Are you afraid of success?

Ceradad · February 20, 2008

In any part of your life, do you find yourself close to achieving a goal and then do something, consciously or subconsciously, to make it so you fail at it? I honestly believe I do this. So many times, I've had a good job or school was going just right and feeling good about the situation. Then, I start to mind wander or just take my job for granted and do something stupid.

Now, after almost 6 mos of doing things right post op, I feel as if I am falling into old habits eatingwise. I know I am not hungry at night, but feel the need to eat something. It's like my old habits I thought were dead and buried have pulled a "Jason" on me and have arisen to terrorize me again.

I know I'm not alone, just wondering who else suffers from self sabotage.

bluekygirl · February 20, 2008

I've never really verbalized it, but after reading your post, yes, I too am a self-sabotager. I have not had the surgery yet, but in other things in life I have sabotaged myself just when things were going great. I was actually hoping the surgery would be a tool against self-sabotage. Looks like it won't be the only tool I need, huh? Setting small goals that are more easily obtainable usually works best for me. As G.I. Joe says, "Now you know, and knowing is half the battle!" Was that way too corny????

Ceradad · February 20, 2008

I always think self reflection can be the best form of therapy. I know this problem exists. Now I can ask myself if I am really hungry or am I just eating because that is what I used to do?

maziemommy · February 21, 2008

75# loss mile stone.... 2 pounds to go, and I was up at 9 pm baking a chocolate pecan pie...

100# loss mile stone... Christmas cookie day....

yes-I all too well, know of this self-sabotage! I was ready to hit 100 pounds lost for Christmas... had lost 97#, then it took- over 6 - weeks to lose 4 pounds!

shortgal · February 21, 2008

In any part of your life, do you find yourself close to achieving a goal and then do something, consciously or subconsciously, to make it so you fail at it? I honestly believe I do this. So many times, I've had a good job or school was going just right and feeling good about the situation. Then, I start to mind wander or just take my job for granted and do something stupid.
Now, after almost 6 mos of doing things right post op, I feel as if I am falling into old habits eatingwise. I know I am not hungry at night, but feel the need to eat something. It's like my old habits I thought were dead and buried have pulled a "Jason" on me and have arisen to terrorize me again.

I know I'm not alone, just wondering who else suffers from self sabotage.

Is it possible you are hungry because you need another fill?

I do believe in self sabotage but I would be careful to assume that's what you're feeling without checking other reasons old habits are coming back.

I think it's natural that after losing weight we do become complacent and need to get back to basics. We like to think, well I'm at a more comfortable weight so I can "treat" myself a little and relax a bit.

Remember Rocky 2? ( I think it was 2?). He stops training, thinks he's champ and gets complacent, too.

Remember, even "normal" weight people go on vacation or eat too much at the holidays and they need to get back on track, too. That's why almost everybody diets in January and Sept.

Just get your head back in the game and become like the original Rocky!

Ceradad · February 21, 2008

Is it possible you are hungry because you need another fill?
I do believe in self sabotage but I would be careful to assume that's what you're feeling without checking other reasons old habits are coming back.

I think it's natural that after losing weight we do become complacent and need to get back to basics. We like to think, well I'm at a more comfortable weight so I can "treat" myself a little and relax a bit.

Remember Rocky 2? ( I think it was 2?). He stops training, thinks he's champ and gets complacent, too.

Remember, even "normal" weight people go on vacation or eat too much at the holidays and they need to get back on track, too. That's why almost everybody diets in January and Sept.

Just get your head back in the game and become like the original Rocky!

Possible, but I have not had a fill yet, so it would be my first. I have my monthly checkup next Thur. and plan on asking for a fill even though I am still averaging about 1 lb/wk this month.

It's just that I do not necessarily feel hungry when I eat sometimes. I don't know. I'll most likely get my first fill next week and then I can re examine what is going on afterwards.

shortgal · February 21, 2008

Wow, you've lost 90 pounds and NO fill? I've had five fills and still don't have restriction.

Could be lately you're relying too much on willpower and not enough on the band. Hopefully, the fill will give you the answer.

It's been three months for me relying on my willpower and I hope my next fill does it's job, because Mr. "will" Power, has left the building!

Let us know how you make out after the fill.

Ceradad · February 21, 2008

Yep, 90 lbs and no fill yet. I actually have restriction until about 4 pm or so. After that, it just isn't there too much. I would tend to agree with you Shortgal that I am relying heavily on will power of late. That is why I hope to get even a little fill next week.

The other secret I have is I go to the gym every morning to do cardio. And, again, 4 nights a week to lift. I burn alot of calories there. I've kind of plateau'ed this month, but it's still coming off.

I've always told others that if I could just come up with the willpower to get to the gym, there would be no stopping me. I've now started to prove it. I look at my scars and remind myself that this is what I have them for. As my reminder to get in shape.

Now, I just need to adust the tool that has been put inside me to help out.

OH Juli · February 22, 2008

About self sabbotage, what scares you about being successful? Is it that you won't have new goals? Or that you'll have to redfine yourself as the no longer fat?

Try really invisioning what/who you will be when you are finished losing weight. If you don't like what you see, work on that.

It's a rough road...

Jess30 · February 25, 2008

Okay well what a great thread!!! Because I am a self saboteur, I am sure we all were but who likes to admit that..I don't know about anyone else but I have accomplished very few of my own personal goals, wieght being the huge one..When I was young and heavy, I blamed it on events, deaths, or situations..My weight is the one thing that held me back the only excuse I had for my failures..If I loose my excuse whose fault will it be then....So my problem is not being accountable. I am the cause of my problems with being over weight because I continue the bad habit...So that is where my depression is...I realize it's totally my fault, and I still never got the motivation to do anything about it. Now that I am banded, and I think about where I am and where I came from, what I used to be, then when I look passed the window, I realize, Oh? I am not that big girl I used to be...I am trying to stop looking at everything I have failed at and look at the things I have accomplished to build myself up that way because tearing my self down from my failures wasn't accomplishing much...I still have bad days....Lots of them, having one today...but I am just trying not to let myself get in that ditch, because at the bottom of it there is nothing there... Just loneliness and a big fat pitty party. That is not something I want to do. So I try not to think about being successful, and I think about where I have been, and how far I have come...and each little milestone I have made to get to each one..SO when you have a day where your at the bottom of that whole, just remember how much closer you are to the top than what you were before, and that the only person keeping you from getting there is you!!! And don't give up... I love this thread!! It needed to be said!!!

amamastime · February 25, 2008

Just a question or two here:

1) Could it be all the food commercials making you want to eat? Late night tv is full of junk/fast food commercials.

2) Do you feel the need to chew or keep your hands busy?

Ceradad · February 25, 2008

Just to clarify, I'm not just talking about the weight issue. Don't get me wrong, that is included, but not all I'm talking about. I'm talking everywhere in life.

My marriage-I've done so many stupid things (not cheating or abuse, I have never done either. Never even thought of raising my hand to DW or DD) that a lesser woman would have left me.

My jobs-I've gotten to points where I only had to make one more move and I could be considered successful at that job. Whether it be promotion or something else. I've always seemed to do that one stupid thing to ruin all momentum in the right direction.

Weight loss-I've always been able to get to the gym for about 6 mos straight for lifting. Hardly ever for cardio. Always too busy. Then, something happens in my life. Something hurts, softball has started, summer is here, I'm just too busy/tired to go to the gym this week. Suddenly, 4 or 5 mos have passed and I've lost all that I gained while at the gym. Then, I don't want to go back and start over.

So many other areas that when I look back, I see I made the subconscious decision that led to my downfall in that area.

Having had this revelation, I realize what I need to be looking out for. I'm not here for me. I'm not doing this lapband for me. I'm doing it all for my family. I want to be around for my daughter when she graduates hs, college. I want to walk her down the aisle (first I want to be able to put the fear of God in any boy who even dares to come over to take her on a date:angry_smile:).

So, I will be "watching" myself and trying to recognize this affliction w/i myself in the future.