asking questions about how I lost the weight, I would look them in the eye and tell them I have started eating better, exercising more, and thank them for noticing my loss and being so supportive. If you can say it with sincerity ( fake it if you must, lol) it usually throws them for a loop and they shut up. Best of luck to you.

[tammygirl 0]

I'm glad to see so many others are keeping their surgery secret. It makes me feel better about my decision; only my DH and DD will know. I feel a little guilty not telling my mom or sister, but I know they would only be negative. But my question to all of you is this... What is a firm but tactful way to tell people to 'myob' when they begin to see you loosing weight. I feel that most people asume remarking on someone's weight is as acceptable as fat jokes. I think it's a very private thing and I just want a tactful way to warn people to back off. I mean, I don't mind when people notice and commment on your weight loss, but then they often feel justified in asking how you did it, why you did it, where you did it, why didn't you go to WW, blah, blah, blah. Have you guys thought about what you will say when people ask?:thumbup:

Little Debbie,

I remember one person in my work place who I now suspect had weight loss surgery. When asked about her weight loss, she would reply " I have been managing a personal health challenge. I am feeling so much better now." No other explanation was offered. She then would quickly change the subject. That was usually the last of the questions and word got around that the weight loss was not something to bring up. People also avoided talking about her weight loss among themselves because it seemed like such a "personal" matter and there was no miracle diet in the mix to hang your hat on. Now, several years later, no one even brings up the stuff about "how she used to look." The whole matter is considered a closed subject. I have been considering using her tactic because it seems to have worked so effectively. By the way, she looks great!

Tammygirl

[bwohlgemuth 2]

Luckily, I have three people in my family who have had either RNY or Lapband, so family support isn't a problem.

I'm not telling anyone else because I want the surprise from them. I also want to see who is suddenly going to become "more available" after I get thinner (as in friends, family, etc) who tend to avoid me because of my weight.

And anyone who thinks that and bariatric surgery is a "easy fix", I'll just give them the old "yer #1" salute....

[bthin4me 0]

Luckily my sister and I are getting banded together. We decided that the world would be off kilter if one was loosing and not the other. I feel blessed to have her by my side for the support. Our dad on the other hand isnt so tickled with the idea. Did I mention we are going to Monterrey Mexico for the surgery. That concerns him more than anything else. And our mom is still waiting to hear from the "man upstairs" to decide how she feels. And of course then there is the friend who is not AT ALL supporting the idea. What Im trying to say is this.....if heinsight was 20/20........not a single soul would know except our hubbys! So all in all you must trust your instincts. Generally people who have never been MO or SO truly cant understand the devistating ramifications of being.....well...fat! You loose who you once were. And thats really all I want, is to look on the outside how I still feel on the inside! I say "phoo on the naysayers"! Goodluck to us all!!

[texgirl 0]

I couldn't help but tell people I was so excited. I was surprised at the amount of support I was given. My co-workers even try to match their lunch to whatever stage I'm in. However, there have been several people that just blurt things out that are so insensitive. I give them my prepared speech about how this is such a "personal" decision and I know this was the right one for me. They usually start agreeing with me after that.

[tarrn13 1]

Little debbie, I posted this before as a response to someone who asked the same question you just did about how to respond to negative people when they find out about the band, my response is always "it's not about you, it's about me, and if you can't be supportive of my choices then I am not interested in hearing your opinion on the matter" trust me, it always shuts them up!!! good luck and don't listen to those who are negative, sometimes they're just jealous.