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telling people about surgery



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This is my first time on this forum. It has been interesting reading everyones comments whether to tell or not to tell. I am scheduled for surgery on Monday, Feb 25th and am scared to death. I have told my immediate family, a couple of close, close friends but am so unsure of some other close friends. I think they may just feel I am taking the easy way out.....which all of you know is not true. Just don't know what to do so I am doing nothing.:grouphug:

Just told my 96 year old mother-in-law and she was great about it. Told my 50ish sister-in-law and she was full of questions and seemed judgemental. Oh well. My husband, Mom and kids have been a great support group. I know that will continue after the surgery as well.
:)

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Welcome and best of luck with your surgery. It's normal to have doubts but you're in good hands and have people to support you post-op.

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I just got banded 2 days ago. I was scared, too. I believe I made the right decision for me. I think at some point in life I was taught to place too much value on other people (and their opinions), and tried to please others and take care of them, sometimes at my own expense. I had to realize that this was about me. I needed to do this for ME. Fortunately, everyone has been supportive. What they said behind my back is none of my business.

I heard this saying and it holds true for me: "Those that matter don't judge, and those that judge don't matter."

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I was banded Jan. 16th and at first I planned to keep it under my hat and only tell those who needed to know, but very soon after my surgery people started noticing my weight loss and I found it easier to tell the truth about it, and I am glad I did. Most people I have told have been supportive and the majority ask curious questions, and that is ok with me.

Have you seen the movie "Akeela and the Bee"? If you have, remember when they talk about having "fifty thousand coaches"...well I have found that being open and willing to talk about the lap bad has gained me a whole network of support I otherwise would not have had.

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Nataliesnana, Good luck for Monday. I'm sure you will be just fine. We all have gone through the horrible anxiety beforehand and know how you feel. I was very nervous beforehand and have now been banded for 5 weeks. You will be ok. Keep us up to date with how you are going.

Saleel22

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I am not banded yet...hoping to be in March. But I have found myself already telling some people of my intentions. I kind of wish I hadn't though, because there are some people that I don't really want to tell because of them being judgemental and critical of my decision. Especially my in-laws. However, since I've already told some people, word will probably get around to those who don't know. So, I guess that means I have to be truthful with everyone now, because I would hate to get caught in a lie.

But I agree with some of the other comments - I really shouldn't care what people think about it. I will be doing it for me and my husband and child, and I guess I'll just have to get some thicker skin regarding anyone else's opinion.

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I've only told a few people outside of family. Two actually. And I'm keeping it that way as long as I can. I know that this is a tool and that it won't make me loose weight. I'll still have to work at it. And I don't want people watching me all the time expecting me to suddenly be half my size. I don't want people to think I took the easy way out because this is far from easy. I may change my mind later, but here is where I'm at now.

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

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        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

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        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
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